Amplified

by Tara Kelly

  A thick drum loop started up, calling for my lick. I closed my eyes and let the rhythm seep inside me and take over my hands. But I didn’t let myself breathe until I joined Veta with the power chords leading up to the first verse.

  When I opened my eyes, Sean smiled at me and leaned back with his bass, tapping his boot like this was the most casual thing ever. I followed his lead and let my head bob to Bryn’s beat. I didn’t care how dumb I looked—better to get lost in the moment than to hesitate and screw up.

  Veta swayed in front of the mic, her voice breathy and controlled. “Come into my little world. Where twilight reigns and kisses taste like novocaine.”

  Zia had managed to sneak in without me noticing. She stood next to Nile, focusing on Veta. Her expression was completely neutral—almost aloof. Eyes that expressed interest, but not too much. Mouth set in a calm line—not smiling or frowning. I wondered if she practiced that look in the mirror.

  Veta widened her stance, taking us into the chorus. “Back-seat love affair, with that leather stare. Hardened ecstasy. You’ll never come down.” Her voice was spot-on tonight—with just enough grit to cut through our distorted guitars.

  I caught Nile’s gaze and the corner of his mouth perked up. An icy feeling ran through my veins—was he laughing at me? Did I look really dumb? Did I play a sour note?

  Sean pressed his arm into mine, and the friction of his movement awakened my every nerve. I closed my eyes, forgetting everything but his warmth and the familiar smell of his skin, a mix of citrusy deodorant, cars, and sweat. His fast and steady bass line hummed through me, and I moved with him, my fingers sliding between the twelfth and fourteenth frets.

  Sean’s lips brushed against my ear. “Nice.” He moved away, picking the frantic bass notes of the bridge.

  Veta rocked back and forth, her sultry vocals turning into a snarl of rage and desire. “Come on, ride with me. We’ll strip off our masks and leave no regrets.”

  I wanted to go to this place Veta sang about—a place where I was free to be me. Where I could love without consequence. Just for a little while. Long enough to impress the hell out of Luna’s Temptation, at least.

  I tipped my head back, inhaling everything around me—the heat, the growl of our guitars, Sean’s steady rhythm and presence, Felix’s squealing synth and goofy grin, and Bryn’s no-nonsense beat. My fingers glided right into my solo just like they used to in Jason’s garage. The melody screamed everything I felt—excitement, uncertainty…lust.

  Veta faced me with a grin, chugging out a fast and tight riff. She let her eyes drift to the ceiling as if she were getting lost herself. I played off her energy—even adding in a couple of unexpected notes. There was this incredible sense of power brewing inside of me. I bent the last note, letting it build in the air like a siren.

  And from then on, I was in the zone—even when I messed up a part in “Acceleration.” I was enjoying myself, dueling with Sean, jamming with Veta. For the first time, I really felt like I was part of this band.

  Ajay held his hands up after we polished off “Puppet Girl.” “We gotta split. But listen—you guys sound hot.”

  Sean and I exchanged an excited glance. We pulled this off. I pulled this off?

  Nile looked in my direction. “What happened Saturday?”

  Oh God, he’d seen the video. “Off night,” I said.

  “Obviously.” He grinned. “Hope you don’t have too many of those.”

  I eyeballed my feet. What to say, what to say…

  “There still a party going on tonight?” Ajay asked, saving me the trouble.

  “You know it,” Bryn said, walking over and holding his hand out.

  Ajay shook it and slapped him on the back. “Cool, we’ll talk more then.” He nodded at the rest of us. “Thanks for letting us listen.”

  “It was a pleasure,” Veta said, her eyes landing on Zia. “I’ve been dying to meet you—all of you.”

  Ajay gave her a flirtatious smile. “Take care of that voice, huh? It’s killer.”

  She wiped a bead of sweat off her forehead. “Thanks.”

  Zia gave her a stiff smile but didn’t comment. The three of them waved and shuffled out the door in what seemed like record time. I hoped they weren’t too excited to see Newton’s Whore.

  We waited a minute before jumping around and squealing like children—well, Felix, Veta, and I did, anyway. Bryn collapsed to his knees and rested his forehead against the floor. Sean watched all of us in amusement.

  “So I did okay, right?” I asked. Just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming or in denial.

  Veta threw her arms around me. “You. Were. Awesome.”

  She’d caught me off guard, but I hugged her back, letting myself relax. “So were you.” I laughed. “I think Ajay wants you.”

  “Good for him.” She pulled out of our hug, a playful gleam in her eyes. “Nile seemed to like you.”

  “No, he liked my ax.”

  “Well, it’s a nice ax,” Sean said with a smirk.

  Veta rolled her eyes and fell back against Felix, fanning herself.

  I took in Sean’s messy hair and flushed cheeks. Why did he have to be so cute after he played? Why did he have to be so cute…period? Yikes. I needed to stop this. I sounded like a lovesick girlie girl.

  “Hey,” he said. I knew the look in his eyes—intense but hesitant. It was the same one he’d give me before we were about to kiss.

  I pulled my guitar strap over my head. “Hi.”

  “Where’s Samantha?” Felix asked, bringing me back to reality.

  Bryn sat up, squinting at him. “Maybe Zia bound and gagged her.”

  “Very funny.” Felix took off out the door. “Samantha?” he called, his voice fading. “Samantha?”

  “Maybe he should whistle for her while he’s at it,” Bryn said.

  Veta shoved him with her foot. “Ass.”

  “Well?” Bryn shook his head. “Listen to him. Who does that?”

  We all looked at one another and said, “Felix.”

  The party was in full swing by eleven, and Veta insisted on introducing me to a sea of faces. Too bad it only amounted to a few awkward hellos and nods. People still saw me as that girl who choked onstage. What were they supposed to say?

  The living room turned into a mosh pit when Luna’s Temptation arrived. If people weren’t shoving one another to talk to one of the band members, they were staring and pointing at them.

  Veta and I sat on the stairs, chugging Coke out of plastic cups. She gazed longingly in Zia’s direction.

  “If I didn’t know better, I’d say she makes you nervous,” I said.

  She shook her head and sighed. “I can talk to just about anyone, you know? I always have something to say.”

  “But she makes your mind go blank.”

  “It’s her energy. It’s so…” She rubbed her temples. “It’s like she’s ten different people—and I don’t know which one is the real her.”

  “Maybe she has multiple personalities.”

  Veta crinkled her nose, giving me a defeated look. “Even if she does? I’d still want her.”

  I laughed. “They say love is blind.” My eyes drifted to Sean. He was talking to a couple of guys, making wide hand gestures.

  “I’m not one to get starstruck, either,” Veta continued. “It’s not about who she is. I don’t know if it’s her voice or her presence—there’s just something about her that makes me feel…”

  “Like you’re home,” I muttered.

  “Kind of. She feels familiar—like I’ve known her for centuries.”

  Sean caught my eye and smiled. For a second, everything but his face went out of focus. We were the only two people in the room. And then he looked away.

  “You know what I mean?” Veta asked.

  I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and nodded. “Do you believe in past lives?”

  “I do.” She nudged me. “I think me and you were sisters in a former life.”

  “Really?
”

  “Yeah—you don’t feel it?”

  I grinned. “You’re kind of like an older sister to everyone.”

  Zia broke away from the crowd and headed toward the kitchen. Veta’s eyes trailed her.

  “Go talk to her,” I said.

  “You think I should?”

  I gave her a shove. “Yes—go.”

  A squeal came from her throat. “Wish me luck!”

  “I’ll be around in case you crash and burn.”

  “Gee, thanks.” She hopped down the last two stairs and shoved her way through the crowd.

  “Excuse us,” a guy’s voice said behind me.

  I scooted over as Felix and Samantha hobbled their way past me. Both of them had messy hair and glazed eyes. They waved and said hello before joining the party.

  Now would have been a really good time to bail, but something kept me sitting there. Who was I kidding? More like someone. Which was stupid, since he’d pretty much ignored me all night.

  I closed my eyes and downed the rest of my soda.

  “Hey—that better not be SoCo,” a familiar voice said. Sean. Maybe he’d read my mind.

  He plopped down next to me and took a swig of his Corona.

  I nodded at his bottle. “That doesn’t look like root beer.”

  He smiled. “Hey, I know when to stop. Unlike some people.”

  I gave him a playful punch in the arm. “Bite me.”

  His shoulder touched mine. “Don’t tempt me.”

  My eyes focused on his soft lips. They were redder than usual and a little damp. Talk about tempting. I looked down at my empty cup. “It’s about time you came over and said hi.”

  “Sorry. There are a couple of people here I haven’t seen in ages, so—”

  I put my hand up. “You don’t need to explain yourself. It’s just…I’m—” Being my blabbermouth self.

  “It’s hard for you; I get it,” he said. “You don’t know anyone.”

  “Yeah.” That wasn’t it. I wanted to go somewhere with him—alone. Be in our own little world, like Felix and Samantha. But we weren’t Felix and Samantha. “You don’t have to sit with me—or whatever. I’m okay observing the chaos.”

  He put his hand on the small of my back. “What if I want to?”

  A flutter of excitement hit my stomach. “Then that’s…fine.” I looked up at him, the music fading around me. It seemed like he was inching closer.

  “Hey,” a girl said.

  I turned to face Amy, of all people. She stood in front of us, her fingers tapping against the railing.

  “What are you doing here?” Sean asked, shifting away from me.

  I folded my arms and contemplated bolting.

  Amy grabbed his Corona and took a swig. Then she burped. Classy. “Ajay invited us. It’d be kind of lame to turn him down, don’t you think?” She held his beer out to him, smiling.

  He waved her off. “Keep it. Teddy here too?”

  Amy’s grin faded. “Yeah. You should return his calls. He misses you.”

  “How’s that your concern?” The tension in Sean’s voice was enough to make me hold my breath. He wasn’t over her. Not even close.

  She shrugged, her eyes flicking to me for a second. “It’s not, I guess.”

  “What do you want, Amy?” he asked.

  “You’ve got some of my stuff. And…” She looked down at her feet, pursing her lips. “I was hoping we could talk for a minute.”

  “What stuff?” Sean asked. “I’ll go grab it.”

  She cocked her head. “Why are you being like this? I thought we were cool.”

  His fingers drummed against his knees. “I don’t feel much like talking.”

  “Just for a minute—that’s all I’m asking.” Her voice was soft, almost sweet. The girl knew what she was doing.

  He sighed and looked over at me. I knew he wanted to go. No matter how much he tried to hide it.

  “What, you need her permission?” Amy asked.

  “Shut up,” he replied.

  “Go ahead,” I told him. “I’m fine.”

  His hand brushed against my shoulder as he stood. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

  Amy gave me a cold smile. “You can time us if you want.”

  I flipped her off.

  Her knee bumped my shoulder as she moved past me. I watched them climb the stairs and disappear into the loft, my throat tight. I didn’t know what I expected him to do. Tell her to go scratch, maybe? Did I even have the right to expect that?

  Then again, he said he’d only be a minute. So I waited five. And then five more. Then two more. A lot could happen in twelve minutes.

  After seventeen minutes, I realized sitting here and waiting like a puppy dog wouldn’t change a damn thing. It didn’t matter what his excuse was. The fact that he was still in there with her and not out here with me said enough.

  I headed into the crowd, weaving my way toward the front door. But I didn’t get very far before Teddy blocked my path.

  He pushed his long black hair out of his face. “Jasmine?”

  What did he want? “Yeah?”

  “How’s it going? I’m Te—”

  “I know who you are.” You’re the guy who hops in bed with his best friend’s girl.

  “Listen, um…” He leaned toward my ear, talking louder. “I wanted to say sorry for how the guys and Amy treated you at the show. They can be dicks.”

  “I’m not the one you owe an apology to,” I said.

  “I th-thought,” he stammered, “someone should, um…”

  I felt this surge of adrenaline running through me—not anger as much as clarity. “He’s upstairs with Amy. Seems kind of unfair, doesn’t it? You both screwed him over, but she—she still gets to be with him.” Okay, maybe it was anger. “Excuse me.” I moved past him. The ocean was calling my name.

  Unfortunately, someone grabbed my elbow just as I reached for the door handle. “Look, Teddy, I need—” I stopped when my eyes met Nile Morel’s.

  His lips stretched into a crooked smile. “Who’s Teddy?”

  “Um…” My back pressed against the door. “The drummer for Newton’s Whore.”

  “Oh yeah. We saw them tonight—they rocked.”

  Rocked? No, they were supposed to suck. “Great.”

  He drank me in with his gray eyes, a slow scan from my face to my clasped hands. “You got a minute?”

  “Uh, sure.”

  “Sweet.” He placed a hand on either side of my head and brought his face closer to mine. His black henley smelled like cigarettes and laundry detergent. My heart started to race. “I’m working on a side project—it’s this downtempo deal,” he said in a softer voice.

  “Like Massive Attack?”

  “Similar.” His grin broadened. “Anyway, I really like your style—that whole atmospheric thing you do.”

  Holy crap. “Thanks.”

  “It’s just what I’m looking for.” He glanced over his shoulder and moved a little closer. “Would you be interested in collaborating on some tracks with me?”

  My eyes were probably bugging out of my head. “You want me to play guitar? For you?” Pinch me, I’m dreaming.

  “For my side project, yeah. It’s not a band or anything. Yet.”

  “I’d love to.” Did my voice have to sound so high?

  He stared at me expectantly for a few seconds. Did he not hear me?

  “I’d love to. Really,” I said.

  His lips curled up in another lazy smile. “You going to give me your number or not?”

  “Oh,” I said, patting my pockets for my phone. Wait, what the hell was I doing?

  He pulled a cell out of his pocket and handed it over. “Dial it in.”

  “Right, okay.” I glanced up and caught Sean’s eye. He was coming downstairs with Amy, smoothing his ruffled hair. The excitement I felt turned back into nausea.

  “Nile,” a female voice said behind him. “Need to talk to you.” Zia. She spoke. And she was glaring at us. No
t good.

  I plugged in my number and handed Nile’s phone back to him, avoiding Zia’s stare. Were they together?

  Nile brought his mouth to my ear. “You free this week?”

  “Yeah—I mean, I can be.” I scanned the room for Sean, but I didn’t see him or Amy. Maybe they sneaked out the back door. “Depends on the day.”

  “Cool. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Some of his hair fell into my face as he spoke. It smelled like expensive, musky shampoo.

  “Nile,” Zia said again.

  “Later,” he whispered.

  Once Nile walked off, I could see Sean making his way toward me. I flung the door open and escaped outside. My feet carried me across the damp lawn, but I had no idea where I was going. For a drive, maybe. Or a walk along the cliffs. Anything to get myself together before he saw me.

  “Jasmine, wait up,” Sean called.

  Obviously I didn’t make a decision fast enough. He caught up to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

  I jerked away, heading for my car. “Don’t.”

  “Could you stop for a minute?” His voice sounded breathy. “Please?”

  I leaned against the passenger door of my Jetta. It felt cold and hard against my back, but I didn’t care. “My definition of a minute—or yours?”

  His eyes combed my face, like he wanted to say a million things but didn’t know where to start. He ran his hands through his hair again. Too bad that couldn’t smooth away what was written all over his expression. “She broke down in my room. I—I’ve never seen her like that.”

  “Can you honestly tell me you’re over her?”

  His lips parted, but he hesitated.

  It felt like there was something caught in my throat. I couldn’t even breathe. “That’s what I thought.”

  “I didn’t say anything.”

  “Exactly.”

  “She was crying—I couldn’t just throw her out.”

  “’Course not.” Somehow I couldn’t imagine Amy crying—at least, not real tears.

  He shoved his hands into his pockets, shifting his weight. “I still care about her. That part doesn’t just go away.”

  “Is that why you hooked up with her? To show her how much you care?” I hated how my voice shook. I hated how much I cared.