“Which one?” Ryan asked.
“Not sure. What’s Ali doing?” I asked, wondering why he didn’t have a date.
He must have completed a level because he strutted around for a second and high fived Zach. “Ryan?”
“What?”
“Ali…”
“Oh, she’s sick. Zach you want in?”
I quickly stood. “Nope. He can’t. We’re heading out. I talked to Ali yesterday and she was fine. What’s wrong?”
He shrugged as he began the next level. The shooting already resumed.
“Ryan!” I shouted.
Finally, he pushed paused and glared at me as if I’d distracted him.
Zach laughed. “Let’s go.”
“She started vomiting last night and is running a fever.”
“OK.” Zach was pushing me out of the family room. “I was just talking,” I explained.
“Exactly,” he said. “So what do you want to do?”
I bounced my shoulders with indifference. “Be with you.”
He pulled me onto the sofa in the living room. “That one’s not open for discussion.” Then his perfect lips parted slightly and came toward mine. I quickly moistened mine and met his with a hunger that hadn’t been fed in almost a week. Parents gone—check. Ryan busy—check. Alone for a minimum of five hours—check. The minute I shoved him back, he lifted himself but his eyes were confused.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I thought quickly. My plan had to be strategic otherwise he wouldn’t comply.
“I forgot something in my room. I’ll be right back.” I took the stairs two at a time and went into the bathroom. After I rinsed with some mouthwash, I unwrapped a piece of gum and chewed it all the while checking out my appearance in the mirror. I leaned out the door. “Hey Zach!” I hollered down the stairs.
“What?”
“Can you come here for a sec?” I flipped off the bathroom light and stood in my doorway with my eyes closed listening for his assent. I heard his footsteps and grinned then went into my room. The lamp lit the room and I lay on my stomach across the bed with my face resting on my arms. I smiled when I heard him at the door.
“Em? What’s wrong?” The concern in his voice was heartbreaking and a small percentage of me felt bad for my ploy. He slid across the bed and his hand caressed up my back. “Em?”
My body couldn’t take it anymore and I shuddered in laughter until I couldn’t hold it in and I raised my face to meet his. The confusion was still in his eyes. Then I lunged for his lips. His kiss was the best I’d ever had and though there hadn’t been a lot…I knew it didn’t get any better. But then he stopped.
“What were you doing?” he asked still confused.
“You never would have come up here if I’d have asked you…so I tricked you.” I waited for his reaction. Nothing.
“Come up here for what?”
“For this!” I explained and kissed his ear whispering in it. “I wanted to do this.”
“And you are under the impression that I wouldn’t want to?” his words were faint.
I moved to the hollow of his neck. “You are just so honest and you try to keep me honest and I didn’t think you’d follow me up here if you knew my intentions.” I spoke between kisses.
My tongue lightly traced his Adam’s apple and I lifted his sweatshirt to expose his remarkable abs. “You know me well,” he said. I was shocked he wasn’t stopping me…yet. He fingered my hair as I kissed over his abs and with my nose tickled the hair around his belly button. The skin was tight and soft and beautiful.
“What are your intentions?” He inquired softly.
I took a deep breath and inhaled the soapy scent of his skin. His jeans rested below his belly button, and I moved along the waistband feeling tensing muscles in my own pelvis. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I unsnapped the first button and kissed the area underneath. A small groan came from his throat, and I smiled, excited that his body responded to me. His underwear read American Eagle across the band. Figures. My heart raced as the territory I’d ventured into was completely new. I was certain my inexperience showed, and, as I kissed skin I’d never laid eyes on, his hands suddenly lifted me up to his face. I’d done something wrong.
“What did I do?” I asked.
He was moving in for a kiss but reared his head back. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you stopped me. What did I do wrong?” I was embarrassed.
He snickered. “You think I stopped you because you did something wrong?”
He lifted my chin to meet my lips and smothered me with a deep, hard kiss twisting my body till I was flat on my back. Then he stopped. “I interrupted you because you were doing everything right. ” And his lips were squashed against mine again and it took my breath away. I broke free.
“Zach?”
“Hmm.” He was now at the nape of my neck working his way toward my sternum. Suddenly I was nervous that I’d worn a button-down shirt especially, since the first two buttons seemed to come apart with just the slightest touch of his finger and thumb. “Em?” he asked.
“What?” My voice was weak.
He laughed and I didn’t know why. The size of my breasts? “You said… ‘Zach’…and I said… ‘hmm’… and you said nothing else. What were you going to say?”
The kissing resumed, and I felt the warmth of his tongue touch just inside my bra. I hoped he couldn’t feel my heart pounding against my ribs. What was I going to say? Oh, yeah.
“Have you…” There it was again—his silky tongue. He was near but not quite touching my left breast. That one was the bigger of the two anyway. My shirt fell all the way open and he slid it off my arms. I was in my bra!
“Have I what?” he asked with a slight giggle to his words.
“Sorry.” I forgot again. Could I make a complete sentence? “I’m sorry, I’m not very big there.” It felt weird apologizing for my breast size, but I wasn’t big and didn’t have much hope for the future.
He moved back up to my face and glared at me. “Don’t put yourself down. You’re perfect.”
I rolled my eyes. “Have you had that…one thing done a lot?” I hated that I couldn’t bring myself to say the word.
“By that one thing, you’re meaning…a blowjob?”
I nodded, but he didn’t answer either. In fact, he sat more rigid on the bed. “Emma.” Oh great, the full name. “I am three years older than you so I’ve done some stuff you haven’t. Good and bad. But that’s history. That shouldn’t matter.”
I nodded. “Would it matter to you?”
“You mean if you’d been with someone?”
“Yes.”
“First of all, I’m jealous by nature. Secondly, what you did before me is your business; I was not a part of your life then.” I suddenly felt as if he was presenting an opening argument in a defense case. He twisted some strands of my hair from my face and wrapped it behind my ear. “I won’t lie to you. I’m glad that your experiences with me are…new…that you’ve not been there before.”
I smiled, my body still weak from his exploration. I shivered, and he rubbed my arms then grabbed the sweatshirt hanging on the bedpost and tossed it over my shoulders. His eyes shifted from mine to the sweatshirt and he abruptly sat up.
“Texas Longhorns,” he said out loud with no indication of a question. “Grant had this on when I left here earlier and now it’s hanging on your bedpost?”
“Zach. He and I talked. You knew that.”
“In your fucking bedroom?”
God, why did I bring Grant to my room? “Yes. I didn’t want to do it in front of Ryan, so I brought him up here.” Why did I feel like I’d done something wrong?
Zach sat up, wadded the sweatshirt and threw it at the door, then rested his elbows on his knees. I was getting angry. He knew how much I loved him and the thought that he didn’t trust me—hurt. My initial reaction was to cry but I fought hard to keep my emotions in check. How could he not know that
I didn’t want Grant? I propped my feet up on the mattress and tucked my chin between my knees.
He was quiet, and it was killing me, and I still had the news to break about our Saturday night date. Finally, I sprung off the bed and bolted to the door. As I opened it, the sweatshirt in question wedged between it and the floor and wouldn’t budge. I shoved and pulled and I’d gotten it stuck and me stuck in the room. Let the floodgates open…that was the last straw. Then he was behind me and my silent tears fell.
“I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t…” his voice trailed off. “I’m sorry. It’s that son-of-a-bitch I don’t trust. Please forgive me.” His words were sincere, he turned me to face him then leaned in and kissed the tears on my cheeks.
“I would never…”
“I know. I’m sorry for even thinking the thought.” He sat on the bed and pulled me onto his lap. “What did he say?”
My hands were folded and tucked between my thighs. I found it difficult to look into his eyes. “Promise me you won’t get mad.”
His eyes contradicted his smile. “I can’t make that promise.”
My eyes fell to my lap; his thumb forced me to look up. “I won’t get mad at you, how’s that?”
It brought some comfort. “I asked him to leave us alone. That we only had months left together and…” my voice cracked at the end. He pressed his lips to my cheek and gripped my hand. “He agreed that he wouldn’t say anything until May or June.” I watched his face waiting for an expression change that never came. “Aren’t you happy about that?” I asked.
He nodded. “I am in deed. I’m waiting for the part that’s supposed to make me mad, and I figure you haven’t gotten to it. Am I right?”
I nodded in return and wasn’t sure I could bring my self to say what I had to. “I love you very much.”
“And I love you.” He cocked his head sideways waiting.
My throat was dry and all of a sudden he slid me off his lap and stood. “What are you doing?”
“Moving…fidgeting…I don’t know. But this can’t be good if you’re struggling this bad.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Tell me it’s not about sex. Tell me you didn’t negotiate something with him.”
Had my lower jaw not been attached to my upper it would have hit the floor.
He quickly interjected. “Of course you didn’t. Just tell me what it is.”
The suspense seemed to be killing him. I rationalized his thoughts…maybe since it wasn’t sex…it was just a date…that would be more acceptable. “Sit by me.”
When he sat, I scooted close to him and decided to go for it. “Next Saturday I’m going on a date with him.” I breathed. It was out. I watched his jaw harden and a tight smile touch his lips.
“You see. No sex. No kissing. One date and he leaves us alone.” I quickly leaned in and kissed his neck right below his ear and moved over his cheek toward his mouth. He kissed me back but with no emotion. My heart beat awkwardly for a brief second and I smiled at him. “It’ll be OK. I know it. He promised.”
A condescending snort came from the back of his throat. My palms held both sides of his face and my thumbs rubbed his cheeks. Disappointment resonated in his eyes and I wasn’t sure I could handle it. I needed him to believe in me.
“He promised?” He chuckled as the words came out, and I assumed he was making fun of me for having faith in Grant. “I’d rather tell you what I did,” he said honestly.
“I thought about that when he told me his condition.” His eyes flickered with hatred then softened when he looked at me. I couldn’t look at him and talk so I stared at my comforter. “But as much as I want to…what if I can’t forgive you. If I do this, at least we have several months to spend together.”
“You agreed to this?” The frustration in his tone scared me.
“I did.” I hoped he heard confidence in my response.
“What if I requested that you not go?” His eyes stayed focused on the ground.
“I hope that you don’t. I’m doing this for us.”
His eyes found me. “And you think, you going on a date with Grant, will help us?”
I pulled my shoulders slowly up into a shrug then dropped them. “It won’t help us if he tells me what you did and it hurts me.”
His eyes flickered toward me. “He told you it would hurt you?”
I nodded.
“Did he say anything else?”
“He said that he didn’t want to hurt me, but he thought that I deserved to know.”
Zach stood and paced the floor in front of my desk and dresser. “That’s sweet. I think that’s very kind that he doesn’t want to hurt you. Although he’s going to…hurt you…anyway when the time is right. Am I correct?”
His sarcasm, though on target, was biting. “I suppose,” I whispered.
“Let’s say for arguments sake that you accept this incorrigible invitation. How long does he give us?” His eyebrows sat high on his forehead.
I smiled. “May 20th.” I couldn’t help but smile thinking about the date.
He leaned against my desk and folded his arms across his chest. “Your birthday?”
I nodded.
“Why your birthday?”
Crap! My eyes darted around in their sockets trying to come up with the appropriate way to word this. I’d so far been able to leave out the condition of not having sex. But, then again, that was Zach’s idea to begin with. “Well. That’s the day you and I decided on…the date we picked for…you know.” I rolled my eyes, too uncomfortable to say it.
He shifted his weight back to his legs and hovered over me. “Emma. Please tell me. Oh my…” His breathing was erratic. He touched his temples. “Please, Em. Tell me… you didn’t tell him that. Tell me…..lie to me…..do whatever you need to….but don’t tell me you told him that was the day we’d be together.”
“I wanted him to know I was committed to you!!” I screamed and tried to shove him in the chest, but he didn’t move—in fact it hurt my wrist.
I’d never seen him this angry. “So now there’s a second condition. No sex,” his voice was loud but not screaming.
I moved around to the other side of the bed. “Zach. We weren’t going to do it anyway…your rules.”
He drew in a long breath expanding his chest. “My rules?” he smirked, staring out the window. “I think it’s our rules. I thought you were on board with that too.” His words were soft. “I refuse to let him navigate this relationship. And if you allow it, you’re doing it without me.” A painful grimace distorted his face as he said the words. “Friday, I have to serve twenty-four hours in the Jackson County Jail…”
“What?” My heart stopped beating. No. This wasn’t happening. “Because of the fight?”
“I go in Friday at noon and will be released Saturday at noon. My folks are driving me there and picking me up. I guess I’ll see you on Sunday after your date.” He palmed my cheeks, tilted my chin and forced his lips to mine. His kiss was angry and hard and I felt it held a goodbye. He easily jerked the sweatshirt from under the door and tossed it on my bed.
“Zach wait,” I cried, and I heard his feet thumping down the stairs. “Zach,” I yelled after him my body frozen. The front door closed, and I watched out the window as his Jeep pulled away.
FORTY-ONE
I suffered through the next few days that held little hope for me and Zach. He went through the motions of sitting next to me in Algebra, walking me to gym, escorting me to lunch, then the obligatory ride home. But there was never an offer of coming in or going to his house or anything relating to the future. I was living one hour at a time or so it seemed.
My ignorance for the legal system in Ashland was limited at best and I discovered, thanks to the Internet, that Zach would be spending his twenty-four hours in Medford. Ashland had a small holding facility but it wasn’t utilized for this type of thing. I also learned that because Zach was eighteen he would be in with the adult inmates, which sickened me to the core. Child-abusers. Rapists. Even
murderers. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I read. All of this was because of me. He wouldn’t have been sanctioned had it not been for me. I hated myself at the moment.
“Emma?” my dad yelled from the bottom of the stairs. I clicked off the computer.
“Coming!” I hollered.
My driving test was today. I was ready. I’d studied hard and driven more than enough hours to pass this. I imagined Mom and Dad were excited too, though it closed another chapter in their life and started the next. Mom was big on talking about chapters. There seemed to be one always closing and, the more I thought about it, I had to give her credit. She was right. Ryan’s chapter on high school was closing and a new chapter…a new life was before him. It was sad in a way but thrilling at the same time. I hoped the chapter for me and Zach hadn’t closed.
The older female examiner—Doris—is what her badge read, asked me to follow her. I was more nervous now. I drove with caution, utilizing my blinker, abiding by the speed limit and keeping my distance between vehicles in front of me. I even nailed the parallel parking. She finally cracked a smile when we returned and gave my father an approving nod. He winked at me and when directed I offered a broad smile for the camera. I did it! My very own driver’s license. I couldn’t wait to show Zach. Mom and Ryan too but especially Zach.
“Congratulations Sweetheart!” My dad smiled and patted my leg.
“Thanks, Dad.” I paused. “Hey. Would you mind dropping me off at Zach’s so I could show him?”
“Can he bring you home by dinner?”
I wasn’t sure what to say since he didn’t know I was coming over. “Sure.” I hoped.
“Be home by six, then.” He agreed and drove me by the house. Zach’s mom’s car sat in front and his Jeep wasn’t there. I hopped out and went to the door as if they were expecting me, rang the bell and waved to my dad as he pulled away.
“Emma. What a nice surprise,” his mother greeted.
I smiled. “Hi, Mrs. Owens. Is Zach not here?”
“No. But he’ll be here soon. He had a meeting today. Please come in.” She stepped aside widening the passageway through the door and I stepped in. The house smelled nice.
Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) Page 25
