Plan Overboard (Toronto Series #14)

by Wardell, Heather

  Not a lot new here. Arabella and I had coffee a few days ago (well, she did - I had peppermint tea :) and she says I'm already showing a lot more. If you feel like it, I'd love to hang out with you and compare bellies.

  And my shower is coming up in two weeks. I totally understand if you'd rather not come, but Linda of course does not. She was insisting she'd invite you if I didn't, so I figured it was better if I did it myself. Who knows what she'd say to you??? The invitation is attached. It'll be a women-only thing, and I promise no goofy games. :)

  Take care,

  Melissa

  I read and re-read it, but my eyes keep skipping back to Austin's name. I like Melissa, and if Austin didn't exist I'd definitely want to see her. But he does exist, and even her casual mention of him hurts. Seeing her will bring everything up for me again, and I can't let that happen. I've left Austin behind and that's the way it has to be.

  It's like what I did with my friends after the orchestra. Every last one of them was as into music as I was, and I couldn't handle seeing them or talking to them or even reading their posts on Facebook. So I removed them all from my Facebook profile and from my life. It felt cold, and I probably upset them, but the first time I logged in and saw nothing but updates from my family I felt a twinge of happiness for the first time since the audition. I don't belong to the music world any more so I don't need contact with it.

  After a few more rereadings of Melissa's email, I come to the same decision: there's no point. I delete her message, sad but knowing I'm doing the right thing. I can't get back to where I was on the cruise, friends with her and growing a relationship with Austin, so why bother with anything at all?

  Chapter Fourteen

  Mom and I walk into the hospital classroom and I try not to feel like a little kid being taken to her first day of school. I was planning to deliver my baby alone and so I'd planned to take my prenatal classes alone too, but when I mentioned that to Mom she immediately told me she was happy to be there with me for both parts, if I wanted her. I'm not honestly sure I do, since I have no idea how I'll handle labor and I might be more comfortable crying or screaming or whatever by myself, but the part of me that's the most scared of all this said, "Yes, please," right away before the planning part could get a word out.

  Back before I got pregnant I hadn't planned to take a class at all, figuring I'd read a few books and that would be sufficient, but my doctor said I should so I gave in. She wanted me to start in my twenty-second week of pregnancy and somehow I've already reached that milestone. By the end of the work day I can hardly get my shoes off because my ankles are so swollen, I can't wear any of my regular clothes any more, and my stomach's developing an alarming collection of stretch marks, but none of that matters when I feel Georjenna moving within me. I'm going to have a baby. I still can't believe it, but those little wiggles and flutters make it seem real.

  I've been keeping up on my baby-related reading, getting through a book each week just as I'd planned, but every book says something a little different and half of them contradict the other ones. I wasn't expecting that, and now I'm more confused than I was at the start. I hope the classes will help.

  The room is half-full of women, pregnant ones and a few who are clearly here as support. My doctor's suggestion of a women-only class seemed smart before but it seems brilliant now that I imagine how much I'd feel if this room held a ton of happy expectant couples and my single self.

  Mom suggests I take a seat while she signs us in, so I slump into a chair, trying not to sigh in relief as it takes on my weight, and pull out my crocheting. I had to call six different stores before finding one that carried the recommended yarn for the baby sweater I fell in love with in the crochet magazine, but I always use the recommended yarn so things will turn out just right.

  "Hi?"

  I turn to see who spoke that shy syllable from the row behind me, and see a woman with strangely darkened patches of skin on her pretty but puffy and nervous-looking face. Her brown hair's pulled back in a ponytail and her pregnant belly's sticking out just as mine is. "Hi," I say back.

  "Can we hang out? I'm here by myself too. At least, I think you're by yourself. I definitely am." She squeezes her eyes shut. "I'm not crazy, really. I just do a good impression of it."

  I have to laugh, and she opens her eyes and smiles at me as I say, "No worries, I'm nervous too. I'm not actually by myself. My mom's over there."

  "Nice. I'm not sure how to ask this, but... are you... on your own? No guy, I mean?"

  I nod, and she says quickly, "Well, it's great that your mom's here. Mine lives in Vancouver, and my husband's parents are in Germany. I could have brought a friend, I guess, but..." She shrugs.

  I'm not sure why she and her husband aren't at a usual couples class together but I don't know how to ask. My face must show my confusion because she says, "Grant's an avionics technician with the Air Force. He's overseas now, and won't be back until the baby's a few months old." She gives me a shaky smile. "I didn't expect to have to take care of a newborn on my own. But I'll make it work. Right?"

  She sounds like she's trying to convince herself so I jump in with, "For sure. Lots of people do it on their own. And they're fine so we will be too."

  She takes a deep breath and her smile firms up. "Yes, we will be. Anyhow, what's your story?"

  "Wanted a baby, didn't want a man." It's not entirely true, since I did think I wanted Clay and I still want Austin, but it's close enough. "I went the clinic route."

  "Ah," she says. "I have..." She stares off into space a second. "Four friends who've done it that way. Three are thrilled and the other one got back together with her old boyfriend and he can't handle that she has, as he puts it, 'another guy's kid'. But three out of four isn't bad, right?"

  "Right," I say faintly as her words hit me. Was Austin's problem not that I was having a baby on my own but that if we'd stayed together he'd be raising the child of another man?

  "But you'll be fine," she says. "I'm sure of it. You look like the type who does things right. You've got it all planned, don't you? I can tell."

  I smile and have to nod. "Planned it out from the very beginning. So far it's all working out how I expected."

  She smiles back. "Thought so. Grant and I did plan to have a baby now, but his deployment was a total shock. I guess you never know what's going to happen in life, right?"

  "Right." I say it but I don't mean it. I do know. I will follow the plan. That's what's going to happen.

  "I'm Laura, by the way," she says, holding out a hand that looks a little swollen. "And we think I'm twenty-one weeks along, but with my cycle we could be wrong."

  We. There is no "we" for me. "Corinne," I say as we shake hands. "And I'm twenty-two weeks, for sure."

  She laughs. "Benefit of how you did it. Nice to meet you."

  "You too." It is. I don't know anyone else who's currently pregnant but Melissa and I can't cope with seeing her.

  Laura moves up to sit beside me, and Mom joins us, and the three of us sit chatting about pregnancy symptoms. Laura felt her baby move a week before I did, but she got the darkened skin patches on her cheeks at the same time and though her doctor says the discoloration will most likely go away after she gives birth we agree that waiting a little longer to feel the baby move is a worthwhile tradeoff.

  The teacher walks to the front of the room, looking exactly as I'd expect a childbirth class teacher to look: like a wise woman from some long-ago tribe. She's got long gray hair and a wrinkled friendly face, intelligence shines from her blue eyes, and she's wearing a purple caftan that billows around her.

  She stops at the front of the room, and we all stop talking and turn to her, awaiting her words of wisdom.

  "Oh, my Gawd, look at you all," she says, in the strongest New Jersey accent I've ever heard. "Bellies every-damn-where."

  Chapter Fifteen

  The accent turns out to be put on purely for our amusement but our teacher is anything but a fake. She gives us a
short overview of labor and delivery in that first class but spends most of the two hours getting to know everyone and telling us a bit of what to expect for the rest of our pregnancies, and I can tell how much she cares about us even though she's just met us.

  Week after week, between her and the bonding time with Mom and my growing friendship with Laura I find I enjoy the classes far more than I'd expected I would. I hadn't even planned to take them and now they're the best part of my pregnancy. Funny. Weird.

  After the third week's class, Laura and I sit in the shade outside the coffee shop down the street from my apartment. Galen called earlier to see if I could have a late dinner with him and his new girlfriend, and of course I agreed though I didn't know he had one and he refused to give me any details about her. Mom didn't know either, but she has a drawing class tonight so Laura's keeping me company until Galen and his mystery woman show up. We had intended to hang out in my apartment but the window air conditioner I bought second-hand died yesterday and the place is still too hot even though the sun's starting to set.

  Laura shakes her head and takes a sip of her water. "Pregnant in July. What's wrong with us?"

  "I wasn't thinking of July back in December," I admit, "but now I wish I had. But we'll be okay, right?"

  "If we don't burst into flames right here, probably." She puts out her tongue and pants like a dog, and I laugh.

  "Corinne! Mommy, it's Corinne!"

  I turn, surprised, to see Clay's bandmate's girlfriend Bunny and her little daughter Chelsea standing beside me. "Hi," I manage, as both of them stare at my stomach.

  I'm not sure what to say next but Chelsea takes over. "You're getting fat, Corinne," she says, giggling.

  Bunny grabs her shoulder. "Don't say that. She's not fat anyhow, she's having a baby." Bunny's eyes don't quite meet mine. "You're doing okay, I hope?"

  She sounds like she wishes herself anywhere but here, and I'm not surprised. I know I hurt Clay, and she's been friends with him through Orson for years so she can't exactly be delighted to deal with me and the pregnancy.

  I'm not thrilled to see her either. Bunny and my former student Chelsea belong to my previous life, to the clarinet world I've left behind, and even such a small reminder of that world hurts.

  I feel Georjenna shift within me, and it helps. He or she is my world now. "I'm fine," I say. "Hot, but fine."

  Bunny tugs at her t-shirt, flapping it a bit to get some air circulating. "I know, it's crazy. So glad Orson finally caved and got us an air conditioner."

  "Corinne has one," Laura says, "but it's broken. That's why we're here."

  "It's no problem, though," I say quickly, not wanting Bunny to take this story back to Clay who might feel compelled to offer me money again. I wouldn't take any after we broke up, though he insisted he owed me for all the work I'd done for his band, and I won't take any now either. "The weather will cool down again soon enough."

  Bunny nods. "It can't stay this hot forever."

  There's a moment of awkward silence, then she and I both say, "Well," at once.

  Laura chuckles and Bunny gives me a smile for the first time today. "Yeah. I'm not sure what to say. But I do hope things are okay with you and the baby. I... I know Clay took it all hard."

  "Yeah," I say, knowing she means our breakup not the baby, since he doesn't know about that. "I know. He's a good guy."

  Her eyes scream, "Then why'd you break his heart?" but she says only, "Definitely. Well, take care." She clears her throat. "And... Orson and I were apart for a while when Chelsea was little and I know how hard the single-mom thing is. Not that you're a... I mean, I don't know— but anyhow, if you ever need a break or whatever, you... yeah, you can call me."

  She sounds awkward but sincere, and I did help her out when Orson took off, but there's no way. If I can't let my mother help me much, and I'm not at all sure I'll be able to, I certainly can't accept help from Bunny. This was my decision and I have to handle things myself. "Thanks," I say, "but I'm sure I'll be fine. Thanks, though."

  "Sure, whatever. We'd better get going. Have a good evening."

  "You too. Bye, Chelsea."

  Chelsea's little forehead creases and I sense one of her spectacular temper tantrums coming on. Bunny says, "We have to get home and order pizza for Daddy," and Chelsea claps her hands and turns to go, forgetting about me entirely.

  Bunny looks like she wants to say something else, but just smiles again and leaves with her daughter.

  When they're gone, Laura says, "Friend of your ex? Nice of her to offer to help. Why didn't you go for it?"

  I've told her about Clay, and though I don't think she entirely understands why I need to be free of everything that went wrong before she does understand that I'm happier now on my own like I'd planned to be. "Yeah, she's his friend. I don't know, it just feels wrong to accept help."

  She shakes her head. "But she offered. Isn't it always good to have more help?"

  "I don't think I'll need it. I've been doing everything I can to get ready, finding recipes I can make easily and organizing the apartment so all of the baby's stuff is in easy reach, and—" Her shocked expression stops me. "What?"

  "You've got the baby's stuff already?"

  I don't understand the issue. "Of course. I planned to have it all ready by my thirtieth week, so I've been working at it. I found lists online and combined them to get down to the essentials, and I get a bit every week. I have the car seat already, and a spare base for it for my mom and a stroller that it attaches to, and the side sleeper and a bassinet so I've got choices of where the baby sleeps, and... other things," I say, trailing off because she's looking at me like I'm an alien.

  "Good grief, Corinne, that's terrifying. I don't even know what a side sleeper is. And I haven't bought anything yet. Wasn't going to for weeks either. You're a crazy thing."

  Despite the fond amusement in her voice, this fires me up. "What are you talking about? What's wrong with being prepared?"

  "Nothing," she says, looking startled. "No, it's great."

  I'm fighting the urge to push my chair back and take off as fast as my ungainly body can go. I don't know why it's so strong, but it is and I can barely resist it.

  "Corinne? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

  I know she didn't, but that doesn't help. I want to leave her behind and never look back.

  Something seems to pop in my chest as understanding hits me. This is like with the orchestra. And my musical friends. And with Austin. Things aren't going exactly as I want, so I want to run from them and leave them behind me. But I can't always do that. What will I do if my life with Georjenna doesn't go as planned? I won't be able to run away then. Laura's doing things differently from me, but that doesn't make either of us wrong.

  That should be obvious, but it feels like an amazing revelation. Before I can do anything with it, though, Laura puts her hand on my shoulder. "I'm really sorry," she says, sounding like she's going to cry. "I don't know what I said to mess everything up but I'm sorry. Don't hate me because I don't know what a side sleeper is."

  "It's not about—" I pull myself together. "Of course I don't hate you. You're my baby buddy."

  She smiles a bit at the phrase she's been using to describe me since the end of our first class together. "But you looked upset."

  "I was," I admit. "But I'm not even sure why now."

  She considers this. "Hormones?"

  "Yeah, probably," I say, but I know it's not. True, her calling me 'crazy thing' was rude, but still. I know she was joking, and I seriously just almost bailed on the woman who's becoming a great friend because we disagree on when to buy our baby stuff. Am I really that inflexible? "And a side sleeper," I go on, "is a little bed that attaches to the side of my mattress so I can have the baby basically in bed with me but with no risk of me rolling onto it."

  "Ah. I like that, but..." She shakes her head. "Grant would never go for it. He says babies should be in their own room in a proper crib."

  She grimac
es, and as we sit silent I feel glad that I don't have to worry about anyone else's opinions of how to take care of my child. Good or bad, it's all going to be about my plan.

  "So, um, that Chelsea's cute," Laura says, and I smile at her awkward method of moving on. "I hope your daughter looks like her."

  Laura has decided that I'm having a girl and she's having a boy. I don't particularly care either way, as long as they're both healthy. But a sweet little monster like Chelsea would be nice so I say, "Yeah, me too."

  Laura nudges me. "And maybe you could hook up with a guy who looks like that."

  I look where she's gesturing then shut my eyes and give a mock shudder. "Um, that's my brother. And now I'm traumatized."

  She giggles. "Oops, sorry. But he is cute. And there's— no, wait, I thought there was nobody with him but he's holding hands with a girl now."

  I open my eyes, then stare.

  Arabella laughs at my reaction, and they come over to our table.

  "He didn't tell you?"

  "Told me he had a girlfriend but not that it's you. You guys got back together?"

  She nods. "We were dancing around it on the cruise, but it just happened last weekend."

  "But..."

  I'm not sure how to say, "But you tried before and it didn't work out so what's the point?" but she grins at me. "I know. Second time's the charm, we hope." She bumps Galen with her hip. "Even though he's a goof. Why didn't you warn her it was me? Don't you know not to scare pregnant women?"

  He laughs. "Corinne's tough. That baby's not coming out a second before she wants him to."

  "Yeah, she's tough," Arabella says, reaching for a chair. "As I keep telling you."

  Galen rolls his eyes and grabs himself a chair, and as she settles onto hers Arabella says, "Oh, did he just say you're having a boy?"