No Turning Back

by Casey Peeler

  I go downstairs with about ten minutes to spare before Cash gets here. Tessa comes down about two minutes after me.

  “Dang, Char! I love that shirt! You’re gonna have to do mine like that!”

  “Thanks Tessa, and you know I will. So, you riding with Cash and me?”

  She gives me the are you crazy look.

  “Nah, I’m going to pick up Sally, and we’re going to go together.”

  “Oh okay. So, do you know where the post-game party is tonight?”

  “Yeah, there’s a bonfire at the McCracken farm. Y’all going?” Tessa smiles.

  “Not sure, but I’d guess so. Cash never misses a good old country party.”

  “I’ll see you at the game, Charley. Ya’ll be careful. “

  “You too, Tessa. Call me if you need me later.”

  Tessa makes her way out of the house and tells Mom and Dad bye, but not before grabbing a bite to eat and inhaling it. Tessa is very different from me. I always went to parties but rarely drank until I started dating Dylan. Tessa loves to party. I know she is smart enough to call me or stay put rather than drive.

  Mom has supper ready, and I fix a plate. I text Cash that supper is ready when he gets here. We didn’t discuss supper, but it’s kinda a well-known fact that if we’re going to do something and my mama has cooked, he’s always welcome.

  Cash knocks and then opens the screen door. He comes into the kitchen, and his mouth hits the floor when he sees me. He quickly picks it up before my parents notice. We eat quickly, and out the door we go. Mom and Dad aren’t far behind us. Like I said this game shuts down the entire town.

  I climb into the cab of Cash’s truck, and he looks at me like, really? I slide over sitting right next to him. He puts his arm around me, and I place my hand on his leg. I give him a quick kiss on the cheek, and we’re at Dixon High before I know it.

  Walking back into Dixon High is kinda an eerie feeling. I loved and hated the school at the same time. There were so many great memories but also my worst nightmare. We approach the gate, and it’s like Cash can sense what I am thinking. He grabs my hand, interlocks our fingers, and squeezes reassuring me that everything will be fine.

  Once we are inside the gate, we see our entire graduating class, except for Piper and Dylan. Thank God! We talk and catch up on what is going on. We also make plans to go to the McCrackens’ tonight after the game.

  At seven on the dot, the band begins to play the well-known beat before the Tigers come out and pile up. That is a tradition that goes back to before my dad played. All the players pile on top of each other, and by the end of the team, they are jumping and flipping. It’s freakin’ fantastic. The game starts, and Dixon has control of the ball first. There isn’t much headway in the game. Both teams aren’t giving up any yards, which is exactly why this game is such a big deal. You never know who will win.

  At halftime, the score is still 0-0. When the Tigers come back on the field, there is a difference in the atmosphere, and that’s when the Tigers get the break they were looking for. Crawford #45 gets an opening and that’s all she wrote. TOUCHDOWN Tigers! We are all screaming. The field goal is good, and now West has the ball. They get a little more yardage, but not enough to make a difference. We hold them the rest of the game. With thirty seconds to go, the band starts to play the well-known tune… Nah, Nah, Nah Nah… Hey, Hey, Hey … Good Bye!

  After the game, we walk back to the truck and see Tessa and Sally on the way. “Hey Char, we’ll see you at the McCrackens’ and I’m staying with Sally tonight.”

  I nod, Cash opens the door and I climb into the truck. He goes around and hops in. It takes just a few minutes to get to the McCrackens’ so we decide to stop and grab a drink at the Chevron. We then hit the back roads for a few minutes.

  “Hey Cash, I didn’t want to bring this up tonight, but I gotta.”

  Cash looks at me like he is afraid of what I’m going to say.

  “I got this envelope on my birthday, from Dylan.”

  Before I can say anything else, Cash starts to talk.

  “Did you open it? Why didn’t you tell me before now?”

  “Cash, I haven’t told a soul about it or opened it. I brought it with me so that I could open it with you.”

  He looked relieved.

  “I didn’t want to do it alone, and you’re the only one that understands. I just don’t know why the hell he won’t leave me alone.”

  “Char, it’s going to be fine. So, when do you want to open it?”

  “I don’t know. I thought maybe tomorrow while we’re fishing at the club. I don’t want to ruin tonight, and I don’t want it to ruin tomorrow either. That’s why I told you now.”

  “Whatever it is it will be fine.” He pulls me close and kisses the top of my head.

  “I love you, Cash. Thanks for everything.”

  “I love you too, Char. Now let’s go to the bonfire.”

  Cash fires up the truck and to the McCracken farm we go. There are already a ton of kids here. It’s obvious by the number of cars left at the entrance of the driveway because at these parties if you don’t have four-wheel drive, you have to leave your car at the bottom of the field. That’s one reason why I love being from the country. If we throw a party, we make it hard for Barney Fife to find us!

  We finally make it to where the trucks park, I slide out on the driver side after Cash. He helps me down and smiles. I smile, too. I can hear country music blaring out of a radio. I love the country. There is nothing better than a party in the middle of nowhere, where you can get as loud as you want with no one to tell you to turn down the music.

  We walk hand in hand to the bonfire. There are coolers, bottles, and red Solo cups everywhere. I look at Cash and laugh. Here we are with our Choice Cherry Golds. Cash likes his beer, but after that night, he doesn’t drink if we are out together. He is always looking out for me.

  We walk up and Cash sees Thompson. This is his family farm. We go over and talk. Thompson is glad we could make it and offers us anything in his cooler. We say thanks, but not right now, and continue to make rounds talking to everyone.

  Within an hour, it’s packed. People are laughing, drinking, dancing, and singing. I do have to say it is quite funny to be one of the sober ones here. Tessa and Sally show up with cooler in hand.

  I give Tessa that look. You know the one that says do something stupid and I’ll kick your ass ‘cause I’m your big sister.

  “I swear, Char. I’m not going to do anything stupid. Sally’s not drinking, and we drove her Jeep.”

  “Alright, but don’t make me say I told you so in the morning.”

  They go to find the rest of their friends.

  The further into the night the louder it gets. People are talking, dancing, and getting way too friendly with others. Cash and I just enjoy each other’s company. We dance and laugh. It is great to have him with me. I am totally protected and feel loved. He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight as he places kisses on my cheek.

  “Char, I’m so glad that you’re home even if it’s just for a few days.” About that time we hear a certain song coming through the speakers. “Crash My Party” by Luke Bryan. That’s our song.

  Cash turns me around and looks me in the eyes. He places his forehead to mine and we dance like no one else is watching.

  Cash begins to sing the words to me, “Go ahead and call me call me call me, you don't have to worry about it Baby. You can wake me up in the dead of the night, wreck my plans baby that's alright. This is a drop everything kinda thing. Swing on by, I'll pour you a drink. The door’s unlocked, I'll leave on the lights, Baby you can crash my party anytime.”

  That’s right, I can call him anytime. He’s always there no matter what. As the song ends, I continue to look into those deep blue eyes and our lips meet like it’s the first time they’ve touched. I can’t get enough of him or close enough to him. We are brought back to reality by everyone singing their hearts out to “Boys ‘Round Here”. Well, that’s
one way to take us out of our fairytale. We laugh as we look into each other’s eyes. He gives me one more kiss before we join in the redneck karaoke dance party around the bonfire.

  In unison you hear, “Red, red, red, redneck….” By the time the song is over, I’m dancing and shaking my ass all over Cash. We are having the best time with people just like us in the middle of nowhere.

  Around 11:30, Cash and I start to make our way back to his truck. He holds me close to him. I take every bit of it in.

  Our ride home is like nothing has changed since the day I walked away from him at the club. We get back to my house and pull in the drive. He turns off the truck and then looks at me.

  “Char, thanks for a great night. You make everything right when you are home. I think you better get inside, we got a big day tomorrow.”

  “Now Cash, did you think I’d forget tomorrow?” I say with a smirk before giving him a kiss that will leave him wanting more.

  As we’re kissing, Cash lets out a moan then pulls back from me. “Char, you’re gonna have to stop that if you wanna go inside any time tonight.”

  I just smile. I kiss him one last time on the cheek before hopping outta the truck and walking to the house.

  “Hey Char, I’ll see you at ten tomorrow at the club.”

  “Damn straight you will!” I wink and walk to the house.

  I wake up to the smell of bacon. That has to be the best aroma ever! I mean at my house bacon is a staple product and it’s like religion when we talk about breakfast. I hop out of bed and go downstairs to see my mama cooking her favorite meal of the day.

  “Hey sweet girl, got your favorite, biscuits, bacon, grits, and eggs.”

  “Yum! Thanks, Mama.”

  “So, you and Cash fishin’ for your birthday today?”

  “Yup. I gotta meet him at the club at ten.”

  “Girl, you better get a move on, you only have thirty minutes.”

  “I’ll be alright. It’s not like he’s never had to wait on me before.”

  “Sweet girl, I don’t want to know what exactly is going on with you two, but I’m not stupid. Just remember that you are all he thinks about even when you aren’t here. Just be careful with each other’s feelings.”

  “I know, Mom.” I finish eating before going to get ready. We’re fishing so it’s not like I have to get decked out or anything. I grab my khaki shorts, a tank top, throw my hair in a messy bun, and grab my flip flops. I take a deep breath as I look in the mirror. That damn envelope.

  I grab a bag and put the envelope in it, go downstairs, grab a couple Choice Cherry Golds, and loaf bread. I walk to my four-wheeler, put the bag on the back, and head to the club.

  When I get closer to the club, I can see that Cash has beaten me there as usual. I notice that there are balloons tied to the bottom of the ladder. He’s so sweet. I grab my bag and climb the ladder.

  As I reach the top, it doesn’t take me long to see what Cash has done. On the floor is a blanket with a picnic basket. The fishing poles are already in the water and Cash is looking out the window opening.

  “Well, I’d say you’ve outdone yourself, Cash Money!” He just about jumps outta his skin and starts to laugh. I love when I can get to him. He turns around and smiles.

  “Happy birthday, Char-coal!”

  “Thanks, Cash Money. I love the picnic,” I say with an innocent smile. I can about guarantee what is in that basket, the same things that we’ve had on my birthday since we were about seven, a PB&J, Cheez-Its, and Choice Cherry Gold. Not to mention I’m sure there is a piece of his mom’s famous pound cake in there.

  I walk over to the window and check out my fishing line. Cash studies my every move.

  “Anything bitin’ today?”

  “Not yet. Did you bring the loaf bread?”

  “Did you think I’d forget?”

  “Nah, just teasing ya. You know that’s your responsibility when we fish,” as he nudges against me.

  Every time that boy touches me my insides get all warm. When we were together before, it was great, but right now I can’t even explain it. The problem is we aren’t together. I keep telling myself that he isn’t what I want right now, but my body is definitely telling me something different.

  Finally after about forty-five minutes of not even a nibble, I notice my rod moving. I slowly reel it in and sure enough a crappy is on the end.

  “I still got it, Cash. I thought for a minute you were going to catch the first one today.”

  “Now Char, you know you always catch the first fish on your birthday.” Cash put his arm around my shoulder and hugs me. Then he takes the rod to get the fish off the hook.

  “What the hell ya doing, Cash? I’m a big girl and can do that my damn self.”

  “I thought maybe since you went off to school you forgot?!” He looks and shrugs his shoulders.

  “Hey, I ain’t forgot where I’m from and what’s important.” I take the fish off the hook and put it in the cooler which is right beside Cash. He is so in trouble! I drop the fish in the cooler and then rub my hand all over his face fish guts and all.

  “Oh, it’s on like Donkey Kong! You better run, Char!”

  This probably wasn’t the smartest move especially since there aren’t many options when it comes to escaping. Okay, so I can either run circles around the club, jump out the window into the pond or slide down the ladder. Or better yet, I think I can cause a distraction. 3…2…1… I cross my arms and grab the bottom of my tank then proceed to pull it over my head and drop it to the floor. Then I unbutton my pants. Cash is frozen still with his eyes on me. I drop my shorts, smirk and cannonball out of the window into the pond.

  “Char, that ain’t fair!”

  “What’s not fair? You could join me you know?”

  I start to swim out to the middle of the pond to the island, which is nothing more than a large inflatable were we lay out in the summer. When I get about halfway there, I turn around, and sure enough, Cash is down to his boxers and out the window. I better haul ass ‘cause I know this is going to be war.

  As I grab the ladder to the island, Cash catches up to me and pushes me under the water. I take him with me, and when we come back up for air, he helps me to the island.

  “Char, that was freakin’ wrong in all sense of the word wrong,” he says as he puts his hands on my ass to give me a lift.

  “I know, but I wasn’t going to let you win.”

  “Well, I’d say I won hands down.” As he looks at me from head to toe, I know exactly what he is thinking.

  We lay out on the island and just talk. Later, we decide to finish our picnic and catch our supper.

  We make a quick swim across the pond to the club. We climb the ladder, and Cash throws me a towel to dry off. I wrap the towel around me and he does the same while we make our PB&J’s.

  “You know Cash, there is just something about a PB&J, and for some reason, they always taste better up here, with you.”

  “I have to say you’re right about that.”

  We finish our sandwiches, dress, and catch a mess of fish that we cook for supper. After we eat, Cash finally says what I have been dreading but somehow erased from my mind.

  “Char, you got that envelope?” I just nod and pull it out of my bag. I hand it to Cash. There is a lump in my throat. I honestly just want to burn it, but I’m afraid of what might happen if I don’t look at it.

  “You want me to open it or do you?

  “Maybe we should just burn it?” My pulse is racing faster, and I think I’m going to hyperventilate.

  “I will if you want me to, but I know you enough to know you’ll doubt it later.” Cash sits next to me, and we open it together.

  We open the envelope and don’t say a word. Cash holds me close as I tear the envelope open slowly. It’s a birthday card. How sweet, my ass! I read the inside. What the fuck! I drop the card and freeze. What I am seeing can’t be real. It’s a picture of Piper with some surfer dude, Anna with a hot Latino guy, Carrie
with the sexiest nerd I’ve ever seen, and Joe and me at Hank’s Tavern.

  Written in the card is a note. I have eyes everywhere. Just remember to keep your mouth shut or there will be trouble. Happy Birthday! –D

  I continuously flip through the photos again, faster and faster each time. I can’t stop myself. That son of a bitch has been watching my friends and me. I am not alone, and neither are my friends.

  Cash takes my hands and pulls the photos from them. He doesn’t say a word about Joe and me. Instead, he puts them on the floor, pulls me into his arms, and lets me cry.

  I am terrified of what my future holds. Just when I think that everything is back to normal, Dylan walks back into my life. This is exactly why I kept Cash at bay. I don’t want him to get hurt.