The Butterfly Box_A SASS Anthology

by Anthology

  “Luke, you might’ve called Casey but that accident wasn’t your fault, just like it’s not your fault that Margie had another stroke. Sometimes in life the unquestionable happens but that doesn’t mean you should continue to punish yourself.”

  I clear my throat, “Is that what you think I’m doing?” Sam brushes her hand up my arm. I almost close my eyes from the peace I feel from her touch. “

  You lost both Casey and me in the same night. You were lost therefore you gave your mother her dream of having a son follow in her husband’s footsteps.”

  I glance at Sam as we lock eyes. Never in my life have I wanted to reach out and kiss someone like I do right now.

  “You made your mother proud, don’t ever doubt that.” Sam’s arms move around my neck. The heat from her body takes over any self-control I have. I bring my hand up and pull her face down to mine. The second her lips touch mine, I’m reminded why I love this woman and only this woman.

  I OFFICIALLY SIGNED the papers to have mom removed from her ventilator. Five hours later she peacefully passed. Watching Katie grieve for my mother was harder than what I was feeling.

  “I can’t believe she’s gone.” I pat the spot next to me on the couch and Katie immediately snuggles into my side. “I feel like I’ve known you forever.” My body locks tight at hearing her words. “Margie talked about you all the time.” Her comment hits me harder than I was expecting.

  “She told me you were put on this earth to do great things and to love my mama.” I look up and lock eyes with Sam who’s closely watching the two of us.

  “I don’t know about the first, but I agree with the second.” Katie actually giggles, which in turn puts a smile on my face. “What are you two talking about?” Sam questions as she takes the seat on the other side of me.

  “Margie.” Katie answers. “She’s always told me that you two were going to end up together.”

  Sam gasps in shock. “She did what?”

  “Chill out mama.” Sam’s eyes narrow at her daughter, “Margie told me when your heart finds its soulmate, life will always find a way of bringing you back together.” Sam’s mouth drops open before she looks at me. I shrug with my good shoulder, “I think she’s right.”

  “Of course you do.” A small smile tugs on the corner of Sam’s mouth. I have my right arm wrapped around Katie, and I wish like hell I could reach out and wrap my other one around Sam but thankfully she leans in on her own free will. My lips brush her temple with a light kiss as the three of us sit on my mom’s old couch mourning the loss of a woman who touched all of our lives in an incredible way.

  MARGIE’S FUNERAL WAS hard on everyone—including my dad. I think somewhere over the years he formed romantic feelings for Margie but I don’t think the two of them ever crossed that line.

  Katie starts school next week and she’s nowhere near as excited as she usually is.

  Outside of our kiss at the hospital nothing more has happened between Luke and me other than we’re together every day.

  I was pissed when he first showed up in Jasper because I’ve spent the last twelve years believing he never loved me, but as the truth of that horrible night unfolds, I’m starting to understand why Luke left and I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing if I were in his shoes. He knew from the day he met me I had a plan and that plan always consisted of leaving for KU.

  “Notice anything different?” Luke chuckles before taking a seat next to me at our booth. “You’re not wearing your sling,” I excitedly answer.

  “Yep. After two weeks of physical therapy I was cleared to ditch it and let me tell you it feels great not having that damn thing on.”

  Pam arrives with my shake and fries. “I never thought I’d see the day where you two were sitting here like this again.” With a sweet smile, Pam walks off.

  “I second that, but I’ve never been happier to be wrong.” Luke adds.

  Nervously I turn in the booth to look him in the eyes. “What exactly are we doing Luke?”

  My anger has faded, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared of the idea of Luke leaving me again.

  “We’re building a relationship together, one that’s going to last this time.”

  My face softens, “But—.”

  “No buts Sam. You were my first everything and I plan to make you my last everything.”

  I chew on my lower lip. He’s doing and saying everything I want but will it last this time?

  “I have Katie to think about now and –.”

  “I love Katie. Hell, I think I fell in love with her almost on sight. I’m not sure what super powers you ladies hold, but whatever they are they work like magic on me.” I roll my eyes and lightly smack him on the shoulder.

  “Hey now . . . I’m being serious.” Luke adds.

  “So am I. What if . . . what if it doesn’t work out? Katie just lost Margie, I don’t think she’ll bounce back losing you too.”

  “What do you think is going to happen? That I’m just going to up and leave town?” His eyes narrow.

  “Yessssssss?” I mumble.

  I was expecting him to be mad, but instead he nods his head in understanding. “I get it. My past behavior caused us years of suffering but Sam . . .” Luke trails off before inhaling a deep breath. “I’d do anything in my power if I could go back to that night and redo everything, but the truth is, I think I’d still walk away from you.” My mouth drops open in shock.

  “I wish I went home instead of going to that party and getting drunk. I wish I never called Casey, but I know in my heart I still would’ve done everything in my power to ensure you went to KU. What kind of life do you think we’d have if I let you give up your dreams in order to be with me?” My heart speeds up as my eyes fill with tears.

  “The army whipped my ass into shape not just physically but it gave me a real purpose in life. Before then I didn’t have a goal in mind. I liked partying, drinking and hanging out with you and my friends. If I had continued down that path I would’ve brought you down with me and I don’t think I could’ve forgiven myself if I did.”

  Luke is right. I know he is. I keep trying to think of a way that we could’ve stayed together and been happy but I’m not sure that would’ve happened.

  “Sometimes in life, things happen for a reason, and you don’t discover that reason for years to come.”

  I freeze, “She told me the same thing.” This time a tear does leak down my cheek but it’s because of Margie. She kept our connection alive even when I didn’t know what she was doing.

  “When I woke up in a hospital after I was shot, I never felt more alone in my life. I wanted to die, I actually wished for it, but after a few days I picked up the phone and called mom.” Luke gives me a grim smile. “Mom repeated the same thing to me then. I didn’t want to come home and that was before I knew you lived here in Jasper, but I had to. I had to come and see her because she never gave up on me.”

  I reach out and place my hand over his. “I knew she had some health problems but she played down what she’d gone through and I felt like a real dick when I saw how bad she was. But that first day I saw you, I was hit with twelve years of built up love, love I never once considered giving to anyone else.” Luke reaches out and places his hands on each side of my face.

  “You’re it for me and I hope like hell that you give me a second chance to prove to you I’m the only person for you.”

  I can’t stop the smile that forms on my face. “You’ve always owned my heart and always will.” Luke smirks before placing his lips on mine. Our mouths start moving fast, almost greedy as years of tension officially melts.

  “Excuse me?” Pam mumbles next to our table. “I know you two love birds are making up for lost time but I think it’s time to shut down the show. Mr. Walker almost fell off his bar stool trying to get a better look at the two of you.” My face reddens as Luke full out laughs.

  “Sorry,” I grumble.

  “Don’t be sorry sweetheart, just save the show for clo
sed doors that’s all.” Pam turns on her heels and walks off at the same time Luke drops a twenty on the table.

  “Yes, let’s head home and have a private show.” I shriek as he pulls me out of the booth and drags me to the door.

  “Someone is in a hurry.”

  “Hell yes I am. We have lost time to make up and I plan on doing a lot of making up.”

  Luke has me in his truck within seconds as we race back to Margie’s where we indeed make up for lost time.

  WHEN I RETURNED home I was hoping to give myself a few weeks to let my arm heal, then I planned to get the hell out of Jasper Kansas. Now six months after I returned home, I’ve buried my last living relative but I’ve never felt more healed in my life.

  Forgiving myself for what happened with Casey was harder than I could’ve imagined. When Sam asked me if the roles were reversed if I’d want Casey to live the rest of his life feeling guilty, it was the first time I started to let go of the pain that night caused.

  Casey was the best brother a guy could have but we were nothing alike. Like Sam, he always had his shit together. He had goals and he was well on his way of achieving them when he died. I’m not sure if that was Casey’s destiny and his accident would’ve happened another night or if I could go back and never call him if he would still be with me today. All I know is that I didn’t mean to hurt him and if he had called me I would’ve taken off in a heartbeat to get him. The only thing I can do now is let go of the pain and live a life that my parents and Casey would be proud of. A life that includes the woman I plan to marry and a girl I plan to adopt because my life would be meaningless without them.

  “I think this is the one.” Katie sings as she holds out a diamond ring.

  “You do?” I take the ring from Katie and smile.

  “That ring screams mom’s name.” I can’t help but laugh at her comment.

  I’ve been ready to ask Sam to marry me from the second she came around to the idea of us being together. I know I would’ve wore her down eventually but when mom died the last wall Sam was holding on to fell down.

  A few days ago I asked Edward’s permission to marry Sam and the old fart almost had tears in his eyes. Next I asked Katie’s permission. My ears still hurt from when she screamed yes. What Katie doesn’t know is I plan to buy her a ring of her own, one that will hopefully brand her to me the same way this ring will with Sam.

  “I think you’re right. This is the one.” I nod to the sales clerk. “This is the one we want.”

  Katie claps her hands together. “She’s going to be so excited.”

  I grin, “I hope she says yes.”

  Katie’s mouth drops open the same way Sam’s does when I say something that shocks them. “Are you kidding me, she’s going to scream louder than I did.”

  My eyes bug, “God, let’s hope not,” I joke.

  “When are you going to ask her?”

  I would love to create a perfect moment but I know Sam doesn’t need that and truthfully I don’t think Katie can keep a secret for long. “Soon, so keep your lips sealed for a few more days.” Katie pretends to zip her lips causing me to laugh. God this girl is perfect in every way and I’ll be forever grateful to be allowed to call her mine . . . just like her mother.

  “KATIE DID YOU get your homework done?” Sam questions when Katie walks into the kitchen.

  “Yep. Luke helped me with it earlier.”

  Sam smiles. “Thanks Luke.”

  “You don’t need to thank me.” I should be thanking them for allowing me a place in their life.

  “Are you kidding me? You’re a lifesaver. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  I know Katie was expecting some magical moment but my gut is telling me this is it. The three of us in Edward’s old farm house doing everyday things.

  “I don’t want you to know what life is like without me either.” I drop down to one knee as Sam’s eyes widen. “Samantha Harris will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

  Sam looks down at the ring I’m holding in front of her. “Oh my God,” she whispers.

  “Well?”

  Sam starts nodding her head seconds before tears start to fall. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.” Katie squeals behind us before running up and wrapping all three of us up in a hug.

  When Sam pulls back she holds up her hand and stares at the ring I slid on her finger.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  Katie beams with pride. “I helped pick it out.” Sam gives me a soft look and mouths thank you.

  I’m about to make this an even better moment or ruin the amazing vibe but it’s now or never.

  “Katie.” I nervously clear my throat.

  “Yes?”

  I pull another, smaller ring out the same pocket. After Katie and I picked out Sam’s ring, I went back and bought her one that’s much smaller than Sam’s but practically the same style.

  I drop down to one knee again and pull out the second ring. “Would you do me the honor of making me your father?” Both their mouths drop open.

  I’ve hinted around to Sam that I want to adopt Katie but I haven’t flat out asked her. I did ask Edward’s permission and he told me he couldn’t have picked out a better father for Katie if he tried but fear has kept me from asking Sam.

  “Yes.” Katie screams causing both Sam and I to place our hands over our ears.

  “Oh my gosh, mama, he bought me my own ring.”

  Katie wraps me up in a tight hug when I finally take a glance at Sam who’s smiling at the two of us. Instantly the tension I was feeling disappears.

  “Luke you’re already a great father to Katie, but thank you for giving her this.”

  “Yes, Luke or I mean . . .” Katie trails off and looks over at Sam.

  “Call me whatever you want Katie.”

  Katie smiles so big it almost reaches her ears. “Thank you for my ring Dad.”

  Dad.

  My chest tightens with emotion. After I left Jasper, I never planned to be anyone’s father but I can’t begin to picture a life without this little girl. I open my arms and both of them fall in for another hug. When my left arm wraps around Sam I was expecting the normal ache I feel in my shoulder but it’s not there. Instead the only thing I feel is the love I have for my girls.

  For the first time in my life, I actually feel healed from the mistakes of my past, from my life in the Army, from the loss of my family and now I get to keep these two ladies forever and that’s not something I’ll ever take for granted.

  The End

  “TELL ME WHAT happened?” Laura leans forward in her chair, placing her elbows on a big, cherry wood desk. Her chin resting lightly on her hands as she waits for the answer. An answer she knows she might not get. She saw girls like this one more than she should. They always thought they had got it all together, till they don’t. Till that minute comes and they are shattering into a million pieces and all they want is to be put back together.

  “I ran the red light.” Payton’s voice is a perfect combination of boredom and annoyance.

  “Do you remember anything before or after the accident Payton?” Laura heard this answer so many times that it doesn’t surprise her anymore, and in a few cases, they were telling the truth, but this time it is not the case.

  “No.” Payton’s head shakes side to side “Not really”. Her hands are in constant movement and she picks on her hot pink nail polish.

  Laura nods her head in understanding and smiles at her, thinking that this damaged girl in front of her is going to be a challenge.

  EVERY MORNING STARTS out the same. Me, staring in the mirror. Me, going over that day, and today is day one hundred and ninety-six. Not a single thing has changed, and I don’t think that the day after today will be any different. Every day has been the same. Regrets. Pain. Disgust. More regrets.

  I don’t think the regret is ever going to go away. I don’t have anybody to blame, but myself. I brought this upon myself, and the worst thing is that I did it by choice. No
t by accident; although I ended up in one; but by choice.

  I turn to the left and the first day of my misery comes back to life.

  I can hear all of them. My mom, my dad, ( though I have no clue as to what he’s doing here), and Jimmy, my beloved boyfriend who can’t see anything beyond my hot body. I can hear all of them talking about how they can’t believe that this actually happened.

  I want to scream to them that it actually did happen and that ,that was my act of desperation. The desperation that was the result of humiliation caused by none other than Jimmy.

  Jimmy, my first love. My first real boyfriend. My first everything.

  The boyfriend who always pretended to listen just so he can hug me and try to fuck me a minute later. Not that it ever happened.

  Jimmy. The one that I wanted to love me for who I am, not for how I look.

  Jimmy. The one that was supposed to be caring and loving, and respect my decisions and choices.

  “I can’t believe all of this was her fault.”

  “Well, you saw the reports, there is no question that she is responsible for all of this.” My dad's voice is even more political than during his campaigns.

  “Jimmy, would you mind stepping outside for a minute?”

  Jimmy? Is Jimmy here? What the hell is he doing here anyways? I do not want to see that piece of shit boyfriend ever again. My mom sounds concerned and I want to tell her to not to be, that everything is ok, but even though I try there is nothing coming out of my mouth. The mouth that feels dry and somehow numb.

  I hear the door open and close - Jimmy is gone. Family time.

  Funny how we didn’t have that in the past ten years, but now, we are finally all together, and I can’t say shit.

  “Listen Susan” I hear my father on my left “ You and I are done, we know it, and now we have to find the way to tell Payton about it, but what’s more important is how are we going to break the news about this?”

  Wait, what news? News about what?

  OMG, that news. I don’t know how they can call it news if it’s been around forever. My parents are never together, and if by some miracle they are in the same room for more than ten minutes, they are fighting over the air they breathe. So why does he think that telling me that they are getting a divorce is news to me?