Ember is happy and chatting all the way to the clubhouse. I knew she loved Tank but I had no idea just how attached she'd become. I smile to myself, good things are about to happen, I feel it in my bones. Jesus, I haven't felt this light in... Well, ever.
Yes, okay, I'm going to have to give up The Exorcist permanently, completely, but I don't even feel the loss of it. I'll get a job, a real, legal one to fill my time. Plus, since my last job as The Exorcist, I can honestly say I haven't missed it at all. I have so much to keep me occupied, I guess I've finally found my place in the world.
I'm not going to lie, I will never be the perfect housewife. If Tank wants to be with me, then he needs to accept that I am sometimes unpredictable, a little dangerous at times, but I love him, and both he and Ember mean the world to me. They are my home.
I may have once believed that I didn't deserve happiness. Hell, maybe I even believed I wasn't capable of it. But Tank has changed my world. He's made me a stronger person, and I don't mean physically. He made me realize that Ember belongs with me, it doesn't matter how she came to be, she is mine, my world. And when I look at her smiling, clapping her tiny hands, my heart bursts with so much love, and it makes me think about Tank and the way he also stole my heart.
I probably sound like a sappy fuck right now, a stupidly, sappy, in love idiot, but do you know what? For the first time in my life, I don't care. I'm letting the love in and I'm going to give it back. I'll fucking bathe in it!
Pulling into the compound of the Snakes Henchmen clubhouse, I wave at Tiger, the prospect I met when I first arrived here. He nods and opens the gates. He knows who I am. Every fucker here does.
Tank's bike is here, parked in its usual spot next to Jett's. “Da Da!” I chuckle, even my baby recognizes Tank's bike.
I park up, turn off the engine and turn to my baby girl sitting in her car seat beside me. “Ready, baby?”
“Ses!” God, I love how she tries to speak.
Making my way inside, I don't see him anywhere. Although, all eyes are now on me, amused smirks on their faces. “Didn't think we'd be seeing you again so soon.”
“Neither did I, Hammer, but you know how it is.” He smirks and nods his head. “Your brother around?”
“Out back with Jett. He'll be in soon.”
“I'll go find him, we need to talk.”
“Want me to watch little lady?”
“That's okay, she's ready to see her daddy.” I smile at him, he smirks at the fact I just referred to his brother as Ember's daddy. But that's who he is to her now.
As sweet of Hammer as that was, this giant of a man offering to watch my tiny daughter, Ember has other ideas, calling for her daddy, which has every biker and club whore looking at me with confused smirks on their faces. I don't say anything, I simply roll my eyes and walk away.
I need to speak with my father about getting rid of the club whores in this place. They're not needed here. Some of the members have kids that come here. I don't like the thought of those kinds of women around any kind. I don't give a damn what they do with their lives, it's their choice. But the MC owns strip clubs, they should fuck off and work there. It's not like unattached bikers don't frequent the places all the damn time anyway.
I'd be a liar if I said my stomach wasn't churning right now. I'm actually terrified that this isn't going to go the way I want it to.
What if he doesn't want me anymore?
What if I've really ruined everything?
Shit, I can't think like that, I'll throw up. I'm not going to give him the chance to turn me away. He belongs to me as much as I belong to him.
With Ember on my hip, I make my way through the long corridor and toward the back exit. My heart is pounding in all sorts of ways. Every emotion you can think of is going through me right now. I've never been so scared of my heart breaking in my life. Then again, I've never given it away to anyone in order for it get broken the way I'm scared it will right now.
I open the large metal safety door and instantly I see Jett and Tank standing to the right, deep in conversation. Jett's eyes meet mine first, a relieved smile spreading across his face, but it's Ember shouting her daddy's name that gets Tank's attention. He swings around, eyes locking with mine for just a second before turning to Ember with a smile on his face. But that look he gave me told me that he's anything but happy to see me.
“Hey, baby girl.” He coos while taking her from me.
She squeals with such happiness while placing her little hands on his face. “Da Da.” His face lights up and he kisses her cheek.
“We need to talk.” He doesn't even acknowledge me, he just keeps hugging Ember and making her laugh as he talks to her.
Does it hurt that he's ignoring me? Fuck yes, it does.
Jett takes my arm and pulls me aside. “You back for good?”
“Depends on Tank.” I shrug and fold my arms around myself. I can feel my stomach hitting my feet. He doesn't want me.
“He's not as angry as you might think he is, Nova. He's relieved that you're here. So am I. Everyone will be.”
I smile at him, my beautiful outlaw biker big brother. “I realized this is where I belong, with my family, with Tank.” I look over at him wistfully. Ember is chuckling at the crazy faces he's pulling at her. He's a wonderful father to her and I don't think he even realizes it. “I need him, Jett.”
My brother kisses my head the way he used to when we were kids and I was scared of something. His way of showing me everything would be all right, he was there, still is.
“Then show him, sis.” He walks away, leaving me with my angry outlaw.
God, Tank's ass looks good in those jeans. Looks better out of them, let me tell you.
Focus, Nova. Jesus!
“Tank? Can we talk?” Nothing. Not one word.
Why doesn't he yell at me, call me names, tell me he doesn't want me anymore?
Anything so that I know where the fuck I stand right now!
Do I deserve to be treated like this? I don't know, maybe.
“Is this really how it ends between us, Tank? You ignoring me, refusing to talk things through?”
My heart is breaking right now, and I ain't ashamed to say that I'm seconds away from walking out of here if for nothing else but to cry so he can't see me.
“I came back because I knew the moment I left it was a mistake. I need you, Tank.”
“Sure you just didn't realize you'd have no one to do your job where Ember's concerned?” He's not looking at me, if he was, he'd see my mouth hanging open in shock. Is that what he really thinks of me? “Don't worry, go live your fucked-up life. You can leave Ember with me, I'll take care of her, we don't need you.”
He's trying to hurt me, I know that, and it's working because he's crushing me inside. But I won't let him talk to me like that! How dare he accuse me of not caring about Ember!
I walk right up to him and snatch my daughter from his arms. He didn't even see me coming, but I guarantee he fuckin' felt my hand connect with his cheek. And it did, so hard it turned his head.
Sonofabitch!
His fiery eyes burn into mine. So much anger radiates off of him, and Ember is screaming in my arms. “How fuckin' dare you say that to me?! How dare you suggest...”
I can't even continue with what I wanted to say. He's really hurt me; how could he say that to me? Making out like I don't care for Ember, that I don't even take care of her myself. Ever since she came back to me, I have cared for her. Yes, I've had a little help, but everybody needs a little of that now and again.
I kiss Ember's head just to stop myself from crying.
“Nova, I didn't mean all of that.”
“Yes, you did.” I adjust Ember on my hip and smile at Tank. “And I won't forgive you for it. I came here to tell you the truth about me, that I'd made a mistake in running, that I came back for you. But instead of listening to me, you tell me what a worthless mother I am to the baby I love more than life itself. Thank you,”
“Nov
a, please.”
“No.” I shake my head and take a step back. I can't do this right now, I'll end up saying something I'll regret and we'll never be fixed. I just need some time on my own to think this through. I know he didn't mean what he said, he was trying to hurt me for leaving him. But still, I'm not going to give in to him that easily. “I have to go.”
“Baby, please don't go, I need you. I love you.” He grabs my face in his hands, I don't pull away, I don't think I'm strong enough. His touch weakens me. “I am so sorry, I was pissed that you left, but I shouldn't've said that stuff. I know you'd never do that to Ember. I know you'd die for her. Please forgive me.”
I roll my eyes because he just keeps on pulling me in. I can't even stay angry with him when I want to! The need for him to hold me is too strong. “If you ever say anything like that to hurt me again, angry or not, I'm gone, Tank.”
“I swear to god, I never will. I love you, Nova. Shit, I love you so fuckin' much.”
“I love you, too.” I confess, and I allow him to pull me into his arms, where I tell him, “We really need to talk, Tank. You have to know who I really am. Only then can we really be together.”
“Okay, baby. Anything you want.”
* * *
“Wow!” He rakes his fingers through his long hair, messing it up even more.
After we got home and put Ember down to sleep, Tank and I sat down and I explained everything to him, all my sordid past, my horrible childhood, the stabbing and how I almost died. I told him about the rape and just who did it, how and why, even how many of them there were.
I then backtracked and told him about Brett secretly getting me trained in all sorts of ways from the age of thirteen as his personal fighting, killing machine.
He listened when I told him how I became The Exorcist and why I chose to use my training to help those more deserving of that help when the law couldn't or wouldn't. He said nothing until he got to his feet a moment ago.
“Now you know who I am, Tank. You know everything.”
“You're The Exorcist?” I nod. He's so confused right now, and I can't blame him for that. Everything I've just told him was a lot to take in, but he needed to hear it. I needed to be truthful with him if this relationship is to work between us.
“It makes a lot of sense now, the way you fight, the way you killed and didn't even care that you had. The way you're so unapologetic about things when you believe you're right.”
I get to my feet in front of him. I'm giving him one chance to get out. If he takes it, I'll never bother him again. If he doesn't... He's mine and there won't be a way out then. I'll never let him go. Ever.
“I'm not weak. I don't need a man to treat me like a delicate flower. I want my man to see me for the strong woman I am, his equal in everything. He'll see me at my best and my worst, and I'll see him the same way. Are you that man, Tank?”
There is no answer, there are no words, he just slams into me like the tank he is. He slams me back against the wall, my arms pinned above my head, our eyes locked. My pussy is soaked and I know his cock is rock hard for me. He's running on adrenaline, he's going to fuck me with the force of a hurricane.
“Do it.” I bait him as he stands there holding my arms and breathing fast and hard. “Do it, Tank. Fuck me like you mean it!”
His lips hit mine, his hands tear away my clothes. I grab him, tearing his cut from his shoulders. I throw it to the floor and grab the hem of his t-shirt. He breaks the kiss only to pull our tops over our heads, then we're sucking on each other's tongues all over again.
I'm so hot I want to scream!
His fingers are curled inside of me, moving fast and hard in a come here motion. I know what he's doing and my eyes are rolling because of it. I'm splayed back against the wall, my right thigh in his left hand as he holds it against my waist while finger fucking me with his right hand.
Oh god, I think I'm going to burst!
“I'm gonna make you squirt so fuckin' long and hard that you'll be screaming the fuckin' house down!”
I dare him with my eyes to make me cum so hard I'll scream the house down. My body is slick with sweat, my heart is beating out of my chest, and I may just have drawn blood from how hard I'm biting my lower lip.
Oh, shit!
“Oh, fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, it's happening, Tank!” Every muscle in my body locks in place as I gush all over him. His chuckle is like an echo to my ears, my breath is lost, but it's the kind of loss you don't notice until you finally take a much-needed one. I feel like I'm choking!
I'm shaking as though I'd just finished a ten-mile run!
Tank kisses me, nipping at my swollen lips. “I love watching you cum for me.”
Yeah, now it's my turn. I smirk before trailing kisses down his sexy muscle-clad body as I get to my knees in front of him. I don't look away, his eyes are locked with mine, holding firm.
I lick the tip of his thick cock while stroking the length of him gently, not really touching, just teasing. He watches me, his chest heaving as I suck his balls into my mouth one at a time. He groans and it vibrates inside my chest, sending tingles through my already engorged clit. “Nova, you're killing me.”
I smile despite myself. He's hungry to feel my mouth on his cock, and I'm just as hungry to suck him dry.
So I do. I take him in my mouth, twirling my tongue around his shaft as I suck him. He takes my head in his hands, not really guiding me, but making sure I don't stop sucking his beautiful cock.
His hips buck faster and harder, forcing his cock to hit the back of my throat in a way that doesn't give me a chance to choke. “Fuck,” He moans. He's close, I can feel the vein in his cock pulsating, his cock throbbing. “Nova, baby, I'm gonna cum!” I moan my appreciation. I want him to cum. I want to taste him like this.
When he cums, it's so hard and so much that I'm struggling to swallow it all and some seeps through the crack between my lips. He finally stills his rocking hips, his eyes opening and looking down at me, smile on his face.
He pulls his now sensitive cock from my mouth and releases my head. I wipe my mouth before scooping the spilled cum from my chest with my finger and sucking it clean.
“Naughty girl,” I'm being hoisted up onto my feet and into his arms. I wrap mine around his back, resting my head on his chest, I sigh.
“Are we going to be okay?” I just want him to tell me that we'll be okay, that we can work through all of this. That he won't leave me because of who I am or was. Because I am giving it all up. I want to be a real mother to my daughter, a good partner to Tank.
That doesn't mean I'll never look the other way when someone needs me. If anyone ever threatens my family, then they'll meet The Exorcist. They'll never breathe air again, but they'll know who killed them. Me.
“We're going to be just fine, Nova.” He kisses my head and I hug him hard. “I love you for who you are, no matter what or who that might be. I'm proud of you for the woman you are. My woman.”
I look up at him and smile. This is all I've ever wanted in my life, someone who would understand me, to love me regardless.
“I love you, Nova.”
“I love you, too. More than anything, Haiden.”
“Then, marry me. I want you to be my wife. I want to adopt Ember. I want us to be a family.”
I cut him off with a kiss to his lips and smile on my face. There is nothing in the world I want more than to be this man's wife, for him to be the father of my child.
“Yes, I'll marry you, Haiden. I would marry you right now if I could.” He laughs. “But I want our daughter to officially be yours first.”
“And she will be.”
“Good.” I wrap my arm around his neck. “Now take me to bed, fiancé.”
And he does.
He carries me to our bed and fucks me six ways to Sunday. Against the wall, bent over the dresser, spread out on the bed, me riding him like a damn rodeo. Yeah, every position is ours all fucking night long! Doesn't look like I'll be walking straight
for some time, though.
I thought organizing a wedding would be the hardest thing we'd have to face for a while. I was wrong.
Sure, everyone is happy for us, Lynette is in her element with helping Nova choose her dress and such. But Nova still refuses to speak to Shepard. It's ridiculous if you ask me, but there's no talking to her. She won't tell me what's going on inside her head when it comes to her dad.
But then, there's so much going on right now that Nova talking to Shepard is the least of our worries.
Two days ago, Willow was taken by a rival MC. Nothing new or original when it comes to our enemies, you see. Cunts have a habit of snatching our women from right under our noses. No matter how far we go to protect them, there's always something small one of them does, something that opens the door for certain motherfuckers to snatch one of our girls.
Trouble is, we don't get half of them back in one piece. My brother’s fiancée included. Hammer is going out of his mind. I haven't seen him this het up about anything since Cindy died. I know he loves Willow, he's in love with her. But he'll never admit it. He's scared after what happened with Cindy. If we don't bring Willow home alive, I'm not sure Hammer will survive it this time. He'll end up getting himself killed. The trouble is, I don't think he'd even care.
I can't lose my brother, apart from Ember and Nova, Hammer is all I have in this world. Hell, he's the only blood-relative that I have on earth. I don't know what I'd do without him. Yes, I have my MC family, but my brother is... I can't lose him. Simple.
Nova is adamant that she'll find Willow. It's what she's good at, after all. She has a lot of connections. Trouble is, I don't want her out there when all of this is going down. Those cunts took Willow because she's Shepard's daughter, it could easily have been Nova. It should have been, that's who they were looking for, to begin with. The thought still turns my stomach.
We know Willow is still alive right now, Satan's Barbers sent proof of that this morning via video link. They've really done a number on her, she's been beaten and bruised up. They even beat her so we could see what they could do if we don't give them what they want. Our Prez.
The One I Need (Snakes Henchmen MC Book 1) Page 17
