Memories of May

by Juliet Madison

  He switched it off. ‘I know, right? All part of my unique chauffeur service.’ He winked, then drove off down the street.

  He hoped the clue was still there and that some stranger hadn’t plucked it from the petrol bowser and let it blow away in the wind. When they arrived at the station just before the highway, he waited behind the car at bowser number one.

  ‘Why don’t you go to that one over there?’ She pointed. ‘It’s available.’

  ‘Nah, I’ll wait for this one, thanks.’ He drummed his fingertips on the steering wheel.

  ‘You’re weird,’ she mumbled.

  ‘I know. Don’t ya love it?’

  She showed a small smile and shook her head. ‘I guess I have to go with the flow for this treasure hunt and see what you have in store for me.’

  ‘Exactly.’

  The car drove off and he moved forward and turned off the engine. He handed her some cash. ‘Could you pop twenty in there for me? Thanks.’ He used his other hand to pat her cheek three times.

  ‘Now you want me to get your petrol? You were right, a unique chauffeur service indeed.’ She got out and opened the petrol tank lid, which he’d popped open with the latch, and as she watched the numbers ticking over he smiled, wondering how long it would take her to notice it.

  Any second now …

  She glanced around, back at the numbers, then peered closer.

  His smile widened.

  She reached out her spare hand and held the edge of the paper flapping in the wind, which he had sticky-taped onto the side of the bowser.

  She glanced back at the numbers and then to the tank, withdrew the pump and replaced it, and the lid, and plucked the piece of paper off. A moment later, she looked at him through the window with a curious glance. He rolled the window down.

  ‘Go inside and ask for the bonus chocolate bar?’ she said. ‘What?’

  He nodded. ‘Yes. Do as the clue says.’

  He felt like he was doing secret government work, or was on one of those shows where you had to solve riddles and clues, except he was the one who knew all the answers. He’d already paid the guy behind the counter for the chocolate and told him to expect a woman asking for the bonus bar. He knew she would feel awkward doing it, which is another reason he was loving this.

  He watched her walk in, noticing the subtle yet definite curve of her hips in her jeans, and then glanced away, towards another woman walking in whose hip curves were hidden by an oversized loose dress that resembled a tablecloth.

  The guy took the money and handed something over, and he chuckled to himself. She came back out, looking at the bar that was wrapped in a piece of paper.

  She got back in the car and said. ‘Okay, so this clue tells me to head in the direction opposite to south. Hmm, let me think on that one.’ She tapped her chin. ‘I might have to Google for the answer.’ She looked back at the paper. ‘And we have to take the eighth exit, then turn right until my driver coughs, at which point we take another right.’ She placed the paper down on the seat. ‘What if you cough accidentally between now and then?’

  ‘I guess we’ll get lost.’

  ‘Then you better not cough unless you are in a life-threatening choking situation.’ She ripped open the chocolate bar. ‘I take it I can eat this on the way?’

  ‘Of course,’ he replied. When he’d first met her, there was no way she would just open a chocolate bar like that, she would have asked him first. Or waited for him to offer it to her. But he liked how she was taking initiative with things now. He hoped she would continue her newfound confidence and assertiveness after he left town. If he could have any impact on this woman’s life, he wanted it to be positive. He didn’t want to leave any scars, unlike some of the others he’d met and gotten to know. But she was different. She was so easy to be with, to talk to … She was becoming a great friend, and despite the fact that warmth spread through his body whenever he was around her, he knew it would be best to keep this as a friendship only.

  ‘Oh yum, I needed this.’

  ‘I knew you would.’

  ‘So you even went to the trouble to get that guy behind the counter in on the act?’ He nodded and she smiled. ‘I feel very special.’

  ‘You are.’ He reached out his hand. ‘Can I at least get a small piece of chocolate myself?’

  She pulled it away from him. ‘What about the risk of accidental coughing or choking?’

  ‘I’ll eat it carefully, I promise.’

  She broke off a small piece. ‘Well, you did pay for it after all.’

  ‘You’re so generous.’

  ‘All part of my unique passenger service,’ she mumbled while eating.

  He drove north on the highway and put on some regular music. Though it wasn’t all that regular, it was meaningful to him. He hummed along.

  ‘Oh,’ Olivia said, when the second song came on. ‘Your book! These are the songs in the chapter titles.’

  He smiled, and more warmth spread throughout him. ‘You noticed.’

  ‘What a great idea, to make a playlist based on your book.’ She chewed on a bit more chocolate. ‘Hey, maybe I could do that for Memories of May. ‘She got out her phone. ‘Just going to write a reminder to ask my grandma what songs have meaning for her. Thanks, Joel!’

  ‘No need to thank me, it’s your mind that’s ticking away with ideas.’

  ‘Oh God, yes. It’s like, the more I write, the more I think of, and the longer this book seems to be becoming.’

  ‘Been there, done that.’

  ‘Show-off,’ she said.

  He chuckled. ‘Did you think when we met a few weeks ago that you would be calling me a show-off, getting rescued from a window, riding a motorbike, and going on a treasure hunt with me?’

  She laughed, then quickly covered her mouth. ‘Oops, my chocolate almost went on an adventure of its own. Sorry.’ She took a tissue from her pocket and wiped at the corners of her mouth. ‘And no, I didn’t think that at all. I would have thought that you were talking about someone else, not me.’

  ‘So you’re a new woman, then.’

  She was quiet for a moment, then turned to face him, though he kept his focus on the road. He could feel her looking at him, feel the softening of her demeanour, and some unseen force compelling him to look back. He was glad he had the excuse of needing to keep his eyes on the road.

  ‘I think I’m just me, rediscovered,’ she said softly. ‘Or at least on a journey of rediscovery.’

  ‘Well,’ he said. ‘I like Olivia Rediscovered.’ He paused. ‘Which also has eight syllables, I must add.’

  ‘Perfect then,’ she said. ‘But I just realised I’ve forgotten to count the exits.’

  ‘Uh-oh,’ he said. ‘If only your driver knew where he was going. Maybe we should turn around and start again so you can count.’

  ‘C’mon, help a girl out. How many more exits left?’

  ‘I’m only telling you because you were so generous to give me that chocolate,’ he said. ‘We have five left.’

  ‘And then we turn right and then you’ll have your coughing fit, and not a moment sooner than needed.’

  He pretended to have difficulty holding back a cough, and chuckled.

  For the rest of the way, when he tried to speak she shushed him, and counted the exits on her fingers. ‘I’m not speaking to you till after we get there,’ she said sternly.

  They took the exit, and he was glad they weren’t speaking because their conversations often got out of hand and he could potentially miss the turn himself. When it got near, but not quite there, he coughed. A small throat-clearing cough.

  ‘Wait, was that it? Or was that a genuine one?’

  ‘Just teasing. But …’ He took a big breath and let out a big cough.

  ‘Okay, okay, turn! Right!’ She pointed. ‘I see a street.’

  He obliged and drove into the street that was parallel with the coastline.

  ‘Oh wow, it’s a beautiful view up here,’ she said. ‘How have I ne
ver been here before?’

  He shrugged, and drove slowly.

  ‘Hang on, now what? I have no more clues.’ She sat up tall and peered around. ‘Where do we go? Do we continue on and … Look, there are people on those things!’ She pointed up ahead. ‘What are they called again?’ She circled her hand around.

  ‘Paragliders.’

  ‘Paragliders, yes. Should we stop and watch them for a bit?’

  He shook his head with a laugh. ‘Sure. In fact, how about we join them? It could be another good book-worthy moment for you.’

  ‘Oh no, let’s just do what you have planned, I don’t need any more.’

  ‘Okay, we’ll just do what I have planned.’ He drove into the parking area near the grassed area overlooking the cliff top.

  ‘So we are going to watch them first?’

  ‘Yes. But we’ve also arrived at our destination.’

  ‘What else is there to do around here?’

  ‘Paragliding.’

  ‘But we’re not doing that, right? I mean, I’d have to hold on to one of those things with nothing below me and that would require some serious mental preparation.’

  ‘Start preparing then.’

  She stared, unblinking. ‘You’re messing with me right? Taking an opportunity while it’s here, and we’re really just going to watch them. Yeah?’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Crap.’ She remained still.

  ‘So, let’s exit the vehicle, shall we?’

  ‘Uh-uh. No way.’

  ‘Yes way. Come on, sunshine. Time to fly.’

  ‘A plane was one thing, but this. It’s different.’

  ‘I know. It’ll be so cool.’ He got out and around to her side of the car, opened the door. He held out his hand. ‘You’ll be flying with one of the instructors the whole time, you won’t be on your own.’

  ‘Ummm …’ Her legs jiggled up and down and she held her hands tight between her knees.

  He coaxed her from the car, and placed his hand gently against her lower back.

  ‘I won’t have to steer or anything?’

  ‘Nope, just hold on and enjoy.’

  * * *

  She made a nervous sound. There was that word again. Enjoy.

  ‘Hey guys,’ said a woman as they approached the grassed area. ‘Joel, is it?’ she asked.

  He nodded, and shook her hand. ‘I’ve done this before but we have a paragliding virgin here.’ He gestured to her and her belly fluttered.

  She gulped, but the gulp didn’t gulp properly and she had to gulp a few more times.

  ‘And you must be Olivia. I’m Vicki.’ The woman held out her hand and she shook it reluctantly, worried that she may take her hand and not let go until she was attached to one of the paragliders with no option of saying no.

  ‘Yes, that’s me. But I had no idea until now that I was going to be doing this. And I’m really, really nervous. And I wish I could get back in that car but I agreed to this ridiculous list of challenges and now—’

  ‘Ridiculous?’ Joel asked.

  ‘Okay, not ridiculous, sorry, just challenging challenges.’

  ‘That is why they are called challenges,’ he replied, and they walked a bit closer to one of the paragliders where someone was getting strapped in.

  ‘Let’s watch this one take off, then we can go through what’s involved and get you all ready to go,’ Vicki said in an overexcited high-pitched tone.

  ‘Watching. Watching sounds good. We could just do that, I’ve never seen paragliding up close before, it would still be a great book-worthy moment, Joel.’ She turned to him.

  ‘Life is not meant to be watched, it is meant to be experienced.’ He stood behind her and held onto her elbows in a supportive way.

  ‘I’ll drink to that,’ said Vicki. She pointed to the person holding the paraglider. ‘See how they are fully supported? The air resistance will hold you up, so you won’t feel like you’re just hanging on. Once the air beneath you lifts you higher, you’ll feel quite light. It’s an amazing rush. But at the same time, peaceful.’

  Olivia nodded, and nodded, and nodded. Though she wanted to nod sideways and say, ‘Nope, I’m not doing this.’

  But peaceful, she could do. She imprinted the word in her mind as a way to distract from the word ‘rush’ which had never featured in her vocabulary of favourite words.

  Maybe I could try those affirmation things April talks about. Or that Zac talks about and passed onto April. Yes, this is definitely an affirmation-worthy situation.

  She tried to think up words to string together, like she’d been doing for her book.

  I am peaceful and calm.

  Umm … that’s a load of crap.

  Okay, okay: I am excited to be trying a fun new activity.

  She watched the person walk closer to the edge.

  Fun? I don’t know if it will be fun. Excited? I’m not excited. What’s the point of an affirmation if they’re not even true?

  ‘Just take some deep breaths while you watch, and think happy thoughts,’ said Vicki.

  Olivia breathed in deeply a few times.

  ‘Not that much, you don’t want to hyperventilate.’ Joel moved his hands to her shoulders and gave them a light massage. ‘Relax your shoulders, breathe in … and out.’

  She slowed her breathing as much as she could, the weight of his hands comforting on her shoulders.

  Peaceful, and calmmm … she said in her mind with each exhalation. When I’m in the air, I am peaceful and calm … Okay, that was a bit better. She could just be peaceful and calm in the air and scared out of her mind on the ground. ‘In the air, I am peaceful and calm.

  The paraglider did a little run up to the cliff and then leapt forward, the glider going down a little first and then lifting up, light as a bird.

  In the air, I am peaceful and calm.

  ‘Woohoo!’ someone called out, but she didn’t notice who.

  In the air, I am peaceful and calm.

  After watching for a while, Vicki led her to the side where a paraglider in the air was about to land. She watched them near, stepped back a bit and further to the side, and the person’s feet touched the ground running, then slowing to a walk.

  ‘I’ll probably fall over,’ Olivia said.

  ‘I’ll be right with you,’ said Vicki. ‘I promise you won’t fall. I’ve done hundreds of tandem flights.’

  Olivia nodded again. Though she imagined she’d be so glad to touch ground again that she wouldn’t care if she fell when she got there. She’d probably want to fall to the ground and hug it if she could.

  After the instructor explained everything and got Olivia ready in the harness, at least physically, she knew there was no turning back. She gripped the sides of the harness, and Vicki said, ‘Okay, on the count of three, just as we practiced. Ready?’

  ‘I think.’ Olivia’s head spun and her legs wobbled. The wind swept around them as though getting ready itself, and she felt the pull of the glider wanting to lift.

  ‘Here we go. One …’

  In the air, I am peaceful and calm.

  ‘Two …’

  In the air, I am peaceful and calm.

  ‘Three!’

  In the air, I am … ‘Whooaa!’ Her legs moved quickly and the air took the place of the ground. ‘Aghhhh!’

  ‘And we’re off!’ Vicki said.

  Olivia wanted to put her foot on something steady and firm, but there was nothing but empty space. Oh my God, Oh my God, became her new affirmation.

  When her brain had realised what was happening and no longer fought for something beneath her feet, she could now process the view in front of her.

  Oh my God. Wow.

  Her heart pounded, her belly churned, but she felt like a bird.

  Endless blue sky, the odd fluffy cloud, and most of all, the rippling ocean beneath took the breath from her lungs.

  If Vicki wasn’t with her she would probably be having a panic attack, but with the support, she allowed herself t
o absorb the view and tried to welcome the ‘rush’ and the ‘peace’ at the same time.

  The sensations evened out and she coasted along, gliding and flying and soaring into the sky and this new experience that she wouldn’t have taken part in were it not for a certain man walking into her bookstore on what would have been just any other day.

  Her gaze moved to the left as another paraglider came into view. As it lifted higher into the sky, she saw it was Joel, on his own, a wide smile on his face.

  She didn’t know how long they flew for, but it became rhythmic and soothing, very different than she thought it would be. Or maybe her affirmation worked.

  In the air, I am peaceful and calm.

  And she realised in that moment she actually was.

  * * *

  The next morning, Olivia gave Mia permission to remove the mattress from her bed and place it next to the couch. Her daughter kept climbing on the couch and leaping off, landing tummy first on the mattress. ‘I want to do paragliding,’ she said.

  Olivia peered through the living room from the kitchen. ‘You have to wait till you’re older.’

  ‘But Mrs May says you have to do things before you become older.’

  ‘Yes, but not everything. And some things you have to wait until you’re a grown-up.’

  ‘Like paragliding.’

  ‘Yes. And motorbikes.’

  ‘And tattoos?’

  ‘Oh yes, definitely tattoos.’

  ‘And making babies?’

  Olivia missed the frypan with the pancake batter, and a blob landed on the kitchen counter. ‘Definitely making babies. You have to be very ready for that.’

  ‘Were you ready?’

  Olivia placed a blob of batter into the frypan this time. She hadn’t planned it, but … ‘Once I knew you were coming, yes, I was. I was your mum even before you were born.’

  ‘Even though you hadn’t seen me yet?’

  ‘Of course. I could feel you in my belly.’ She flipped the pancakes then looked at her daughter who had just leapt onto the mattress again. ‘And my heart.’ She removed the pancakes and turned the stove off for a moment, then went to the living room. She climbed on the couch and raised her arms.

  ‘Mum, what are you doing?’ Mia was still lying on the mattress.