No Turning Back

by Casey Peeler

  After ice cream, Tori, Georgia, and I take our time walking across campus. In fact, we don’t make it to our rooms. There are a ton of people out on the stoop between Kluft and Dyer. It is a gorgeous day, there’s music blaring from a guy’s room in the bottom of Kluft, and there are Solo cups everywhere. We decide to enjoy the free entertainment, and all about lose a kidney from laughing when some idiot starts the Harlem Shake. We all join in, and then we notice campus police in the distance.

  “5-1-5-0, someone called the Po-Po!” Tori sings as we hurry up the stairs.

  “That was so much fun! And just so y’all know, I’m joining the team!” I say grinning ear to ear. I haven’t been this happy in what feels like forever. About that time, my phone buzzes. Cash.

  Cash: I hope u had a great 1st day! How was it?

  Me: Thanks $! Went great!

  I should tell him I joined the team, but how? He is probably gonna be ready to kick my ass.

  Cash: Blue misses you, he was laying at the club yesterday

  Me: :(

  Cash: Anything new?

  Me: Nope $

  Cash: U sure?

  An odd feeling comes over me that he knows something. Before I can even finish that thought, my phone rings “Crash My Party” by Luke Bryan. I know I should have changed that by now, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. That was our song. I take a deep breath and try to be as perky as possible ‘cause this isn’t going to be pretty. I think my shirt said it all today, “look pretty, play dirty,” which is exactly what I’m gonna have to do.

  “Hey, Cash Money, what’s up?”

  “Char, what’s going on? ‘Cause first off, you only call me Cash Money when you’re up to something.”

  Well, damn. This is going to be harder than planned.

  “Nothing really, first day of classes. My Bio teacher has a freakin’ photographic memory, we have some pass/fail project for Freshman Seminar, and I’m joining the swim team.” Maybe he didn’t catch that last part.

  “What did you just say? Please, tell me I didn’t hear you right?!”

  “My teacher has a photographic memory?!” I say as innocent as possible.

  “No, what was the last thing you said?” I could hear both the anger and worry in his voice.

  “Cash, I love that sport, and the Coach and team really want me.”

  “I understand that Char, but I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want you taking a chance of that asshole entering your life at any given moment.” I can tell he is on the verge of tears.

  “I know. I’m scared about that too, but I can’t live in fear forever. I texted Tessa about it this morning, but didn’t tell her I was for sure.”

  “That’s why she hauled ass from feeding the pigs this afternoon. I knew she looked guilty about somethin’.”

  “Are you mad at me?”

  “No, Charley, I could never stay mad at you. If this is what you want to do, I’ll support you, but I’m telling you right now, if you feel unsafe, get your ass outta there!”

  “Alright, Cash. I promise. I do need a favor though. I need my swim bag.”

  “When do you need it by? I’m not happy or for this in any way, but you mean more to me than anything else in this world. If you need my support, I will try my best. I have to meet a guy past Charlotte on Thursday about buying our old tractor. Maybe you could meet me there?”

  “I get done with class at 12:30. Maybe say 2ish? I’ll get Tessa to get it to you. Where you wanna meet?”

  “Let’s meet at Hooters near the Mills.”

  “Seriously. Hooters, Cash?”

  “Hey, I’m doing you a favor, remember?!” I can hear the hope in his voice.

  “K, I’ll see you then. Thanks for understanding. Bye, Cash Money!”

  “Bye, Char-coal.”

  We hang up, and I feel relieved. Now to tell my parents.

  Me: Cash is bringing my swim bag Thursday, will u get it to him?

  Tessa: Yes, u sure?

  Me: Yes, don’t tell Mom & Dad yet

  Tessa: I won’t tell unless they ask, <3 u!

  Me: <3 u 2!

  I decide it’s time to chill out for the night and get ready for day two of classes. I grab my bag and begin to change out the books for tomorrow. I go to put my notebook on the shelf when I realize I never looked at the Freshman Seminar syllabus. I know it can’t be that bad. I grab a Choice Cherry Gold and a bag of Cheez-Its. Now, let’s see what this is about.

  Fall 2013

  Welcome to Freshman Seminar! I’m Dr. Cope, and these are the expectations.

  ● Be on time

  ● Be prepared

  ● Be willing to try new things

  ● Have fun

  ● Build relationships

  Remember this class is pass/fail. You have one presentation to be presented at exams. It is as follows:

  1. Pick a partner of the opposite gender

  2. Discover 20 unique facts about each other

  3. After discovering the unique facts, each person is to plan a day adventure that you believe your partner would enjoy based on the unique facts you have learned

  4. Volunteer at a local non-profit (your choice) for 10 hours within the semester

  5. Collect evidence of your project: pictures, videos, papers, anything that will verify your experiences

  6. A presentation for exams explaining what you have learned about your partner, volunteering, and why you believe that this relationship project was successful or unsuccessful.

  Dr. Cope

  Freshman Seminar

  Office Hours:

  M/W/F: 11-1

  T/Th: 8-10

  Well, this isn’t as bad as I thought. I like learning about new people and volunteering, but the worst part is going to be choosing a partner. I mean why does it have to be a different gender? Well, worst or best case scenario is I end up with Joe, but I’m not going to ask him. I put away the syllabus and get ready for bed. It’s been a long first day, but I love it here.

  Chapter 5: Hooters

  I go through my schedule the rest of the week like it’s an old routine. As I leave Biology and begin to walk to Freshman Seminar, I see Joe waiting outside.

  “Mornin’, Joe.”

  “Hey, Charley, just wondering if you looked at the syllabus yet?”

  “I did,” I say with a smile.

  “So, I mean, since we already kinda know each other, do you wanna work with me?” He asks while adjusting his backpack. Is he nervous? I mean it’s just me.

  “Yeah, I guess so.” Trying my best not to look too excited.

  “Don’t act so excited, Charley,” he says as he starts to laugh.

  I laugh too, and we make our way to class.

  We enter class, and Dr. Cope informs us that once we have a partner we are free to go. We are expected to meet on Mondays in the class, but during our scheduled class time, we are to meet with our partner and work on the project.

  “Alright, Joe. So, when and where are we going to meet?”

  Joe bursts out laughing.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You weren’t kidding about getting things done, being organized, and not procrastinating. I’m so glad you said yes.”

  “Well, it’s not a bad thing,” I say with just a tad of an attitude.

  “I know. It’s cute, and at least we will have our project finished and can have fun the rest of the semester.”

  “So, when and where are we meeting?”

  “Let’s meet during class time at the picnic tables between the dorms. That is unless you want to meet in my dorm room?” Joe says with a wink.

  “I think option 1 will be just fine. So, I’ll meet you there Friday. Bye, Joe.” I turn around as I leave to walk back across campus with a smile plastered on my face.

  He waves and smiles. Oh, that smile. I seriously hope I can keep enough distance between us because I already know how this scenario will play out. Girl falls for boy, boy falls for girl, shit happens, and boy bre
aks girl’s heart.

  The rest of the day goes as planned. Class, more class, studying, and getting ready for the next day. I wake up Thursday morning and decide to take my time getting ready. I don’t have class until nine, and I have to meet Cash this afternoon.

  I take extra time to get ready. I curl my hair and then pull half of it up, grab my cut-off stone washed jean shorts, blue plaid button up shirt and my white cord sandals. I want to look like myself, plain ‘ol Charley when I see Cash today. I don’t want him to read too much into this situation. I can’t hurt him; I love him too much.

  Class flies by and before I know it, I’m telling Georgia and Caroline I’ll be back by supper. They both look at me like whatever. Then they inform me that we are going shopping right after class tomorrow because we’re going to Hank’s Tavern Saturday night.

  “What’s Hank’s Tavern?” I ask curiously.

  “It’s this redneck bar that is like five minutes from campus. Everyone says they got the best pizza and steak around, but on Saturday night there’s a lot of bumpin’ and grindin’ going on, especially when Southern’s classes are in session.” Georgia states as she tries to do her best bumpin’ and grindin’ impression. I can’t help but laugh. Now I know why that girl likes to drink liquid courage in a glass!

  “Sounds like fun! But I’m not eighteen yet.”

  “Don’t worry, Charley, someone will get us in. We’ll work on that tomorrow.”

  Okay, see y’all in a little while.” I walk downstairs, down the stoop, text Cash, and get into my Honda. I feel like I haven’t driven in forever. I open the sunroof, crank up the local country station and down the highway I go.

  I make it to Hooters in record time and think that I’m going to have to wait on Cash. When I turn into the parking lot, I can see his truck. Like I’ve said before, he’s my knight in an F250 and a pair of Carhartts. Today is no different, the closer I get to that truck the more butterflies I begin to feel inside my stomach. This can’t be happening. I can’t get that close to him, not now. I have too much going for me.

  I put the car in park, close the sunroof, and take a minute to fix my hair before getting out. As I’m about to open my door, Cash opens it for me. “Hey, Char,” as he wraps his strong arms around me. The arms that have always been there for me.

  “Hey, Char, here’s your bag. I hope everything’s there. And just so you know, your mama might be onto your game. Just a hunch,” he says with a wink.

  “Thanks, Cash.” I give him a kiss on the cheek.

  “Let’s go eat.”

  Cash and I have a fun-filled afternoon laughing at what’s been going on at home, the waitresses in the Hooters getup, and old times. At times, I catch Cash looking at me like he used to. Those beautiful eyes full of hope and wishing that we were together again. I try my best not to look at him the same way.

  “Oh crap, Cash. I didn’t realize it was gettin' so late. The girls at school are waiting on me for supper.”

  “We’re having so much fun. Why don’t you text them and tell them your plans have changed?”

  “Cash, I’ve had a great time, but they were giving me a hard time already.”

  “What do you mean hard time?” He says with that cute grin and a little chuckle.

  “Cash, you know how girls talk. They probably think we’re on some back road getting our freak on!”

  “I like how those girls think, and you know your wish is my command.”

  I slap his arm.

  “That is so not funny!”

  After a few minutes of awkward silence, he finally speaks.

  “You promise you’re coming home soon? Blue misses you really bad.”

  “If I didn’t know better, I’d think that Blue isn’t only one person that misses me,” I smirk.

  We pay the bill, and of course, Cash insists on paying. There is no use in me arguing. We walk out to say goodbye. These goodbyes are really starting to get old.

  He walks me to the Honda and opens the door, but before I can get in, he pulls me close to him and hugs me like he is never going to let go.

  “Cash...” And before I have time to finish my sentence, his lips are on mine. He is kissing me with every ounce of his being, and I want nothing more than to kiss him back, so I do.

  Undoubtedly, we must be causing a scene because we hear people laying on their horn. The sounds bring me back to reality. I can’t believe I just kissed Cash. I promised myself I wouldn’t hurt him again; I know he thinks there is hope between us. I know in my heart I love him, but I’m afraid that being with him will only hurt him more. I have so much life to live outside Grassy Pond, and I want to discover myself without a guy attached to me.

  I pull away from Cash’s perfect lips and try to get into the car. I know this isn’t going to be easy. As I turn to get in the driver’s seat, he grabs my wrist with force but yet a delicate touch. He doesn’t want to hurt me in any way. I turn to look at him, and that is when I know he is never going to leave me. I know that no matter what life puts in my way, Cash will always be a part of it. I don’t know if he will continue to be my knight in a pair of Carhartts and an F250 or if he will just continue to by my rock that I lean on, but whatever it is, I will not let him go. I just need time.

  “Char, just hear me out. Will ya?” I nod. “You have been the one constant in my life as long as I can remember. I think that I have loved you for so long that I just can’t let you walk out of my life anymore. You are what makes my heart beat. When you walked out on me at the club that afternoon, my heart broke into a million pieces. Then I was just pissed at you because I was the one there for you that night. I held you in my arms and kept you safe, but yet you wanted to keep me away. I just didn’t understand.”

  He is fighting back tears. I start to speak, but he regains his composure and puts his hand on my cheek. The emotion that comes from that one movement is beyond words. I am speechless, so I continue to listen because when Cash speaks he doesn’t waste words.

  “Then when you decided to leaving Grassy Pond, I didn’t know what to do. I knew you wanted space, but I couldn’t let you leave without saying bye. I had to let you know I still cared. Charley, I’m not sure what you want, but I know what I want. You. I am willing to wait, continue being your best friend, boyfriend, continue being your rock, but I’m not leaving ever again. I love you and always will.”

  All I can do is look into those beautiful eyes, and that is all the affirmation he needs. I don’t need to tell him how I feel, it is written all over my face. He pulls me into his strong embrace and kisses my forehead.

  “Cash, I love you too, but I want us to take this slow. I’m not at home; I want to live my college experience to the fullest. I do know that I never want you to walk out of my life again. That was a pain that I never want to experience again, but I need you to understand there are a few things I need to do alone before I can be yours forever.”

  He uses his fingers to guide my eyes to him. I start to melt as he brings his soft kissable lips to mine. We break apart all too quickly, and he gives me a few quick pecks on the lips before sending me on my way. In a million years, I never expected this to happen today.

  Chapter 6: Hank’s Tavern

  I drive a little slower back to campus because I know I’m going to get twenty questions when I return. I decide to call Piper, but she doesn’t answer. I try Tessa even though I know she is at work. She picks up, and before I can tell her one word she already knows what happened. I think there is just something about sisters. You hate them when you’re little, sometimes like them when you get older, but when you get through your teen years she’s the one that is always there and can complete your sentences.

  “So Char, how much do you love him?” I can feel her grinning ear to ear.

  “I don’t know if there are words, but I do know that things are going to go slow. I want to be on my own, experience college, and then make decisions.”

  “I knew when you wanted him to bring your swim bag that things wo
uld work out. They always do between you. Y’all got too much history to just throw it away.”