She Was Mine: An Incapable Novella

by Marie Skye

  My eyes watered and I suddenly pushed him away from me as I got up from the bed. "It was an accident. I stood under the hot water longer than I should have, because I was soothing my muscles. You try carrying a diaper bag, a purse, a laptop, and a baby all at once. Because you haven't, I've been doing it all by myself while trying to keep up with classes!"

  "Going back to school was your idea, Emmalin. I told you from the start, I didn't want you doing that."

  I sniffed, wiping a tear away. "Because I wouldn't have time for you. Because I wouldn't have time for your needs, right?"

  His brow furrowed as he stepped forward grabbing my shoulders. "No! Baby, no. I support you a hundred percent going to school. But you're trying to do it full-time and work full-time and be a full-time mom." He sighed as his head pressed against mine. "You're tiring yourself out.

  "I need something for myself, Grayson. This is something for me. Something that I earned, all on my own without someone paying my way for it or just handing it to me."

  He softly smiled. "Baby, you're the last person who's ever had anything handed to you. Everything you've ever had, you've worked for. I give everything I can to you now, because you deserve it." I tried to look away, but his hand under my chin stopped me. "I want to, and it's my right." His voice was sterner.

  "Besides," he spoke more softly. "You gave me something that's priceless. Two somethings in fact -you and our daughter." I felt myself tearing up. I could barely give him a daughter. He guided me to the bed and laid me down, and started to part my legs, but I quickly shut them.

  "What are you doing?!"

  His face turned ashen. "I was really rough on you last night, and you bled quite a bit. I didn't even realize it, until I was done. I just thought you were really wet. I didn't get to check you over last night. He reached for me again, but I kept my legs closed. Rolling his eyes, he said, "I'm quite acquainted with your pussy, Emmalin."

  "But that's...different.” I kept my knees together as he stared at me.

  He sighed. “You can either let me do this, or I can tie you up.”

  I sharply exhaled. “You’re ridiculous!”

  “I know that, and you know that, so there’s no reason to be surprised now, is there?” I fell back against the pillow as he slowly spread my knees apart. I laid there trying not to think about my husband all of a sudden turning into a doctor and examining me. I sighed as I peered down at Grayson’s head, studying me like I was an exhibit.

  “You’re a little red. Any tenderness?”

  I took a deep breath. “No, are you finished?” Asshole was probably enjoying this. Suddenly, I jerked as air was lightly blown on my clit. His thumb began to lightly circle my clit. My head shot up. “Is that part of the exam?”

  His eyes met mine. “I’m just making sure you’re not sensitive.” I squirmed as his thumb rubbed faster, and he blew again. I bit my bottom lip to keep myself from moaning and sunk into my pillow. My eyes shot open when his tongue lightly flicked my clit. Before I had time to speak, the lightly flicking quickly turned into sucking.

  “You can’t fix us with sex, Grayson,” I panted out. He rested his head on my thigh and sighed.

  He was quiet for several minutes before he spoke. “So, we are broken?” It was rare when Grayson spoke with anything but determination. This time he spoke with doubt. As if he himself was unsure of anything for once in his life, and he almost didn’t know what to do with those feelings.

  I shut my eyes. Were we broken? What exactly was going on with us? One minute everything is fine and perfect, and the next minute, not so much. Has it always been like this, or were we just both blind, because we were so wrapped up in each other. “We’re not broken Grayson, we’re just…a little scratched.” I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “But, I don’t want us to be scratched. I want us the way the way we were,” I whispered.

  He placed another kiss on the inside of my thigh before crawling his way up my body. “I love you so much, you know that, right?” I nodded as he wiped away a tear that fell. “You are my life, Emmalin. I would do anything for you, you know that.”

  “What do you need that I’m not giving you?” I whispered it, because saying it aloud made me feel even more unsure.

  His body stilled at my question. “You give me everyth-”

  I cut him off. “No, I don’t. Not if that other side of you came out. What do you need? Do you need to…” My voice faded, as I met his gaze. “Do you need to hurt me?” I couldn’t even say it above a whisper, because it felt so damning.

  He quickly moved off of me, as if my words had scoured his skin. He sat back on his haunches with his hands on his thighs, shoulders sagged. “I don’t need to hurt you,” he finally whispered out. Before I could say anything else, he quickly moved off the bed and half mumbled, “I’ll be back.” The next sound I heard was the dinging of the elevator.

  I was quiet as I stared at my hands, not even remotely sure what just happened.

  6

  Grayson

  I didn’t wait to be invited into Dr. Klein’s office. He peered up at me as I stalked toward him. He removed his glasses. “Grayson. I wasn’t expecting you so soon after our last session.”

  I sat down in the chair facing him. “I don’t need to hurt her.” He was quiet as he waited for me to continue, or waited for me to figure out what the fuck I was talking about. “I do it to provoke her, to test her.” I ran my hand through my hair. Hell, I didn’t even know what I was saying. I took a deep breath then looked up to Dr. Klein. “Every day I’m scared she’ll leave. So, I provoke her. I fight with her, I test her. And if she doesn’t leave, then I know I succeeded.”

  Dr. Klein was quiet for a few minutes. “So, you do what you do, so she isn’t scared of you? In your mind, you’re making her stronger?”

  I shut my eyes. All of this sounded so fucked up and made no sense whatsoever. “If she tolerates it, then it shows me what I already know. That she truly does love me.”

  “Grayson, do you doubt that Emmalin loves you?” I didn’t say anything. “Do you think she would’ve married you if she didn’t love you?”

  “I think she wouldn’t’ve married me if I forced her.”

  Dr. Klein slowly smiled. “And there it is. This whole time we always thought it was Emmalin having issues with trust and securities. But, as it turns out, it was you with the problem, and perhaps it was you with the uncertainty of being incapable.” I stared at him, letting his words sink in. “You’re just as damaged as Emmalin, Grayson, if not considerably more.” He took off his glasses. “Emmalin has proven herself to be strong and trustworthy. She understands you. She gets you. But, if you continue, she’ll fade.” He pointed a finger at me. “You keep pushing her, and you will lose. Remember that. ‘Only in the agony of parting, do we look into the depths of love.’ George Eliot. Great words, that man.”

  I took a deep breath and finally stood. I didn’t say goodbye as I left his office. I drove mindlessly around the city for an hour straight. I needed to stop what I was doing. I needed to stop trying to fuck up something that meant the world to me, because that’s all I was doing.

  7

  Emmalin

  “Paris?”

  He smiled before nodding.

  “As in Paris, France.”

  He laughed. “Yes, that very one. Come with me. I’ve already cleared your schedule.

  I looked at him in shock, although I guess I can’t be too surprised. “I can’t go to Paris, I have work to do, plus school and Emersyn.”

  “I already arranged a sitter for Flick. They were happy to have her. And work is covered.” He sighed. “As for school, you can do whatever work you need there while I’m in meetings.”

  Damn. He really did have this all figured out. But, I was still weary. “When?”

  He kissed my knuckles, then pulled me onto his lap, where I straddled him. “Tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?! Have you gone mad?” He leaned forward, teasing my nipple with his tongue throu
gh my cami.” I could feel him growing hard beneath me. I knew exactly what he was doing. Using sex to get me to say yes. Bastard. If I’ve learned anything with Grayson, he will always get his way. Even if it ends in me begging for release, because he’s kept me teetering on the edge for hours and he knows the way for me to change my mind is to just give in.

  “I already packed for you, but you’re welcome to add anything, of course. Your passport has been updated to your married name.” He sucked hard on my nipple before biting down, and I moaned. “Speaking of, you still have a few things with the name Ross. I thought you took care of that.”

  “It’s probably junk mail, Grayson,” I panted out. When we married, Grayson was adamant on me taking his last name. I was actually thankful, because having the last name Ross only came with hurt, pain, and destruction.

  “I’m just reminding you. You’re a Mandrake now.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I’m a Mandrake. You’ll never let me forget it.”

  He pinched my ass, and I yelped. “Damn right.”

  I awoke in the middle of the night to Emersyn crying. She hardly ever woke in the middle of the night. I shuffled into her room, trying to soothe her, as I picked her up and went to the rocking chair. I felt her face, and she was a bit warm. I grabbed her thermometer and ran it across her forehead. 99.1. I grimaced looking at the results, rocking her back and forth.

  8

  Grayson

  Emmalin wasn’t in bed when I woke. I checked the clock, we had to leave for Paris in an hour. That includes getting Flick ready to send to Meredith’s. I glanced over at the baby monitor, and Emmalin was in the rocking chair, holding Flick.

  I walked into her room, and Emmalin looked up at me. “I can’t go to Paris. She’s sick, Grayson.”

  I went to her, and felt Flick’s forehead. She was warm. “What’s her temperature?”

  “When, I took it last night it was 99.1. An hour ago, it was 99.6. I already called her pediatrician, and he advised what medicine to give her and to keep tabs on her temperature. She’s already had a cool bath, but that didn’t help.”

  I peered down at Flick who was sleeping in her arms. “I’ll stay with you.”

  “No, Grayson,” she whispered. “You have to go.”

  “I’m not leaving you here to take care of our daughter by yourself.

  She smiled as she ran her fingers through my hair. “I’ll be fine, trust me. But this is important to you.”

  “And so is my daughter,” I countered back.

  “I know, but you need to go. You’ve been working on this project for almost a year. So, go and finish it.”

  I sighed, feeling conflicted. I did need to go, but Flick was important. Right when I was about to protest, she continued. “Go, do what you need to, then come back to us. We’ll be here waiting.”

  Damn, I loved her. “Promise me you’ll keep me updated.”

  “Promise.”

  I gave her a chaste kiss and went to get myself ready.

  “Mr. Mandrake, we’ll be landing at the Charles de Gaulle Airport in twenty minutes. Is there anything else you need before we land?”

  “No, thank you.” I focused back on my email, still thinking that I shouldn’t have come. I should be home helping Emmalin take care of our daughter. But, I understood why she wanted me to go ahead and make the trip. I can finish this, finally be done, and then be able to spend more time with my family. Hopefully growing that family. I sighed as I leaned my head back and waited for us to land.

  After showing my passport, I was taken to the Hotel Du Louvre for check in. I sighed when I looked around my room. Glenda made sure to book the biggest room they had. I stood in the middle of their Suite Pissaro that was over 700 sq. ft., by myself. I should’ve been happy, but I wasn’t. I took out my phone, sending a text to Emmalin. It was two in the morning there, so I didn’t expect a response.

  I got in the overly huge bed made for two and wondered how much trouble it would be to downgrade. I felt myself nodding off when my phone dinged. I smiled, seeing the picture on my screen. Emmalin smiling at me with Emersyn against her chest, sleeping. I read the caption.

  Emmalin: Your two favorite girls miss you. Bring us something yummy back! ♥

  I laughed, took a picture of myself, and sent it back. Only mine was me looking sad.

  Emmalin: Turn that frown upside down, Mandrake. You’re a Mandrake. Mandrake’s don’t frown.

  I laughed as I sent her another pic, this time with a smile.

  Emmalin: That’s better. Love you!!

  I smiled and then off for a few hours.

  9

  Grayson

  It had been three days. Three days too fucking long, with us going around and around on the same fucking shit. Just when I thought we were going to come to an agreement, they reneged. I was exhausted and was this close to shutting the whole thing down. The only reason I hadn’t already was because that’s exactly what they wanted. And fuck no was I about to let them win.

  “That is not what we agreed on, Mr. Reneux...”

  I paused as the French translator kept talking to keep up with me. Normally I wouldn’t need a fucking translator, but with my team here with me and them not knowing French, it was putting myself at a disadvantage. I shot an angry look at Chace for failing French in high school. Prick.

  “I think what the problem is, the infrastructure. You want to give it the, um…” he paused looking for an English word. “American way.” He waved his hand around, to my side of the table.

  I rolled my eyes. “Cut the shit, Mr. Reneux.” His eyes briefly widened. I turned to everyone in the room. “Could you all please give us the room?” Claudia and Chace looked at me questioning, and I waved them way. Once the room was cleared, I turned to Mr. Reneaux.

  “Que diriez-vous de quoi s'agit-il vraiment? Pas de conneries, pas de traducteurs, seulement moi et toi.”

  How about you tell me what this is really about? No bullshit, no translators, just me and you.

  He sighed as he took a moment. “C'est la ville. Ils ne veulent pas qu'une société américaine ait une place sur leurs terres. Beaucoup de membres du conseil sont très anciens.”

  It's the city. They do not want an American company to have a place on their land. A lot of the board members are very old school.

  I started to speak but he continued. “Les cinq dernières entreprises qui ont été amenées, ont tous échoué. Dommageable Dommage. Ils ont tous promis exactement la même chose que vous faites. Qu'est-ce qui vous fait penser que vous êtes différent de l'un des autres?”

  The last five companies that were brought over, all failed. Damaging. They all promised the exact same thing you do. What makes you think you're any different than any of the others?

  “Eh bien, c'est une question simple. Ces cinq dernières entreprises n'étaient pas les miens.”

  Well, that's a simple question. Those last five companies weren't mine.

  He smiled and shook his head. "Les mêmes promesses, ils ont aussi promis." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "Que pouvez-vous promettre qu'ils ne l'ont pas fait? Que pouvez-vous fournir, pour leur faire savoir que vous êtes digne?"

  "Same promises, they too promised. "What can you promise that they didn't? What can you provide, to make them know you're worthy?"

  I grabbed a piece of paper and tore it off the tablet. I wrote down a few words, before glancing back up at Mr. Reneux. "Y at-il un notaire sur votre personnel, Monsieur?"

  Is there a notary on your staff sir?

  His eyes gleamed as he pulled out his phone and sent a text. A few minutes later, a short red headed older woman entered the room.

  “Monsieur?”

  He pointed to me, and she walked over.

  "Demande d'avoir ce notarisé s'il vous plaît?"

  Request to have this notarized, please?

  She looked back to Mr. Reneux before taking the document and quickly read it over. I inwardly smiled as her eyes grew wide at my words. Mr
. Reneux looked on curiously. He nodded to her, giving her permission to proceed. She pulled out her pen, and I watched as she carefully applied her signature to the document. She glanced up at me a few times, probably to make sure this was all legit. She finally placed her stamp.

  I nodded my thanks as she slid the document back over to me and promptly left. I glanced down one last time at the paper before me then slid it across the table to Mr. Reneux. He took a look at it and a mask of shock took over his features.

  I leaned forward. "Est-ce que nous avons d'autres préoccupations?"

  Do we have any other concerns?

  He glanced up at me chuckling. “No, no concerns at all, Mr. Mandrake.”

  We both got up and shook hands. I gave him one last nod, grabbed my briefcase, and exited the room.

  “Holy fuck what’d you do?” Chace came walking up to me with Claudia by his side.

  I shrugged, as I motioned for them to follow me out the front door. “I gave them an offer they couldn’t refuse. But the good thing is the patent is ours and we will move forward with breaking ground.”

  We got in the awaiting car. “Thank fuck. I love Paris, but I am ready to go home,” Chace said as he leaned his head back against the headrest. Chace continued talking as I checked my phone. I wanted to leave to head back home now. Even with video calls and texting, it wasn’t enough.

  “Fuck,” I muttered.

  Chace looked to me. “What is it? They fell through again?”

  I shook my head. “I wish, that would’ve been easier to handle. We can’t fly out until tomorrow because of the fog.”

  “Good.”

  I looked at Chace. “Good?”

  “Yeah. We celebrate. We deserve it. We just spent three days in Paris and haven’t had a bit of fun.”

  Claudia spoke up. “I agree. I could use a few drinks. Let my hair down.”