Ties That Bind

by Neeny Boucher

  “No it’s not,” Riley sighed. “We all had our parts to play, but I left the door open for this. I never told her. Everyone told me to tell her and I didn’t. Now, it’s just a clusterfuck and she’s gone.”

  He ended the call, sitting with the phone clasped in his hand. It was a start, but he had a long way to go. He wasn’t sure how he was ever going to be able to face Christina again, but there was a list of apologies he had to make before he got to her.

  Riley knew they were over. They couldn’t come back from this. He’d confessed his worst sins to her and her horror-stricken face would haunt him for the rest of his days.

  “Here’s a funny thing about forgiveness,” Jed said quietly, making Riley’s head snap up. Steven was hovering nervously, as if mental illness was contagious. “We live in a world where everyone wants forgiveness,” Jed added, “but no one ever asks. If you want Christina’s forgiveness, you’re going to have to ask her for it. Whether she gives it to you or not is another story, but you have to try.”

  “I agree,” Steven nodded. “Nick, you’re always going to be the boy that she loved. How about being the man that she needs? I know she loves you. You were all she ever talked about when you were away. Love, it has to count for something, right?”

  “You have no idea what I’ve done,” Riley groaned. He took a deep breath and started rambling. “It’d be impossible for her to love me now. I’m an asshole and we were closer than we’d been in years, maybe ever. We were trying for a kid. A kid! She wanted kids… with an asshole like me. She let me in and I betrayed her confidence in the worst possible way. She told me she might get cancer. Her and Gabby, there’s a history in the family, and how did I repay her?”

  “My sisters have cancer?” Johnny asked from behind them. He’d come in so quietly no one had heard him.

  He stood with his mouth open, his eyes haunted, reminding Riley of Christina. “Oh, man,” Johnny whimpered, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes, and then he broke. “No, no, no!” Tears fell down his face and Riley felt sick.

  “They don’t have cancer, Johnny,” Riley placated. “They just have regular checkups to make sure they’re okay. That’s all-”

  “Look at what you’ve done now!” Jed snapped. “Are there any other Martins you’d like to break? Jack would be an easy mark, but Gabby might be more of a challenge.”

  Clenching his hands into fists and releasing them, Johnny stared at Riley. “I just got my family back too and now they’re gone,” he choked out. “Gabby said she’s on Dina’s side - like there are sides to this! My family’s broken. and I don’t know how to put us back together. I’ve got a kid coming and my sisters are nowhere to be found. This is supposed to be a moment of celebration for us. The first grandchild, the first niece or nephew… I can’t even make this right because I don’t know where they are.”

  Leaning into Riley’s face, Johnny begged. “Tell me. Did you do it? Did you do this on purpose? I knew she was your inspiration, but I want to know if this was cold, calculating revenge?”

  A part of Riley wanted to argue the technicalities, but he felt honesty tapping him on the shoulder. If he wanted to make amends, he had to tell the truth even though it felt disconcerting. “Yes and no,” he sighed. “That poem was never supposed to see the light of day. If you remember, Lexi found it and showed it to you. You all loved it and I didn’t know how to stop it. I should’ve just said ‘no’, but I didn’t. I was desperate to make my mark and so were you. As time went on, it amused me. I know, I’m a sick fuck, and if I could take it all back, I would.”

  “Life isn’t about do-overs, Riley,” Johnny glared. “Sometimes, we get second chances and we have to take our opportunities. I’m telling you now, if it comes to a choice between my family and you, I’m choosing them-”

  “That’s a bit unfair,” Jed scowled, folding his arms. “You knew what he did when he was off-grid. He did this for the band! Sure, it’s all turned to shit, but he’s not solely responsible for this mess either.”

  Johnny paused, his eyes finding Jed and Riley. “True,” he nodded, “but I didn’t know I was singing revenge songs about Christina. Not really. I’m not going through life without my sisters again. I’m leaving on Wednesday for Europe and if you want to make this right, help me find them. Bring them back to me.”

  Johnny walked out and didn’t look back. Riley had often wondered what life would be like if the Martins closed ranks against him and it looked like he was about to find out. The weight of what he’d done hit him and he slumped in his seat.

  He’d hurt so many people, people that he loved, because he gave into the wilder parts of his nature. It wasn’t worth it and he’d come to learn that too late. What the hell had he been thinking?

  Riley acknowledged that he was an arrogant, pig-headed fool, believing he could manage a situation when he couldn’t even control himself. Hell, he’d taken off all the safety-guards and broken his own rules. This was worse than the worst-case scenario.

  In all the ways confessing his sins to Christina had played out in his head, he’d never factored venting his poison all over her. He wasn’t sure if he could redeem himself, but he had to try. Otherwise, what was the point?

  “Stop sulking,” Jed ordered. “You heard him. He’s furious and hurt, but he’s given you a way back. We’re going to man up and go find those girls.”

  “We?” Riley raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you going with the band?”

  Jed shook his head. “Nope. I’ve resigned and handed it over to Manu.” Casting a sheepish grin at Steven, Jed grinned. “I’m pursuing other employment opportunities. And of course, I’m coming, you numpty! I’m not going to let you feck this up on your own.”

  **********

  Riley, Shanwick, Friday, February 1, 2013

  “Go on,” Jed urged. “You go in there. I’m staying outside.”

  In the last forty-eight hours, Riley had begun the painful process of facing his litany of sins. He’d phoned Ted Bateman and his ex fiancé, Jasmine. Unsurprisingly, that hadn’t gone well.

  Andy James wasn’t returning his calls and he felt like a pariah with Christina’s loved ones. When he went information gathering at the Robinsons, Asha and Eddie chased him out. Even the serene Mandy scowled at him, refusing to answer questions. The highlight: Connor Warnock giving him a picture of a penis drawn in his likeness.

  Standing outside the Martin home, Riley could live with all of it, but he needed forgiveness from the man he’d come to see. He loved Jack and if this went wrong, he didn’t know what he’d do. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door and a disapproving Tessa invited him in.

  For the first time, Riley noticed Jack looked old, worn-out, and defeated. The responsibility hit him in the chest and he had to blink back tears. “I’m sorry, Jack,” he choked out. “I’m sorry for all of it.”

  “It’s terrible,” Jack grimaced, shaking his head. “Bloody awful. I had no idea that filthy song was about Dina. People have been saying hateful, vicious things about my big girl. Again. She left here and so did Gabby. I couldn’t stop them. They wouldn’t listen. Gabby left yelling about… private parts and instruments. I don’t know what she was talking about, but she thinks I don’t love them. Love them? They’re my girls. How could I not love them? They’re part of me!”

  Riley decided to forego his brutal honesty policy to give Jack some comfort. “The song wasn’t about Dina, Jack,” he white lied. “It was about me. I changed the focus from male to female, so it would be more commercially viable. The responsibility of this is on me, not you.”

  Jack look relieved and Riley caught Tessa’s eye. She nodded at him and he felt the stone lift a little from his chest. “I need to find them,” Riley added. “I need to apologize to Dina, but I don’t know where she is. Can you help me?”

  Frowning, Jack nodded. “I don’t know where they are either. Dina left a bunch of stuff in her room. You might find something there. I just want them to come back!”

 
So did Riley. He tore up the stairs and felt assaulted when he walked into her room. She was everywhere: her smell, her clothes, her memory - their memory.

  He wanted to stay there, breathing in her scent and wishing her back, but he wasn’t alone. On the end of her bed lay his nemesis, Riot, the menace. The cat rolled over, stretching its legs out, making Riley smile.

  “I’m sorry, boy,” Riley whispered. “This is my fault. I’m going to get her back though. I’ll bring her home to you.”

  Reaching his hand out, the cat allowed him to stroke it three times before biting him hard enough to draw blood. Nice. “Okay,” he laughed. “I deserved that.”

  There was a box marked “Riley” and when he opened it, he put a fist to his mouth. Every gift he’d given her was in there. She’d taken nothing of him with her, except her broken heart.

  He didn’t have a clue where she’d gone and without Andy James, he didn’t know how to start tracking her. He needed the help of two people. One, he was looking forward to seeing and the other? It was a suicide mission.

  **********

  Seattle

  “I think this is a mistake,” Jed warned. “Bad shit happens when the leprechaun’s involved.” He was right, but Riley didn’t have much choice. He needed someone with computer skills, and for all his faults, Mason was a master.

  They’d arrived in Seattle late afternoon having driven Riley’s truck because Gabby Martin had stolen his car. Every time he thought about it, he laughed. The balls on that girl, no correction, the iron vagina of Gabby was unbelievable.

  Finding his car abandoned at his place in Fremont made him laugh harder, earning a strange look from Jed. Swapping the truck for the Audi, Jed insisted he check for explosives before starting the engine. Bomb-free, they made their way to Mason Glenn’s, arguing the pros and cons. Although Riley and Mason had their differences, he knew Mason would come through for him.

  Mason was on the telephone when Riley and Jed barged into his office. He cut his conversation short, his eyes widening in confusion before blurting, “I didn’t do anything. Whatever she said, it wasn’t me.”

  Riley blinked. This usually indicated Mason had done something, but he had other priorities. “I need your help,” he grimaced at his old friend. “Dina’s missing and I have to find her. I have no idea where she’s gone. Can you help me?”

  Mason’s relief was palpable. “Okay,” he sighed. “Tell me what you’ve got and what you need. I’ll do my best.”

  **********

  “They landed in Rome on the 19th of January,” Mason tapped the computer screen. “Andy James is with them, but after that they just vanish. Their bank accounts haven’t been touched and neither have their credit cards. The last activity on Andy’s account was the day they left. By the way, Gabby’s bank account is a lot fuller than Dina’s. Hers is virtually empty.”

  “What do you mean?” Riley frowned. He could certainly rectify that, but it seemed strange to him. She was always careful with her finances.

  “The only real activity on Dina’s account is in December. She sold her house, paid off her mortgage, and student loans. There’s one withdrawal in Seattle, but that was weeks ago. After that,” Mason shrugged. “Nothing.”

  “How can people just disappear?” Riley asked. “I mean they have to be living on something. They have to be somewhere.”

  Mason pulled a face. “I traced her cellphone to Pioneer Square. I’m pretty sure you can figure out who lives there. Tall, red hair, stacked-”

  Jed coughed menacingly. “Is this legal? You scavenging around in their bank accounts and hacking into airport security?”

  “No,” Mason laughed. “Let me be clear, everything I’m doing is illegal. Speaking of illegal, I could put a bulletin out for them. Get them probed at airport security and borders. May even get them arrested? It’d stick them on the type of lists you’d never want to be on though-”

  “NO!” Riley and Jed shouted in unison. “There will be no probing,” Riley insisted. “And no arrests. I’ve done enough damage. I don’t plan on doing any more.”

  Mason shrugged. “Okay, but that’s about all I can do to help at this stage. As of two weeks ago, they were in Rome and after that, who knows. You could get her family to put out a ‘missing persons’ and send photos to law enforcement in Italy. I can keep an eye on this for you, but I think your best option is to go and see Hot Bonnie.”

  Riley nodded. He was planning on seeing Bonnie anyway, but the thought didn’t fill him with joy. He would be about as welcome as a leper.

  “Mason,” Riley grinned. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Everything you’ve done today, it means a lot.”

  Shrugging, Mason smiled. “I know I’ve been a dick. If I can do anything to help, I will. I know how much she means to you.”

  They left each other on a bro-hug. The differences remained between them, but they’d taken a step toward reconciliation. Riley felt a burst of affection for his friend, hugging him longer than was socially acceptable.

  “If Gabby ever breaks up with Andy James,” Mason muttered in his ear, “you’ll let me know?” Riley withdrew from Mason’s embrace feeling a little unclean.

  **********

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Jed asked, trepidation oozing off him. “I know she’s home, but I feel I need to warn you. Mr. Popular, you are not, and my woman is a dangerous, fierce, lass.”

  No. Riley didn’t want to do this, but he didn’t have any choice. This was the last known address for Dina in Seattle. Actually, in the country and Bonnie was her soul sister. If anyone knew where Dina was, it would be the woman that hated him with the fire of a million suns.

  “Look,” Jed added. “You’re doing well, but we don’t want to push it. Two weeks ago, you were a cot case-”

  “Thanks,” Riley interrupted. “You’re right, but this gives me purpose. It’s the first time in what feels like forever that I’m not ruminating on shit and I need to find her. I know I’m taking my life into my own hands, but I’m doing it anyway.”

  Jed rang the doorbell to Bonnie’s apartment and the two men waited nervously. Bonnie opened the door wearing a Kimono, The Kooks “Naïve” blaring in the background. “Hey baby!” She cooed at Jed and then her eyes fell on Riley.

  The smile dropped off her face and her eyes went like shards of glass. If looks could kill, he’d be toast. “Who is it?” Mandy giggled from behind Bonnie, making Riley’s heart sink. With the two of them there, this was going to be worse than he predicted.

  “Look, Bonnie,” Riley put his hands up in submission. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see, but I need to talk to you… about Dina.”

  It was Bonnie’s smile that diverted him. It was full, charming, and genuine. Riley’s eyebrows went into his hairline and he smiled back. He was still smiling when her right fist hit him square in the eye.

  His head rocked back and he saw stars. Hell, he saw a whole galaxy. His eye puffed up and the other one was watering. His ears were ringing and he was shaking his head from side to side to clear the noise.

  People were yelling from all directions, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. As he got his senses back under control, he heard something that made his blood freeze. “Taser!” Bonnie yelled. “I bought one and I call it ‘just for Riley’.”

  Surely, she had to be joking? But Riley didn’t get that lucky. Bonnie grabbed a Taser from her kitchen drawer, charging at him, making him jump back.

  Shouldering him out of the way, Jed grabbed Bonnie’s hand and pointed the Taser at the ceiling. “A punch in the face was fair!” Jed bellowed. “But I can’t let you Taser him, sweetheart. That’s wrong.”

  The two wrestled, looking like giant grizzly bears in some kind of sick mating ritual. Mandy was screaming at Bonnie to ‘put it down’ and ‘stop it’, but the giant redhead really did want to kill him. After what seemed like an eternity, Jed secured the Taser, but he was shaken.

  “Jaysus, woman!” Jed sho
ok his head. “Give the man a chance before you execute him without trial. He wants to make amends.”

  “Amends?” Bonnie shrieked. Her chin began to tremble and her voice cracked. “She didn’t speak for three days and I don’t mean ‘tell me what happened’. I mean she didn’t utter one word for three days. I had to force feed her. She lay in bed, almost catatonic. I didn’t know what the hell to do. I was terrified of leaving her by herself!”

  Riley covered his face with his hands. The image made him sick to his stomach. He could never take that back, not as long as he lived.

  “What’s the matter, Riley?” Bonnie taunted. “You don’t like your handiwork? You broke down all her barriers, and just when she was open and vulnerable, you shredded her. I’ve seen Dina hurt, mainly because of you, but I’ve never seen her so defeated. It was like all the life had been sucked out of her. How dare you come to my door and show your face! Get out!”

  Taking a deep breath, Riley decided it was now or never. “I’m on the bipolar spectrum, Bonnie. It’s not an excuse. It’s an explanation. I basically had a giant meltdown when Dina came to see me. I’ll regret what I’ve done for the rest of my life and I want to tell her that in person. I owe her that.”

  The deathly silence that followed was unnerving. “Bipolar?” Mandy whispered. “How long have you had it?”

  Riley shrugged. “Probably all my life. I became aware that I had a real problem after Dina and I divorced. I got depressed and couldn’t find a way through. My writing helped, but I would be up and then down. I’m on mood stabilizers, but I was off them when she came to see me.”

  “What about “Magnificent”?” Bonnie hissed. Her killing rage had gone, but she was still suspicious. “Did you write that when you were in your bipolar phase?”

  “Yes,” Riley nodded. “It started off as a bitter and twisted poem. Written at the height of my depression. To be honest, I never thought that she’d find out or I’d have to account for it. I didn’t think we’d ever get back together. I was going to tell her when I came back from being off-grid. I swear, but what I did was a million times worse.”