Ties That Bind

by Neeny Boucher

  Working closely with Steven, she came to appreciate his dry wit, steadfast personality, and fair mindedness. They’d become enormously close, opening up and sharing confidences. At the end of November, Christina learned there was a Riley baby on the way.

  Heather Riley was ten weeks pregnant and both she, and Steven were over the moon. Christina was thrilled for them too because she couldn’t think of two more deserving people. Although it did make her a tiny bit envious when she got her period, dashing her hopes for a Riley baby of her own.

  As for her own family, Gabby’s case was in the process of being settled. An offer had been extended and her sister had accepted. They’d left for Washington to sign the papers and the money would be in Gabby’s account at the end of January.

  It struck Christina that she was the most educated in her family and now the least financially well off. So much for education, she mused. She wasn’t going to be bitter and twisted about that at all. Well, maybe just a little bit.

  The resolution of Gabby’s case, however, left her options wide open. She was free to pursue her and Riley’s plans of moving to Seattle. Christina cleaned house in D.C., taking voluntary redundancy at Bindman & Co., much to the disappointment of her boss, Debbie. She sold her house in D.C. and after paying off her mortgage she used the rest to pay off her student loans.

  For the first time in years, Christina was debt free and her own agent. It was both liberating and frightening. She now worked full time on the project and foundation, the latter engendering its own surprises.

  Riley had placed funds in the account while he was away, but out of the blue she received a rather large check from Mason Glenn. It was addressed to the Foundation and came with a weird sort of apology note:

  Darth,

  This is the closest you’ll ever get to an apology from me. I know your sensibilities would preclude you from accepting my money personally, so here is my contribution to your do-gooding Foundation. Do with it what you will and it comes with no strings attached.

  Mason

  P.S. A receipt for tax purposes would be helpful.

  Mason’s weird act of generosity had been enormously beneficial, allowing Christina to hire Gabby as her assistant, putting her big brain to use for good instead of tormenting others. She established a research grant for her old roommate, Marie, to assess all the veteran programs available and analyze where the Foundation could provide a point of difference. Arguably, her greatest success came from her own personal assessment.

  One of the things Christina had worked out is that it was as important to be as honest about your weaknesses as it was your strengths. In terms of the Foundation, no matter what Riley believed, she wasn’t a people person. People either liked her or hated her and while she enjoyed administering the Foundation, she couldn’t be the front person. She had horrible visions of going blank at charity events or unintentionally offending people with her blurt mouth.

  After some consideration, she hired someone universally loved: Mandy. It was a no-brainer and Mandy took over the role of fund raising with her mother. The two Robinson women were formidable and Christina was familiarizing Asha with the Foundation as her second in charge. If and when Christina moved to Seattle, she wanted someone placed in Shanwick that knew what to do.

  Although Riley had dragged her kicking and screaming back to Shanwick, on reflection, she was grateful. He’d given her back her hometown, providing her the opportunity to lay some demons to rest. She didn’t love Shanwick, but she didn’t hate it now either, and that was due in no small part to Riley.

  **********

  Christina and Cartman made their way to the farmhouse in dark, icy conditions. She knew she was an idiot, but she had a hankering to go see if there were any signs of Riley. The lights were off and although Christina knew the chances of him being there were slim, she was still disappointed.

  She had hoped to see him at Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, but so far he hadn’t shown. After the first week, his text messages had become sporadic until they’d dried up altogether. His physical absence was like an ache.

  Everything had fallen into place, everything, but this. “Where are you?” She whispered into the dark. “You promised me. Six weeks, maybe seven. It’s passed that now.”

  Everyone informed her that this was Riley’s pattern and he’d be back soon. When six weeks turned into seven, she noticed the looks people gave one another, and Jed was leaving tomorrow to find out where he was. She couldn’t shake this expectant feeling that he was close and would show up any day.

  Even in Riley’s absence, however, he had made sure he was present. He was everywhere, especially in this town, but he’d been sending her flowers and gifts every Friday. Shaking her head, the thought brought a big goofy grin to her face. Each gift was a mixture of affection and inside joke.

  She cringe-died at the first one: an enormous king-sized bed delivered to the farmhouse. His instructions specifically stated that it was to be driven through town, so everyone could see it. She got the message even without his accompanying note:

  Dina,

  Our home was always our bed. This one is new. No ghosts, only you and me.

  I love you.

  Always,

  Riley xxxx

  The second present had been three stones, each bearing a single word: ‘our’, ‘love’, ‘written’, which had made her teary eyed. The third week, a charm bracelet arrived that included the earring she’d lost at the farmhouse on the night of Mandy’s wedding, a nightingale, a musical note, a miniature key to the farmhouse, his tongue stud, a truck, and an airplane. Turning the bracelet over in her hands, she grinned. She loved the way he could turn a potentially sappy gift into something naughty.

  On the fourth, he’d sent a globe of the world, with a note that just said ‘promise’. The fifth week, he’d sent her house plan options for Seattle, but it was the sixth week’s gift that had made her sit on the floor. He’d sent their old wedding rings to her on a chain.

  She was struck by his thoughtfulness and sentimentality. He had the uncanny ability to tap into her soul with perfect symbols at the perfect moment, reminding her that even in his absence, he was thinking of her. She wondered how he was doing this or when he’d arranged it?

  Christina couldn’t remember him organizing anything while they were away. She’d asked everyone, including Meg, but so far, no one had owned up to being involved. As always, he was a mystery.

  It was the seventh week that intrigued her though. Flowers had arrived, but no gift. She had tried to work out what he meant and came to the conclusion that ‘he’ was going to be the gift, but the dark farmhouse proved her deductions erroneous. “You better come back soon,” she begged. “I’m cold and lonely without you.”

  “Christina,” a voice said from behind her in the dark, making her shriek like a banshee. She gave Cartman such a scare, that the dog started barking uncontrollably. With shaking hands and heart palpitations, she turned to face her surprise visitor.

  It was a Riley, just not the one she’d hoped for. In fact, it was the antithesis. If she hadn’t been talking to herself in the dark like a lunatic, she might have heard the approach and avoided this.

  “Grace,” Christina gasped. “How are you? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to act like that.” And nearly wet myself in front of you.

  “I’m sorry, Dina,” Grace smiled, her eyes so much like her son’s that it made Christina’s heart hurt. “I saw you go past and wanted to talk to you.”

  “Oh,” Christina nodded her head, but inside her heart sank, and she wondered how she could extricate herself from the situation. She was also surprised at Grace’s use of her nickname. There was no way out of this without being rude, so she agreed, but without much enthusiasm.

  **********

  “I have something for you,” Grace smiled at Christina, handing her a cup of coffee. It crossed her mind that the drink might be poisoned, but she took it anyway. “I started it for your birthday,” Grace murmure
d, sipping her cup of tea. “Unfortunately, I didn’t have it finished in time. I was going to give it to you at Christmas, but I didn’t want to intrude.”

  “Mmmm,” Christina faux enthused, blowing on her coffee to cool it down, so she could get the hell out of here as fast as possible. “That’s very nice of you, but you shouldn’t have.”

  It had been a long time since Christina had been in the Riley home. She either met Steven at the office or anywhere else but here. The place had always made her feel awkward, like she was a bull in a china shop, especially with its white décor and expensive ornaments everywhere.

  Christina felt like she was five years old again or the gauche teenager worried that Riley’s mom wouldn’t like her when they started going out. In retrospect, Christina shouldn’t have expended so much energy into trying to be likable. Grace hated her being with Riley and nothing would change it.

  Staring over her teacup, Grace scrutinized Christina before leaving the room. Well, this isn’t uncomfortable at all. Downing her coffee in one gulp, Christina hoped once this was done that she could make her apologies and end whatever this was.

  Pulling up a seat beside her, Grace handed over a photo album. “It took on a life of its own,” Grace smiled sadly. “I found it cathartic and enjoyed doing it. I hope you like it.”

  Opening the album, Christina’s eyes opened wide in shock. There were baby pictures of her, her family, and the Rileys. It was an incredibly thoughtful gift.

  “Do you remember this day?” Grace smiled, pointing at two photos. Yes. Indeed, she did. It was a day she’d never forget.

  Christina and Johnny had been staying at the Riley farm, while her mother was in the hospital having Gabby. Johnny and Riley ganged up on her, sticking tadpoles down her back. They held Christina prisoner, threatening to make her eat some, and told her she was going to turn into a frog lady.

  She’d cried hysterically until she’d vomited, making the boys laugh at her. They’d called her ‘gross’ and poked sticks in her puke. Riley had actually flicked some at her.

  Steven heard her wailing and saved her, chasing the boys off. He’d calmed her down with his gentle manner and taken her to Grace. In hindsight, Christina sometimes wondered if she married the wrong Riley.

  “You made me cookies,” Christina smiled. “Chocolate chip, my favorite.” It made a horrible day special. Grace had made the boys apologize and promise to be nice, taking a group photo to commemorate the ‘peace’.

  The next photo made her eyes water. It was a picture of her family; her parents looked so young and vibrant. Dad’s arms were around her mother, Mom holding a newborn Gabby in her arms, as Johnny and Christina beamed at the camera.

  “Your mother and I were good friends once,” Grace mused. “Actually, we were best friends.” The unspoken until you and Riley ruined it, hung in the air.

  “I miss her,” Grace’s voice cracked. “I have so many regrets... about everything.” Grabbing a tissue, Grace struggled to hold herself together and Christina cringed. She knew what was coming, but didn’t want to bear witness to the elegant Grace Riley breaking down in front of her.

  Grace deserved her dignity and this was a moment Christina shouldn’t be sharing. “No you don’t, Grace,” she said hurriedly. “Really, you don’t.”

  “Yes I do!” Grace cried. “I did something… terrible, terrible to you. Unforgivable. Nicholas was so angry with me. He threatened to leave here and never come back. All I can say is, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to get out of hand.”

  Christina had always suspected ‘someone’ in the Riley family was responsible for her treatment in town and her powers of deduction concluded it was probably Grace a long time ago. She didn’t want it confirmed, preferring to live in ignorance. A confession would change things and Christina’s default position wasn’t forgiveness. “I think I should be going,” Christina blurted, rising to her feet, but Grace gripped her arm.

  “I live in guilt, Christina, especially about Nicholas,” Grace sniffed. “I… had post-partum depression with the children and they didn’t know as much about it then as they do now. The only person outside Leo and our doctor that ever knew, was your mother. She took the children when I suffered melancholy to help me get better.”

  Whoa! Christina tried to keep the shock off her face. In that moment, she realized people really did fight battles that no one else knew, and in Grace’s case, she’d mainly fought it alone.

  “I lost a child between Steven and Nicholas, and one after Nicholas too,” Grace whispered, tears streaming down her beautiful face. “I wasn’t allowed to have any more children. I found motherhood… difficult. Steven was always a happy, self-contained child. He could cope, but Nicholas couldn’t. He was sensitive and affectionate. I couldn’t give him what he needed, but he was relentless. He couldn’t understand why I was so distant.”

  Christina’s heart lurched at the thought of her Riley as a lonely child. He was sensitive and affectionate, but he’d learned to cover it with a tough exterior. His pain came out as anger, lashing out at whoever hurt him.

  She knew this from experience, but she also knew what it was like to live a life wracked by guilt. “Grace,” she started, scratching for words. “You don’t need to say any more. You don’t need to apologize. It’s over. I know what it’s like to live with regrets and guilt. It’s how I’ve spent most of my adult years and I’ve done things I’m not proud of either.”

  Grace clasped her hand and squeezed it. “I fought with Ella and we never made it up. She disapproved of your relationship with Nicholas and I took it personally. I thought she was judging Nicholas and me. As if he was tainted and not good enough or inherited my fatal flaws.”

  Christina’s mouth opened in shock. What was Grace saying? Her mother didn’t think Riley was good enough for her? Christina had always felt it was the other way around: the Rileys didn’t want to be related to the low-class, town weirdos.

  “I always thought you hated me,” Christina confessed. “I thought you didn’t want Nicholas to be with me because of our, you know, background. Our… family heritage and lifestyle.”

  Grace stared at her and then her eyes narrowed. “I’m a lot of things Christina, but I’m not a racist. Ella’s family,” she smiled wistfully, “were the most interesting people I ever met. I loved them. They were magnetic, unforgettable… people with wild hearts and spirits; just like Ella’s three children.”

  Christina didn’t know much about her mother’s background. If she’d ever met her mother’s side of the family, she couldn’t remember. “I don’t know them,” Christina confessed. “Mom always said they were bad apples.”

  Grace laughed. “Ella disapproved of them. They embarrassed her, but I loved them. I wanted to be one of them.”

  Oh, yes, her mother’s disapproval. She’d used it as a weapon, ruling with an iron fist. Christina knew because she’d been on the receiving end of it and so had Riley. Her mother had also been unforgiving, something they shared in common.

  “I used to sneak out at night and go to the Adams,” Grace sighed and Christina caught a glimpse of the girl she’d once been. “I understood why Nicholas did the same thing. I remember the music and dancing, the passionate love and ‘devil may care’ attitude.”

  Staring at Christina, Grace’s eyes twinkled. “What? You think Nicholas got his rebellious streak from his father?” Both women laughed out loud. Leo Riley didn’t have a rebellious bone in his body.

  In that moment, it dawned on Christina that she wasn’t her mother. This festering bitterness and resentment didn’t have to be intergenerational. She could accept and extend the hand of peace.

  “Mom had plans for me,” Christina sighed. “I ruined them and she blamed Nicholas. It was easier for her to do that. I loved my mother, but as you know, she was a force to be reckoned with. Even now, I wonder if I’ve done enough to win her approval. It’s difficult living your life, hoping the ghost of your mother approves of you. It makes you second guess ever
ything.”

  “You have, Christina,” Grace smiled. “You have done more than enough and so has Nicholas. Both mothers can be very proud. I know I am.”

  Picking up the photo album, Christina thanked Grace, making her way to Cartman, and the front door. “I’ll treasure these. Thank you. They really are perfect.”

  “Don’t be too hard on your mother,” Grace pleaded. “Your grandparents wanted Ella to go to college. She would have been the first in the family. Ella spoiled their plans by running off with your father. She transferred their hopes to you and probably saw history repeating itself. Ella shouldn’t have worried though. If you hadn’t gone to college, Gabby would have. She’s as smart as a whip.”

  “Some would say too smart for her own good,” Christina laughed, but college wasn’t really the issue, was it? Her mother and Grace, two ex-best friends, had been at war through their children, and for what? Who was right and who was wrong?

  There were no winners in this scenario and it was stupid. Parental hopes and aspirations were necessary, but should never be a burden. If she did get to be a mother, this was a lesson to her on resisting the urge to force your child into some fantasy mold.

  “Grace,” Christina turned, wanting to say something comforting. “I know I’m probably not the daughter-in-law you wanted, but I love your son. We love each other. I’m sorry you and Mom never made up, but there are no hard feelings between us.”

  Grace nodded, her eyes welling with tears. “Thank you and you are the daughter- in-law I want. Nicholas wants you and that’s good enough for me. It should have always been. I always hoped our families would be joined. I just didn’t want you to do it so young. Ella and I fought over who was to blame, and we couldn’t get past it.”

  **********

  On the way back to her home, Christina mulled over the conversation. She wasn’t sure if her and Grace would ever be close, but at least this was a start toward something solid. She’d had a childlike view of events, as if feeling someone ‘didn’t like you’ was the start and end point of a relationship.