Irish Meadows

by Susan Anne Mason

  He pressed his lips together into a firm line and stepped back. “I can see this was a bad idea.” Without further explanation, he turned and strode out the door.

  Baffled, Brianna fought for equilibrium. She rushed outside and called after his retreating back. “Gil, why did you come?”

  He paused to look over his shoulder, then shook his head. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  Without realizing where he was headed, Gil ended up on Fifth Avenue in front of St. Patrick’s Cathedral. He climbed the stairs to the double set of wooden doors and tried the latch, not certain if the building would be open on a Wednesday afternoon. The handle gave way under his fingers. Removing his hat, he stepped into the cool, dark interior and drew a deep breath into his lungs to settle his system.

  His eyes adjusted slowly to the dim interior, while the soothing smell of candle wax and sandalwood soap flooded his senses. He pushed his cap into his jacket pocket, his fingers brushing the small, square package hidden there. Another wave of regret swamped him. He’d come to ask Brianna out to dinner, where he’d planned to propose, but seeing her with that dandy in the fancy automobile had short-circuited the wiring in his brain. All his good intentions had vanished in a black cloud of distrust.

  Pushing aside his frustration, Gil moved into the main area of the church. The soft glow of votive candles cast a soothing aura over the vast space. Several people dotted the pews on either side of the long center aisle, heads bent in prayer. Gil took a seat in one of the back pews, hoping that the peace of the sanctuary would soothe his troubled spirit.

  He’d behaved badly. He didn’t need Brianna’s furious reaction to tell him that. He’d allowed jealousy to flare like a lit match and overtake all common sense. The numerous lectures he’d given Bree about trust and jealousy flew to mind. What kind of hypocrite was he?

  He bent his head over his knees and ran his fingers through his hair.

  Lord, I need Your help. What should I do now?

  He sat in the hushed interior, hoping to hear the still, small voice of God offering wisdom. Last Sunday in St. Rita’s, Gil had been certain God’s nudging had been leading him here. Had he totally misread His intention?

  A spasm of pain gripped Gil’s chest. He couldn’t imagine his life without Brianna. More than anything, he wanted her for his wife.

  What about what she wants?

  The words whispered through his thoughts, causing him to jolt on the hard wooden pew. Was that it? Had Brianna changed her mind about him? Did she want someone like Peter McNamara, an intellectual who could discuss literature and philosophy?

  Or perhaps she’d decided not to marry at all. To become a career woman like her Aunt Fiona.

  Had he ever really asked Brianna what she wanted for her future? Or had he simply assumed that she would fall in line with his plans for their lives?

  “I didn’t realize you expected me to give up my dream for yours.” Brianna’s bitter accusation stung his memory. The truth slammed into him with the force of a lightning bolt. He had expected her to give up her dream. When she’d offered to help him achieve his goal, he’d assumed she would abandon the idea of going to college.

  With a surge of remorse, Gil fell to his knees on the hard kneeler. He had put his own selfish wishes before the woman he loved. Worse yet, he’d put his own desires before God’s will for his life.

  He lowered his head over his clasped hands. Forgive me, Lord, for my selfishness. Show me what You would have me do. Help me to do the right thing—the unselfish thing—for Brianna, and help me to become the man You want me to be. A man worthy of her and of You.

  Gil stayed on his knees until his thigh muscles ached. At last, he rose and faced the altar at the front of the church. A soft prism of light illuminated the area. A sense of love and gratitude invaded Gil’s heart. He inhaled a full clean breath and donned his hat.

  With a sure and certain knowledge of what he needed to do, Gil left the sanctuary of the cathedral.

  A soft knock on her door startled Brianna out of her prayers.

  “Brianna? May I come in?” her aunt called briskly from the hall.

  She pushed up from her knees and attempted to smooth out her wrinkled skirt. “Of course, Auntie.”

  There was no time to wash her face or fix her hair. Her aunt would no doubt be able to tell she’d had a good cry.

  Aunt Fiona closed the door softly behind her. “Gilbert is downstairs asking to see you.”

  Brianna’s pulse leapt. Gil had come back? Would she find out now why he’d really come here? Or would they just end up arguing again?

  She bit her bottom lip. “We had a fight earlier.”

  Her aunt fixed Brianna with a no-nonsense stare. “Most couples fight from time to time. What’s important is how you resolve your differences.”

  “Oh, Auntie. We used to be so compatible, but lately all we do is disappoint each other. Do you think God is trying to tell us something?”

  Aunt Fiona patted Brianna’s arm. “I can’t speak for the Lord, but I’m sure everything will work out the way He intends. The bottom line is . . . do you still love Gilbert?”

  Brianna nodded miserably.

  “And does he love you?”

  She twisted her fingers together. “I don’t know. Everything about our relationship has been so mixed up lately, I’m not sure of anything anymore.”

  Aunt Fiona draped a warm arm around her shoulders. “Take some advice from someone who doesn’t want to see you end up alone like me.” She held Brianna’s gaze. “Forgive him.”

  “But he—”

  “Forgive him. Just as he forgave you for your mistakes.”

  Shame washed over her. Her aunt was right. Gil had forgiven her several times for the exact same crime. Surely she could do the same. “Is love always this hard?” she whispered.

  “When the two people are both as stubborn as you, then yes. But it will get easier. Trust me.” She moved to the door. “Why don’t you freshen up and then give that young man a chance to say what he came to say? Do you think you can do that?”

  Brianna nodded.

  “Good. Come down to the parlor when you’re ready.”

  Alone in her room, Brianna splashed her face with water from the stand on her dresser, patted it dry, and scrambled through the closet for her favorite dress. She undid her messy topknot and brushed her hair until it shone, catching the curls in a ribbon at the nape of her neck.

  “That will have to do for now,” she told her reflection in the oval mirror. She couldn’t help remembering getting ready for Gil’s welcome home party at Irish Meadows. So much had changed since then. She hardly recognized herself as that timid girl, scared of her father, jealous of her sister, and terrified of her feelings for Gil.

  Not that she wasn’t still scared. Scared that Gil would never love her the way she loved him. That he may never have the courage to defy her father and choose her. Or that he might leave Irish Meadows to forge a new future alone. What would she do if that was the news he’d come to tell her?

  Dear God, please give me the courage to face whatever Gil has to say. And give me the grace to wish him happiness—even if his future doesn’t include me.

  With the prayer on her lips, she headed down the narrow staircase, her legs quaking with every step. When she got to the bottom, Gil emerged from the parlor. Butterflies danced in her stomach. Earlier she hadn’t noticed his handsome suit and tie—an outfit far too fancy for a mere social call. Nothing about this whole visit made the least bit of sense.

  “You look beautiful,” he said when she reached him.

  “Thank you.” She lifted her chin. “But a compliment won’t fix things between us.”

  “I know.” Regret laced his voice. He gestured toward the parlor. “Can we talk, please?”

  She nodded and preceded him into the room where a fire cast a warm glow over the space. In the cage off to one corner, Aunt Fiona’s two lovebirds hopped from perch to perch in a state of agitation, a
s though sensing the tension in the room.

  Gingerly, Brianna took a seat at the farthest corner of the sofa while Gil went to stand by the hearth.

  The silence stretched between them. Her aunt’s brass clock ticked loudly in the quiet, competing with the twittering of the birds.

  At last, Gil sighed. “I owe you an apology for earlier today. My behavior was completely out of line.”

  “You’re right. It was.” Brianna frowned. “Why did you really come here today?”

  He fidgeted with the cuff of his jacket. “I had something important to . . . discuss with you.”

  The deep furrows in his brow made her heart sink. “What is it?” She braced herself for the answer.

  His Adam’s apple bobbed and a fine sheen of perspiration coated his forehead. “I want to start by apologizing again—not only for today, but for all the times I’ve let you down lately. I know I’ve hurt you more than once, and I deeply regret that.”

  Using all her willpower to contain her emotions, she focused her gaze on her lap and waited for him to continue.

  “I’ve made many mistakes, but I’ve learned a lot about myself in the process. Like how important it is to stay true to my values.” His foot tapped a nervous refrain on the carpet. “You’ve helped me come to terms with my father’s death, and I think I’ve finally learned to forgive myself.”

  Her alarm heightened with every word. This was definitely a good-bye speech.

  “Because of that, I’ve been able to accept a business proposition I never would have considered six months ago.”

  Brianna’s stomach dropped. He must be leaving Irish Meadows after all.

  He rubbed a hand over his jaw. “This is not coming out how I’d planned.”

  She dared to look at him, and her heart twisted at the blatant misery on his face. Her aunt’s words echoed in her head. Forgive him, as he’s forgiven you.

  Aunt Fiona was right. No matter how hard this was for her, she had to let Gil go. Give him permission to pursue his dream, just as she was pursuing hers. All the fear and resentment drained out of her, replaced with an overwhelming sadness. “It’s all right, Gil. I understand.”

  His scowl deepened. “No, I don’t think you understand at all.” He came to sit beside her and took her hand in his. Shivers raced up her arms that had nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

  “What I’m trying to say is that your father offered me a partnership at Irish Meadows, and I’ve accepted. The lawyers will be drawing up the papers next week.”

  Gil isn’t leaving! A part of her heaved a huge sigh of relief at the news. Another part questioned his decision. With a gentle tug, she pulled her hand free of his. “What about owning your own farm?”

  He stilled for a moment. “I think that idea was all mixed up with guilt over my father’s death. Somehow it doesn’t seem as important now.”

  “Well, then I’m happy for you.” She hesitated, not sure what else to say. A log cracked in the fireplace, breaking the silence. “Is that all you came to tell me?”

  “There’s one more thing.”

  Nerves quivered deep in her belly at the husky tone of his voice. “What is it?”

  “I know I’ve made a mess of things between us. But I think I finally figured out the problem.”

  She tensed, almost afraid to breathe, her back as taut as the wooden arm of the settee.

  “The first mistake I made was putting your father’s approval above my feelings for you. No one else’s opinion should have mattered more than yours.”

  Brianna fought to contain the emotions that coursed through her and threatened to fly loose like the birds fluttering in their cage.

  Gil moved closer, the spicy scent of his cologne swirling around her. “The other mistake I made was forgetting what is truly important. I didn’t keep God in the middle of our relationship.”

  Tears burned at the back of her throat. “I was thinking the same thing earlier. Trying to discern what He wanted for our lives.”

  Gil moved to kneel in front of her and took her icy hands in his, forcing her to look him in the eye. “Brianna O’Leary, you are a priceless gem, and if I lose you, it will be my own fault. But I want you to know I’ve told your father how I feel, and I’ve asked for his blessing . . . on our marriage.”

  Her heart stuttered in her chest. She couldn’t seem to get any air.

  “You should also know I made it clear I would marry you with or without his blessing . . . that is, if you’ll have me.” His anxious eyes searched hers. “Will you marry me, Bree?”

  Tremors shook her body. She wanted to say yes, but niggles of suspicion whispered through her mind. “What about college?” she asked in a voice barely above a whisper. She held her breath, praying for the right answer to her challenge.

  His gaze, solid and steady, never wavered. “I’m willing to wait until you finish.”

  “You’d really wait three years?”

  “That and more if I have to. You’re worth every minute, Brianna.”

  Though she tried to contain it, a tear escaped to trickle down her cheek. “Why now? Why didn’t you say all this before I left?”

  Gil sighed and rose to sit beside her on the settee. “I didn’t want you to think I was proposing as a ploy to stop you from going to school. Plus, I hadn’t worked up the courage to talk to your father. Once you left, everything changed.” He reached out to caress one of her hands. “I love you, Bree, and I know how important your education is to you. I won’t stand in your way.”

  A rush of joy spread through her body. The words she’d longed to hear for years had finally crossed his lips—the love she’d craved shone from his eyes. She hiccupped as more tears blurred her vision. “Oh, Gil, I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I only prayed that one day you could love me, too, as more than a friend.”

  “Believe me—I do.”

  His warm lips came down on hers with a passion she’d never known. A long-held tension uncoiled within her as he intensified the kiss, holding her like a cherished treasure. Her soul sang with the certainty that this was where she belonged.

  When at last they parted, Gil dried the remains of the moisture from her cheek with his thumb, a tender smile tipping up one side of his mouth. “You haven’t actually answered my question, you know.”

  She smiled through her tears. “Nothing would make me happier than to be your wife.”

  He let out a huge breath. “Thank you, God.” With gentle hands, he cupped her face and once again lowered his mouth to hers, sealing the promise. When he released her, he reached into his jacket and removed a small black box. The gold lettering had long since worn off the top, and the edges were chipped and faded. “This belonged to my mother.”

  He flipped the lid, and Brianna gasped. A delicate emerald ring surrounded by tiny diamonds sat nestled in the faded lining.

  He removed it and slid it slowly onto her finger. “I know she’d be happy for my future wife to wear her ring.”

  “It’s beautiful, Gil.” Brianna held out her hand to admire the way it shone. “It fits perfectly.” She hardly dared to believe that she would become Gil’s wife. “Are you sure you’re willing to wait?” She held her breath, needing the extra assurance that he wouldn’t back away this time.

  “I’m positive. And to prove it, I have a plan for how to pass the time in between.” He tugged her up from the settee with him.

  “What sort of plan?”

  “I think it’s high time I started courting you properly—now that you’re wearing my ring.” He grinned, making his blue eyes dance. “It seems our romance is destined to be somewhat unconventional.”

  “I believe I like unconventional.” She laughed, a sudden burst of joy infusing her with energy. “Why don’t you take me out for dinner, and we can start our official first date?”

  A slow smile spread across his face. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.”

  When he lowered his head for another kiss, the lovebirds
, nestled together on the same perch, twittered their complete approval.

  Epilogue

  OCTOBER 1911

  IN THE TINY ANTEROOM of St. Rita’s church, Brianna settled the tiara on top of Colleen’s fiery curls while Mama arranged the lace veil. When Brianna stepped back to see the full effect of her sister arrayed in a sheath of ivory satin and lace, she bit her lip to stop the flood of emotion.

  My sister is getting married.

  “Do not start crying now, Bree, or I’ll cry, too.”

  Colleen’s mock sternness made Brianna laugh. “I can’t help it. I’m so happy for you and Rylan.” She took another long look at Colleen, then turned to adjust her own attire.

  Today, in her satin bridesmaid dress, Brianna felt every bit as stunning as the bride.

  “Your turn will be here before you know it,” Mama whispered behind her.

  “It’s all right, Mama. I don’t mind waiting until the time is right for me.” She picked up a posy of asters from the small table near the door. “I can’t believe Daddy is allowing Colleen to marry Rylan so quickly. How did you manage to persuade him?”

  Mama chuckled. “I still have a trick or two up my sleeve when it comes to your father. Facing his mortality has allowed James to see the important things in life. Like his daughters’ happiness.” She reached up to tuck a stray curl into place behind Brianna’s ear, where a pearl earring bobbed. “Seeing you in this dress may make Gil reconsider his offer to wait three more years. You look as beautiful as the bride.”

  “Thank you, Mama.” Brianna drew her into a hug.

  “God has been so good to us. If only Adam were here, everything would be perfect.”

  The fact that Adam had ignored Mama’s plea to come home for the wedding was the one blight on this happy day.

  A knock sounded at the door. Brianna straightened, shooing Colleen to one side. “I’ll get this. You stay out of sight.”

  She cracked the door an inch, enough to see Rylan and Gil on the other side, resplendent in their tails. With their dark coloring and hair slicked back in the same fashion, the two were enough alike to be brothers. “What are you doing here? Don’t you know it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding?”