Mistification (Angry Robot)

by Kaaron Warren

  "Who are you?" she said.

  "I'm your Father Christmas," he said.

  "What's Father Christmas?" she asked.

  "A magical person you should always believe in, no matter what you hear or see."

  "Is there anybody else?" she asked. She was bored with him. Marvo did not want her here; he did not want her keeping him alive. He did not want her to grow in silence. She was different from him; the silence would not help her.

  He thought of Andra, whose magic was more powerful than his now. He thought of her love for him and for magic, her belief in magicians. He said, "Your mother sent you here for a holiday. Soon you will go back, with a gift from Uncle Marvo. But you must never tell anyone where this place was. Not even your mother. One day you may need it for yourself, one day when the powers are strong against us."

  The little girl stared at him.

  "I am not clear," said Marvo. "Let me tell you a story." And he began to tell her his tale.

  He closed her eyes and carried her to a place far away. The knowledge of the room was with her – she would find it when she needed it. He had rewritten the ancient note and asked her to read it when she was thirteen.

  He watched her run away and prayed for her safety.

  He felt the pain when the parents lost their boy. It was far more tragic for the parent to lose a child; the child always knew the parents will die. The parents always think they will die first.

  Marvo learnt the answer to his final question. He was born at eight or nine. He, too, had emerged from the back of his parent.

  Marvo felt great loss, although he had known the child for such a short time.

  He realised his grandmother, his mother, must have lost her magic when she had him, for now he had lost his completely.

  This had happened to all his ancestors. He saw that clearly. To have a child was to pass on the magic, to give it up and let one younger, more able, take up the mantle. Marvo thought he should feel bitter and cheated, but he felt tired and relieved.

  He would never know whether his vision had been clear; would the world burn as he had seen? Was his gift of the secret of eternal life enough? Truly, he knew they would not use it; they could not. It sounded too simple because it was really too hard.

  Every creature has a strange birth, every death is a miracle.

  • • • •

  Marvo removed the stopper from the bottle of perfume. He pressed the last drops into his wrists and sniffed deeply of the ancient sweetness before closing his eyes and letting the mist fill him.

  APPENDIX A

  The recipes Marvo cooks:

  Ploughman's Lunch

  Take one chopping board and place on it any or all of the following: rye bread, dark bread, pickle, cheese of any strong kind, mustard, ham or other cured meat. Serve with a large mug of beer and a smug expression.

  Asparagus with Lemon Mayonnaise

  Boil a large amount of water in a large saucepan. Add a bit of salt. Cut the hard ends off 4 bunches of asparagus and drop the spears into the boiling water. Cook for 5 minutes, then remove with a slotted spoon and run under cold water. This asparagus is served cold, so take your time making the lemon mayonnaise.

  Lemon Mayonnaise

  Mix 2 egg yolks, ¼ teaspoon of dry mustard, salt, pepper and 2 tablespoons of lemon juice. Then beat in 500ml of good olive oil, little by little, till the mixture thickens. Now add the rind of 1 lemon and 1 tablespoon of boiling water.

  Bouillabaisse

  Cut fins from 6 pieces of good fish (three different kinds). Cut off the heads and set aside. Cut fish into portions. Place 2 tablespoons of olive oil into a large pot and fry 2 finely chopped onions, ½ a stick of finely chopped celery, 1 finely sliced leek and 1 finely chopped hulk of fennel for 3 minutes. Add 1 tablespoon of tomato paste and cook again for 3 minutes. Add fish heads, a handful of finely chopped parsley, 6 crushed cloves of garlic, 4 peeled, seeded and chopped tomatoes, ½ a teaspoon of fennel seeds, 1 packet of saffron strands, a sprig of fresh thyme, 1 clove, ½ a bay leaf, a strip of orange zest, a pinch of cayenne pepper, a teaspoon of sugar, salt, pepper and 500ml of white wine. Add enough water to cover the fish heads and simmer for 30 minutes. Then strain the stock and discard both the vegetables and the fish heads.

  Cut 6 blue swimmer or sand crabs in half and throw away the lungs and stomach sacs. Wash in very salty water. Clean 12 mussels well and shave their beards. Wash and devein 6 green king prawns. Wash 6 Moreton Bay bugs. Into a new pot, place mussels, prawns, bugs, crabs and fish in layers. Cover with hot stock, put the lid on, bring to the boil and simmer for 10 minutes.

  To serve, pour soup into individual soup bowls. Place fish and crabs in a big serving bowl in the centre. You will need another bowl each for the prawns, bugs and mussels. You should also supply fresh French bread with sauce Rouille.

  Sauce Rouille

  Process a 5 cm piece of French bread with 1 egg yolk, 4 crushed cloves of garlic, a pinch of saffron strands, 6 tablespoons of fish stock, salt and pepper. Then add 6 tablespoons of oil slowly, as you are processing.

  Caramel Oranges

  Peel 8 oranges and remove all the white flesh. Slice into little dishes and pour ½ a cup of Grand Marnier over, as well as sprinkling 3 tablespoons of caster sugar. Cover these and refrigerate until they are about to be eaten.

  Cook 2 cups of sugar and 2 tablespoons of water until the sugar has dissolved. Do not stir after this has occurred. Then cook until the sugar is caramel coloured. Pour the caramel over the oranges and chill again.

  Kumara Soufflé with Creamy Tarragon Sauce

  Grease your little soufflé dishes and sprinkle the insides with breadcrumbs until covered. Shake away excess crumbs. Cook 400g of chopped kumara using your favourite method until it is tender, then drain. Process kumara, 1/3 cup of sour cream, 2 tablespoons of grated fresh Parmesan cheese, 1 teaspoon of lemon rind, ¼ teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg and 4 egg yolks until smooth. Beat egg whites until soft peaks form, then fold into kumara mixture and spoon into the little dishes. Bake in a moderately hot oven for 20 minutes, or until puffed and golden brown. Serve hot, with creamy tarragon sauce.

  Creamy Tarragon Sauce

  Combine 1 cup of cream, 2 tablespoons of chopped, fresh tarragon and 2 teaspoons of seeded mustard in a pot. Blend 1 teaspoon of cornflour with 2 teaspoons of lemon juice and add this to the cream mixture. Stir the lot over high heat till the sauce boils and thickens.

  Veal and Chestnut Stew

  Heat 2 tablespoons of oil in fry pan and cook 750g cubed lean veal in batches until browned on all sides, removing meat from pan as it is done and adding more oil as necessary. Add 3 crushed cloves of garlic to pan and cook for 1 minute until golden. Stir in 1 tablespoon of plain flour and return meat to pan. Add 1½ cups of white wine, 3 seeded and chopped tomatoes, 1 cup of water, bring to boil and add pepper and salt. Reduce heat, cover, simmer 1 hour, till meat is tender. Add ¾ cup peeled chestnuts, cook 20 minutes, till nuts are tender. Stir in 2 tablespoons each of parsley and rosemary and serve.

  Quince Tart

  Pastry: Process 125g unsalted butter, 125g caster sugar, 250g plain flour; 4 egg yolks and 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract in a processor till just combined. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and knead lightly till smooth. Wrap in plastic, chill for 30 minutes. Roll out to 5 mm thickness and cut circle to fit the top of a 22-24cm frying pan with an ovenproof handle. Rest pastry on baking sheet in the fridge until ready to use.

  Filling: Peel, core and slice 2 large quinces and poach for 15-20 minutes in saucepan with 3 tablespoons of sugar and enough water to cover. Drain. Melt 80g unsalted butter in frying pan, add 150g caster sugar, arrange quince slices in pan, packing them in tightly. Sprinkle with 1 teaspoon of coriander seeds. Heat gently on top of stove till caramelised (20-30 minutes). Let cool. Place the pastry on top of quinces, bake 190°C for 15-20 minutes, till crust is golden and cooked through. Cook in pan before inverting on platter. Serve warm with mint crème anglaise. (Steep handful of mint i
n milk to be used for 30 minutes.)

  APPENDIX B

  Ten Good/Dramatic/Distracting Things That Really Happened

  1. circa 600-550 BC India, the Upanishads (confidential teachings) proclaim the doctrine on repeated reincarnation.

  2. circa 350 BC Tomb of Mausolus of Caria in Asia Minor (Mausoleum at Halicarnassus) is completed and becomes a wonder of the ancient world.

  3. 79 AD Pompeii.

  4. 364 AD Magic banned.

  5. 610 AD Mob kills Phocas, who is succeeded by Heraclius.

  6. 972 AD Otto, son of German Emperor Otto I, marries Byzantine Princess Theophona, theoretically adding Byzantine Italy to the Holy Roman Empire.

  7. 1290 Scottish Queen Margaret of Norway dies, age seven.

  8. 1516 Scholar Desiderius Erasmus (Netherlands) publishes a new edition of the New Testament.

  9. 1815 Scientist Sir Humphry Davy (UK) invents the safety lamp.

  10. 2050 Announcement of the healing of the ozone hole.

  Sometimes only one person needs to be distracted – that one could have been the rebel rouser.

  The Roman circus is what it is. Give them something to think about so they can't think for themselves. Give them royal scandal whilst crime rises, give them Olympic fever whilst jobs disappear.

  Ten Terrible Things Never Seen Because of the Mist

  1. 600-550 BC Half the male children under five stricken with paralysis.

  2. 350 BC Child molestation common practice.

  3. 79 AD Entire small country massacred.

  4. 364 AD No female children born.

  5. 610 AD Man of the people killed.

  6. 972 AD Village disappears into earth.

  7. 1290 Sacrifices current practice.

  8. 1516 Book burnings.

  9. 1815 Baby killings.

  10. 2050 Science holocaust.

  APPENDIX C

  Discovering Suicide

  Lemmings always produce more daughters than sons. Is that any reason to jump off a cliff?

  Marvo justified the way he was doing his job by looking into the past. He saw many times when the mist slipped, many times when suicide is the only answer.

  In 183 BC the Romans demanded the surrender of Hannibal. Unable to escape, he poisoned himself in Libyssa, a village in Bithynia.

  On September 2nd, 31 BC Antony was defeated by Octavian. Cleopatra arrived with sixty treasure ships, and they escaped to Egypt. One year passed, then Octavian found them. Resistance was impossible. They committed suicide in August of 30 BC

  In 64 AD (or thereabouts), Boadicea killed herself when defeated, to avoid capture and disgrace. She revolted against Nero before she died. Seneca hated him. Nero was sentenced to die like a slave, on a cross, whipped to death. He fled to Rome. He stabbed his own throat in 68 AD to avoid capture, though legend has it that he did not die, but was spotted a year later, arrested and executed as charged.

  And other, newer deaths; of movie stars, musicians, favoured sons and daughters. Hitler: In January 1945, faced with defeat in Berlin, he died. Ironic that the assassination plot of November 20, 1943 failed.

  Jim Jones killed himself and nine hundred and thirteen others. His mother thought he was a messiah. He set up the Peoples Temple in Jonestown in 1977 (surely some hint as to his god-wish, naming the town after himself). Newsmen and relatives, on November 14, 1978, went to investigate rumours. They saw the rumours were true, that Jones was a megalomaniac and the people were not in heaven. Jones had them shot; but some escaped. He said, "Everyone has to die. If you love me as I love you, we must all die or be destroyed from the outside." "White Nights" was his name for suicide.

  He died of a gunshot wound to the head. "Probably not selfinflicted", though the instruction must have come from him. Nine hundred and thirteen people died, including two hundred and seventy-six children.

  David Koresh in 1986. Born Vernon Wayne Howell, Koresh called himself the "Preacher of the Seven Seals" (and the Seven Seals are about doomsday; another clue there). He wore seven waist-length plaits. He had only a few followers when he led them into the fire. Seventeen children were amongst the dead. He died of gunshot wounds to the head. Mass suicide by refusal to capitulate.

  Luc Jouret and forty-eight others. He was born in Zaire when it was called the Belgian Congo. The group he formed was the Order of the Solar Temple, who believed in the apocalypse, and that they would be the only strong people left on earth once it happened.

  Hermann Göring – cyanide pill. He was addicted to parocodeine pills, which are morphine-derived. He surrendered to the Americans. He was cured of the drug while in prison. He blamed the evil of the war on Himmler. He begged to be shot, not hanged. This request was refused, and he took poison in his cell the night the execution was ordered, October 15, 1946. Was he such a coward he could not stand the pain of having his neck broken? In 1967, a newly discovered note revealed the poison capsule had been hidden all along in a container of pomade. The fact that he carried such a product, such a primping device, would be galling enough.

  Josef Goebbels, May 1st, 1945. He was named chancellor after Hitler's death but he and his wife killed their six children and themselves the next day.

  Lord Castlereagh, Foreign Secretary 1822. Also known as Robert Stewart, Viscount; and the second Marquess of Londonderry from 1821. He was a great paranoid. After the assassination of cabinet attempt by Thistlewood, 1820, he became obsessed with the fact that he was a target, because he wanted to help dissolve the marriage of Queen Caroline and George IV. Castlereagh was, or thought he was, being blackmailed for homosexuality. On August 12th, 1822, he committed suicide.

  Thomas Chatterton – boy poet, died 1770. In 1777, poems Chatterton had said were written by a fifteenth-century monk proved to be his own work. He was born in 1752, in Bristol; educated at a charity school, he wrote his first poem aged ten. He left school at fifteen to become an attorney's apprentice. He wrote most of his poems between fifteen and seventeen, when he left Bristol for London. He spent nine weeks in lodgings but ran out of money. No publisher would have him. He moved to Brook Street, Holborn (a pauper's hostel?). He was deeply distressed and refused to be kept alive "by the bread of charity". He died, aged seventeen years nine months, having destroyed all his unfinished poems.

  Mayerling tragedy – Crown Prince Rudolph of Austria and Baroness Marie Vetsera, 1889. So many things seem to begin in Austria. His liberal ideas were stifled by his father. He was unhappy in his marriage. He began an affair with Maria Vetsera, aged seventeen, in October 1887. They made a suicide pact and were found shot dead at his hunting lodge. Most probable reason: he was dealing with the Hungarian opposition. His place as heir was taken by the vain Franz Ferdinand, his cousin, who was assassinated in Sarajevo in 1914.

  Boulanger was a French general. His mistress, Marguerite de Bonnemains, died in July 1891. On September 30th, 1891, he committed suicide over her grave, in a cemetery in Brussels called Ixelles.

  Some of these suicides may seem to be for other reasons; but the other reasons seem so bad because the mist is gone.

  Dido was also known as Elissa, in Greek legend, reputed to be the founder of Carthage. She either threw herself on the funeral pyre and stabbed herself to escape the advances of the chieftain Iarbas of Africa, or was abandoned by Aeneas at the command of Jupiter, and could no longer live.

  Seneca, Nero's tutor, and Burrus condoned or contrived the murder of Agrippina, Nero's mother in 59 AD. Burrus died in 62 AD and Seneca retired. He was denounced in 65 AD as a conspirator of Piso. Seneca was ordered to commit suicide, which he did with fortitude and composure. Nero, too, killed himself, but surely neither with fortitude or composure.

  Matthew Lovat crucified himself, but was saved. He died later by self-starvation.

  Cato, also known as Marcus Porcius, or Cato the Younger. He was born 95 BC, in Africa. He was the great-grandson of Cato the Censor. He tried to save Rome from power seeking, especially Julius Caesar. Cato was an honest man. He defended Sicily and Rome ver
sus Pompey, in 46 AD. He led troops to Africa, helped them escape by sea, then committed suicide.

  Zeno the stoic committed suicide, it is said, through "Sheer ennui at having cut his finger".

  Eleana Campireali: The mistress of a bandit, she rose in the world. She became the abbess of the Convent of the Visitation at Castro and took the bishop for her lover. Her outlaw lover returned and she committed suicide for shame and loss of advancement.

  1666: In Russia, many believed the Antichrist would arrive, serfs lived in fear, and suicide was rife.

  In Hungary, the song "Gloomy Sunday" is said to have caused one hundred and seventy-four suicides. Such a beautiful song.

  These are the stories Marvo heard.

  APPENDIX D

  Marvo's magic revealed: how to do his tricks, explaining the tricks of illusion and misdirection.