by Tara Kelly
“And you really need me to pay and get it out of there.”
He kept his eyes focused on the ocean, nodding. “I told him a little about your situation. He said he’d be okay with you making payments.”
I studied his serious expression. “What’s the catch?”
“I kind of promised him we’d get your car tonight.”
“And bring it back…here?” That didn’t sound much like a catch.
He chuckled. “No, I figured we’d drive it to the wharf and push it over the side.”
“Dork.” I gave him a little shove. “I can give you a couple hundred now. And more when I get paid Friday.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Thanks for this, Sean. I owe you—big time.”
He rested his head back, a little smile still on his face. “Don’t thank me. Thank Pete. And, yeah, you owe me eight hundred and sixteen bucks.”
“Wait, what’s the sixteen for?”
“Sales tax on parts, princess.”
I looked away, scrunching up my face. “You must think I’m a real genius.”
“Well, you did get into Stanford. But standardized tests don’t really measure real-world IQ.”
“Shut up.”
“I’d tell you to make me, but we saw how that turned out.”
What was that supposed to mean? “Right. Wouldn’t want a repeat of that.” I peeked over at him. “I guess.”
He shrugged. “You’ve been avoiding me ever since.”
“No, I…” Okay, maybe a little. I hadn’t made much effort to talk to him, and I’d turned Veta down when she offered me shotgun in Sean’s car. “I’m sorry. I just…” Don’t want to like you too much.
“It was one of those things—whatever.” He faced me. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
But I kind of wanted to. “I don’t want things to be weird.”
“A little late for that.”
Silence.
“Should we get the car?” I asked.
“We don’t have much time—I was thinking after practice.”
“Okay.” I tried to think of something else to say—something to make him more comfortable. “Have you ever been to Monterey or Carmel?” I pointed at the strip of land across the glittering blanket of water. Santa Cruz made the northern tip of what was referred to as the Monterey Bay.
“Sure.”
“My dad took me to Carmel a lot when I was little. I thought it was the most boring place on earth.”
“There are some amazing beaches over there. Rugged, quiet. The clouds keep the sun bunnies away,” he said.
“I’d probably like it better now.” I glanced over at him. “Have you ever been to the wharf in Monterey?”
“Yeah, we used to skateboard over there and wreak havoc.”
“My dad always took me to see the dancing monkey there. Highlight of my trip,” I said.
“I loved that monkey.”
We smiled at each other. He had a certain spark in his eyes, the kind that tickled my stomach.
“What were you playing out here?” he asked.
“Just this song I’ve been working on forever. It’s still not done.”
“I’d love to hear it.”
I nudged him. “And I’d love to see your drawings.”
“Only if you promise to play me that song when it’s done.”
“Deal,” I said.
“There’s one drawing I could use your opinion on.”
“Go get it.”
He looked down, like he was rethinking the offer for a second. But then he stood. “I’ll be right back.”
After he left, I got up and walked over to the railing, watching boats of varying sizes dodge each other. I hoped he didn’t suck. But I couldn’t imagine him being bad at much.
Sean returned a minute later and stood next to me, sketch pad in hand. It had already been flipped open to a page of his choice. “Don’t freak out, okay? I like to draw people, but usually I make them up.”
“I won’t.” I took the pad from him.
A series of delicate lines formed the shape of a girl’s profile. She stood on a rock, staring at the ocean. Gentle marks with an eraser made her hair look like silk floating around her face. She wasn’t smiling, but her hands were laced together—as if she was at peace with herself. An open guitar case sat on a rock behind her, waiting patiently. I recognized her determined squint; she was contemplating a million things and gathering the strength to accomplish every single one of them.
“Wow.” Once again, he’d left me speechless. I wanted to tell him it was beautiful, but that would be like calling myself beautiful. And I never saw myself that way.
“Is ‘wow’ a good thing?” he asked.
I looked up at him, taking in his flushed cheeks and the uncertain curl of his lips. The way his hair kind of stood up in the back, as if he’d been lying on a staticky pillow. And then I rose to the balls of my feet and kissed him, tucking the sketch pad under my arm.
He wrapped a shaky arm around me, pulling me closer. His lips tasted like salt and cinnamon, a combination that made me feel warm all over. I reached up, weaving my fingers through his hair, but he slipped his pad out from underneath my arm and broke the kiss.
“I guess that means you like it?” he asked.
“Love it.” I moved toward him again.
He rested his forehead against mine. “We shouldn’t do this out here.”
Bryn was slinging weights around in his room, and Veta and Felix were watching some anime movie downstairs. But any one of them could suddenly decide to run out into the front yard. They weren’t the most predictable people in the world.
We moved inside my room, where he set his sketch pad on the carpet and started kissing me again. I ended up on my back, my crumpled sleeping bag beneath me. He kissed a trail down my neck, his breath sending tickles across my collarbone. Our hands roamed under each other’s shirts, all sloppy and excited, until I finally yanked his off.
A loud thud sounded behind the wall, followed by a loud clanging noise and Bryn cussing. We both laughed into our kiss.
Sean broke away. “We need music.”
My fingers traced circles against the soft skin of his back. “We could go to your room.”
“We could,” he whispered, his lips closing in on mine. “But…”
“Yeah…” That was about all I got out before his mouth was on mine again. This felt way too good. And judging from the pressure against my thigh, he thought so too.
He edged my shirt over my head, his eyes widening at my black cotton bra. Or, more likely, what was underneath.
“What—you haven’t seen boobs before?” I asked. I hoped he wouldn’t be like other guys, who basically forgot the rest of me once they saw my chest.
He smiled, his eyes meeting mine. “I won’t look if you don’t want me to.”
“I—”
The sound of my door flinging open interrupted me. I looked over Sean’s shoulder to see Veta gawking at us, mouth agape. This could not be happening.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” She blocked her eyes and slammed the door closed.
Sean cussed and rolled off me. “Why is it so hard to knock?” he called.
I fumbled for my T-shirt and threw it over my head. Sean did the same.
“Get your ass out here, Sean,” Veta said through the door. “Now.”
“Give me a second,” he said, his cheeks pink. We both knew why he was stalling.
We sat there for a few awkward seconds, me clutching part of my sleeping bag, him looking toward the ceiling like he wanted to fly through it.
“Any day now,” Veta said.
“She sounds pissed,” I whispered.
“Don’t worry.” He gave me a gentle peck on the lips. “She’ll only hit me.” With that, he grabbed his sketch pad and went for the door.
Veta smacked the back of his head as soon as she saw him. “Pendejo.”
“Ow.” He shut the door, muffling the harsh whis
pers that followed.
I heard Veta say something like “What the hell are you thinking?” before they moved away, probably toward his room.
I was annoyed at myself for not locking my door. At Sean for being so irresistible. And at Veta for making such a huge deal out of this. Mostly because I knew she was right. The last thing we needed was more band drama.
Another knock at my door made me jump. “Can I come in?”
I took a deep breath at the sound of Veta’s voice, preparing myself. “Yep.”
She walked in and sat on her heels. “Hey.”
I looked down at my fingers, weaving them in and out. Anything not to face her. “You’re not going to hit me too, are you?”
“No, but I am going to tell you that you’re an idiot. Bryn was leery about you living here for a reason.”
“It just happened, okay?”
“Doesn’t it always?” She moved off her heels and sat cross-legged. “It’s not like I didn’t know you had a crush on Sean. I just thought you knew better than to act on it.”
“I do—did. But I didn’t expect him to be so…” Amazing.
“Wow, you really like him.”
I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “Whatever. I barely know him.”
“Jasmine…” Veta gave me her warning voice.
“Fine.” I let a smile slip. “He’s turning out to be a lot more than I expected.”
Veta covered her face, shaking her head. “Oh, dear God.” She dropped her hands. “Band stuff aside. He’s not over Amy, babe.”
“I know.” I folded my arms. “We’ve just kissed a couple of times. It’s not like I’m expecting to be his girlfriend.”
“But you like him more than other guys you’ve met.”
“Maybe—yeah, a little.”
She studied me in that intense, Veta way. “Then you shouldn’t be messing around with him.”
“It’s not all me, you know.”
“Why do you think I smacked him?” She shook her head again. “You’re on thin ice with Bryn as it is.”
“I know, Veta.” I closed my eyes. “Believe me, I know.”
“I’m just saying…you’ve got a lot more to lose than Sean does.”
I swallowed. “You’re right.”
Bryn’s door opened. “Practice time!” he called.
“You ready?” Veta asked.
“Yep.” I gave her the biggest smile I could manage, not wanting her to worry. I’d already made her stress enough this week.
Bryn’s plan for curing my stage fright was inviting his groupies over to see our practices. About five girls stood against the wall, most of them smiling in Bryn’s direction.
We started with “Encryption,” the first song I butchered at the show. I closed my eyes, trying to think only of the music, the moment. My fingers danced through the verse arpeggio without faltering, but I was also being cautious. That fear of messing up began to swell in my throat.
When we hit the chorus, Sean made his way over to me and we played in rhythm, leaning toward each other. My fingers fed off the vibration of his bass notes and the heat of his skin. I tilted my head back, letting the melody break me down from the inside.
“Your eyes don’t match your words,” Veta sang. “But I can’t hear a thing. No, I can’t hear a thing but your sweet encryption.”
I took a peek at our mini audience. A couple of the girls were dancing together, arms in the air, while another watched us intently, bobbing her head. They all looked entranced, as if the song had taken over their minds.
This was what Saturday night should’ve been.
When we finished, the girls clapped and hooted, asking for more.
“What’d you ladies think of Jasmine?” Bryn asked. Somehow I doubted they were looking much at me.
“She’s good,” a girl with short dark hair said.
“Yeah, you and the bassist have a cool energy,” another said, grinning at Sean and me.
“What’s your secret, man?” Bryn asked Sean. “You opened her right up.”
Sean laughed and shook his head. “It wasn’t me.”
Veta cleared her throat, a smirk twitching at her lips. “Well, something is bringing you out of your shell.”
I looked down, feeling an odd mix of relief and unease. I didn’t have to hide anymore. I could just be myself. The girl who finally decided to come out of her best friend’s garage and join the world.
And then there was Sean…
Our audience lasted for half the set before they bailed. Not that I blamed them. Band practice couldn’t be fun to watch with all the stopping and starting. Playing the same song over and over. The bickering over a seemingly petty element.
“I’ve got news,” Bryn said after we plowed through “Back-Seat Love Affair.” “Didn’t want to say it in front of them.”
Uh-oh. I’d come to fear Bryn’s news.
“We’re doing another show on Saturday.”
Not again.
“This Saturday?” Felix’s eyes widened.
“Bryn,” Veta began. “I—”
“Here!” Bryn broke in. “We’re doing a casual show here—in our studio. And then I’m throwing an after-party.”
“But I have a date with Samantha,” Felix said.
“So invite her and go out after,” Bryn said.
“Isn’t Newton’s Whore playing the Roach on Saturday?” Sean asked.
“Yep,” Bryn said. “Perfect night for a party, huh? Luna’s Temptation being in town and all?”
“Oh, Bryn,” Veta said. “You’re pure evil, you know that?”
Bryn gave her innocent eyes. “What? I throw good parties.”
Those pesky knots started forming in my stomach again. “Luna’s Temptation is coming here?” I asked.
Bryn nodded. “It was Ajay’s idea. He thought it would be cool to drop by and see us practice. Like I said, it’ll be a casual thing. Just a couple of songs.”
“Great,” I said.
“It wasn’t like I could say no.”
I knew he was right. You didn’t say no to a band like Luna’s Temptation—even if they wanted you to play in your underwear.
“You got through your first show—which is huge,” Veta said. “It will get easier. You’re already improving.”
“I just hope I don’t psych myself out again,” I said.
Bryn shot me an annoyed look. “Then don’t.”
“Don’t overthink it. You’ll drive yourself nuts,” Sean said.
“I’m warning you guys now,” Veta said. “If Zia shows up, I might be forced to have a total fan-girl moment.”
“Samantha says she’s straight,” Felix said.
Veta waved him off. “Everyone thinks they know who Zia is, but nobody really does.”
“Ajay said she shows up to practice in her pajamas,” Bryn added.
Maybe I could learn a little something from the lead singer of Luna’s Temptation. She sounded like my kind of girl.
Sean and I barely spoke on the way to the auto shop. He’d cranked up “Frozen” by Celldweller, which reminded me of early Nine Inch Nails. A sexy bass line slithered behind breathy male vocals and a distorted riff weaved in and out, adding texture.
After we parked, Sean turned the ignition off, but he didn’t make a move to get out. “You got any plans tonight?” His tone was a little too casual, like we were work buddies or something.
“No. You?”
“I’m thinking popcorn and Grosse Pointe Blank.”
I tried to contain my goofy grin. “Me and Jason worship that movie.”
“Yeah? I’ve probably seen it a hundred times.” He drummed his steering wheel. “You want to watch it with me?”
My rational side told me this was a bad idea. But how could I resist Sean and John Cusack? “I’d like that.”
Sean smiled, reaching for his door handle. “Cool.”
We got out and exchanged payment and keys without saying much more.
The steering wheel of
the Jetta felt cold and foreign, and the engine was quieter than I remembered. Even the smell was different, mustier somehow. All my memories in this car were with Jason and my dad, my old life. A life I could never drive back to. It made me a little sick inside. With sadness, though—not regret.
I pulled up along the curb and followed Sean inside the house, wondering where we were going to see the movie. Downstairs was the safest bet, but I kind of hoped for his cramped room—maybe cuddling on his bed. Bad idea, Jasmine. Bad.
I leaned against the island as he put a popcorn bag in the microwave. It looked like the movie theater–butter kind, my favorite.
“You can go on up to my room and stake out a spot,” he said.
“Oh—we’re going to watch it up there?” I had to at least act like I wasn’t thinking about it.
“Yeah, I told you—all my movies are downloaded on my computer.” He shook his head. “Actually, you probably don’t remember. You were drunk.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll see you upstairs.”
He turned his attention to the inflating bag in the microwave. The smooth scent of butter teased my nostrils all the way up the stairs. The loft was quiet and dark, but I doubted Felix or Bryn had gone to bed.
I slipped inside Sean’s room, pondering where to sit. The bed seemed too forward—like I was saying, “Hey, let’s hook up.” The chairs were too distant, definitely not convenient for popcorn passing. Maybe scooting a chair next to the bed would do the trick. Friendly, but not within kissing distance.
Sean pushed the door open, a bowl of popcorn in one hand and two small bottles of cherry cola tucked under his arm. “Still contemplating where to sit?”
“No, I was just checking out your fish…posters.”
“Right.” He set the bowl and drinks on his bed and went over to his computer.
Oh, screw it. I sat on his bed against the headboard, cross-legged and folding my arms. Didn’t want to take up too much space.
Sean propped his pillow and slid in next to me, moving the bowl between us. We both smirked at the opening scene, where John Cusack’s character, a hit man, argues with his nutty secretary over an invitation to his high school reunion. She wants him to go. He wants no part of it.
Our hands bumped inside the bowl, and we took turns peeking at each other. I wanted to get the popcorn out of the way and tackle him. But I kept reminding myself of the many reasons why I shouldn’t.
