by Nova Blake
"We made a plan," Hunter said. There was a thunder to his voice that made the other men flinch back as though he'd physically pushed them, but I wasn't intimidated.
"And sometimes those plans need to change,” I said, keeping my words calm, cool. I needed him to hear me and I was so afraid he wouldn’t. “Hunter, you have nothing to gain by lying to me, and everything to lose. I've been patient."
"Ha! You call this patient? Lying to us about what was going on with you. Leaving the house without permission or even a body guard?" Hunter threw his hands into the air, his face twisting in a grimace. "Everything I've ever done has been to keep you safe. Everything. Even when it makes you hate me, even if you never want to speak to me after this, it will all have been worth it because you're alive."
"My life is only worth having if I can live it. Don't you see that? You can't keep me locked up inside a pretty prison forever, especially not now, because I'll find a way out. Whether I mean to or not. I will. No matter what."
Our gazes were locked and I was throwing all my fury at him. To his credit he didn't back down, though his eyes slid between righteous indignation and a waver of uncertainty and sorrow before hardening again.
"The most pressing matter seems to be finding a way to keep you inside. And we will."
"I say we tell her. You need to tell her," Colton said.
"Let's vote." Felix stood up, his gaze skimming over the others. "Who thinks we need to tell her."
Colton stood, and Sheehan was already upright, a steady presence at my back. I looked to Arien, who was standing in the kitchen, he didn't sit down, but he shrugged, like he didn't know what was right. Zephyr wouldn't look me in the eyes, and Brax, the youngest of them all frowned, his chest heaving like he was making one of the hardest decisions of his life.
Which left me with not enough support. A sob huffed out my chest and my eyes stung. I stood up, my head shaking, all of me shaking. "I can't believe it." I turned around, pushing between Sheehan and Felix. Sheehan reached for my arm but I shook him off and ran for the door, for the garden. For solitude.
THE MID-AFTERNOON LIGHT was pale and muted by clouds. A crisp wind blew from the west, carrying with it the scent of the forest. I wished I was there, with the wolf, or the owl, hell, even with the hooded man, because anything was better than here.
I walked across the yard to the tall fence, peered through the gaps between the slats and wished I was small enough to slip through. But despite my words, my anger and frustration - my hurt - I wasn't bold enough to leave the property. Not in broad daylight. Not after our argument.
The door slammed shut and I spun to find Brax coming towards me.
"Don't think that the whole cute and innocent look is going to help you this time. I can't believe you didn't back me up in there!" I put my hands on my hips and scowled.
He held his arms up in surrender. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do."
"Support me, that's what!" My shoulders dropped and I turned away, looking back through the crack in the fence.
"Keeping you alive is pretty high on my priorities list right now."
"You don't think you can keep me alive and support me? Because if that's the case, then I don't think we can share any more kisses."
He came up behind me and turned me around. We were almost the same height, his soft brown eyes staring right at me. "You're infuriating."
"And you're not?" I sighed and trailed my finger along his arm. "You were the first one I kissed. Did you know that? I thought it meant something. I thought... I thought you were on my team."
"I am, Ebony. But I have a job to do, and that has to come before my feelings. Like Hunter said, even if it means you hate me."
"So you're saying you actually care more, because you're prepared to be hated?" I raised an eyebrow, not sure he was convincing me, because at the end of that still lay being controlled and I was done with that. Done with everyone else thinking they knew better than me.
If they'd just fill me in...
"That's not... You're not listening..."
"You're not telling me anything new, Brax. I like you, but right now I don't want to look at you. I don't want to look at any of you. My heart hurts because if you care about someone you're meant to trust them, and you don't. None of you will tell me what I want to know."
"We can't! Like, we physically can't!" He blew out an exasperated breath. "Are you listening? Because that is the truth, whether you believe it or not."
I leaned back, trying to make sense of his words. I didn't understand - didn't believe - but could he be telling me the truth? Was there some reason they literally couldn't tell me what was going on?
"I didn't come out here to argue with you," he said, calmer now. "You need to come back inside and work this out. There is a rift in the house, and you're the only one who can bridge that gap. If we're fighting with each other, we aren't going to be focused on protecting you."
"Which is the most important thing," I said wearily. "Maybe it would just be better if they got me, if this was over. You could all go back to your lives, and I'd finally be free."
Brax gripped my shoulders with his hands. "Never say that. Our whole reason for existing is you. We would die for you if we needed to. I'd die for you. Because your life is more important than ours."
I shook my head, my heart constricting as I poked him in the chest with my finger. "Take it back. No one person's life has more value than another's."
The tension in Brax's eyes eased, and so did his grip on me. "And that right there? Is why we have to keep you alive."
"And you think I'm the infuriating one..." I sighed.
He blushed and looked down. "I think we're all tired. This needs to end, and soon, but those decisions aren't up to me. I just have to do as I'm told."
His eyes were hidden by those long lashes, he looked so young and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "I guess both of us are in that position then. It sucks."
"It's not forever." He leaned in and kissed me on the forehead. "This is going to be okay. Now will you come inside?"
I shook my head. "I still don't want to. I don't know what good it will do. Hunter's never going to tell me what I want to know, and apparently no one else can. He just... Ugh," I groaned and dragged my hands through my hair. "Why does he have to be such a stubborn ass? It seems like no matter what I do I'm a disappointment, and the worst part is that I don't know why that bugs me so much."
Brax's laugh was soft and warm. "I think we all feel a bit like that. He's a hard man to please, but his sole focus is keeping you safe."
"Then why isn't he here all the time? If he doesn't trust anyone else to do the job-"
"Come on," Brax interrupted. "Let's sit. If you're not going to go in yet, I'll stay with you until you’re ready."
I raised my eyebrows. "Have you been told to make sure I don't take off? Because I'm not that stupid."
"No. I just want to keep you company. Come on." He gently reached for my arm and led me to the seats. I slipped into one and he took the other, not encroaching on my space, just being there.
It was nice. Reminded me of Sheehan a little, that peace, though Sheehan's was stable and I could feel the nerves in Brax's quiet. He had something else to say but he wasn't broaching it yet.
I wasn't going to relieve the tension for him; he'd have to spit it out, or save it for another time. I had a hard enough time taking responsibility for my thoughts and feelings - I couldn't do it for the others. And I wasn't going to play mind reader either.
The breeze picked up again, sweeping down over the tall fence to ruffle my hair. I leaned back in the chair, tilting my face to the sky. I could feel the sun behind the clouds, a brightness in the sky even if it seemed to add no warmth to the day.
"Am I off your list?" Brax asked.
I sat up straight, eyes popping open. "What?"
"I just wanted to know if what happened in there changed my chances. Because I wouldn't change my choice even if it did, I just...
I just wanted to know." He stumbled over the words but got there in the end.
"No? Maybe?" I grimaced and reached out to grab his hand. "I don't know. I guess that depends on what happens next. I like you. I think you're a good guy, but right now I'm hurting and I need to work through that."
"Okay. I get it," he said, his voice a little sad. I felt like I'd kicked a puppy, but I needed to keep my head straight, and right now that meant being clear about what I needed. In this instance, some space.
"It doesn't mean you're off my list, Brax, it just means that right now we've got bigger things to think about and when we do have the time to explore the possibilities, then we will. Okay?" I squeezed his hand and he squeezed back, giving me a wan smile.
"I'll take it."
"Good. I'm glad."
He cleared his throat and said, "Can we go in? We still need to make a plan."
"And it would look much better for you if we went in together."
He laughed quietly. "Well, yeah. You might not need to curry favor, but I do. I need to prove my worth."
I leveled my gaze at him. "I might not see eye to eye with Hunter on many things, but I know you wouldn’t be here if he didn't think you were up for the job." I laughed bitterly. "I imagine none of you realized quite how challenging I'd be before you signed up though."
"Oh no, we knew." He grinned and I slapped him lightly on the arm.
"You should leave the jokes to Felix. I think I prefer you when you're being quiet and shy."
He stood up and shrugged, but the smile stayed in place. "Ebony, you might not be the easiest woman, but you're the only one we'd do this for."
"I wish you'd all stop talking like that. Like you made this group decision to be here, like you know the hearts and intentions of the others. It's weird."
He frowned, reaching a hand down to pull me out of my chair. "We did."
That stopped me cold. "What?"
"Before we went into this, Hunter gathered us and we all agreed. You are the most important thing here. I know that each of the men in that house would defend you with his life. They all respect you, they all want you to be free and happy."
My mouth dropped open. I had no idea how to respond to that, or how to feel. They had literally all got together and agreed how things would go down - how specific had those agreements been? My mouth was still hanging open and Brax touched my shoulder.
"You look really worried," he said. "What's going through your mind?"
"How... What... How much of all this was pre-planned. Did you guys have dibs on who would have a chance with me, or..." My shoulders slumped and I shrugged away from him, crossing my arms over my chest in a bid to hold myself together. "I don't even know what to think. I don't know how much of anything was my choice if you all got together and decided things. About me." I looked up at him, unable to contain the anxiety this thought was causing me.
"Ebony, not that. You're the only one with a say over what you do or don't do with your body. We'd never..." He shook his head, the thought clearly disgusting him too. "That's your choice. Whatever you decide to do, with whoever you decide to do it. And if we're lucky enough to be picked? That's awesome. And if not? Well... You can't force those feelings. No one expects you to. You're not here to service us all like some sex slave. We'd never expect that, we'd never want that." He said that with such distaste that I knew it was true. They had too much respect for me to do that, and my momentary worry had been excessive.
I should have known. No one, aside from maybe Zephyr, had crossed a line that made me feel uncomfortable. Every one of my encounters so far had been on my terms, had advanced naturally from the situation. It was just that fear, the unknown. There were so many unknowns.
"Okay. Thanks," I said, trying to shake the awkwardness away. I ran my hands through my hair and let out a sigh. "Sorry about being weird, I just... Do you have any idea how it messes with your head to not know all the things? Most of my life is missing. I don't remember anything. I'm a void before now. For all I know we knew each other before, maybe we've even had this conversation in the past, and I'm trapped in some kind of loop." My breath caught in my chest as fear crawled through my lungs and a tremor swept through my body. "I can't even comprehend all of the things I don't know, so this constant lack of information is killing me, Brax. It's driving me insane."
"Ebony..." He licked his lips nervously, one hand on my shoulder to steady me. "We should go inside. Maybe we can get Hunter to tell you. I couldn't- I didn't know this was how you were feeling. I'm sorry. Come on. Let's go inside."
I nodded, let him lead me in, leaning against him because it felt like I might keel over any second. The crushing weight of the unknown was pressing me toward the ground, making my head spin.
"Brax," I whispered, my legs giving out as everything went black.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Snippets of conversation filtered through my mind. Have to tell her... Hunter... The Queen... Not safe... Trust.
I opened my eyes, quickly realizing that I was on the couch in the living room and the voices were coming from the kitchen. I looked around, noting Sheehan sitting on the other couch, watching me. He raised his eyebrows, asking if I was okay. I nodded then pressed a finger to my lips, asking him not to let them know that I was awake.
Maybe they'd let something slip.
"So who is going to get Hunter?" Felix asked. "One of us has to, and I hate to say it but I think it should be you, Rafe. You're probably the only one he won't hit. The one that he might actually listen to."
"I'll go with him," Arien offered. "Come on, Rafe. We go now."
"I want to see Ebony first, I-"
"No. This is partially your mess, you'll help clean it up." Arien's voice was firm but not unkind. I could hear the jingle of car keys, and footsteps as they moved towards the door.
"He'll be through the gate," Zephyr piped up. "Do you have enough supplies?"
"It'll do," Rafe replied. "We'll be back as soon as we can." I heard the door open, and then quieter, "Tell her I'm sorry."
"We will," Brax said. The door closed, which meant there were probably four men remaining in the kitchen, not that Colton had said a word.
"Now, we need something to knock her out with," Felix said.
I sat upright and leaned over the back of the couch. "I can hear you!"
"Oh settle down, Princess. I don't mean physically, I mean so you stay in your goddamn bed all night." His voice got louder as he approached the doorway and poked his head through. "Just how long have you been listening? And why didn't you warn us?" He shot the second question at Sheehan. I turned in time to catch his shrug.
"Couldn't we find another solution?" I asked.
Felix quirked an eyebrow, struggling to keep a straight face. "I saw the ties on your headboard, Princess. It strikes me now that Sheehan isn't just a lucky man, but this was an attempt to stop you from going wandering. Am I right?"
I blushed, hard. Hating the thought of him picturing me like that - or did he imagine that it was me who tied Sheehan up? Dammit, now was not the time for that kind of thinking.
"Oh, I am right." He clapped his hands together in glee and I wished that Sheehan could say something because I certainly couldn't.
"We can get sleeping pills, or a liquid," Colton offered, coming to stand beside Felix.
"Or both," Zephyr yelled, a sour note in his voice.
They'd all heard Felix mention the ties.
I buried my head in the pillows on the couch. Colton had managed to keep any trace of his feelings from his voice but Zephyr wasn't old enough, nor wise enough, to do so.
"Whatever, just make sure it’s strong enough to do the job. I do not need a repeat of last night." I couldn’t bring myself to lift my head. I just wanted everyone to go away.
"I'll go," I heard Zephyr offer.
"And I'll go with you." That was Colton.
"I've got this, don't you trust me?" There was a small whine in Zephyr's voice, and Colton growled in re
sponse. "Okay, fine. We'll go together." I could picture the younger man holding his hands up in defeat. It seemed like not only was he struggling a bit to come to grips with my choices around what I did and with whom, but also with the others in the group.
The noises of their departure filtered through into the lounge and when I was sure they were gone I raised my head from the cushions. Sheehan was still sitting in his spot, and Felix hadn't moved from the doorway.
"Let's get some corn chips and play games. You up for that, Sheehan? Princess, you can take your frustrations out on some unsuspecting players on the battlefield."
"Pft, you just want to embarrass me in another arena." I pouted, but then grinned. This was the perfect distraction from everything that was happening. "Are you coming Brax?” I called towards the kitchen. I heard him push back a chair and lunged towards the table. “I get the blue controller."
IT WAS LATE WHEN I dragged myself off the couch. Rafe and Arien hadn't returned from getting Hunter - thank goodness - Colton and Zephyr had come home bearing several sleep inducing items, as well as take out for dinner. And a bottle of wine, which I'd managed to sneak a little more than my fair share of because surely it would help me sleep.
The later the evening got, the more nervous everyone else seemed to be, but between the food and the warmth of bodies next to me on the couch, not to mention the wine, I was feeling pretty chilled out.
Maybe tonight would be okay. Everyone knew now, I wasn't hiding anything and that took some weight off my shoulders. And as a result, I felt more relaxed than I had in ages.
"Okay, want to run me through what I'm taking?" I asked, prying myself up from the grip of the couch. I'd already popped a couple of magnesium sleep pills, had a few squirts of some herbal sleep spray, and drank what felt like a whole pot of sleepy time tea. At least tonight I wouldn't be tied up. I could get to the bathroom if I needed.
That was what I was worrying about? Yeah, that wine had certainly done a good job of chilling me out.
