Case of the Gold Retriever

by Erik Schubach

  I growled, “We're not talking about that... ever. This is Jane's birthday.”

  Evil McEvil Mable was all, “Ooo it's about damn time you two. So how was she Five-O? A little spitfire?”

  Jane actually started to open her mouth, and I shot her death glare 5000. She aborted whatever snarky thing she was going to say and told her simply, “Fine.”

  Ok, she was funny. But I hated her for being so smug.

  Gar, who looked two seconds away from screaming and diving through the patio door squawked out, “Did someone say there was going to be cake?”

  I stopped all the retorts as I motored to the kitchen blushing so hard I felt my cheeks were literally going to burst into flame any moment as I smoothed my skirt. “Yes! Cake! It has like a gazillion candles!”

  Jane growled, “Twenty-eight is not a gazillion, runt.”

  I ignored her as I pulled out the template to place it around the cake to slice it into precisely equal pieces. Without looking, I just know she was shaking her head in disappointment that I was sort of particular how a cake was cut as Ker said, “Oh, honey.” I gave her the international sign of greeting.

  Bek, who is usually on my side asked the chuckling room, “Did our sweet innocent Fin just flip her off?”

  Grrr. “Fuck you.”

  This just got them all chuckling again. Whaaaat? I know how to properly swear... when the situation requires it. Like just then.

  I looked over at Cal and Oscar laying on the rug by the couch, “Calvin, attack!” Again, Calvin did not attack. He was of no use in situations like this, but he was pretty darn cute cocking his head at me with his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth.

  Jess called out as I motored to the far cupboard, “Paper plates and paper napkins are fine short stuff. No need for the cake plates and linen.” Was I that transparent? I guess we could celebrate like uncivilized barbarians... just this once. It made me feel like we were being rebels, and that was exciting.

  I was knocked out of the memory by Jess. “Earth to short stuff.”

  I glanced over at her, and the three were smirking at me. “Huh?”

  The redhead snorted. “You gonna just stand there with your excruciatingly heavy load or are you getting another box?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Heyyy, why aren't you carrying anything in? It's your stuff, Little Red Pushy Hood.”

  She said sagely, “I'm supervising.”

  I was about to tell the smug one what she could supervise when she added far too innocently as she held up a laminated chart. “Besides, someone has to make sure we follow your meticulous moving checklist. Without organization, there is but chaos.”

  Well, who can argue with her when she was throwing my own words at me? I nodded. “It's only good sense.”

  Ker deflated a little as she shook her head at me fondly and looped my arm to pull me out to get more, “Oh, Tempe.”

  My heart followed behind us, snorting at me.

  I looked back at my over the amused detective. “Whaaat? And I suppose just moving everything in all willy-nilly is a good course of action? You saw chaos in action when Garrett and Becky didn't have an organizational chart and had to move three kitchen boxes to get to their sheets and blankets.”

  She sighed and pointed out, “Yes, labeling each box with a reference number, and determining the order in which to load them and unload them from the moving van saved ever so much time.”

  “Shut up.”

  “Fine.”

  “Fine!”

  “Fine!”

  Ker asked brightly, “Do you two just find reasons to argue just for the makeup sex?”

  I growled, “Shut up.”

  We heard Jessie calling out as we left the apartment with Calvin on our heels, “Good god you people, I only have ten boxes.”

  Jane, who always has my back... unless of course she's being annoying, called back as she closed the door behind us, “No comments from the lazy gallery, Red. Or you can carry your shit yourself.”

  I could imagine our redheaded roommate zipping her lips then locking them and throwing the imaginary key out. She's a smartass that way. But she was our smartass.

  I hunkered into my purloined leather jacket, breathing in Jane's scent deeply, and steeling myself for the freezing November air. It had snowed the prior night. It always seemed to snow before Thanksgiving.

  I had to have Jane wear her jacket again for a couple days because the scent of lilac was being overwhelmed by the leather as it faded over the months. She thought I was weird, but I caught the almost bashful smile from the overconfident woman as she did it for me.

  Ker glanced back and told us. “Thanks for doing this for her. She's too bull-headed to ask for help and was going to wind up on some couch at her parents or something. I think she's afraid to be alone.”

  I looked back at her as I grabbed one of the three remaining boxes... this one labelled '#8 Bed Linens', leaving the ominous ones labelled nine and ten to them, 'books' and 'tools.' “What? She's family. And besides, she's not alone, you two are practically connected at the hips.”

  She cocked her hip with smug smirk that looked really good under her blonde pixie cut, and ran her hands up and down in front of herself. “I'm all kinds of awesome, what's not to love?” Her cocksure attitude was actually really attractive on her, but then she shrugged, that surety cracking for just an instant, “I'm pretty sure I'm just a distraction for her.”

  By the swishing tail and lolling tongue, she wanted more than their obvious physical chemistry. Was Kerry actually an insecure mortal being like us? I had an inkling that Jessie wanted more too, but before I could voice it to reassure her, Jane just said simply, “She didn't kick you to the curb after your first night. That's only ever happened one other time for her.”

  There was sadness in Jane's tone that was washed away when she met my eyes. I know she still hurt a bit from her breakup with Jessie, but any jealousy still hiding in the back of my mind was washed away by the look of pure love whenever she met my eyes.

  Ker looked up at the balcony as she grabbed the box of books that probably weighed thirty or forty pounds like it had cotton candy in it, handing it to my girl, then grabbing the equally as heavy box of tools.

  She grabbed the strap on the moving van door and pulled the door down with her free hand as she asked, hope in her tone, “Yeah?”

  I smirked and skipped to the door with Calvin, telling him, “Kerry's got a giiiirlfriend.”

  I had to run through the door fast to avoid the swift kick to my butt she attempted. Calling after me, “Snot!”

  I shook my head as I opted for the stairs this time. Were the two models for Danger Monthly really that blind? The two haven't seemed to realize they have been dating for three months now and they still didn't know where they stood with each other.

  I mean just yesterday, Jess had said of my old friend, “My prime piece of grade A soldier ass.” I didn't miss the 'my' part of it. The two larger than life Amazons were made for each other, and they were the only two who didn't realize it yet.

  I've been told by my jerk cop to, “Leave it, Finny, don't meddle. They'll figure it out on their own.” I would have argued, but she had sealed her argument with a steamy kiss that actually left my toes tingling. I would have agreed to fly on a plane in the happy fog it put me in.

  Shudder. Who in their right of mind would fly in a plane?

  I snorted when I stepped back into the place and deposited my 'not heavy' box in Jess' room, to see she had unbuttoned the top two buttons of her blouse to show some cleavage.

  I shook my head at her as the other two followed behind while I stepped up to MJ and tutted as I refastened her buttons, “Stop enticing her! No nookie on moving day until you're unpacked, woman.”

  She squinted an eye at me as I stepped back to inspect my handiwork. “Yes... MOM.” Then the brat unbuttoned the top button.

  I complained to Jane, “Animals. They're both
animals.”

  Ker smirked as she glanced at Jess with an appraising look. “Animals? Ooo a collar would...”

  I slapped my hands over my ears, eyes wide as I sang out, “La la la... can't hear you!” I wasn't going to win this battle, was I?

  Stop smirking!

  I stepped back and just watched the three women banter, Calvin at their feet, cocking his head at each as they spoke. And I smiled. It was like family. They were family just as surely as Gar, Bek, and mom. My family.

  Jane stopped mid-sentence and glanced at me. “Oh god. She's gone all doe-eyed again.”

  I blushed and growled at her, “What? I love you guys. Jerk.”

  Her returning smile was heartwarming. How had I ever gotten so lucky to have been arrested by her? Sure, she still insists she hadn't arrested me that day, but it sure felt like it sitting in that interrogation room. Now if only she weren't so dang exasperating. I smirked, fine, I liked that she was so strong-willed, it was... sexy.

  Ker was apparently more mature than the brats as she said imperiously, “And we love you too, Tempe.”

  I gave a 'so there' look at the Bobbsey Twins then spun when I heard Gar calling out, “Knock knock, the door was open.” Cal charged out to get proper lovin' attention from the newcomers.

  I charged out into the main room after him, barely able to contain my excitement. Gar and Rebecca had gone in for an ultrasound yesterday, and they wouldn't tell us over the phone the sex of the baby. I... for the last three months have been buying cute little onesies for baby boys and adorable little dresses for baby girls. I was so excited that I was going to be an aunt, I figured it paid to be prepared.

  Everyone thought I was a little obsessed with it. What do they know?

  The worst part of it all... they still haven't told mom. They said it was because they wanted to know the sex of the baby first before surprising her. I think it is because they are chickens.

  But Bek is starting to show now, so they can't hide it any longer, so later today when we all make the trip to Liberty, they will spill the news. I'm prepared for the supersonic squee from mom that will shatter windows for miles around.

  I clasped my hands under my chin in anticipation and just grinned at the sheepish looking couple. Bek was simply glowing. They just smiled at me as the others filed out of Jessie's room behind me. By the seven canine lords of Nebula B, the suspense was going to kill me. I prompted, “Well?”

  Rebecca held out some ultrasound pictures to me, and I snatched it from her and turned to the others, and... looked at the three pictures of static. What was I looking at? Was that the head? Was it a butt? Wait, or is that the head? What was I looking at? Gah!

  She must have seen my frustration, and she moved up behind me and placed her chin on my shoulder as she reached around to trace a light area on the paper as the others leaned in, squinting their eyes, still not seeing it either. “Se there? This is the baby's head. And those little beans? Those are the babies toes.”

  Oh... I could see it now, and tears started welling. I looked back at her as she squeezed my shoulder, then she said, “Finnegan, meet your little niece.”

  I spun on her so fast there may have been a sonic boom, and I was kneeling as I placed my hands on her little baby bump in wonder as I whispered in awe, afraid if I said it too loud in case the universe would say it was just a joke, “A little girl?” I looked up at her, and she nodded down to me, a smile on her face as my eyes blurred with tears. I told her, “I have little dresses for her.”

  She nodded again, her smile splitting her face and I stood and squeed and hugged her. The others were congratulating them, and I released Bek and hugged Gar before I was crouching again, to place a hand on the miracle my sis-in-law was baking in her oven. She turned to Garrett. “I think she's more excited about Alyx than we are.”

  I asked in a squeaky voice, “Alyx?” Then I spoke to her belly, “I'm going to be the best aunt ever, Alyx. I'll teach you how to organize your stuffed animals and... eeep!”

  Everyone laughed as Jane pulled me to my feet while Gar supplied, “Alyxandra Oleander May.”

  I blushed and tucked some curls behind my ear. Oh my, there was so much to do! She'd need little shoes, and... and she needed her own label maker when she gets older... and...

  My sister-in-law knew I was stuck in a loop and eased me out of it by asking, “Any news from Barnabas?”

  She already knew he got out tomorrow. Tricky woman. I brightened anyway at her diversion as I cataloged the pairs of baby socks I had in my head. “Barney gets out tomorrow. He and Ruff will be reunited, and he'll start his community service at Central Park Tails next week.”

  After cataloging everything they found in the Ramble cave, the district attorney found that all but two of the burglaries fell outside the statute of limitations. Insurance companies were laying claim to the few that they paid out on and would reclaim the associated items after the trial. Most of it though was unclaimed so it, by default, was part of Barney's estate.

  One of the two refused to press charges, saying it was just a mistake and they forgot they had lent the gems to Barney. It was a retired city councilman, whose son was now running for state senator. And I knew the whys of his decision. Barnabas refused to tell the authorities what he had confided in me. He insisted he just randomly picked apartments to rob.

  I didn't understand why he still protected the people who had cost him his Trudy, just for notoriety. Jane explained, that he exacted his revenge in his own way, and was making every single one of them live with their own shame. They know what they did, and they know that he knows what they did.

  But when I heard that it all came down to the hundred thousand dollars from the last robbery and that he was facing five to fifteen years in prison for a class C larceny felony charge, my heart hurt.

  He wouldn't survive that long in prison.

  That is when I did something I'm not entirely proud of but would do it again in a heartbeat to stop a travesty of justice. My moral compass is true and my conscience clear. I made a discrete call to Eunice Henderson, the Deputy Mayor of New York City.

  There may or may not have been some blackmail involved when I met the silver-haired seventy-something woman for coffee. If I spilled what I knew about Trudy Sheffield to the local and national news, it would soil her pristine “for the people” image she built her entire political platform around.

  The next day, the District Attorney got a call from the deputy mayor. She convinced him that from a 'humanitarian' point of view, and the fact that Barney has no prior record. That if he pleads guilty, confining him to a medical detainment facility for three months, and then seven years of probation, with two thousand hours of community service would serve the people best.

  Barney took the deal, and you'll never guess where he will be doing his community service. A certain dog rescue near Central Park, thank you very much.

  I'd strike a heroic pose here, but other people are looking, and I'd probably fall over.

  By confining him to a medical detainment facility, he would get the medical attention he needed that he could not afford. Well, I guess he can afford it now since the unclaimed jewels and gems amounted to a value of over 10.2 million dollars, which he'll have to pay taxes on now.

  The slight blemish on my conscience, and a threat from Eunice Henderson that she would have her eye on me, I could live with. I firmly believe it was the right thing to do.

  I looked around at my family and felt the love all around and sighed. More times than people believe, there really is a happy ending.

  Damn, what a spectacular day!

  THE END

  Novels by Erik Schubach

  Books in the Technomancy Scrolls series...

  Adept

  Soras

  Masquerade

  Westlands

  Avalon (2018)

  Books in the Urban Fairytales series...

  Red Hood: The Hunt

  Snow
: The White Crow

  Ella: Cinders and Ash

  Rose: Briar's Thorn

  Let Down Your Hair

  Hair of Gold: Just Right

  The Hood of Locksley

  Beauty In the Beast

  No Place Like Home

  Shadow Of The Hook (2018)

  Books in the New Sentinels series...

  Djinn: Cursed

  Raven Maid: Out of the Darkness

  Fate: No Strings Attached

  Open Seas: Just Add Water

  Ghost-ish: Lazarus (2018)

  Books in the Drakon series...

  Awakening

  Dragonfall

  Books in the Valkyrie Chronicles series...

  Return of the Asgard

  Bloodlines

  Folkvangr

  Seventy Two Hours

  Titans

  Books in the Tales From Olympus series...

  Gods Reunited

  Alfheim (2018)

  Books in the Bridge series...

  Trolls

  Traitor

  Unbroken

  Books in the Fracture series...

  Divergence

  Romance Novels by Erik Schubach

  Books in the Music of the Soul universe...

  (All books are standalone and can be read in any order)

  Music of the Soul

  A Deafening Whisper

  Dating Game

  Karaoke Queen

  Silent Bob

  Five Feet or Less

  Broken Song

  Syncopated Rhythm

  Progeny

  Girl Next Door

  Lightning Strikes Twice

  June

  Dead Shot

  Music of the Soul Shorts...

  (All short stories are standalone and can be read in any order)

  Misadventures of Victoria Davenport: Operation Matchmaker