The End of the Rainbow

by Dontá Morrison

  Khalil looked at Corny and then stared out the window at the cars passing by. He wanted to confide in Corny because he needed someone that could go to God on his behalf. However he knew that church folks weren’t the easiest ones to talk to about same sex relationships, especially those between two black men.

  “I’m cool man. It’s just some old dirt that is trying to bury me.” he replied with a weak chuckle.

  “How long were you two together?” Corny asked before taking a sip of his lemonade/ice-tea mix.

  “What?” Khalil snapped up in his seat and looked at his friend with eyes that resembled a deer in headlights. “ What did you just ask me?”

  “I asked how long you and what’s his name had been together.”

  “What makes you think that he and I were together? And what exactly do you mean by together? Are you talking about boyfriend, boyfriend together or some other type of together?” Hewas stammering over his words and sat nervously opposite his extremely calm and composed friend.

  “Khalil, was that your ex-boyfriend or not?”

  He sat there trying to figure out the best way to answer that question without saying too much. After running all the possible responses through his mind he simply settled on the word “Yes”. He released the answer and felt a weight fall from his shoulders. He had never just openly admitted anything like that to someone that he respected spiritually because he didn’t wanted to hear all the religious hoopla surrounding the gay lifestyle. However, for some reason this time was different and he felt comfortable. “I thought you said I didn’t have to talk about it if I didn’t want to.”

  “All I asked was how long you two were together. I didn’t say let’s talk about why you two broke up.” he said with a chuckle.

  “Whatever man.” he said with a relaxed smile. “We were together for five years. And truth be told it was the best five years of my life up until last week.”

  “What happened last week?”

  “That. I really do not want to talk about. But I will say that it was enough to push me back into church.”

  “Let me guess. He either cheated, caught you cheating, you got something or you were spiritually convicted and could no longer take it.”

  “Good guesses but I ain’t talking about it. So what’s been up with you?” he asked in an effort to switch the focus.

  “Nothing much. Went to jail for a few years behind some foolishness I got caught up in, and while I was there I had lots of time to think about things. It’s amazing how all of the good advice you got from people seems to constantly sound in your ear when you are in an avoidable situation. But anyway, after jail, after probation, after getting on my feet, I decided to start my life over and try to make up for lost time, thus my push back into church.”

  “Interesting. I trip off the fact that everybody in church has a story about their life prior to salvation but so few ever want to share it in an effort to help someone else. People get all holy after

  they get enlightened and then forget about where they once were. I for one will never forget this hell I am in and I damn sure will help someone else avoid going through what I am dealing with right now.”

  “Still don’t wanna share what happened?” Corny asked with a raise of the eyebrows. “I mean it is obvious that it is eating you up inside and I just think that if you got some of it off your chest you would be able to deal a little better. No pressure, just being concerned.”

  “How do you forgive when you have absolutely no reason to? I mean did Jesus really forgive Judas for betraying him?” Khalil asked.

  Corny sat and pondered the questions and tried to find the right way to express an answer without sounding cliché. He looked at Khalil who was staring at him with eyes that were filled with anger and a weight that could not be lifted by using words that sounded pretty or eloquent. He was at breaking point and it was crucial that what was said was effective and soul piercing to the point of altering his current state of mind. Fortunately the waitress walked up and removed some of the pressure that was on him and gave him more time to get his answer together.

  “You gentlemen ready to order?” The teenage waitress asked as she stood over them with her notepad and pen in hand.

  “Yes. Let me have the number nine with a side of grits.” Khalil answered. “No problem. And for you sir?” Corny scanned the menu, feeling a little rushed, he simply ordered a Jenny Jones omelets and side of grits. “Back in a minute,” she said as she shuffled her way back towards the kitchen.

  “Let me ask you a question. Where do you see yourself, as far as ministry is concerned?”

  “What?” Khalil answered with a puzzled look.

  “Where do you see yourself, as far as ministry is concerned?” he slowly asked again.

  “I don’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t have a desire to be a minister. Don’t get me wrong, I have a love for God and going to church and all that, but I have no desire whatsoever to go into ministry. Why would you let that be your answer to the original question that was asked?”

  “I just have a feeling that whatever you are going through is meant to get your attention and that there is a greater purpose behind it that you don’t yet fully realize. Had I not gone to prison I would not be in church right now because I wouldn’t have sat still long enough for God to get my attention. We never know what is going to occur in our lives to wake us up and get us to do what we were destined to do. I truly believe that if you stop and think about what you are dealing with and then try to tie it in with what you are supposed to be doing, you won’t have to struggle with the forgiving part because you would understand that it was all for your making. Just try and change your outlook.”

  “Corny, that sounds great, it really and truly does but right now I am on the edge on so many levels. I don’t think that anyone can fully understand what I am going through and the fact that I can’t do anything about it is irritating me the most. I mean technically I can go and dump a round of bullets into him and hide the body, but that won’t change everything.” He looked him straight in the eyes and sternly said, “Some things shall remain with me until I die and there’s nothing I can do about that.”

  Corny read between the lines and knew exactly what Khalil had just shared with him. He leaned back into the booth and took it all in while trying to stay composed. He watched Khalil stare at him with a gleam of victory in his eyes because he knew that he had thrown him for a loop with the unsaid news. He felt like he was being challenged and even though his opponent had threw a sucker punch that knocked him off his feet, the ref was only on the number five.

  “Well since you know that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, you need to start getting over it and move on.” He smugly said while still leaning back in the seat.

  “Excuse me.”

  “I said get over it. Life is foul, we all go through something and right now it is your turn. Welcome back to reality,” he continued. “You trusted somebody that obviously rolled you face down through the dirt and you can either learn from it and grow, or let it destroy you and all that you were meant to be. You have too much going for yourself to let this stop you. You are still young, from the looks of that car you are pushing you have a nice little cash flow, and on top of that you have God. I am not saying that you shouldn’t be mad or anything like that but you can only go so far with all that anger.”

  “Do you know how fresh it all is? I mean you talking like it happened two years ago. All this went down last week man and I am still in shock. I know you are speaking the truth but you asking for a lot.”

  “I feel you on that but regardless of when it occurred you still need to deal with it. You tell me when you think would be a good time period for you to start focusing on all of it and get to moving on? I mean if you want to harbor all of this until winter 2020 then go right ahead but life is too short and you already know that what’s done is done and you can’t change it, so stop acting like a little
girl and be a man.”

  Khalil sat and stared at him in complete disbelief and shock. He wasn’t used to receiving brutally harsh responses and was unsure as to whether or not he should say something in his defense or just soak it all in. Although he knew that Corny was right, he honestly wasn’t ready to start forgiving Tyrin. The right thing would be to let go and let God handle it but somehow that just didn’t seem like a realistic approach at handling the current situation.

  “I’m going to the bathroom to wash my hands. You sit here and take a few minutes to talk this over with God and when I come back we are going to switch subjects and enjoy our lunch.”

  *****

  “So let me get this straight. He came to the church and started a ruckus?” Spencer asked Kerrion as he made a drink. “So where is Khalil? Have you talked to him since all this went down?” He took a sip of the vodka and cranberry and decided it was way too much cranberry juice in the glass. “See that’s exactly why I don’t do church. The same bullshit from the club meets you there too. Hell, I need to tell Khalil to come on back home where he belongs because ain’t shit changed. Tyrin needs his ass kicked. I’m a call you back, I need to find Khalil and make sure he alright.” He took another sip of the refurbished drink and tasted perfection.

  “Bitch, I said let me call you back!” he hung up the phone, walked over to the couch and said, “You really do need your ass kicked.” as he handed Tyrin the drink. “Why you show your ass at church? God’s gonna get you,” he added with a laugh.

  “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking,” he somberly said.

  “You weren’t, and that is where you fucked up.” he said as he sat next to him and picked up his glass of wine.

  “I thought that if I showed up and he saw how much I cared for him that he would consider talking to me. He could at least sit down and give me a decent conversation.”

  ”You cussed him out on church grounds in front of his momma.”

  ”She didn’t see all that, she was back inside, Kerry is putting more on it.”

  “It don’t matter how much Kerry adds to it. You showed your ass. Why can’t you just be patient and let this run its course. I already told you that if this was meant to be then it will work itself out, but you just keep digging and digging and digging. Your dumb ass is about to be in China in a minute.”

  “Spencer you don’t understand how stressful this all is. Everything that I have ever gone through over the course of the last five years was always made easier because I had Khalil to walk through it with me, but now I am going through something without him and it is killing me. Have you ever been in love with someone so hard that you felt as though you would die without them?”

  “No,” he said smugly as he stared at Tyrin.

  “Well the shit hurts like hell and I am at a total loss without him.”

  “I can only imagine, and I repeat imagine, what you are going through and I guess it can be hard to have someone there one

  minute and gone the next, but in all honesty Tyrin this is your fault and I can’t pacify you too much because you brought this on yourself.”

  “And that is the other thing that is pissing me off. What the hell was I thinking? No nigga was worth losing Khalil. I don’t even know where that little motherfucker is and he has fucked my life up completely. Spencer this is a fucked up situation I am in.”

  “You right about that,” he confirmed as the telephone rang and he inadvertently answered it without checking the caller id. “Hello”

  “Wassup man, I’m downstairs, buzz me up.” Khalil said into the receiver.

  “You’re downstairs now?” Spencer nervously asked.

  “Yes fool. Throw a robe on and buzz me up.”

  “OK.” He buzzed Khalil in and looked at Tyrin. “You have to go. Now!”

  “Why what’s wrong?”

  “Khalil is about to walk through that door in about two minutes! You gotta go!” Spencer exclaimed as he hurriedly tried to remove Tyrin from the couch and push him toward the door. “Can you move a little faster please?”

  “No. I need to see him and clear all this up.” he calmly responded.

  “Not the fuck in here you don’t! Tyrin I will fight you my damn self if you don’t get out of my house.”

  “This is the perfect opportunity for us to discuss things face to face. Calm down, I can handle Khalil.”

  “You can handle Khalil? What the fuck you mean you can handle Khalil? He hates you and if he sees you here, he will hate me too. Tyrin, get the fuck out!” Spencer nervously stood in the middle of the floor and watched Tyrin unflinchingly sit on the couch and take another sip of his Vodka and Cranberry. “Tyrin, I am begging you to please not do this today. I am not in the mood for all this bullshit.”

  “Why don’t you go into the bedroom and I will handle the rest. I don’t know why you’re stressing yourself out. This is between me and Khalil and I’m about to work it all out. This is God’s way of answering my prayer.”

  “Are you thinking before you talk? You are really losing it man.”

  “What else can I do?”

  The knock at the door stopped Spencer’s heart and he stood paralyzed in the middle of the room hoping that this was all a dream. He looked at Tyrin calmly sitting on the couch unmoved by the unnerving situation and with all that was simultaneously going on he could not find the strength to place one foot in front of the other.

  The knock came again and before he could react to it, Tyrin was already on his feet heading to answer it like he was owner of the residence. “Oh my God” were the only words that Spencer could force out of his mouth. As he tried to pace his breathing he almost passed out when he saw Tyrin’s hand touch and turn the doorknob.

  Khalil stood in the hallway wondering what was taking Spencer so long to open the door. He was growing a bit anxious because on top of all that he just experienced at church with Tyrin, he wasn’t in the most patient mood. He let out a sigh when he heard the door about to be opened and relaxed a bit because he knew Spencer was about to turn his traumatic post church experience into a sitcom. The lunch with Corny was much needed and filled with the right advice, but Spencer always had a knack of helping him deal with his problems in from entirely different perspective.

  The door opened and instead of being greeted by his best friend, he was welcomed by the face he was growing to hate. He was instantly filled with anger as he stared Tyrin in the face but then it dawned on him that this was not even a location in which he expected to see his whorish ex-boyfriend. He tried his best to come to a reasonable explanation within the five second lapse of time he spent in shock. The air was thick and neither of them knew what the other was thinking, but they were both certain that it was awkward.

  Tyrin decided to test the waters, so he cracked a perfect smile and with a soothing voice of comfort said, “I am so glad you are here. Come in because I need to apologize for what happened earlier.”

  “Are you motherfucking kidding me?” Khalil snapped. “What the fuck are you doing here and where the fuck is Spencer?”

  “He’s in here; we were just having a few drinks. Come on in,” Tyrin calmly replied.

  “A few drinks! A few damn drinks!” He pushed his way past Tyrin and stormed into the apartment. He saw Spencer standing in the middle of the room and just asked, “Why? Why would you kick it with him after all that he has done to me?” Spencer stood silent and Khalil waited for an answer. “I thought that no matter what you would always be up front and honest with me. I trusted you more than I trusted this bastard standing behind me. I told you everything and confided in you with my deepest secrets. You know more about me than anyone else in the world; we have been through the fire together!” He walked toward Spencer and with each step grew more and more tired of the entire situation. He felt overwhelmed with so many emotions and couldn’t find the reason or the mental strength to escalate this any further. He stood “I asked you whose side you were on and you said mine.” He began to chuckle and s
hake his head because it was finally sinking in that he was all alone. He took in a deep breath and just said, “Wow” before he turned and walked toward the door.

  Tyrin stood in front of the door and said, “You and I need to talk. There are things we need to clear up and I am tired of you avoiding me.”“You’re tired Tyrin?” Khalil calmly asked.

  “Khalil. It’s not what you think. Tyrin really loves and misses you, man. I think if you just listen to what he has to say, you may realize that you two can work through this. Just calm down for a minute and talk to him. Do you really want to throw it all away?” Spencer voiced his opinions from across the room.

  “Are you kidding me Spencer? Are you really sticking up for this cheating ass motherfucker? What the fuck is really going on here?” he pushed his way past Tyrin and walked toward Spencer.

  “We need to work through this and the only way we can do that is by talking to each other. We have been through stuff before and I know that we can make it through this.” Tyrin expressed while walking behind Khalil.

  “Fuck you!” He blurted, without even turning to face him. His eyes were frozen on his best friend. He couldn’t find the words to express how he felt at the moment. Looking at Spencer and hearing Tyrin pushed him to a place of pure rage and he felt himself losing control.

  “Really? Is that how the church teaches you to respond? I mean I’m new at this Jesus thing, so enlighten me as to how I am supposed to talk to you and still get into heaven?” He sarcastically asked.

  Between the sarcasm in Tyrin’s voice and the shock of Spencer’s actions, he knew that if he didn’t leave now, he would end up in jail. “I can’t keep going through this because I’m going to end up killing you.” He turned and looked Tyrin square in the eye “I’m tired. Tired of you, tired of this situation, tired of all the surprises and new things around each corner. Let me make this very clear. On Tuesday I will come and pick up my shit. After that, I need you to leave me the fuck alone for motherfucking good. If you don’t, I will kick your bitch ass every single motherfucking time I see you. Now move your punk ass out of my way and let me leave so the two of you can finish your…” He looked back at Spencer and made sure there was eye contact before he finished the sentence with, “drinks.”