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Page 20
“Bitch, look at your busted up ass shoes. You look homeless. You need to take your ass back to the shelter.” The girls were so mean that everything they said to Cocoa only fueled her inner anger more.
“How about you bring your ass over here and say that shit to my face you dog face ass bitch?” Cocoa always had a come back for those tricks.
Growing up on the south side right in the heart of what the gang bangers declared Central City, wasn't easy for a little girl. Cocoa did not know any other family members besides her mother. If they were out there they sure were not trying to make their presence known to them. She often wrote wild things in her diary but for the most part they were sad and suicidal.
Dear Diary,
I have got to be the loneliest bitch in the world. No one loves me. No one talks to me. I feel lost and confused some days and angry and hurt on others. Should just die. I can’t wait to grow up and get money so I can tell all these lame ass motherfuckas to kiss my ass…..
Her mom, Nadine, was a crack head, but was not always that way. Nadine was a young mother having had Cocoa when she was 14 years old. She was beautiful and vibrant like any other teenager at that age. She could have been a model if she wanted to with her long chocolate hair and chestnut eyes with caramel skin. Her thick build complimented her small stature. At 5’2”, she was just as feisty as ever. Her attitude was a force to be reckoned with, smelling herself believing her shit did not stink.
“That bitch thinks she’s all that. Man I’ll smack that bitch in her face.” Most of the hating ass girls would say.
“Man, I’d fuck the shit out of her.” Is what the dudes would say lusting over her body.
Nadine was a ward of the state and of full-blooded Native American decent so she received a stipend from the government every month to help her afford to make it on her own. She lived with a foster mother who was an old lady and couldn’t tame her one bit. Every time she tried she would only raise her blood pressure stressing over her. So she gave up on her letting her do what she wanted to do. Nadine didn’t care at all. She was more for herself than anybody and only used her money to lace her baby in the finest shit and to party all night.
“You bitches can’t see me.” Nadine said one night at a party.
“I swear I can’t stand her ass.” One of the chicks she hung with snarled.
“Somebody’s gon’ bring her back down to earth one day.” Another retorted.
Nadine heard them but she didn’t care. She felt it was better to be envied than to be ignored. So every weekend at every party she made it her business to annoy the shit out of every chick there. If she weren’t the center of attention than no one would be.
She did not stop parting until the early hours of the morning. Nadine did not want to work or go to school she just wanted to live. She wanted to do whatever she wanted when she wanted, free. She was the life of the party wherever she went making sure all eyes were on her. She wasn’t easily embarrassed and for damn sure was a wild child.
But when it came to Cocoa, she was the best thing in the world that she had in her life. Nadine would leave Cocoa with friends or friend’s parents and go out whenever she wanted to, though. Nobody really cared about watching Cocoa because they knew it was better than ripping and running the streets with Nadine. If she needed to she would strap Cocoa to her back and go out to party with no problem. She just did not give a fuck about what people had to say. It was her life and she would do what she wanted to regardless.
The day her life changed forever, Nadine was with a bunch of her so-called friends from the low end and some dudes came through to hang with them. Her tight body and flagrant mouthpiece ended her up in a room with the door locked with one of the dudes.
“You wanna have a good time?” He said to her reaching into his pocket.
“Sure. What do ya got in mind?”
Nadine was very naive. She couldn’t tell the difference between someone being sarcastic from someone being real. The guy pulled a small baggie of coke out of his pocket and did it up for them.
“You ever try this before?”
Nadine shook her head no and scooted in close to see what he was doing. He was getting the shit ready for them to smoke. As soon as he was done preparing it, he handed it to her.
“Now light this.” He said pushing the shit right up to her lips.
Nadine pushed away. “Um…I don’t think I should.”
“Com’ on man. What are you, chicken? Don’t be a square.”
She certainly did not want to do that and be labeled as the party pooper or the fucking lame. She was afraid no one would want to hang with her anymore. Her reputation meant the world to her and she could not have it tarnished over her not wanting to smoke a funny looking cigarette.
“Listen after this, we’ll go shopping. I know you wanna go and spend thousands of dollars on some new gear. I can do that for you baby. Now hit this shit, bitch.”
The man was now acting like her pimp. His facial expression was becoming more eerie as he leaned into her face. She could smell the stench of alcohol lingering off of his breath. It almost made her want to hurl. The scared feeling like it was now or never flowed through her veins so she took the shit and lit it taking small pint sized puffs. That shit was the ultimate high for her. A tingle shot through her body elevating her mind and rotating her heart. It was wild and crazy and she loved it. Soon after the one hit she took another and another. Then the guy made another one for her and she consumed that entire one too. The drug had begun to fill her body with an imaginary extraterrestrial being. She started feeling on herself and rolling around laughing hysterically. The guy was so enamored with her love for it that he continued to fix her more smokes. Nadine hit the last one one time and passed out.
Her head hit the pillow prompting the guy to push her in her head but she did not budge. Her body lay there nearly lifeless. He checked her pulse and her breathing. She was still alive. Thankful that she hadn’t over dosed on him, he ran his hand down her body and started squeezing her breasts and flicking her nipples with his fingers then ripped her shirt off. He sucked on her breasts all the while looking up to see if she would move. Nadine lay there motionless.
“Is that good, bitch?” The man asked devilishly as if he expected a response.
He then unbuttoned her jeans slipping them and her panties off at the same time then spread her legs apart sticking his tongue inside of her hole. He licked her from her pussy to her forehead with one nasty drooling taste. He was slurping and sucking moving frantically as if he hadn’t seen a naked piece of ass in years. The son of a bitch repeatedly spit on her pussy going up to her mouth in pleasure.
The spit that eroded from his mouth reeked of vomit and ass as if he hadn’t brushed his teeth in centuries. With her legs still spread, he took his uncircumcised penis and inserted it into her, ramming it in hard. Harder and faster the guy pumped into her youthful pussy as Nadine lye there unable to move, still fucked up off of the effects of the coke, and seemingly dead.
Just as the man was about to release himself inside of her, there were knocks at the door. He heard the voices of his homies on the other side and jumped up naked and all to let his boys in then jumped back on her never skipping a beat while they watched. They all became aroused and decided to get in on the action. One dude pulled his pants down and inserted his dick into her mouth, prying it open with his fingertips. Another decided to just suck on her small brown nipples.
Nadine’s so-called friends stood there and watched the guys rape her repeatedly and did not do anything to stop them or help her. They saw her knocked out cold and just assumed that she was already dead. Mortified by the scene, the girls ran out of the house as fast as they could and did not look back. They did not want to take any chances of being next in line for the vicious assault. The guys continually raped Nadine’s lifeless body for about another six hours over and over, punching and kicking, turning her over and under. She never woke.
One guy said as he zipped his pants and cringed at the violent smell of blood and sex on his hands.
“Alright muthafucka! Grab her legs. We gon’ load her into that old van out back and dump this bitch along I88 some fucking where.”
The guy who was with her grabbed her arms.
“Man, I don’t wanna have shit to do with this man. I just fucked her, that’s it!”
“Bitch, you already in this shit nigga! Now pick this bitch up and help me ditch her ass, else they gon’ be lookin’ for your muthafuckin’ ass.”
“Fuck, man! FUCK!”
The next morning Nadine woke up in the back of a van. Clutching her head, she looked around to see where the fuck she was. She did not recognize anything and no one was around. She looked out of the window and saw nothing but field and trees. Tears fell from her eyes as she slowly realized what might have happened to her. There was blood spewing out of her mouth and died lines of blood creeping from in between her legs. Her pants and panties were all missing and the only thing she had left was a ripped bra, socks and a t-shirt that barely covered the nape of her ass.
Her head was pounding dangerously as she had slowly begun to develop chills. Nadine swallowed a chunk of spit that was stuck in her throat then looked around cautiously. She conjured up all the strength she had left then jumped out of the van and ran as fast as she could just in case there was someone she couldn’t see still lurking around. She made it to the highway and began smelling an ungodly aroma of horse manure and burning flesh. The smell wasn’t enough to wake her out of her zombie like state, though. She walked along the highway near death and praying for it. An old pick up truck was coming up the road fast behind but Nadine did not notice it and kept walking dangling her arms and lowering her head in utter shame.
The truck pulled over on the side of her and honked.
“Honey you alright? You need some help?”
A man’s voice asked. Nadine just kept walking. The man clearly knew something was wrong with her and figured he would yell even louder.
“Honey, ya best let somebody help you. You look real bad out here.”
Nadine agreed. It was the one thing that finally made her stop.
“Um, yes. I could use a ride please.” She mumbled groggily.
“Well hop on in honey. I’ll take ya as close to where ya need to go as possible.”
She jumped in the truck without even bothering to tug at her skimpy t-shirt to cover her bare ass. It all seemed pointless now.
“Where ya headed?” The man asked looking down at the dried up blood on the side of her face.
“I don’t know. Somewhere in Chicago.”
“Well I’m on my way there right now. Looks like you were going in the right direction.”
Silence filled the truck for a minute. The man wore stone washed jeans with forty-year-old paint splattered on them. His tattered dingy white tank top hugged his hairy obese chest as it lay across his pale skin. The long salt and peppery hair on his head and his face looked as if it hadn’t been washed in months like he had been on the road for months without stopping.
But none of that concerned Nadine. It was the horrible stench of Tobacco that pissed her off. It gave off an old man sense that she hated to be around.
“Well what happened to ya girly? You want me to take you to a hospital or
something?”
Nadine wanted to remain silent for the remainder of the trip. It wasn’t long before she spotted the tall tower in the distance that personifies the shape of the downtown city skyline. She puffed a sigh of relief then laid back and went to sleep. The cab of the truck soon began to fill with a pungent odor that was coming from Nadine. It almost made the guy vomit a bit in his mouth but he was willing to lose his Tobacco since he didn’t have anymore until he reached the city. He rolled the window down hoping that would alleviate the trifling stench but it seemed to only make it worse. Coughing and wheezing heavily, he covered his nose with a cloth he had in his back pocket, which seemed to only help mildly.
After another hour of driving and heaving, the truck came to a slow stop. The guy reached over to Nadine and pulled her thighs apart a bit. The smell was definitely coming from there. He held his breath with a wretched look on his face then threw the cloth on the dash. He reached across and pulled Nadine’s legs around so that he could mount her. As he pulled, her head bumped the car door several times startling her, waking her immediately. She looked up just as the man was unbuttoning his pants and propping her legs high in the air. She struggled to push him up off of her too weak to even fight.
“Stop it, goddamn it! Now you did not really think this ride was free did ya? Besides looks like somebody got to this shit already.”
The man’s country voice and breath wreaked of old fart and pervert. He pinned her legs out to each side and wiggled his dick around her pussy until it made it’s way inside. Nadine lay there staring blankly into the old metal ceiling of the cab and pretending to be somewhere else while fighting to hold back tears. Luckily the son of a bitch was a short timer and hopped off of her pretty fast skeeting his mess all over the inside of her thigh.
“Thanks doll. You were great. That’s just what I needed after a long day. Now get the fuck out.”
“Stupid muthafucka.” She snapped as she scooted away from him.
As the man sat back in his seat, Nadine jumped out. She recognized the area realizing she was back in the hood and walked around the corner to the police station. The police grilled her for two hours about what happened to her. When they finally accepted her story that she did not know, they gave her some clothes and drove her to her friend’s house that was babysitting Cocoa. The chills began to plague Nadine’s body more as she came down from her zombie-like state. She did not know how to handle it or even how to make it stop.
As she walked in the house she saw her baby, sitting there cooing at the world she did not know much about yet, and picked her up. The girls from the party all gathered around Nadine trying to console her but she was very distant.
She knew they had left her for dead in one way or the other and no longer considered them apart of her life. She just got her baby and bounced. Soon the coke began to call her to the streets. She needed it. She yearned for it. Her eyes widened at the very thought of it. So she sought out to get it every chance she could.
The state gave Nadine a house when she turned 16. She was also evaluated because of her drug habit deeming her incapable to work due to her mental state so they issued her a social security check as well every month along with her heritage stipend and she was set. She was able to take care of her home and provide for her growing daughter all while not even lifting a finger. Her addiction, though, with coke grew heavier by the month and soon poor Cocoa would find herself seeing less and less of her mother. When Nadine did surface she would cuddle up with Cocoa for short periods of time and then be gone again.
As Cocoa got older, Nadine began to distance herself from her child. Slowly but surely her love for her daughter seemed to diminish as she developed a new love more important than life itself. She did not give a damn about too much of shit. If it wasn't concerning coke, she could care less about it.
Cocoa never knew her dad. Anytime she tried to ask her mother about her dad or any other family members for that matter her mother snapped off.
"Get your bum ass away from me!"
That's all she ever got. There were many days where she would sit in her room and cry herself to sleep wondering what she did to deserve such cruelty. All she wanted to do was love her mother and have her love in return but it was like she could do or say anything right. Eventually Cocoa learned to quit asking. ****
Chapter 2- Ruined Purity
Cocoa was always left to fend for herself. She would wake herself up, get herself dressed, and walk herself to school. Everyday she went to school was like a ni
ghtmare to her. The kids looked at her funny and whispered about her.
“You see that bitch’s bum ass. We gon’ whoop her ass after school.” Some girls would say.
“I can fucking hear you. Shit, why wait ‘til after school, let’s go right now, bitch!” Cocoa would respond.
“Bitch you don’t want none of this, hoe!”
The teacher interfered, “No! You guys stop it with all of that foul language and go sit in your seats. NOW!”
The girls eye each other off as they move to their seats. Her teacher, Mrs. Armoir was a nice middle-aged lady who enjoyed being in the businesses of all the students in her class. There had been times when she would pry so much that students would complain to their parents about it and then end up transferring into different classes. Mrs. Armoir was plain nosey. She was always trying to pry into Cocoa’s life to get her to open up and talk. The teacher felt as if Cocoa may have needed help with problems happening at home from her demeanor in class. Cocoa never talked unless spoken to and mostly avoided eye contact.
“Cocoa can we talk for a second, please?” Mrs. Armoir would ask everyday at the end of class and everyday Cocoa would say the same thing,
“Naw. I gotta get home before my mom wakes up.”
Her teacher pressed on to ask but Cocoa gave her nothing.
“If you ever need to talk Cocoa, you can talk to me.”
Cocoa just shook her head at her and walked out. Mrs. Armoir was one of those 'save the world' type of teachers even if there was no world to save. She did not have enough evidence of abuse to get child services involved so she figured she would just keep pressing her to talk.
When Cocoa got home everyday she would watch as her mother lay out on the couch and do her drugs. It was like second nature to her. Sometimes her mom would shoot the shit up with needles and sometimes there would be a funny smoky smell in the air. But it never failed that after that, Nadine would pass out on the couch yet again for a number of hours. Cocoa would always cover her with a blanket and kiss her forehead. She watched her mother’s beauty and health diminish every time she pumped that shit into her system.