Closing The Gap (Dangerous Pasts, #1)

by Colleen Charles

  “Most people don’t make mistakes that endanger and harm their loved ones. I want to concentrate on the horse farm, where I’m safe. I’m not meant to love and be loved and I understand that now.”

  “I’m in complete agreement with Josh. That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I understand your need to work on yourself and heal. Let him help you. You need him to help you and he can. Look how far you came in the short months you were with him. He’s part of you now and part of our family.” Summer’s voice escalated, full of passion and entreaty. “You may think your only safe alternative is to be alone and hide behind your horses. I can guarantee, someday soon you will wake up and understand what you lost. Then, it will be too late. He’s a one in a million, Lake. He will move on without you.”

  “Good, that’s what I want.”

  “I never thought I would say this about someone so highly intelligent. You’re a moron.”

  Actually, Josh, dreams come from a future dimension where they already exist, and the dreamers of such dreams have future selves who now live there and are oh-so anxious to show you what is truly possible.

  {Sound of cracking, rolling, happy thunder on clear and sunny day...}

  The Universe

  Chapter Thirty Four

  Josh sat in his condo, alone and miserable and let his mind wander back to the repetitive conversations he’d engaged in with Roberts over the past couple of months. His friend was still convinced that Lake would come around. So far, he hadn’t heard from her and hope dwindled. He’d lost track of the times he’d picked up his phone to reach out to her first but pride wouldn’t let him and he’d slam it down again in frustration. What was wrong with her? He’d believed their love ran deeper than pain and fear, could withstand it. Her rejection stung even though he knew her defense mechanisms had pushed her. Still, his anger erupted every time she didn’t trust him enough to let him help her. He’d literally walked through bullets to come to her rescue. Shouldn’t that alone be enough?

  He was still in love with her and couldn’t shake it. She held him without touch and bound him without chains. As much as he wanted to move on and find a willing bed partner to distract him, he didn’t. She owned his heart and he wouldn’t betray her. He still trusted his intuition and knew she was the one. Lake was the only woman besides his mom that had ever inspired him to be better. It felt as though her essence lived inside of his body and he couldn’t evict it.

  Now, months had passed and the calendar on his desk read November. He’d never gone this long without having sex in his life. He considered becoming a monk. Why not take this pity party straight into the extreme? To make matters worse, he had to fly in to Phoenix this weekend. The Blackhawks had a Saturday evening game against the Coyotes. He’d need the strength of Goliath to make it through the broadcast. Every single place he looked in that arena, he would see her face, feel her skin and taste her lips.

  Tree Rat appeared on his phone’s screen along with a photo of a grey squirrel enjoying an acorn as the phone lit up and vibrated. A welcome respite from feeling sorry for himself, he picked up, grateful to have something to take his mind off his ruminations of her.

  “Trash, how’s it going? Any better?”

  “No, not really. I still feel like someone implanted a grenade in my chest and pulled the pin.”

  “Actually, that’s why I’m calling. I have an idea.”

  “Let’s hear it.”

  “I bought four tickets to the Coyote’s game this Saturday close to the ice. I’m flying in to Phoenix to take Summer to the game. Lake doesn’t know about it so I thought we could invite her and your dad at the last minute. We’ll fib and tell her the Coyotes are playing the Stars. She won’t be able to resist seeing her old team. We’ll get her in the building, old man, the rest is up to you.”

  “I doubt she’ll be willing to meet with me. If she wanted to talk, she’d have called by now. As soon as she sees me, she’ll run. Lake’s an expert at fleeing the scene of anything that makes her the slightest bit fearful. Right now, that discomfort is associated with me.”

  “Trash, how is she going to run when she’s landlocked in by 18,000 rabid hockey fans? We’ll make sure she’s not sitting on the aisle. She won’t be able to get by Summer and I, but the weak link will be your dad. Maybe you should give him a call and let him know the plan. Besides, she’s not going to make a scene in front of Chuck. Lake holds that man so high on a pedestal an eagle could fly beneath him. This is by far your best and only chance. Make it work.”

  “Okay, I’ll start thinking about it and I’ll also give Kevin a call. After so many happy years of marriage, he might have some thoughts.”

  “Sounds great. I’ll call you once I get there and the plan from our end is solid. Then, you can let me know what you’ve got up your sleeve and if you need any of our help. I know Summer is on your side as well. She’s told me that in no uncertain terms. If there’s anything we can do, we’re here for you. Lake belongs to you. I love her dearly but she’s acting so dense she could trip over a cordless phone.”

  “I know. I’m supposed to be tough but it’s getting to me. I haven’t spent this much time in my condo alone since I bought it. By the way, what’s going on between you and Summer?”

  “Nothing serious. I just found I missed both of them and the game became a great excuse to see them and also help out my nearest and dearest. Don’t disappoint me. I don’t want to realize you’re ugly and stupid.”

  “I’ll try not to. Thanks for calling and for the idea.”

  “Talk to you later.”

  ****

  Lake lingered in her office as she tried to decide where to hang Flame’s National Championship garland. Winning the top award had been one of the highlights of her life. It was too bad she hadn’t enjoyed the special moment as much as she should have. It had been several months since the shooting. Her body had healed but her heart still lay shattered into a million tiny shards. The pain, still excruciating, had not faded at all. So much for time healing emotional wounds. Words could not express how much she missed him and the depth of her love for him. She’d ordered the NHL Network just so she could watch every Blackhawks game, gaze upon his face and hear his voice, even though the sound tortured her.

  She felt as if Josh could look straight through the television, lock eyes with her and somehow know that she watched him. Seeing him just made the ache deeper and the want unbearable. She’d even been searching Bing daily to see if he’d found someone else. The panic that shot through her body as she waited for the search results to appear felt like being stretched out on the rack. She didn’t want him with anyone else, even though that made her selfish and pathetic.

  She stared at the gift he’d left behind during his last visit in June. She hadn’t had the courage to open it yet. Maybe today should be the day. Tears haunted her every night since she’d left the hospital but maybe that well had finally run dry. Josh had been thoughtful in getting her something after the Lauren incident so she should at least acknowledge it. Even though she knew he hated her now, she still marveled at her own rudeness. Funny, she never used to be so churlish. Until she’d met Josh and started feeling the myriad of her emotions. She hadn’t always put her best foot forward since meeting him. Now, she couldn’t stomach the distress of knowing he was out there in the universe and thinking ill of her, disappointed in her. Even worse, not remembering or thinking of her at all.

  The package leaned against a wall so she strode over to it, lifted it up and held it in both hands. The actual present had been kept hidden inside a shipping box. She had no idea what it could be. She backtracked to her desk so she could grab a letter opener and then cut through the packing tape. When she reached inside, she found a wrapped package the size of a large computer screen. The sage green paper and matching curly ribbon were the exact color of the dress she’d worn the night of the bachelor auction when they’d met. Had he planned that? She couldn’t believe he’d remember that detail. He was such an i
ncredible man. He claimed he didn’t possess a romantic bone but his words hadn’t stormed her defenses, his actions had. She loosened the tape and carefully peeled the shiny paper back from the contents.

  Lake’s breath hitched in her throat as the blood drained from her face. Enclosed, was a stunning artist’s sketch of Lily as she trotted out in her paddock, a gift unlike anything she’d ever received. She couldn’t believe how thoughtful it was. As she held it up to the light for a better look, an envelope fluttered into her lap. With trembling hands, the letter opener sliced through the seal and a hand written card along with a CD slid out. After she popped the CD in the stereo, the familiar strains of Luke Bryan’s “Crash My Party” drifted through the speakers.

  Lake,

  I’m so sorry about what happened that night at the Capital Grille and how our date ended under less than ideal circumstances. I hope you will accept this gift as I am so glad I got to meet you and spend time with you, having fun. I felt something that night. Something that is worthy of exploring further. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I’d love to get to know you better. I’m not good with words so I “borrowed” them from Luke.

  Josh

  Lake fell to her knees as she struggled for breath. What had she done? Sadness and regret made the simple movement more excruciating than any knife or gunshot wound. As she remembered the hospital and the last time she had seen him, she heaved out a sob. In explicit detail, she recalled that day and that very moment when the fire for her had left his eyes. It turned out her ducts were still capable of producing tears, they started falling in rapid succession to the beige carpet.

  Lake, you know that feeling?

  That sense of eagerness for the moment. Optimism for the future. And confidence that you are exactly "when" and where you should be. That feeling that makes dark days lighter and light days brighter. That precedes breakthroughs, conquests, and euphoria.

  Yes, that feeling!

  Well, it doesn't just come.

  You have to give it to yourself.

  Go on~

  The Universe

  Chapter Thirty Five

  “My sister’s a fucking puddle.”

  “So is he.”

  “Any ideas?” Summer sighed into her iPhone as if Ryan could step right through it and make everything right again. She’d been walking into Whole Foods so she paused right outside the sliding doors.

  “Actually, yes. I need your help.”

  “Anything.”

  “I’m not sure if you know this already, but Josh is flying in to Phoenix this Saturday. The Coyotes play the Blackhawks at 7:30. I have obtained, through sources that shall remain nameless because my activities are most likely illegal, four spectacular tickets, right above the glass. Of course, you are invited but I thought if we could get Chuck in on the plan too, that would help to coerce Lake there. If we tell Lake that the Coyotes are playing the Stars, do you think she’ll fall for it? Any chance of keeping her occupied until game time so she doesn’t start checking the internet and find out the sordid truth.”

  “Of course, I’ll just have Chad make up a mild emergency in the barn and not let her get out of there to get ready until a few minutes before we leave. I won’t even tell her where we’re going, just that you and Chuck want to take us both out to dinner. We can’t let the destination slip until everyone’s in the car and you institute the child safety locks so she can’t fling herself out into the street. She’d do anything for you. I doubt she will even be suspicious. Besides, she’s been walking around in a love sick daze for months. It’s not hard to get something past her right now.”

  “I like the way your diabolical mind works, gorgeous.”

  “Sometimes, you just have to take matters into your own hands when stupid people can’t get out of their own way.”

  “You said it. Some assholes are always trying to ice skate uphill.”

  “Bye, stud. See you Saturday.”

  “I’m looking forward to it, doll.”

  As she hit the end button on her phone, Summer prayed that Josh could cook up something good for Saturday, something that Lake couldn’t run from. She wanted to see Lake soften towards Josh but based on her current behavior, she didn’t hold out much hope. Nothing she or Lance said or did broke through to Lake. She’d never seen Lake dig her heels in like this. She’d thought she was doing Josh a favor by breaking up with him but just couldn’t be further from the truth. They belonged together. She stayed just outside the sliding doors and hit her contact button for Chad. Time to set the plan into motion.

  ****

  Lake itched everywhere, her pale skin covered in dirt and sweat. The barn help had contracted the flu at the same time so Chad had asked her to help get horses ready to work, clean stalls and feed and water. Not used to such hard, physical labor, she welcomed this trip straight into her hot shower. She’d have preferred a long soak in the hot tub but Ryan had arrived in town from Florida today to visit her and Summer. Lake was excited to have him in Scottsdale. She hadn’t seen him since the hospital although they talked and texted. Seeing him in the flesh would provide confirmation he hadn’t suffered any lingering effects from the shooting. Judging by the conversations they’d shared, his wicked sense of humor had returned in full force so she felt optimistic he’d returned to his old self.

  Summer had mentioned dinner as a group with Ryan and Chuck. Lake avoided Chuck and he noticed but Chuck reminded her too much of Josh. It was too painful to spend time with him when he bore into her soul with those identical blue eyes. She couldn’t tolerate any more physical reminders without opening the floodgates to tears again. The poignant memories that were her constant companions were painful enough.

  Still, Ryan remained close to Chuck and they wanted to spend quality time together during this trip, so she’d conceded. Thankful that Lance had arrived to help her with hair and make-up tonight, she found she could barely lift her arms above her head. Hoisting hay was hard work. As she stepped across the threshold into her living room, she noticed that Lance sat on her sofa, eating Maria’s homemade guacamole.

  “Look at what the cat drug in. I’m not sure I can do anything with that canvas. Don’t come any closer. I’m sure you stink!”

  “Chad needed help in the barn today. I’m going to jump in the shower. I’ll meet you in the bathroom in ten minutes.”

  Lake walked towards the bathroom as Lance finished his snack. She turned the water on and adjusted the temperature. Anxious to slide in to the stream of hot water, Lake quickly stripped out of her work clothes. It would ease the tension that laced her muscles. As she rubbed her moisturizing body wash into her skin, she used that opportunity to massage the places that ached with her fingertips. After shampooing her hair with her cherry shampoo, she leaned back into the cascade from the shower head and let the water run all over her hair and back. She still used that shampoo every day, like a crack addict. She couldn’t stop herself. The smell reminded her of Las Vegas.

  “Almost done in there?” She could hear drawers opening and closing as Lance rummaged around for supplies.

  Lake turned off the water and pushed some air past her lips. She couldn’t hide in the shower forever. She opened the door and let the blissful steam escape, then grabbed her robe from the hook next to the shower door. “Yes, I’m done.”

  ****

  “Great, we don’t have much time.” Lance sucked in a ragged breath, then let out a horrified gasp. The brief glimpse he’d had of her naked body before she shrugged into her robe, gave him pause. She looked way too thin. Her hip bones protruded through her skin. “Lake, have you been eating?”

  “I confess. I haven’t had much appetite. Maria has been giving it her best effort, though.”

  “You are way too skinny. It’s gross. I’m going to watch you eat your lunch every day. Men aren’t attracted to stick figures.”

  “Well, I’m not attracted to men.”

  “Really? I wasn’t aware your door swung that way.” Lance str
uggled to hide his irritation. She could behave like a stubborn mule when she’d made up her mind about something. Even when she knew in her heart she was dead wrong. “I’m pretty sure there’s at least one you’re attracted to.”

  “We’re not mentioning his name. Ever.”

  “You might not be but that won’t stop me.” Lance asked her to sit on the stool in front of him and put her hair up in an absorbent towel while he worked on her make-up. “How many months as it been since you’ve talked to him, Lake.”

  “Five.”

  “That’s five too many. He’s not going to reach out to you, you know. You have to make the first move. You shit all over his heart and publicly rejected him after everything he did for you. He does have some pride. I hate to say this out loud but it might be too late.”

  Lance could tell he’d hit a nerve. Lake tensed and rifled her next words at his head. “Maybe I don’t want him. Besides, I’m sure he’s moved on to another woman. A man like that doesn’t stay single. All he has to do is drag out his electronic rolodex and call his latest slut to come over.” She didn’t admit to the daily internet searches.

  “I don’t think that last comment was fair, Lake. Besides, the lifeless skin and hair, dark circles and emaciated body speak differently about what you truly want. Quit being so pigheaded. This is getting past the point of ridiculous. If you won’t listen to Summer, please, listen to me. If you don’t do something soon, I’m going to be forced to call in reinforcements.”

  “No, please, not Chuck.”

  “Oh no, I have far greater resources than Chuck. If you don’t do something about this immediately, I’m going to be forced to call your mother!”