Ties That Bind

by Neeny Boucher

  Riley stood frozen, staring at Christina in silence. As time ticked on, her surety began to disintegrate. Oh god. She’d just made a complete idiot of herself. He hadn’t come here to patch up their relationship, he’d come to say goodbye, and she’d misread the situation.

  **********

  Riley

  She really was magnificent. Riley stood staring at her in awe. Somewhere during this conversation, he’d lost his tongue.

  For once, Christina was clear and articulate, expressing herself openly and without barriers. He could listen to her speak forever, even if she did have clown hair. When it finally sunk in that she was giving him a chance, he hardly dared breathe.

  The next statement out of her mouth, however, gave him pause. “Or,” Christina shrugged, looking chagrined, “if you don’t want to have a relationship with… me, we could just be really good friends! Or whatever…”

  Friends? He didn’t think so, not in this lifetime. He loved her way too much for that and he was far too selfish.

  “No,” Riley shook his head. “Don’t ask me to be your friend. I’ll be anything else. Your greatest supporter, defender, or whatever you want me to be, but I won’t be your friend.”

  Her eyes were confused and she looked rejected, but it was the opposite. Standing closer, Riley reached out, touching her face. Her skin was wet, from tears or rain, he didn’t know, but the feel of her warmed his heart.

  “I’m in love with you. I won’t pretend to be your friend,” he said meaningfully. “It would be a lie and I’m not lying to you ever again, not even by omission. If you want me to fight for you, us, you got it. And honey, if there’s one thing I can do in this life, it’s fight.”

  Christina laugh-cried and Riley drew her into his arms. Her arms wrapped around his waist, her head on his chest. He sighed, breathing her in. She was letting him come home.

  He never thought it possible, but she’d forgiven him. “You amaze me,” he said quietly into her hair. “You are so strong.”

  “Not always,” Christina mumbled into his chest. “And you’re strong too. Mandy once said something to me about love and it’s so true. She said love is more than just passion and drama. It’s about being there for someone when they need you. It’s the shoulder to cry on and the arms that shelter you when you need it. That’s the type of love I want, too. You be strong when I’m not and I’ll be strong when you’re not. We’ll share it.”

  A lump formed in Riley’s throat and he closed his eyes. He didn’t know if he deserved her, but he wasn’t letting her go now. “Are you sure about this, Dina? I regretted not coming for you the first time you left and I seriously messed up the second. I should have fought for you then and not with you. If you want me, you got me, but I’m never letting you go again. This is it.”

  “Promise?” She grinned, making him laugh.

  “Promise,” Riley swore. “And there’s something I need to correct you on. You told me you’d never been enough for me. You’re wrong. You’re enough. Actually, you’re everything.”

  Christina buried her head in her hands and started crying. “Come on,” he urged, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Let’s get out of the rain.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six: Binding

  Christina, Rimini, Thursday, February 21, 2013

  Christina couldn’t quite believe this was happening. Against all the odds, she was here in Riley’s arms and they’d made up. It was ridiculously simple and complicated. She loved him and resolved to put her own happiness above all else.

  Neither of them was perfect, evidenced by their tempestuous relationship. Their love reflected their personalities: messy and flawed. Yet, scraping the scar tissue away from everything, it rested on one thing: she would rather live in this world with him, than without.

  She self-scrutinized for any reservations about her decision and found none. Sure, there were rivers to cross and bridges to mend, but she didn’t believe their problems were insurmountable. She had always been able to cope with anything, so long as she had all the information at hand.

  Other people might have criticisms, but they were free to live their lives and keep their opinions to themselves. It wouldn’t make a single bit of difference to her commitment to Riley and she wouldn’t be persuaded again otherwise.

  Christina did, however, have a confession to make. “Um, Riley,” she grimaced. “I understand the impulse of lashing out and wanting revenge. I really do.”

  They were standing outside the main doors of the hotel, dripping wet, covered in sand, and shivering. In this light she could see his facial features better and currently he looked intrigued. “I gave Gabby the pin number to your credit card,” she winced, “and… we kind of hammered it.” To Christina’s relief, Riley threw his head back and laughed. “I’ll pay you back,” she offered hurriedly, but he shook his head.

  “No,” he chuckled. “I’m happy you did that. It makes me a feel a bit better. I got Mason to hack your bank account and I put money in it.”

  “What?” Christina spluttered. “That’s creepy!” It really was and she was more than a little annoyed at her breach of privacy and his act of charity.

  A small smile played around the corners of Riley’s mouth. “If we’re playing the ‘what’s worse’ game, Bonnie punched me in the face and gave me a black eye. She then tried to Taser me. I think I need a hug.”

  Christina’s eyes bugged open and her shoulders started shaking with suppressed laughter. He looked amused, but sad. “Oh no,” she sympathized. “My poor baby! Come here.”

  Riley bent his head toward her and she hugged him, kissing him on the cheek. “She was so mad at me,” he moaned. “Everybody hated me. Connor drew me a picture of a penis with my face on it and Eddie Robinson called me ‘less than a man’. Even Mandy was angry with me, but Bonnie was the worst. She really wanted to kill me. Jed had to wrestle her.”

  Christina could picture it and she was trying to be sympathetic, but she wanted to laugh until her stomach hurt. At this moment, she loved Bonnie, Mandy, Eddie, Asha, and Connor Warnock with the force of the Adriatic Sea. She also realized that Bonnie must really love Jed. Anybody else and she would have broken him into teeny-tiny pieces.

  Speaking of broken pieces, they needed to heal their own. “Come on,” she nodded her head. “Let’s go heal this.”

  **********

  They stripped off their wet and sandy clothes, getting into the shower. At first, they were both shy and nervous, tenderly washing each other. The tension was palpable, longing looks were exchanged, fingers grazed body parts and lingered, but neither of them made the first move.

  Sitting on the bed in towels, Christina kneeled behind Riley drying his hair, as he closed his eyes and sighed. Something clicked in Christina. It had been pressing around the edges of her mind since her conversation with Grace, but she hadn’t had the chance to articulate it. “I’ve been thinking about something,” she whispered in his ear, gently kissing his cheek. “You’ve always had this pathological need to take care of me and I have a theory.”

  Turning, he stared at her with such tender affection her heart melted. “I think,” she murmured, “it’s because no one has really taken care of you. Let me take care of you. I want to be that person.”

  Riley squeezed his eyes shut leaning his forehead against hers. He smelled of minty toothpaste and soap, and something essentially him. Planting kisses on his forehead, eyes and nose, Christina gently touched her mouth to his.

  She threw her towel off and straddled him, but he remained still. She kissed the side of his gorgeous face and nipped his earlobe, making him stir. It was clear he wanted her and she definitely wanted him, but he was hesitant.

  Christina grazed his neck, running her tongue along his collarbone and then she felt his hands wrap around her, pulling her close. “I want you,” she whispered. “Only you. Let’s heal this. Make love to me.”

  Riley groaned, tightening his grip on her body. He rolled her onto her back, claiming her mouth with
enough intensity to bruise. There he was.

  His mouth went to her neck and collarbone, making her groan out loud. As he trailed his tongue down her body, she arched forward, pushing her boobs toward him. She gripped his hair harder than intended as his mouth went around one boob and then the other.

  Riley kissed down her stomach and when she felt his breath on her thighs, she lost her mind. She’d always had a quick trigger, especially where he was concerned, but this was exquisite torture. As his tongue found her, she had to resist the urge of clamping his head between her legs.

  “Oh god!” She moaned, thrusting her hips in his face. “Don’t stop. Please. For the love of god…”

  Christina was pretty sure she woke the hotel and everyone knew Riley’s name. It was literally a screaming orgasm and afterward she lay there panting, staring at him in awe. He gave a satisfied smile, pointing at himself.

  “Oh yeah, boy,” Riley winked. “I did that,” making her burst out laughing. He had every right to be proud of himself. She was proud of him too.

  “Come here,” she panted, but he shook his head.

  “I want you so bad. I want to be inside you and I don’t want you to close your eyes,” Riley demanded. “I want to see into your eyes when you come.”

  Grabbing her legs and pulling them apart, Riley entered her. She closed her eyes at the sensation of having him inside her, but he objected. “Open your eyes,” he urged, hoarsely.

  She gazed into his eyes in wonder and never felt more exposed, nor connected to another human being in her life. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she clasped him to her chest, but didn’t break eye contact. She didn’t know how long they stayed like that. It could have been minutes or hours.

  All she knew is that she’d never been more alive than in this moment. With every thrust, she arched into him, matching his rhythm and whispering her love. She came just before him, managing to maintain eye contact, as her body contracted around him.

  “I love you,” he groaned. It was intense, new and different. Christina began to feel healed. They drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms, her on top of him, and him holding her as if he never wanted to let go.

  **********

  Riley

  “So what happens now? Christina asked. “Are you still going to write lyrics or are you going to stop and do something else?”

  It was 7.00 a.m. and they’d had four hours sleep. He wasn’t complaining, just observing. He figured he better get used to it because Christina seemed to have a hundred million questions.

  They’d talked about everything: from their respective conversations with his mother, their travels, his meeting with Bianca, but he could tell there was yet more to come. He was bone weary and tired, but savoring her company because he knew the world was bleak without her.

  “Yeah,” Riley shrugged. “I still want to write lyrics, but I’m not writing for the band anymore. I already made that decision before I left. I want to be happy and I’m probably going to end up writing sappy, upbeat love songs for boy bands.”

  He laughed, but it was true. When your perspective changed, it was amazing what drew your vision. He had no interest in going back to ‘dark space’ ever again.

  “Okay,” Christina nodded, rolling over, and staring at the ceiling. “If you write them, I’ll sing them.”

  Riley sat bolt upright and stared at her. Did he just hear that right? He’d wanted her to sing and share a creative life with him ever since they’d got together. He’d given up on the idea because it had caused so much tension between them and he thought she wasn’t interested.

  “Seriously?” He whispered. She nodded, giving him her vixen smile. His mind started racing with lyrics and plans, favors to call in, and potential collaborators.

  “I don’t want to be famous or anything,” Christina confessed. “I don’t want to be like Johnny. I’ll be happy to sing your demos or in small clubs, but I don’t want that pressure. I love music and I love singing. Can I just do that?”

  Riley tilted his head. In his view, there were some things that were meant to be, and even though she’d tried to keep out of the public eye, it had found her. Now wasn’t the time to advance that idea, so he tried a different approach. “If you were thinking about a career, you know of all the famous artists, whose would you want?”

  Pulling a face, Christina ventured. “I don’t know. Carol King, Tracy Chapman, Morrissey, the Finn Brothers, Suzanne Vega, maybe?”

  Riley tried not to smirk and gave himself a virtual uppercut. Of course, it made perfect sense. Artists’ artists, people that other artists looked up to and they could still walk the streets without being descended on by hoards of fans.

  “So critically acclaimed and legendary?” He grinned. They could do that.

  “First though,” Christina stared at him, making him nervous. “We need to talk. I need some assurances from you.”

  Riley nodded. He didn’t expect anything less from her. If she hadn’t raised the subject, he would have been disappointed.

  “You can’t ever do this again,” she stated. “Never, ever, times infinity. I can cope with anything, but there has to be boundaries, lines that you won’t cross. You have to promise me.”

  Her demands were fair, but he didn’t know how much of his character could be attributed to his illness or to what was essentially him. “You’re right, Dina. I need to do that, but the truth is, I struggle finding the middle ground and holding it. I promise to keep myself well, but even with the mood stabilizers, I’m not exactly a pacifist.”

  Christina nodded. “I understand that or as much as I can anyway. You’ve always been the guy that breaks ankles and cracks skulls, but there has to be a code of honor that you live by. And if things get… squirrely, you won’t cross the line.”

  Riley agreed. There had to be. His mother had talked about ‘triggers’, but he’d always been the ‘guy’ that detonated the bomb. Brinkmanship was one of his favorite games and it had been essential in not only getting to the top in his profession, but also, staying there.

  “I’m not disagreeing with you,” Riley started. “It’s just the business I’m in. Dirty tricks come with the territory… I’ll give it up, though. If that’s what you want?”

  In truth, it would pain him to do so. He loved it, but if it came to a choice between his business and Dina. She would win every time.

  Christina groaned, wrapping the sheet around her, and sitting up. “Seriously? You’re talking about your profession and dirty tricks? I’m a lawyer, Riley. I’ve seen and heard the dirtiest tricks of them all! Our profession has turned dirty tricks into an art form! But we play within a certain set of parameters. If we go over the line and get caught, we’re punished.”

  Turning her eyes toward him, she pleaded. “You have to do that. You have to develop your own code. What you did to Ted wasn’t illegal, but it was morally wrong, and that had nothing to do with ‘business’.”

  Riley grimaced. That was the truth. That was a very personal affair. “So, what are you suggesting?”

  Christina shrugged. “You did horrible things. Actually, we both have. Sometimes, you need to do horrible things in this world to survive, but we also need a code to live by. Something basic like: ‘don’t touch the innocents’? You know, ‘do no harm’, but take no shit?”

  Riley laughed. He could live with and by that. Reaching over, he ran his fingers along her collarbone. This was a perfect moment. “I promise,” he groaned. “I swear, on everything that’s holy, I won’t let you down again.”

  “I love you,” she stated firmly. “I will stand with you and by you. I promise that only death will separate us. I can cope with your illness and everything that comes with it, but you have to be the man that I know you to be.”

  Tracing patterns along her beautiful skin, Riley felt humbled. She was accepting him as is. He aimed to spend the rest of his life rewarding her faith and trust in him. “I don’t deserve you,” he groaned.

  Glaring at him, Chri
stina sat up. The sheet fell to her waist and he was trying to meet her eyes, but there were other distractions. Two perfect ones, dangling, and taunting him. “No,” she wagged her finger, making her boobs jiggle. “I don’t want you to say that or think like that. You do deserve me and I deserve you.”

  She launched herself out of bed naked and now she was just being cruel. “We need to do something,” she frowned. Christina could ask him anything at this point, including walking through fire, and he would do it.

  Handing him a piece of paper and a pen, she climbed back in the bed, resting her head on his shoulder. “We need some symbolic gesture. Gabby suggested this and I like the idea. It’s an end point. Something that lets everything go, so we can start from ‘this’ place right here. There are no more debts or I.O.U.s. It’s done.”

  Okay, it sounded good. “I think we should give ourselves fifteen minutes,” Christina suggested. “We write down all the things we’re sorry for and after that we burn it. We put it in the ocean and let it go. Our relationship starts here. If we want to talk about our complicated past, we can, but we do it without guilt or recriminations.”

  Riley loved the idea. He loved her. “You’ve changed,” he grinned and she had. There was an emotional strength that hadn’t been there before. When her face became concerned, he kissed her on the forehead. “I like it. Let’s do it.”

  **********

  Half an hour later, they were standing on the wet sand, pieces of paper in hand and a lighter they’d borrowed from a staff member. “I look ridiculous,” Christina groaned, but Riley disagreed. She looked adorable.

  She had to dress in Riley’s clothes because her suitcase was in her hotel room. When she’d gone to retrieve it, she found Jack and Johnny crashed out asleep on the bed. They’d improvised, rolling up a pair of Riley’s jeans and putting a belt on, so they didn’t fall down.