A Woman to Remember

by Miranda Lee

  ‘I’m done with anything but the truth, Luke. It has to be the whole truth and nothing but the truth from now on.’

  Tears shimmered in her eyes, and he was afraid. Afraid of what she was going to say, and afraid of how he might react.

  ‘Go on,’ he said tautly.

  ‘I came to that exhibition in a state of utter desperation. I could no longer bear my existence at home—the way Patrick looked every month when my period came, plus my own awful loneliness. Sarah didn’t live with us then, and Patrick had never been the husband I thought he would be. There was no real partnership between us—no sharing or companionship. He had his work and I...I had nothing.

  ‘Oh, I’d been quite happy to give up my modelling to become a full-time wife and mother, because I was in love with Patrick, but when I didn’t conceive straight away, his attitude changed towards me.

  ‘Gradually I began to see that he’d married me not so much for love but because I was the perfect genetic specimen to be the mother of his children. I was, in reality, a type of experiment—an incubator for the child who was to inherit the best of both of us. Brains and beauty.

  ‘Of course, I didn’t see all this at first—the penny not dropping till well after I’d become pregnant with Derek. But I was confused and hurt at how my marriage was turning out. I blamed my discontent on my failure to conceive and I placed all my energies on succeeding with that, ignoring the fact that I no longer loved my husband as I should have.

  ‘In a way, I was relieved when he couldn’t make love to me any more. I had long ceased to find any real pleasure in it, only guilt. Not that I liked being artificially inseminated either. But I imagined that if I gave Patrick the child he wanted he would be happy again, and I would be happy again too.

  ‘My failure to conceive month after month began affecting my emotional and mental state. I was very depressed and decidedly unstable the night I decided to dress up like some kind of whore and seduce the first brown-eyed man I came across. Nothing mattered but conceiving a baby.’

  Luke’s heart twisted at her words. Was that all he’d been to her? A brown-eyed man? Hell...

  ‘It never crossed my mind that I might be totally bewitched by that brown-eyed man,’ she went on, green eyes glistening. ‘That from the moment he took me in his arms, I’d belong to that brown-eyed man—not for just that night but for the rest of my life...’

  Luke rose slowly to his feet, his heart beginning to thud heavily in his chest.

  ‘I don’t know if I fell in love with you that night, Luke,’ she confessed. ‘All I know is that afterwards I couldn’t forget you. You haunted my thoughts every day and my dreams every night. Oh, the tears I cried over you. When you walked down that staircase the other morning, I nearly died. I didn’t know what to do. When it seemed you didn’t recognise me I was relieved at first, but then I was overwhelmed with the same feelings I’d felt that first night. God, how I wanted you!’

  A tremor raced through Luke at the passion in her voice. But was she admitting to love? Or just lust? And when was she going to get back to the guilt which had crippled her, and their burgeoning relationship?

  ‘God knows how I got through that day,’ she said with an expressive shudder. ‘What happened that night...I have no excuse for. I was mad with wanting you, Luke. I tried telling myself it was only sex, that afterwards I’d feel differently. But if anything I wanted you more than ever. I ran from you at the first excuse I could find, and when you came after me in the end I was forced to accept my true feelings for you.’

  ‘Which are?’ he asked, and held his breath.

  ‘I love you, Luke. Love you,’ she repeated croakily, then burst into tears again.

  He groaned, then held his arms out to her. She ran into them and he clasped her to him, pressing his lips into her hair while he battled for control over his own heaving emotions. He kept a tight hold on her and himself till her sobs had subsided to shudders. When only the occasional quavering sigh whispered from her lungs, he held her out at arm’s length.

  ‘Then why, Rachel?’ he asked, still not fully understanding. ‘Why did you send me away? Why did you act as you did?’

  ‘Promise me you won’t hate me,’ she cried softly. ‘Promise me you’ll try to understand.’

  ‘I promise,’ he said sincerely, knowing that nothing could ever make him hate her.

  ‘Derek’s yours, Luke,’ came the shocking admission. ‘I lied about the DNA test. Oh, yes, I got one done all right—after Patrick died. The hospital still had some of his frozen sperm samples. The child wasn’t his, Luke. He had to be yours.’

  Luke couldn’t help it. Shock sent his arms dropping away from her as he took a staggered step backwards. ‘But why did you lie?’ he rasped. ‘Why?’

  Tears welled up in her eyes again. ‘At first I couldn’t bring myself to believe you really loved me. And then I couldn’t face hurting Sarah—taking away the one thing in her life which she had left to love. She has no one else, you see. No husband. No other children. No brothers or sisters. No one. Only me and Derek.

  ‘I convinced myself you’d go away after you’d had some more sex. But then, when I was waiting for you to pick me up for dinner tonight and I became agitated about your being late, Sarah kept telling me not to worry—that Blind Freddie could see you cared about me, and Derek as well.

  ‘I scoffed at her suggestions, but then you came, and you’d bought Derek those mobiles, and I saw that you might really love us. I just knew I couldn’t go on seeing you and deceiving you. I didn’t know what to do but send you away. But after you’d gone I just went crazy. I... I think I might have done something stupid, but Sarah made me pull myself together and insisted upon an explanation. She wouldn’t take no for an answer for once, and in the end I told her everything.

  ‘She...she was so brave about it, Luke. And so kind. She wasn’t angry with me at all. She told me that she understood Patrick had not been a good husband, that he had been as difficult and as selfish a man as his own father. She also told me she loved Derek for himself, not his genes. She then insisted I find you and tell you the truth. It seems you told her this afternoon you were staying with your mother, who lived at Monterey, so I looked up her address in the phonebook and... and here I am.’

  She sent him a despairing look. ‘Can you ever forgive me, Luke?’

  ‘Derek’s my son,’ was all he could say.

  ‘Yes, my darling,’ she murmured, and came to wind her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. ‘Your son. Our son.’

  He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. Never in all his life had he been this happy, or this sad. Eleven months wasted. All that love...wasted.

  Don’t look back, Luke, came the wise words of advice from deep inside. It’s stupid and self-destructive. Looking forward is much, much better. If you think you’ve had a rotten time, think of her. God but she’s had it hard. Time to make it easy for her. Time to prove your love.

  He eased out of her embrace, smiling into her worried eyes while he started poking some stray strands of blonde hair behind her ears. ‘I think that before I fully forgive you,’ he began, ‘I should extract a couple of promises.’

  ‘Anything.’

  ‘First thing tomorrow you will come with me while we look for a decent house to live in.’

  Her face broke into the loveliest of smiles.

  ‘Somewhere near here, so that my mother can visit her grandson. Something large enough to include a studio and a darkroom for myself and my photographic assistant-cum-model to work in. And somewhere that has a nice little self-contained flat attached for Sarah to live in. She is forthwith Derek’s godmother and adopted grandmother.’

  Rachel nodded, clearly all choked up with emotion and approval.

  ‘Secondly, you will marry me as quickly as the proper paperwork can be done.’

  She bit her bottom lip and nodded again.

  ‘Meanwhile you are to do nothing to stop me conceiving a little brother o
r sister for Derek—starting with later tonight. Is that clear?’

  ‘Perfectly clear,’ she whispered, with an erotic little quiver.

  Luke could not help himself. He had to kiss her at that point, although he rationed himself to only a couple of seconds. Any longer and he knew they’d both be in trouble.

  ‘Do you realise I haven’t told you yet that I love you?’ he murmured against her oh, so willing mouth.

  ‘Yes, you have, my darling,’ she murmured back. ‘You told me when you mowed my lawns and painted my carport. You told me when you bought our son those beautiful mobiles. You’ve been telling me all along, and I just refused to listen. But you can tell me again if you like,’ she finished, and brushed her lips tantalisingly against his.

  Damn, but she was a minx in that department!

  ‘I love you, Rachel. I loved you from the first moment I saw you.’

  ‘It must have been the same with me, Luke. I only hope your mother warms to the idea. I don’t think she likes me very much.’

  ‘She’ll warm up to you soon enough, when she knows Derek’s her grandson.’

  ‘She already knows.’

  ‘She what?’

  ‘She guessed, Luke, after looking at Derek’s photographs. She says they’re the dead spit of you at the same age.’

  ‘Ahh. Well, in that case, no problem. Mum’s very large on family.’

  ‘And very large on her favourite son.’

  ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘Believe me, I know. But anyone who loves you that much is all right by me. Let’s go and talk to her, Luke. She must be worried.’

  ‘And then we’ll drive down and talk to Sarah,’ Luke suggested. ‘She must be worried too. After which I’m going to wake up my son and talk to him. He doesn’t like sleeping much anyway.’

  ‘Luke St Clair—you’re not going to be one of those fathers who spoil their children rotten, are you?’

  ‘You’d better believe it, sweetheart. And I’m going to be one of those husbands who spoils his wife rotten too.’

  ‘Oh, well, in that case, I have no objections. Spoil away!’

  They opened the door of the bedroom, laughing together.

  Grace heard the happy sounds from where she was sitting at the kitchen table and sighed a huge sigh of relief. Dashing the tears from her eyes, she slipped the photographs of her grandson into the family album, looking up just in time to see a smiling Luke bring Rachel into the room, his arm around her shoulders and his eyes full of love as he glanced over at her.

  ‘Mum,’ he began, ‘say hello to your newest daughter-in-law.’

  Grace’s own smile came from the heart. ‘How lovely,’ she said, and rose to her feet, walking over to give Rachel a kiss on the cheek. ‘Welcome to the family, my dear. I hope you’ll both be very happy.’

  Grace was moved by the look Rachel sent her son. So full of relief and love. She accepts me, it seemed to say. Everything is going to be all right.

  And it was.

  AFFAIRS TO REMEMBER: stories of love you’ll treasure forever.

  ISBN : 978-1-4592-6866-1

  A WOMAN TO REMEMBER

  First North American Publication 1997.

  Copyright © 1996 by Miranda Lee.

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented. including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills. Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.

  All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.

  This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

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