Abiding Love: Banished Saga, Book Eight

by Flightner, Ramona

  She glared at him, her eyes filled with unshed tears as she breathed heavily. “How dare you come to my home and ruin the one place that has always brought me peace?”

  He blanched at the sincerity of her words.

  “You had your chance. You never took it.”

  “Ari—”

  “You’re worse than your nieces and nephews. At least they apologize. At least they acknowledge when they misbehave.” She waved her hand at him as she choked back a sob. “But you, you simply act like whatever you want is your right. With no regard to how that hurts those around you.”

  Colin flushed with anger. “That’s patently unfair. And unjust.” He paused as he swallowed, his throat working as though he had trouble speaking. “And I pray you don’t really mean what you say.” He leaned forward, grasping her restless hands. “Ari, I’ve always loved you. At first, I thought it was like how I loved Rissa. Then I convinced myself it was the way I loved Sav because I knew I didn’t love you like a sister. I knew how you viewed yourself, and I never wanted you to think I was taking advantage of you.” He played with her fingers. “You became one of my dearest friends, and I dreaded harming that relationship if you didn’t feel like I did. Then, that night Lucas performed here in Missoula four years ago, and I held you in my arms …”

  He sighed with absolute contentment. “It was heaven. And then I almost kissed you and ruined everything. You wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t answer any of my questions and wouldn’t come to my house unless forced to. I thought you hated me and that I’d destroyed our friendship and any chance I had with you.” He paused, staring at her a long moment. “I couldn’t stand to see that look in your eyes.”

  She sniffled. “What look?” she whispered as tears tracked down her cheeks unchecked.

  “Every time after I almost kissed you, you looked at me with disdain. Distrust.” He sighed as he closed his eyes. “Disgust.” He paused. “I should have tried harder to make you see I was sincere. That I wasn’t toying with you. That I esteem you above all others.” He frowned when he saw her tears soaking the front of her dress. “Even now, even in your distress, you are silent. Why won’t you wail? Scream? Beat at me and demand better?” He cupped her cheeks. “Why don’t you believe you deserve better? Why don’t you believe you deserve me?”

  She attempted to free herself from his implacable hold but eventually settled and allowed him to scrub at her cheeks and accepted his handkerchief. She swiped at her face and blew her nose. “You’re only here now because another is threatening to take away what you think is yours.”

  His gaze transformed from tenderness to irate in an instant. “Dammit, you know that’s not true. I don’t see you as an object I own. As something to control or have power over. I see you as …” His voice faltered. “As my Ari. As the woman I want to grow old with. In a way, I thought we were conducting a long-term courtship.”

  She wrenched a hand free and punched him lightly in the chest. “No courtship takes fifteen years.”

  “It does if you’re an idiot like me,” he murmured. “Don’t marry him, Ari.” His eyes bored into hers. “Do you want me to beg?” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Because I will. Please, don’t marry him.”

  She began to cry again and leaned forward, resting her head on his shoulder. He cooed meaningless words in her ear as he stroked his strong hands over her back, shoulder and head, pulling her tighter to him with every caress. She moved to get even closer to him until she sat in a very unladylike manner with her legs wrapped around him in a full-bodied hug. “I can’t bear to let you go,” she whispered through her tears.

  “Then don’t,” he said into her ear. “I very much want to be snared.”

  She laughed at his comment before crying some more.

  “Why does my love devastate you?”

  “You’re too late. It’s too late,” she whispered. She ran her hands over his back as though attempting to memorize the feel of him in her arms and then eased away.

  He groaned and clung to her, refusing to release her from his embrace. “I don’t care, Ari. I don’t care if you’ve been with him.”

  She pushed with her head to put space between them, glaring at him. “Why would you think I’d disgrace myself in such a manner? Do you think because of who I am that I have no honor?”

  “Ari, arriving to one’s marriage untouched is not an indication of whether or not you have honor,” he said with a tender smile. He leaned forward and kissed her nose. “It means you’ve known passion and allowed yourself to act on it.”

  He frowned when he felt her shudder in his arms, the subtle revulsion she attempted to hide from him. He traced a finger around her eyes, easing her tense expression. “You are honorable, Ari. The actions of others, specifically your parents, have no bearing on you.”

  She burrowed into his embrace, seeking comfort but also preventing him from seeing her expression. “I’ve never wanted to be in a position where I’d act like them,” she whispered.

  He laughed as he ran soothing hands down her back in a modified massage. “You would never be. First, because you would have the fortitude to keep your child. And, second, because all of us would stand by you to support you, to aid you.” He kissed her head when she clasped him tighter around the waist. “We’d never allow you to suffer.”

  She raised wondrous eyes to him and moved forward a fraction, kissing him. Her touch was gentle, barely more than a soft caress of two lips, but he instantly groaned and clasped her even tighter to him.

  “Ari,” he rasped as he kissed her eyebrows and cheeks. “Careful what you’re asking for.”

  “I know what I want. In this moment, it’s you,” she whispered. She smiled as he groaned and eased her even closer to him on his lap. “You have no idea how good you feel.”

  “Oh, I think I do,” he teased. “Let me love you, my Ari, as I should have years ago.” He paused his fervent kisses to meet her gaze. He let out a deep sigh as she watched him with fathomless light-brown eyes. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. “Forgive me for presuming too much. Let me rise and leave you to your evening.”

  She clung to him like a burr and shook her head. “No, don’t leave me. Stay with me. Show me.”

  “Everything changes, Ari, if I do,” Colin said.

  “Everything already has changed,” she said as she leaned forward for a kiss, this one deeper and more passionate. She arched into his touch, gasping as he eased callused fingers under her light cotton dress. “I never knew …” she whispered as she broke from his kiss and tilted her head to the side as he kissed her along her neck.

  “Never knew what?” he whispered as his hands worked to free her upper body from her clothes.

  “I never knew how a touch could feel so good and so inadequate, all at once.” She bit back a shriek as he dropped his head and nibbled along her shoulder and then her collarbone.

  “Don’t hide from me, Ari,” he murmured, his breaths emerging in deep pants. “Show me what pleases you.”

  She pushed at his shoulders, and he eased away, his light-blue eyes lit with a fire for her. She ran fingers over his cheeks and then up again into his hair. “I never…” She swallowed and fought tears. “I never thought to have this with you. I thought you’d want a woman of standing in town.”

  His expression changed to one of incredulity. “You are a woman of standing. You are everything I have ever wanted.” He pushed her away and stood, holding his arms out to his side for a moment. “I’m going about this all wrong.” He took a deep breath and let it out, but the passion in his gaze remained. “Show me what you want.” When she remained in a disheveled state on the sofa, he murmured again, “Show me.”

  She rose on trembling legs, her hands shooting to the hem of her dress. When she saw the veiled disappointment in his gaze, she dropped her hands, allowing her dress to hang at her waist. Only a thin chemise covered her as she had foregone a corset on this hot evening.

  His fingers twit
ched, as though wanting to caress her, but he kept his hands at his sides.

  “You’ll think me brazen.”

  He smiled. “I want you bold and shameless.” His gaze roved over her, as loving as any caress. “I want you to feel as free to express what you feel for me as I want to show you how much I love you.” He saw her eyes flash at his declaration. “Be brave, my Ari.”

  “Do you truly not care that I have no last name? That my parents discarded me like rubbish on the orphanage doorstep?”

  His jaw ticked at how she described herself. “You are not rubbish,” he declared. “You are cherished. Your parents acted in such a way as to provide you with the best life they knew how for you. And they gave me the greatest gift. You.” He took a step forward and then froze. “I’m on the verge of breaking my vow, Ari.”

  A wondrous smile spread as she saw Colin, a strong, independent, intelligent man standing in front of her as he waited for her to act. “I want you,” she whispered.

  She gasped as he grabbed her and yanked her to him. He held her in a fierce grip, nearly squeezing all the air out of her.

  “Shh, love,” she whispered as he shook in her arms. “I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

  “Don’t marry him, Ari. Please,” he begged. “Not when we love each other.”

  She took his head between her hands and stood on her toes, kissing him deeply. As they kissed, her hands worked to slip his buttons loose, and soon he shucked off his waistcoat and shirt. She gasped and backed up a step as her fingers played in his chest hair. “I never imagined,” she whispered as she ran her hands over his chest, watching his reaction as he jerked at her soft caresses. “Does my touch hurt you?”

  “No, it feels too good,” he whispered. “Ari, may I … may I remove your shift?” He met her momentarily startled look before she backed up a step.

  She wriggled out of the bottom half of her dress and then stood in front of him in only her shift.

  “If I remove this, there’s no going back,” he said, his fingers moving up and down the valley between her breasts.

  “I don’t want to go back. Be mine, Colin,” she said as Colin leaned forward to kiss her breasts through the thin linen. She held her arms up as he tugged the fine cotton off her, revealing her fully to his gaze.

  He dropped the shift and grabbed her hands before she could cover herself. “You are a man’s fantasy.” He raised covetous eyes to hers and tugged her closer to him. “You’re my fantasy.” He groaned as she rubbed against his chest. “Come, love. Let me love you.”

  “Yes, and teach me how to love you in equal measure,” she said, and she lost herself in his kiss as they backed toward her bedroom.

  * * *

  Colin lay with a slumbering Araminta in his arms. He felt her stir, and he kissed her head. “Shh, love,” he murmured as she stiffened in his arms. “It wasn’t a dream.”

  “Colin?” she asked, her head bumping his as she raised hers to meet his loving, amused gaze. “I thought … I thought it must have been.”

  “When’s the last time you went to bed without a stitch of clothing on?” he teased and then laughed when she hit him on his arm.

  “Shh, you can’t make much noise, or the neighbors will know you are here. I don’t want to be evicted.” Araminta settled her head on his chest, her fingers playing with his chest hair.

  “It won’t matter. Soon enough you will live with me.” He felt her stiffen in his arms, and he tilted his head down in an attempt to see her expression. “Ari? What did I say?”

  “Why would I live with you?” Her voice was breathless, and she shied away from his caress to her cheek.

  “I want my wife to live with me. I refuse to sneak over to your house, when I have a perfectly good home for us to share.”

  “Your wife?” She perched herself on his chest, and he saw her luminous wide eyes in a shaft of light.

  “Of course. What do you think this was all about?” He ran his knuckles over her cheeks. “I want to marry you. To build a life with you. To have children with you. As we should have done years ago. Will you marry me?”

  A delighted smile bloomed, but she shook her head. “I can’t agree to marry you when I’m still engaged to another man. You’ll have to ask me again.” She swallowed a shriek of laughter as he tickled her and rolled her over.

  “I never knew you were such a flirt. Do you know how hard it is for a man to ask a woman to marry him?” He saw absolute joy in her eyes and smiled. “I’d ask you a hundred times, as long as you became my wife, Ari.”

  She leaned up and kissed him. “Love me again, Colin.”

  He growled as he kissed her, his hands roving over her. When she fought, and failed, to hide a grimace at one of his caresses, he rolled away. “No, I refuse to hurt you, Ari. It’s too soon. There will be plenty of time for us for future lovemaking.” He smiled as he saw the disappointment in her gaze. “For now, let me hold you. That will be enough.”

  “As long as I know our nights to come will be filled with passion,” she whispered, kissing his shoulder.

  He chuckled. “My bold Ari. You are my fantasy come to life.”

  * * *

  Araminta stood outside Bartholomew Bouchard’s office and clasped her shaking hands together. She frowned at her inability to conceal her emotions. Before Colin’s visit last night, she had had no difficulty hiding her deepest desires and feelings. She took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

  “Enter,” his low-pitched voice intoned. He looked up from a stack of papers in front of him as she opened the door, and he smiled when he saw her. He rose at her entrance and motioned for her to sit. “It does me good to see you eager to visit me on my return from Butte. I hadn’t hoped to see you until tomorrow. Alas, the deal did not go as planned, but I made a good contact.”

  His engaging smile faded as he belatedly noted her desire to put distance between them and her reticence to kiss his cheek. His smile faltered further when she shook her head and remained standing and away from him.

  “Araminta, why are you here?” He frowned as she took in a deep breath. “Are you all right? What’s happened? Nothing can be as bad as all this.” His attempt at cajoling a smile from her failed, and his frown deepened.

  “I wanted to thank you for the honor you gave me by asking me to be your wife. However, after further consideration, I’ve come to realize that it would not be a good decision for me. I believe we are not well suited.”

  He moved around to stand in front of his desk, less than an arm’s-reach from her. “Why are you filled with fear now, Araminta? We are suited. We share the same beliefs and dreams.” He glowered when she flinched away from his touch.

  She shook her head, shuddering slightly. “I was mistaken to accept your offer. I should have had faith and said no.”

  He glared at her with anger, his concern evaporating with her insistence they not wed. “Are you telling me that you are to receive a better offer than the one I’m giving you?”

  She stiffened and stood her ground. “Yes.” She met his irate gaze and refused to cower even as his expression darkened.

  “So it doesn’t matter to you that I love you?”

  She softened at his quiet, plaintive words. “Bartholomew, I will always be honored that you care for me. But it wouldn’t be right to marry you. It would be deceitful.”

  He took a deep breath and shook his head. “I’m afraid you don’t understand, Araminta. You will marry me in October.” He snagged her hand, tethering her in place. “For many reasons, we will wed.” He tugged her to him, cradling her in his arms even though she stood as stiff as a board. He whispered in her ear the varied reasons for their marriage to occur. When he’d finished, he stroked her cheek and met her devastated gaze. “So you see? We will marry.”

  “I … I …” A tear slipped out of one eye and cascaded down her cheek. She stood immobile as he caressed it away. “We will be miserable.”

  “Only until you forget the blacksmith. It won’t tak
e long. I can be very persuasive,” he soothed. His severe expression met hers. “Don’t defy me, Araminta. Marry me come October 5, or I cannot make any promises about protecting you and those you claim to care for.”

  She took in a stuttering breath. “You’ve told me what you require. I need you to promise me that you won’t do anything to harm him,” Araminta said. “Promise me you won’t hurt Colin. Or any of the McLeods.”

  Bartholomew’s grip of her jaw was just shy of bruising in its intensity. “I want your vow that you will endeavor to love me.”

  She blinked, but her tears poured out. “I will try.”

  He nodded, releasing her. “As long as you stay true to your word, I see no reason to use the knowledge I have.” He pushed her toward the door, and she lurched before she caught her balance. “Go. I have important matters to attend to.”

  Araminta’s fingers slipped from the doorknob before she finally grasped it and yanked it open, fleeing the room. She stood outside, her back against the door, shaking at the realization of the bargain she had just struck.

  * * *

  Araminta remained frozen outside Colin’s house, her basket on one arm and the other raised to knock. She shook her head and used the key in her pocket as she always did when she came to his house to clean or to prepare for a gathering with the family. She slipped inside and moved to the kitchen. After opening a window, she prepared a simple meal. She sniffled as she battled tears. When long arms snaked around her middle, she shrieked and dropped her paring knife into the sink, barely missing cutting herself. “Colin!”

  She wriggled until she’d freed herself from his embrace and spun to face him. Before she could speak, he’d lowered his head and kissed her. She groaned and attempted to not react to his touch. However, his gentle kiss coaxed a response, and she flung her arms around his neck, pulling him tighter.

  He growled as he broke the kiss, peppering her neck with kisses as he spun her around and backed her away from the sink and toward his bedroom. She arched into him, bowing back even further when his mouth momentarily covered her corseted and cloth-covered breast. “Colin!” she cried out, tangling her fingers in his hair.