by Hart, Rebel
10
John
Jack and I got an early breakfast before heading into the training facility for the day. The doctor’s note I’d gotten was burning a hole in my back pocket. I couldn’t wait to slap it in Jane’s face so she could stop using whatever excuse she had to keep me out of the game. Jack tried to convince me over breakfast that she really was just concerned, but I wasn’t going for it. She took the opportunity she was presented with to retaliate against me. I couldn’t blame her, I might have done the same thing if I were in her position.
We entered the training facility, and Jane was in the common area with Dax and Shawn. Dax had positioned himself in just such a place that he was staring straight at her ass, and Jane and Shawn were going over plays on our ceiling to floor smart screen.
“Hey, coach!” Jack stuck his hand in the air and started waving at Jane like an old friend.
She looked back and waved back at him with a smile. “Good morning! Great work yesterday!”
Jack got a little coy. “Great advice. I hadn’t thought of half that stuff. You were right when you said that stuff was your specialty.”
Jane’s smile got a little wider. It made my stomach tie up in knots. “It’s easy with a guy like you who’s willing to go all out. You’d be my pick for MVP.”
Jane winked at him and then went back to discussing plays. I sat staring at Jack until he finally turned around to look at me. “What?”
“Why are you acting like that? If she put a bowl of food in front of you, would you get down on all fours and eat it?”
Dax raised his hand in the air. “I would.”
Roland walked into the common area from the locker room. He walked over to Jane and set a hand on her head. “Coach, question.”
She didn’t go to move his hand or fight him off, and I didn’t understand why. I knew it was different from Dax. Roland wasn’t trying to make a move or anything, but was she really to the point with the team that they could touch her so absent-mindedly?
“Of course. What’s up?” Shawn turned to walk away, holding out his hand for a high-five, which Jane returned before giving Roland her undivided attention.
“There’s this chick I want to ask out, right? She’s bad, I’m talking an 11 out of 10, but she used to go out with one of my friends. Is she off-limits?”
Jane shrugged. “How serious was it with her and your friend?”
“I mean, they were just hooking up mostly.”
“That’s what you want to do? Hook up?”
“No, well not just that. It’s like…” Roland had his eyebrows nestled really low between his eyes, like the level of thinking he was doing was going to cause him to short-circuit. “I know how we all were with you at first, but now I know that it’s kind of dope to have a woman around like cheering you on and stuff.” He held up his hands. “No disrespect, I’d go for you, but you’re coach, you know what I mean?”
Jane giggled and tapped Roland’s arm. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”
“You’re bad too though, don’t get it twisted.”
Dax raised his hand again. “Seconded.”
Jane looked like a kid in a candy store. “Thanks, guys. You’re pretty good looking yourselves.”
Dax stood up from his spot as if Jane’s group compliment was a personal beckoning to him, but Roland put a hand on his shoulder and shoved him back down. “Not right now, dude.”
It was like they had all flipped. They weren’t the men I knew. I watched Jane being solicitous of their needs and the way she smiled at them and it made me want to punch a hole in something. Did she just smile at everyone like that? Who did she think she was, coming in and turning my pack of wolves into lapdogs.
“What the fuck is wrong with all of you?” Everyone’s attention fell on me, Jane included.
“What’s wrong now?” I hadn’t noticed that Jim had walked out of his office and was leaning against the doorframe listening to the conversations.
“Since when do we just eat out of the palm of some girl’s hand who just waltzed in here like she owns the place? You’re acting like a bunch of little children who need mommy to change their diapers.”
Jane’s expression immediately soured. “The only one who’s acting like they have shit in their pants is you. Everyone else has figured it out, why haven’t you?”
“If I’m the only one left who is gonna keep your ego in check, then so be it.”
Jane’s eyes looked like they were gonna pop right out of their sockets. “I have an ego? The word was invented just for you. Do you have any idea how stupid you look, continuing to act like this when the rest of your teammates are doing what adults are supposed to be doing, and grow up?”
I side-glanced Jim, but he just had his arms crossed and was watching with curiosity. I looked back at Jane and she was still staring at me like I was an idiot.
I threw my bag down on the ground. “That sure is a funny comment coming from a brat who used a professional circumstance to take personal revenge.”
Jane rolled her eyes. “I told you already that I wasn’t doing that to get revenge on you. Unlike you, I’m not a child who doesn’t know how to keep my personal issues out of it.”
“At least you admit that you have issues.”
“You’re one to talk. Have you even tried to ask mommy to confirm that she loves you just as much as your sisters? Or are you afraid that she’ll tell you the truth?” She gave me an evil smile.
“Only as much as your dad would tell you the truth that he really wanted another son. Tell me, is that why he allows you to think you have a bigger dick than his?”
The expression on Jane’s face turned into something I didn’t recognize. It was white rage mixed with the loudest silent threat I’d ever heard in my life. “Don’t talk about my dad.”
I looked over at Jim quickly and he looked nervous. Had I crossed a line somewhere? No. She talked about my mom and my sisters. “So you can do it, but I can’t. Sounds exactly like the type of hypocritical shit I’d expect from you. Papa taught you that too?”
Jane’s eyes went wide, and half a second later she was across the room, her hands out to claw at my face. Had Jim not come flying in when he did to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her back from me, she probably would have blinded me.
“Jane.” Jim was struggling to contain her flailing about and trying to get free. “Take a walk.”
My heart was pounding. What caused the switch to flip like that? Jane was still clamoring to try and get at me out of Jim’s hold. She looked like a pit-bull barely contained within a very loose, chain-link fence. Finally, he turned her away from me, set her down on the ground and pushed her off towards the field.
“Take a walk. I’ll catch up.”
She started to walk off and then turned around and looked at me. When her eyes locked into mine, a shiver ran from the base of my neck down my spine. She was shaking and tears were pooling in the corners of her eyes, but in spite of that, her glare looked like it could turn me to stone. “Fuck you, you rat fucking bastard. I hope you choke on a football.”
“Jane.” Jim pushed her a little more and she continued to storm off.
Dax started snickering like Scrappy-Doo. “What the fuck was that? She was going to kill you. That was hot. She’s a fighter.”
Jim turned around and looked at me. I was prepared for him to jump on me like he did the first time Jane and I got into a huge blowout, but he just looked sad.
“Our dad died about ten years ago. They were really close, so it still affects her.”
I felt like my skin was going to fall off my body. “I had no idea. I’m…” I didn’t know what to say.
Jim just shook his head. “She started with you, so.”
He didn’t say anything else. He stood there for a few more minutes before wandering off in a distracted, silent stupor. I stared at the ground with the entire team’s scrutiny focused on me. I couldn’t even figure out why I had flipped out the way I had in the first
place. Was it just because the guys were giving in to Jane or was it because I was actually a little jealous that she wasn’t treating me that way? How could I expect that she would when all I’d done was torment her since she’d arrived? Did I still really believe all the shit I was hanging onto so severely or was I just afraid of what my emotions were really doing?
Jack put a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, man. You okay?”
The image of Jane that had been haunting me had been replaced by that of her on the brink of tears. “No. I’m not.”
11
John
My movement was slow and unguided as I walked out of the training facility. Practice had come to a screeching halt after Jane and I fought, and most of the team was pissed at me, so it didn’t make sense to stick around. I didn’t really have any idea where I was going to go, but I also didn’t want to be anywhere in particular. Being at work used to make me happier than anything else, but now there was this pall of emotion hanging over the whole place. What even was Jane? How did she manage to turn my life upside down so severely in such a short period of time?
“Bumblebee?”
I took a deep breath and smiled. Ordinarily, hearing that voice at my job would make me anxious, but today I needed it more than ever. I looked up and my sisters were approaching me from the parking lot.
Bethany reached me first. “What’s going on, Bee? You look awful.”
Bumblebee was a nickname I’d gotten from my parents when I was really young. I was the bumblebee, Bethany was the butterfly, and Bailey was the ladybug. The twins had grown out of their nicknames, but for some reason, mine stuck around.
I collapsed against Bethany’s shoulder, dropping my head to it. “I talked about someone’s dead dad.”
“Well, that’s not attractive.” My head shot up and I noticed for the first time that Vick was also with them. “Also, can we please talk about ‘Bumblebee?’” She started to giggle.
Bailey bopped me gently in the head. “Why would you talk about someone’s dead dad?”
“I didn’t know her dad was dead.” Jane’s face crawled into my mind again.
“Wait, the new coach? Are you still hung up on that?” Bailey hit me again, harder the second time. “What is wrong with you?”
Vick pushed Bailey’s hand away and rubbed my head where she’d hit it. “It’s not all on him. This is a major change. It takes a while to get used to it. I should know. My whole first two years of being a doctor were hell, and that’s with there being female doctors for like fifty years already.”
I looked at Vick. She didn’t get my blood pumping the way that Jane seemed to for some reason, but maybe that was a good thing. I needed someone in my life who didn’t make me feel stressed on contact. Maybe Vick was the one I needed.
“Hey.” I touched her hand on my head. “You wanna go get lunch?”
Vick, Bethany, and Bailey all looked at me wide-eyed. Vick brought her hand back to her side. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I dragged a smile to my face. “I could go for spending some time with someone who doesn’t drive me insane.”
Vick’s peach cheeks darkened. “Okay.”
I looked over at Bailey and Bethany and they were both beaming. Bailey linked an arm through Bethany’s and started to pull her away. “Well, let’s leave these crazy kids to it, Beth.” She waved her hand through the air. “Bye!”
It was a quiet ride to one of my favorite dives near the training facility. Vick didn’t have much to say, but sat blushing and smiling. I wasn’t sure what possessed me suddenly to ask her out, but I still hadn’t decided if it was the best idea. Vick was great, but my attraction to her pretty much stopped at physical. It wasn’t that I didn’t find her personality or intelligence to be positive traits, but we just had very little in common.
“What’s this place?” Vick asked after I opened her door to help her out of my black Land Rover.
“It’s called ‘K.O.’ It’s a dive bar in every sense of the word, but it’s got this really awesome, really terrible for you food.”
Vick chuckled. “And you thought, ‘Here’s a good place to bring a doctor.’”
That thought hadn’t occurred to me. I started laughing and Vick joined in. Level of attractiveness aside, it was nice to have someone to just relax and laugh with. I certainly couldn’t do that with Jane.
I shook her out of my mind. Why was I thinking about her anyway?
We walked into the bar and sat down. I already knew what I wanted, but we ordered drinks while Vick perused the menu for something that didn’t, as she put it, ‘gross her out.’
“What are you getting?” Vick asked.
“A Juicy Lucy and onion strings. It’s my favorite meal, not just here, but in general.”
Vick nodded with a smile. “Great. I’ll have the same thing.”
We placed our orders and enjoyed some friendly conversation. Most of what Vick had to say went right over my head. She was a doctor after all, and I didn’t consider myself to be a stupid man, but when she really started to get into the medical jargon, she lost me. I mostly sat smiling and giving the odd sound of ‘listening, keep going,’ as she went on, telling stories about my sisters, her job, and everything else. It was fine, but that was it. It didn’t get me excited, it didn’t have me hanging on the edge of my seat, but it was enjoyable. Every now and again she’d get really excited about something and her gray eyes would light-up and her nostrils would flare. It was cute.
I sat there listening until Jane slithered her way across my brain again. I remembered the way she smiled and laughed with the guys on the team, giving them advice, and talking to them as if they’d all gone to high school together. She seemed so concentrated when she was giving Shawn playbook advice and so genuine when she complimented Jack. Her expression towards them was so loving and kind. I found myself longing to be looked at that way. When I looked at Vick, she looked back at me with that same warm, inviting smile, so why didn’t it set me on fire the way it did when it was Jane? What was my heart searching for that my brain was unaware of?
“Fuck,” I hissed, using a mental bat to try and beat the thoughts of Jane away.
Vick reached out and touched my hand. “Are you okay?”
I looked up at her. I wasn’t. I hadn’t been for a long time. “I’m okay. I guess I’m just feeling a little out of sorts after today.”
Vick tilted her head to one side. “Do you wanna get out of here?”
I looked down at our plates and glasses, and to my shock, they were all empty. Had I eaten my food? How lost was I that I didn’t even remember tasting it. How much time had passed? I glanced out the window in the door and saw that the sky outside was turning into a beautiful medley of dark oranges and blues. It was already early evening. How?
“Yeah.” I didn’t know what I wanted.
I paid for our meal and then we left the bar and went to my car. Vick’s face was still a pink hue as she kicked some dust around on the ground. “Um. My place isn’t far from here. We could just go there and have a cup of coffee or whatever.”
I nodded, though I hadn’t made a conscious decision to do so. I was officially on auto-pilot, or at the very least I didn’t know who was steering my ship anymore. I was adrift in the sea and I had no idea where the nearest island was. I followed Vick’s directions as she led me to her house, and when we pulled up in front and parked, her blush deepened.
“I want you to know, I’m not, like, trying to get you into bed or anything.” She started to stutter and mumble. “Not that that can’t happen, but I know you’re kind of in a weird place so… I guess what I’m trying to say is, whatever you need, I can provide.”
I looked over at her. I thought about going up to her apartment, skipping right past the coffee, and getting down to business. I thought of making my sisters and mother thrilled when they found out we were seeing one another, and I thought of being happy with a pretty great woman, even if she didn’t make me feel alive. She was watching me with such b
ated anticipation that I started to feel bad that I couldn’t sort myself out. It would be so easy to go up to her place with her, so easy to just take the plunge and do what felt safe, even if it didn’t feel magnificent.
“You know. I’m sorry, can I take a rain check? I feel like I lost a whole day of work today and I probably should get a little bit of practice in.” I grabbed Vick’s hand. “This was really great though, thank you.”
Vick looked disappointed. Her claim was that she wasn’t trying to get me into bed, but somehow I could tell that’s exactly where her mind was. I just wasn’t in a place where I could effectively navigate my feelings for Vick, and she deserved better than me just jumping in the sack with her because certain assistant coaches made me so unsure about everything I thought and felt.
“Thank you.” Vick forced out a smile. “Can I see you again? I’m on call this weekend, but maybe next Saturday?”
“I’ve got a private training session at the field that day, but they’re usually done by about 6.” I didn’t know why I didn’t just say ‘no.’ Part of me must have still been holding out hope that things with Vick could work.
“I’ll bring you a picnic! High in protein, to get you ready for Sunday.” She started to get out of the car before I could say yes or no.
She gave me a wave and then walked up to the front door of her complex, entered a code, and disappeared from sight. I sat there for a few minutes, trying to figure out why I was so confused and conflicted all of a sudden. Jane may have been a thorn in my side, but she taught me a very important lesson; I wanted excitement. Maybe less volatile excitement than the kind she gave me, but in that same wheelhouse. If I could find someone who gave me Jane-like passion, with Vick-like interest, I’d never let them go.
I drove away from Vick’s apartment and, without even really deciding to do so, I was parked at the training facility once more. The excuse I’d given Vick wasn’t a lie, I did feel like I lost an entire day of practice that needed to be made up for. Even if I could just burn off a little steam and figure out how to get Jane out of my brain, that’d be good.
