Dear Mr. Darcy: A Retelling of Pride and Prejudice

by Amanda Grange

  Darcy

  Miss Lydia Bennet to Miss Eleanor Sotherton

  Longbourn, Hertfordshire,

  November 27

  Lord! What a time we are having, not only the ball last night—I danced every dance—but now Mr Collins has proposed to Lizzy! He said he wanted a private audience with her this morning and Kitty and I were agog, as you might imagine. Mama said of course, and Lizzy said he could have nothing to say to her that anyone might not hear, and Mama insisted on her staying and talking to Mr Collins, and then Mama took Kitty out of the room and left Lizzy alone with Mr Collins, and he rambled about Lady Catherine—for you know I just happened to be passing the door and just happened to hear every word he said—and he told Lizzy he had to marry because he is a clergyman and needs to set a good example, and that Lady Catherine told him to!

  I wished he had asked me. Lord! What a lark it would have been, to have a proposal before any of my sisters.

  But that is not the best of it. The best of it is that Lizzy would not have him! And he would not believe her, and said it was only delicacy on her part that kept her from accepting, and she kept telling him she would not have him over and over again, and he kept saying he wasn’t discouraged but he was certain of leading her to the altar when she’d refused him a few more times. It is even better than the ball!

  And then of course Mr Collins told Mama that Lizzy refused him because she was a delicate female and Mama said she would never speak to Lizzy again if she did not marry Mr Collins, and then Papa said that he would never speak to Lizzy again if she did marry Mr Collins, and the whole house was in an uproar!

  If it was me, I would much rather never speak to Papa again, for he is always saying how silly we are, but Mama understands what it is like to be young and thinks we are very clever.

  Oh, Lord! Here is Charlotte coming down the drive. I hope you are having half as much fun in Bath as we are having here.

  Lydia

  Miss Charlotte Lucas to Miss Susan Sotherton

  Lucas Lodge, Hertfordshire,

  November 28

  My dear Susan,

  You will be surprised, perhaps, to have another letter so soon, but I am sure you will like to know that Mr Collins proposed to Elizabeth and that she refused him. Mrs Bennet was very doleful when I arrived at the house, and wanting sympathy for having such an unnatural daughter. Elizabeth bore her mother’s reproaches well but she escaped from the room as soon as she could, and I do not blame her.

  Mr Collins was equally affronted. He told me at least seven times that he did not resent Elizabeth’s behaviour and as many more times that he had meant well throughout the whole business and that if his manner had been at fault he must beg leave to apologise, but I listened to it all patiently.

  At length I managed to lead him away from the topic by asking him some trifling questions about Rosings Park, Lady Catherine and his parsonage. He reluctantly let go of his complaints and overcame much of his stiffness as he talked about the cost of the chimney piece, the condescension of his esteemed patroness and the improvements he had made to his humble dwelling.

  He was gratified at finding a ready listener and I hoped he might offer for me before I left Longbourn. Alas, he did not, but I think I am not deceiving myself when I say that I believe an offer will be forthcoming. There is no better salve for a rejection than an acceptance. You may be sure I will write to you as soon as I have any news.

  Your good friend,

  Charlotte

  Miss Caroline Bingley to Miss Jane Bennet

  Netherfield Park, Hertfordshire,

  November 28

  My dear Friend,

  When my brother left us yesterday, he imagined that the business which took him to London might be concluded in three or four days; but as we are certain it cannot be so, and at the same time convinced that when Charles gets to town he will be in no hurry to leave it again, we have determined on following him thither, that he may not be obliged to spend his vacant hours in a comfortless hotel. Many of my acquaintances are already there for the winter; I wish that I could hear that you, my dearest friend, had any intention of making one in the crowd, but of that I despair. I sincerely hope your Christmas in Hertfordshire may abound in the gaieties which that season generally brings, and that your beaux will be so numerous as to prevent your feeling the loss of the three of whom we shall deprive you. We mean to leave at once and we intend to dine in Grosvenor Street, where Mr Hurst has a house.

  I do not pretend to regret anything I shall leave in Hertfordshire, except your society, my dearest friend; but we will hope, at some future period, to enjoy many returns of the delightful intercourse we have known, and in the meanwhile may lessen the pain of separation by very frequent and most unreserved correspondence. I depend on you for that.

  Mr Darcy is impatient to see his sister; and, to confess the truth, we are scarcely less eager to meet her again. I really do not think Georgiana Darcy has her equal for beauty, elegance, and accomplishments; and the affection she inspires in Louisa and myself is heightened into something still more interesting, from the hope we dare to entertain of her being hereafter our sister. I do not know whether I ever before mentioned to you my feelings on this subject, but I will not leave the country without confiding them, and I trust you will not esteem them unreasonable. My brother admires her greatly already; he will have frequent opportunity now of seeing her on the most intimate footing; her relations all wish the connection as much as his own; and a sister’s partiality is not misleading me, I think, when I call Charles most capable of engaging any woman’s heart. With all these circumstances to favour an attachment, and nothing to prevent it, am I wrong, my dearest Jane, in indulging the hope of an event which will secure the happiness of so many?

  Yours ever,

  Caroline Bingley

  Mrs Bennet to Mrs Gardiner

  Longbourn, Hertfordshire,

  November 28

  Ah! Sister, was there ever anyone so cruelly used? Nobody is on my side, nobody takes part with me, nobody feels for my poor nerves. We have had such a few days I wonder I have survived. First Lizzy turned down Mr Collins, and now Mr Bingley has gone to London when he was to have married Jane. Everybody said so. Sir William Lucas himself said it was as plain as a pikestaff that Mr Bingley was head over ears in love with her, and now he has gone to town and we do not know when he will return. And if Lizzy takes it into her head to go refusing every offer of marriage she receives, she will never get a husband at all. I do not know who is to maintain her when her father is dead. I shall not be able to keep her. Nobody can tell what I suffer. But it is always so. Those who do not complain are never pitied.

  Your affectionate sister,

  Janet

  Miss Jane Bennet to Miss Caroline Bingley

  Longbourn, Hertfordshire,

  November 29

  My dear Caroline,

  Thank you for your letter; it was good of you to let me know that you are leaving Hertfordshire. You will be sorely missed but I console myself with the thought that we can continue our friendship through correspondence as you suggest, and I hope that you will one day return to Netherfield so that we might continue our friendship in person.

  Truly yours,

  Jane

  Miss Charlotte Lucas to Miss Susan Sotherton

  Lucas Lodge, Hertfordshire,

  November 29

  Susan, you are to congratulate me. I am to marry Mr Collins. I was sure a proposal was coming, having listened to him all day yesterday, but knowing that he was to leave Hertfordshire very soon, I feared that he might not have time to speak before he left. However, I need not have worried. I happened to see him from an upstairs window as he approached the house and so I went out to accidentally meet him in the lane. No sooner did he see me than he proposed, assuring me of his wholehearted devotedness, and the approval of his noble patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. By the time we returned to the house I was engaged.

  He speedily applied to my mother an
d father for their consent, which, as you might guess, was readily forthcoming, and my father set his seal on the match by saying that we should make our appearance at St. James’s. My brothers and sisters were overjoyed, my sisters knowing they will be able to come out more speedily now that I am to be married, and my brothers freed of the fear of me dying an old maid.

  I am content. To be sure, Mr Collins is neither sensible nor agreeable, but still he will be my husband. I am convinced that my chance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriage state.

  I have not yet told Elizabeth. I fear she will be disappointed in me, but if so, I must bear it. I thought the news would come better from me and so I charged Mr Collins not to speak of it when he returned to Longbourn. I am not sure how far I can trust him, however.

  Wish me courage!

  Charlotte

  Miss Susan Sotherton to Miss Charlotte Lucas

  Bath, November 30

  My dear Charlotte,

  I wish you happy with all my heart. It is a good match for you. Mr Collins is a respectable man with a good living and a useful patroness, by all accounts. I am happy for you, indeed I am. I know you are not romantic, and that you have never been romantic, and I think that you are lucky to have found a man who is also not romantic. Think how awful it would have been if he were in love with you and you could not return his affections. He wants a wife; you want a husband; and although I know it is not Lizzy’s way of going on, we are each of us different. I long to hear all about Kent, and how lucky you are to be going somewhere so agreeable.

  Now I have some news for you. I, too, have met a gentleman. I will not say more at the moment, only that he is very handsome and agreeable, and that I like him more than any other man I have ever met. His name is Mr Wainwright. Would it not be strange if we were all to marry within a few months of each other?

  Write to me soon. Tell me all about your wedding. Are you to be married in Meryton? Are you to go to London to buy your wedding clothes? Are you to leave for Kent straight afterwards, or are you to have a wedding tour first? You see, I am insatiable!

  Your dear friend,

  Susan

  Miss Elizabeth Bennet to Mrs Gardiner

  Longbourn, Hertfordshire,

  November 30

  My dear Aunt Gardiner,

  I have been remiss in my letter writing, particularly since much has been happening. Just over ten days ago a visitor arrived, one of Papa’s cousins, Mr Collins, who is to inherit the estate. This upset Mama, as you might imagine, until he made it clear that he had come to make amends for his inheritance by marrying one of us, after which Mama was all smiles. His first choice was Jane, made in less than twenty-four hours of his arrival. On learning that she was likely to be soon engaged, he quickly transferred his favours to me, and three days ago, having known me for no more than ten days, he proposed. Naturally I did not accept, for even leaving aside his dubious motives for marriage, he is one of the most ridiculous men I have ever met. You do not know him, and so perhaps you doubt me, but I am not alone in my opinion of him: Papa thinks him one of the most absurd of men and even Jane can scarcely find anything good to say about him.

  In refusing him, I incurred Mama’s disapproval and I fear she has still not forgiven me. She makes constant allusions to it, and her ill will was matched by Mr Collins’s resentment until, three days after being rejected by me and less than a fortnight after arriving in Hertfordshire, he proposed to Charlotte! The love which he offered me is now hers, as is the parsonage at Hunsford and the patronage of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Poor Charlotte. I do not know which I mind most: the thought that she has accepted him, for it has sunk her in my estimation, or the knowledge that she will not be happy.

  This is a letter of wonders, is it not?

  Mr Collins has now left us, although he intends to return very shortly, much to Papa’s despair, for Mr Collins is very fond of company and follows my father even into his library. Mama, too, is not eager for his return, thinking, not unnaturally, that he would be better staying at Lucas Lodge.

  She has still not accepted the situation and consoles herself by variously saying that she disbelieves the whole story, or by thinking that Mr Collins has been taken in by Charlotte’s artfulness, or by trusting they will never be happy together, or by hoping that the match will be broken off.

  Papa amuses himself by saying that he is relieved to know that Charlotte is just as silly as his wife and more foolish than his daughter. Jane is surprised but endeavours to see good qualities in Mr Collins and to believe that they will be happy. Kitty is entertained, being eager to spread the news as quickly as possible. Lydia is astonished, asking Sir William—who brought the news—how he could tell such a story, for Mr Collins wants to marry me!

  Mama scolds me every time she sees me. I have some sympathy for her, as Lady Lucas cannot help speaking of having the comfort of a daughter well married whenever she visits, which is rather oftener than usual.

  My other news is neither ridiculous nor happy. Mr Bingley has left Netherfield, and there is some doubt as to when, and if, he will return. Jane bears it bravely but she is deeply upset. I am sure his sisters are behind the separation, for I never saw a man so violently in love as Mr Bingley.

  Your loving niece,

  Lizzy

  DECEMBER

  Mrs Gardiner to Miss Elizabeth Bennet

  Gracechurch Street, London,

  December 1

  Dear Lizzy,

  Thank you for your letter, which as you will imagine I found impossible to put down. I did not know that Mr Collins planned to visit, and I am surprised your Mama did not mention it, which leads me to assume that you did not have much warning of his visit yourself. He certainly seems to be an extraordinary young man.

  I am relieved that you refused him, though not surprised, for you have always had good sense. He must be very foolish, for who but a foolish man would propose to one woman he did not know, let alone propose to two? What can he have been thinking of? And after his rejection by you, to propose to another woman whilst staying under your roof? There is not only foolishness but a lack of delicacy in the matter.

  Your mama has also written to me and feels herself very cruelly used, although at the time I did not understand what she was complaining of, as I had never heard of Mr Collins and her letter did not make it clear who he was, much less what he had been doing. Her talk of you rejecting an offer of marriage also made no sense as she gave me no details, so I am grateful that your letter has enlightened me.

  Never fear, her anger will soon fade—far sooner than your problems would have faded had you indeed accepted Mr Collins.

  You say that you are disappointed in Charlotte. I understand your feelings towards your friend, but remember that Charlotte is twenty-seven, and that her situation, as well as her temperament, is very different to your own. She has no congenial companion at Lucas Lodge, no sister with whom she shares everything, as you share everything with Jane, and this will necessarily give her less of an attachment to her home. Then, too, she knows that if she does not accept Mr Collins, she will very likely end up an old maid. Yes, my dear Lizzy, I know that you would far rather be unmarried than marry a man you did not love, but for Charlotte it is different. She has a practical nature, and, for her, being the mistress of her own home is preferable to remaining under her father’s roof. I would rather she had been able to love her husband, but I think, knowing Charlotte, that she will not repine over her lot. She will rejoice that she has so much, rather than mourn that it is not enough.

  Your uncle and I will be with you on the twenty-third for our visit, and if your mama has not given over her ill humour by then, I will do what I can to restore her to civility. And if your sister has not recovered her spirits, perhaps she will like to come back to London with us for a holiday and a change of scene. I believe that some time away from your mama might be beneficial to her.

  Your loving aunt,

  Margaret


  Mr Collins to Mr Bennet

  Hunsford, near Westerham, Kent,

  December 2

  Dear Sir,

  The delightful and felicitous stay I have just enjoyed in your munificent home, where I was overwhelmed by the gracious hospitality and genteel congeniality of your entire family, not excepting yourself, dear sir, of whose condescension in receiving me I am fully and nobly aware—also, I beg to assure you, most suitably and humbly obliged—has prompted me to write this letter of grateful and sincere thankfulness.

  It has fallen to my happy lot in life to secure the affections of your most noble and amiable neighbour, Miss Lucas, whose modesty and economy have already won her the favour of my most estimable and gracious patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. My esteemed patroness has humbled me by the excessive kindness of her reception of my news, and the assurance that the future Mrs Collins will be welcome to partake of a hand of quadrille at Rosings Park whenever Lady Catherine should need to make up a table.

  It was merely to enjoy the society of my amiable Charlotte that I closed so rapidly with your wife’s kind invitation to visit Longbourn again when I last departed, whither I hope to be able to return on Monday fortnight, for Lady Catherine so heartily approves the marriage that she wishes it to take place as soon as possible. This will, of course, be an unanswerable argument with my amiable Charlotte for her to name an early day for making me the happiest of men.

  William Collins

  Mrs Bennet to Mrs Gardiner

  Longbourn, Hertfordshire,

  December 4

  Ah, sister, how good it is I have you to turn to, for nobody here is on my side, no one listens to me and no one cares about my nerves. And now on top of everything I am to receive Mr Collins, who belongs to Lizzy, for you know he proposed to her, but who has turned, like a snake in the grass, and proposed to Charlotte Lucas instead. Lady Lucas crows about it all the time, saying how good it is to have a daughter well married, and talking of his parsonage and his Lady Catherine, till I have to bite my tongue in order not to tell her that she is welcome to him, for never a more disagreeable man have I ever met; and I am sure that the parsonage is nothing to brag about, for I am convinced it will be small and dark and, I dare say, full of pigs.