A Man to Believe In

by Deborah Harmse

  “Nice surprise. But how’d you know I’d be hungry?” she asked with a mischievous smile, remembering the way they’d spent their lunch hour.

  He pulled out her chair. “Just a hunch.”

  As they ate, Jake refilled their champagne glasses from time to time from the bottle nestled in the ice bucket beside the table. Finally, they decided they couldn’t eat another bite, and pushed their plates to the side.

  Looking totally satisfied, Cori sat back in her chair, lazily lifting her hair off the back of her neck and holding it in a haphazard fashion on top of her head.

  Jake noted the way the candlelight sparkled over her red-gold tresses, highlighting a strand here, a strand there, and thought he’d be content to spend the rest of his life doing what he was doing right then—watching the woman he loved. More than anything, he wished he didn’t have to disappoint her. Refilling their glasses, he decided to put it off for another minute or two.

  “One more toast,” he said, holding up his champagne flute. “To the future.”

  Cori clinked her glass with his and took a sip of champagne. “To the future,” she repeated. “To my grand opening, to the store being a success, to … oh, to everything.” She set her glass back on the table, then clasped her hands in front of her and closed her eyes for a brief second. “I’m so excited. I just know I’m going to do well with this, and if I do, I want to open up a second store over in Pasadena, then maybe another in Arcadia or the Valley. Who knows,” she said, throwing her arms wide, “in the next five years I could become the Mrs. Fields of books.”

  Jake listened to the excitement in her voice, noted the way her eyes sparkled when she described her dreams for the future, dreams that included no mention of a home, a husband, children. He wondered how long it would be before she remembered that Mrs. Fields wasn’t simply a successful businesswoman, but a wife and mother as well.

  “Sounds like you’re going to be pretty busy.”

  “Incredibly. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be working twelve to fifteen hours a day minimum, right through until Christmas. I’ll be so busy, I won’t be able to think straight.”

  Jake leaned back in his chair. “Too busy to miss me?”

  Cori sat up straight and frowned. “What do you mean?”

  He took a deep breath, hoping his news didn’t burst her bubble completely. “When I went home today, I checked for messages at the office and there was one from a client. Sam Kennedy. You remember my talking about him?”

  She nodded. “He’s the one with the project in San Diego, the one who’s been giving you a lot of trouble lately.”

  “That’s right. He’s scheduled a conference to settle on the changes we’ve been discussing.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Tomorrow.”

  “Are you saying—”

  “If there was any way I could get out of this, I would, but if I put this meeting off even for one day, we’re going to have to shut down the project, and I’ll be forced to lay off a hundred men. I can’t do that. Not if I can avoid it.”

  It took a minute for the full impact of his message to hit her, but when it did, she felt as though someone had kicked her in the stomach.

  Jake was going to miss her grand opening.

  She put her napkin on the table and stood up, then went over to the window and twisted the wand on the blinds so she could peek out, hoping the activity would distract her enough to keep her from making a fool of herself by crying in front of Jake. She didn’t want him to know how disappointed she was, couldn’t let him see she’d been counting on his being there with her.

  Dammit, she wanted to shout. It shouldn’t matter so much that he was going to miss her big day. This was her store. She shouldn’t need him standing by her side all day, holding her hand, telling her how great it was going. And she never should have assumed he would be.

  He had responsibilities of his own, to his clients, his construction company, to a hundred men and their families. She’d already monopolized every waking moment of his time for the past two weeks. It had been totally selfish of her not to realize he might be neglecting his own business to help with hers.

  Of course he would go to San Diego tomorrow. And she’d be just fine without him.

  A chair scraped on the floor, and she heard the click of his heels as he crossed the floor and approached the window. With a determined smile on her face, she turned around.

  “I didn’t really expect you’d be here for the opening,” she told him, forcing the cheerful tone that came out with her words. “You’ve spent so much time here these last couple of weeks, and I appreciate all the help you’ve given me, but I was beginning to wonder if you’d forgotten all about Tanner Construction.”

  Frowning, Jake stared down at Cori. All afternoon he’d worried that his announcement would put a damper on the evening. But she’d taken the news well. So well, in fact, that her downright cheerful reaction surprised the hell out of him.

  They’d worked side by side every day for two solid weeks, done everything together getting things ready for her big day. He’d expected her to be, at the very least, disappointed that he had to go out of town and be forced to miss the biggest celebration of all.

  “Sweetheart, I know how much tomorrow means to you, and I wish—” She silenced him with a kiss. He tasted wine on her lips, wine from their earlier celebration.

  “Hush,” she said. “Not another word about it. You go to your meeting, get things straightened out so you can keep the job on schedule. I understand. Besides, you said it yourself—I’m Cori McLaughlin, sole proprietor of Buy the Book. I’ll be fine. Really.”

  I’ll be fine, she repeated silently, blinking back the tears that threatened to expose her lie.

  Ten

  Cori placed the twenty-dollar bill in the cash drawer and withdrew the change, then counted it back to the customer standing on the other side of the counter.

  “I hope you enjoy the book,” she said, then slipped the novel into a bag and handed it to him.

  “I’m sure I will,” he said, smiling as he tucked his package under his arm.

  At that moment Max leapt up onto the counter. He strolled along the ledge, taking his time—no doubt for effect—until he was directly in front of the man. Drawing his hind feet beneath him, he sat, staring up at him.

  “What’s this? Another customer?” the gentleman asked, chuckling as he reached out to give Max a brisk scratch behind his ears. Max instantly began to purr. “He probably came by to get a copy of Cleveland Amory’s The Christmas Cat.”

  Cori smiled at the man, shaking her head at how successful Max was with such a transparent ploy for attention, knowing he was having the time of his life.

  “Well, gotta run. Good luck with your store. You’ve done a nice job with the place,” he said, and pointed to the wall behind her, to the print that Jake had suggested she hang where everyone who came into the store could see it. “I’ve always loved that picture. It’s one of my favorites.”

  “Mine too,” she mumbled to herself as the man closed the door behind him.

  Suddenly exhausted, she glanced at the clock on the wall. No wonder she felt as though she’d run out of steam. It was after nine, time to bring her first official day of business to a close. Things had been so hectic, she hadn’t noticed it had gotten so late. But she wasn’t complaining. Her opening had gone well, and if today was any indication, she was headed for rip-roaring success.

  The advertisements she’d placed in local papers had paid off better than she’d dared to hope, providing her with such a steady stream of customers that she was thankful she’d gone ahead and hired a couple of part-time employees right away. And the number of friends and fellow merchants who’d stopped by to lend moral support and wish her luck in her new venture was astonishing.

  Kevin Simpson stopped by on his way to the hospital to see Marsha and the baby. Sean was only two days old, but Kevin insisted it wasn’t too early to start reading to him, and purchased a half-dozen storybooks—Cor
i’s very first sale.

  A short time later a huge bouquet of flowers arrived, courtesy of the ladies she’d worked with at the library. Mrs. Wilson, her former boss, dropped in on her lunch hour, full of encouragement and eager to share her advice on how to keep employees from taking overly long coffee breaks. Even Harriet, her favorite waitress at Butch’s Barbecue Pit, had stopped off on her way to work.

  Alone for the first time in hours, she locked the door and closed the blinds, flipped off most of the lights, then crossed to the center of the store and sank down into one of the plump easy chairs. With immense satisfaction she discovered that the seating area—designed to provide a comfortable place to flip through books—was equally useful after a long, hard day of work. Slipping her shoes off, she let her toes curl into the rug.

  Now that she’d finally sat down, she realized how tired she was. One half of her yearned to go home and crawl into bed, but the other knew she was too keyed up from the excitement of the day to be able to sleep. Sitting back, she tucked her feet beneath her on the chair.

  Years of planning and hard work had finally paid off. She was now the proud owner of her own business. It would still be a long while before she would feel financially secure, but she’d taken a giant step toward accomplishing that goal today.

  Funny, but when she’d dreamed of this moment, and she had many times, she’d imagined a feeling of complete and total satisfaction. But that wasn’t the way she felt at all. Something was missing.

  For the umpteenth time that day, she thought of Jake.

  Each time the tiny bell above the door had tinkled, announcing the arrival or departure of a customer, Cori had looked up from whatever she’d been doing, hoping to see him walk in. When he hadn’t shown up by early afternoon, she’d told herself it was too soon to worry. His meeting was bound to take a couple of hours, and with travel time, it was unlikely he’d get there before three or four. But when five o’clock came and went, she started to worry.

  Had he been in an accident? Not wanting to even consider that possibility, she told herself his meeting could have lasted most of the day, causing him to get stuck in rush hour traffic on the drive from San Diego. But why hadn’t he at least called her? she wondered, then reminded herself that the phone had been ringing off the hook all day long with friends calling to wish her luck, customers calling to inquire about a particular book. He probably couldn’t get through. Or maybe he hadn’t tried.

  Perhaps her cheerful performance of the night before had been so darn successful that he’d gotten the impression his being there didn’t matter to her at all. If that was the case, she wanted to cry. Because that was exactly the impression she’d tried to give him.

  Cori shook her head, thinking about what a fool she’d been. She’d tried so hard to prove to herself—and Jake—that she didn’t need anyone, she never even noticed how much she’d come to depend on him. And she wasn’t just thinking about all the physical labor he’d supplied so willingly. The emotional support he offered was worth even more.

  Whenever she got discouraged—by delivery errors or electrical failures or just plain exhaustion—he boosted her spirits and kept her going, insisting there was a way around the current problem, brain-storming with her until they came up with a solution together.

  And their celebrations … Her hands dangling over the ends of the plump arms of the chair, she heaved a sigh, remembering the hours they’d spent sharing the excitement of seeing her dream take shape one step at a time, drinking champagne toasts, making love. No matter how big or small the accomplishment, he’d been there to celebrate with her. Until today.

  But he had an important meeting to attend, she reminded herself, thinking of the many people who depended on him, people who would be out of work right this minute if he’d postponed that meeting to be with her. He’d done the right thing in going to San Diego. But she was still devastated. She’d wanted—no, needed—him to be with her today, to share in the excitement. To celebrate.

  Cori blinked, realizing that for the first time in more than a dozen years she didn’t feel a desperate sense of panic when she thought of needing someone. And Jake was someone she needed. Not to run her life, as she’d accused him of trying to do a couple of weeks before, but to be with her and share in her happiness. She knew that now.

  Glancing up, she caught sight of the figurine perched on the shelf behind the counter. Jake had surprised her with it one day last week. Made of china, it was a pair of clowns curled up in an overstuffed chair, reading a book. Together.

  No wonder she felt something was missing. It was. And that something was Jake. He’d become as much a part of her life as her goal to own her own bookstore—and just as important.

  Jake sat on the edge of the redwood planter, his forearms resting on his knees, hands clenched together so tightly his knuckles were white. For the tenth time he told himself to get up, go to the door, and get it over with.

  He’d seen Cori’s last customer leave the store several minutes earlier, watched her close the blinds and dim most of the lights. He couldn’t put it off any longer; he had to go in and talk to her.

  But this time he wasn’t wearing a clown costume. This time he wouldn’t resort to candy or balloons or giant stuffed animals to bribe her into listening to what he had to say. And he wouldn’t leave until he knew where he stood.

  He’d given this a lot of thought. The drive back from San Diego had been a hundred times worse than normal, with holiday shoppers adding to the already overcrowded freeways, and multivehicle accidents slowing traffic to a crawl so often he’d begun to wonder if he’d ever make it back to town. But the delays had given him plenty of time to think, and he’d decided he couldn’t go on this way, wondering if Cori cared, wondering if he meant anything at all to her.

  He loved her. And until last night he’d been convinced she loved him as well. Now he wasn’t so sure. If she loved him, he’d asked himself over and over in the past several hours, why didn’t she care if he was there for her opening? Why hadn’t she shown even the smallest amount of disappointment that he’d had to miss her big day, a day they’d worked together to make happen?

  If she loved him, why didn’t her dreams for the future include him?

  Had she left him out of the rosy picture she’d painted because she didn’t want a future with him? Or was it because she couldn’t face the prospect of a future with any man? She had problems with commitment—he’d known that for some time now. But he didn’t know why, and he didn’t know if her feelings about the subject would ever change, and though she’d had more than one good opportunity to explain to him why the thought of a lifelong relationship frightened her so, she hadn’t, making him think that in addition to everything else, she didn’t trust him. It was as if she thought he wouldn’t understand why she felt the way she did, that he couldn’t be trusted with her secrets. Maybe that’s what hurt him the most.

  Jake stood up and walked to the door. So many questions, he thought, shaking his head. And only one way to find out the answers. He raised his hand and knocked on the door.

  Cori had just finished closing out the register when she heard the knock. She went to the door and peeked out through the blinds. At first she thought she was imagining things, but then he smiled, a sheepish little half-smile she remembered from another time. He’d been standing outside her door late at night that time too, wearing that colorful clown costume, his arms filled to overflowing with gifts. She threw back the deadbolt and opened the door.

  “Jake?” He looked exhausted. His once-starched dress shirt was rumpled, and his hair looked as though he’d been running his fingers through it all the way back from San Diego.

  “I tried to get here sooner, but—”

  “It doesn’t matter,” she said, closing the door behind him.

  Jake felt his heart fall to his stomach. He was right. She didn’t care.

  Then she took his hand and led him to the reading area. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she pushe
d down until he was forced to sit. For a second he thought she might be going to read him the riot act for showing up at all, but to his surprise, she sat down on his lap, took his face in her hands, and brought her lips to his for the sweetest kiss he’d ever experienced in his entire life.

  “All that matters,” she said, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears, “is that you’re here now.”

  Relief flooded through him, and for a moment Jake forgot his doubts, forgot about the questions that had been tying him in knots for hours. All he could think about was that she cared, and that if there was a chance she could learn to trust him, he was willing to wait, no matter how long it took.

  He cradled her in his arms, holding her tight, running his hands over the sweater-dress hugging her curves and wishing he could make love to her right then, on the floor, the way they’d done so many times in the past two weeks. But there was something else they had to do first. They had to talk. Reluctantly, he pulled her arms from around his neck and held her away from him so he could see her face.

  “I missed you today,” he told her. Fearing the worst, he held his breath and waited for her response.

  Cori thought of the many times she’d wanted to squeeze his hand and share the excitement of the day. She thought of the compliments she’d received about the store, and that so many of them belonged to Jake and the ideas he’d come up with. And she thought about the loneliness she’d felt knowing he was miles away from her on such an important day in her life. Tears welled up in her eyes.

  “I missed you too,” she told him, running the back of her hand over his cheek. “You should have been here. It was so exciting.”

  She opened her mouth to fill him in on what he’d missed, then decided so much had happened, she couldn’t begin to cover it all right then. Besides, she’d have plenty of time to tell him stories … if he still wanted to listen to her after she said what she really needed to say.