Fast Forward

by Juliet Madison

  “Your scan is perfectly healthy. And along with your other results, I can’t see any physical reason for your symptoms.”

  “Are you absolutely sure?”

  He nodded, helping me off the table and back to my chair. “Physically, you’re in great health. But I’ll give you a referral to a neurologist just in case and if you still feel this way in another week or so, book a consultation.” Dr Vischek intertwined his fingers as he propped his elbows up on the desk. “I would like you to see a psychiatrist though. It could be related to stress or a repressed traumatic memory … I know it was a long time ago, but what happened to your mother might be affecting you in a subconscious way. It would be good to get a specialist’s opinion.”

  The mention of my mother sent a jolt of pain through my heart. Surely her untimely death couldn’t somehow be triggering this? I dealt with that … incident … years ago. I’m over it, aren’t I? “You know about my mother?”

  “Of course, I’ve been your doctor for years. It’s my job to know your family medical history.”

  “How soon do you think I’d be able to see the psychiatrist?”

  “There might be a bit of a wait, but I’ll mark the referral as urgent.” He typed on the virtual keyboard on his computer screen. “In the meantime, try to enjoy your day. Make the most of it–have some fun, do something different! You never know, by the time the day’s over, everything might just make perfect sense.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Here,” he continued, taking hold of my wrist. “I’ll upload these referrals to your e-pad.” Dr Vischek withdrew a USB drive from his computer and connected it to my e-pad, before acknowledging my confusion. “Do you remember how to work your e-pad?”

  I shook my head. “I hadn’t even heard of them till this morning, but my, um … Ryan showed me how to make a call.”

  Dr Vischek showed me all the basic functions, including how to retrieve the referrals, how to access my virtual driver’s license, credit cards and other important cards that would normally fill up my purse, and he also showed me how to scan my e-pad when making purchases. Apparently I was now living in a cashless society, it was kinda cool.

  I stood and shook the doctor’s hand. “Thank you very much, Dr Vischek, for seeing me right away and for your advice.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m sorry I don’t have any definitive answers, but I think everything will be alright. I wouldn’t be surprised if the next twenty four hours makes a world of difference, and if not, the specialist can advise you further.”

  I nodded and turned to leave, before turning back again. “Dr Vischek?”

  His eyebrows rose.

  “What does e-pad stand for?”

  “Electronic Personal Assistant Device,” he replied with a smile.

  Hmm, I wonder if it has a time travel function …

  I returned to the reception desk and expertly scanned my e-pad the way Dr Vischek had showed me and the receptionist assured me my rebate had been applied directly to my bank account. She even commented that because I was now a ‘senior’, my consultation fee was less than usual. Nice to have some sort of compensation for the crap that being fifty had given me today, I guess.

  “So, you’ve been given the all clear?” Ryan asked as we walked back to the car.

  “Guess so,” I replied.

  “And he definitely said you’re in good health, no cause for concern?”

  “Just stress, he thinks. But physically I’m fine. He said I should go and enjoy my day.”

  “Oh good, we better hurry then.” Ryan picked up his pace as he walked alongside me. “Do I have a surprise for you!”

  Chapter 4

  Surprise!

  “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

  –Neale Donald Walsch

  “You’ve got to be kidding?” My mouth gaping, I stood rooted to the ground as Ryan tried without success to usher me towards the Ben’s Bungy Jumping sign. What did he expect me to say, ‘Oh yippee, just what I’ve always wanted’?

  “I’ve booked us both in for a jump. It’s gonna be awesome!”

  “You can’t be serious? There’s no way I’m letting someone tie rope to my feet and throw me off that thing!” I pinned him with a determined stare.

  “Mum, remember at your birthday dinner last year you said you wanted to do something adventurous for your next birthday?” Ryan enquired. “Something different, to feel alive again.”

  I shook my head.

  “Oh, that’s right … sudden memory loss and all that.” He dropped his head and looked back up a moment later. “Well, you did say it and I listened, and I’ve had this planned for ages, and it’s non-refundable so you can’t back out. Mum–you’ll thank me for this, it’s going to be something you’ll never forget.” He clamped his hands together as though in prayer.

  “Never forget? This is the thing I’d want to forget! I can’t do this. Besides, I’m … fifty,” I stuttered, still in shock of my situation. “Surely they wouldn’t let seniors like me go bungy jumping?” I planted my hands defiantly on my hips and jutted out my jaw.

  “Of course they do. It’s perfectly safe and you’ve been given a clean bill of health by the doc, so there’s no reason you can’t do it. They even jump people who are in wheelchairs, you know.”

  Yeah. Probably adrenalin addicts who were in wheelchairs because of bungy jumping. I’d rather have William’s third present than go through this.

  “What if the rope breaks? They could forget to tie it on properly and only realise once I’ve plunged to my death!” Hmm, on second thoughts … at least then I wouldn’t have to put up with this awful day anymore.

  No, I couldn’t think like that. Pull yourself together, Kelli!

  “They won’t forget. I know Ben, he’s a professional,” Ryan assured me.

  Professional what? Professional Idiot?

  I looked at the huge purpose-built structure, completely out of place in the lush natural rainforest and imagined myself launching off the edge to hang precariously above the water. I shuddered as I envisioned all my saggy bits sagging upside down, my loose turkey-neck skin falling over my face, covering my mouth and nose and cutting off my air supply. This could be fatal in more ways than one.

  “I can’t do it … I’m not dressed for it!” I looked down at my curved hems, which would curve all the way over my head if I was hung upside down. “Look, I can’t bungy jump in this outfit.”

  Ryan simply smiled, zipped open his backpack and pulled out a pair of pants and a singlet.

  “You brought a change of clothes for me?”

  He nodded. “I grabbed them before we drove to the doctors. I didn’t want to say anything about what you were wearing in case you got suspicious.” Ryan stepped in close and looked me in the eye. “I’ve bungy jumped four times already, it’s exhilarating! You can do this, Mum. It might be just what you need.”

  Could he be right? Could this be some sort of challenge I have to go through to get back to my twenty-five-year-old self? Maybe it would shock me back to my real life. Hmmm, if I didn’t do it I could be stuck in this terrible life forever. But if I did it, there’s a chance it’d create another cosmic shift thingy and transport me back where I belong.

  I alternated my weight from one foot to the other and Ryan continued to encourage me with his determined eyes. What was it the doctor had said? Try to enjoy your day. Make the most of it–have some fun, do something different! Aha! He could be in on this whole charade and that might have been a subtle way of telling me how to fix it, without saying: ‘Mrs McSnelly, I’d like to prescribe a treatment of bungy jumping. Go jump off a ledge and call me in the morning.’

  “Okay,” I mumbled, eyes on the ground, barely believing what I’d just agreed to.

  Ryan planted his hands on my arms. “So you’ll do it?” His eyes widened and his breath quickened.

  “Quick, before I change my mind.” I walked towards the towering monstrosity and Ryan followed like a puppy anticipa
ting a game of fetch.

  “Yes! I knew you’d come round. You won’t regret it, Mum.”

  My legs became weak and I was sure a rock star drummer was inside my chest, banging on the wall of my heart. But I forced the vision of my young self, lazing in bed in my own apartment to the front of my mind. Soon, with any luck, it would no longer be a vision but a reality.

  Chapter 5

  Leap of Faith

  “You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.”

  – Paulo Coelho

  After meeting the legendary Ben and going through the required training, as well as signing a holographic legal form (almost signing my surname as Crawford instead of McSnelly), Ryan completed his bungy jump first. I didn’t know whether watching him would make me feel better or worse, so I half watched through fingers covering my face. He came up to me afterwards all hyper and bouncy, like he’d had ten cups of coffee in one hit and reassured me I’d be fine.

  By the time they’d attached me to the rope via the padded ankle harness, I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Well, the second. The first would have been letting my body get to this visibly aged state. I looked longingly at the direction from which I’d come, wanting desperately to go back down and huddle under a blanket in the car. But Ryan was there, urging me on.

  “You can do it, Mum! Just think how great you’ll feel afterwards.”

  Right. Yes. Afterwards. It’ll all be over soon. Breathe, Kelli.

  “Now, just do a little bunny-hop over to the edge, like we practised, Kelli,” Ben said, his hand on the small of my back.

  Easier said than done. I couldn’t find the strength to hop, the bones and muscles in my legs seemed to have disappeared. Using all the effort I could muster, I bunny-shuffled instead, the long distance between me and the water below becoming frighteningly more apparent.

  Twenty five. Twenty five. Won’t be long now and I’ll be back home. Yes, back home. I fixed my mind on the desired outcome, rather than the heavy metal concert going off in my chest cavity. My toes met the edge and it was time.

  “Take a deep breath, Kelli,” Ben instructed. “And then allow yourself to simply fall forward.”

  I didn’t know whether to cry or vomit, or both. I imagined my half-digested yolkless eggs going on a bungy jump of their own, only without the cord, landing in the water below with a big splosh. That made me want to vomit even more. I looked back at Ryan one last time, and his enthusiastic expression combined with his ridiculous hairstyle only reinforced the fact that I didn’t belong here. Didn’t belong in the McSnelly family. I needed to get back to my young, carefree, childless life. With Grant. I couldn’t wait for him to wrap his arms around me again and get down on one knee to…

  “Arghh!”

  I lost my balance before I was ready, my arms circling frantically around in an attempt to stay on the ledge. But to no avail. My scream followed me down before, all of a sudden, the air inside my lungs whooshed out like someone had stuck a vacuum cleaner nozzle in my mouth.

  I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t scream anymore. I was surely about to die. Something yanked at my ankles and my body flung upwards. Oh thank God, it must be over…

  “Arghh!”

  Here we go again. Whatever breath was left was sucked out again, along with what felt like all my insides. Yank. My ankles jerked again and my body went upwards. And back down again. I could feel my eardrums vibrating! Up … and back down again. Oh my God, it’s never going to end! Up, down, up, down. Bounce, bounce, bounce. The eggs in my stomach were surely scrambled by now.

  The dark water below swam into focus as the bouncing subsided and I hung there, desperate for something to hold onto. Now what? Were they just going to let me hang? Help! And then the best thing I’d seen all day caught my eye. A boat, yippee! I thought I’d died and was in heaven, but the putrid stench of body odour assured me it wasn’t.

  “There you go, sweetie. Wasn’t so bad, was it?” Smelly man said as he pulled me into the boat.

  I couldn’t speak. I just lay there, limbs shaking. Wait. He called me sweetie. That’s a name reserved for young women, isn’t it? I must have changed back to … I jerked upright and looked down at my body.

  “Arghh!”

  My scream lasted longer than my bungy jump. Nothing had changed. I was still fifty-year-old Kelli Jelly Belly McSnelly. Or McSmelly, thanks to my deodorant-phobic rescuer, whose primal scent had rubbed off on my clothes.

  All that for nothing? Talk about ripped off! When I got out of the boat and stepped onto the delicious stability of land, Ben and Ryan waved at me. Ryan gave me a thumbs up and climbed down the steps.

  “You did it, Mum, you did it! That was freaking awesome!” Ryan ran over to me and threw his arms around my quivering body. I suddenly forgot my disappointment at remaining fifty and realised what I’d just done.

  “I bungy jumped, can you believe it? I went bungy jumping! I jumped off the ledge and fell for miles … and hung upside down and bounced and bounced and bounced … and all the air went out of me … and I felt like I almost died but at the same time I felt so alive and … oh my God I can’t believe I did it!”

  “Whoa, slow down! There’s a lot of adrenalin coursing through your body right now, take a breath.” Ryan laughed. “But yes, you did it!”

  My teeth chattered inside my dry mouth and I kept looking up at the huge structure and over to the water, back and forth, taking in the length I’d travelled. “I bungy jumped, I just bungy jumped,” was all I could say, while my body vibrated like a jitterbug. No wonder Ryan had seemed like he’d had ten cups of coffee. I felt like I’d had fifteen, combined with a can of Red Bull, ten teaspoons of sugar and a truckload of red food colouring.

  Not knowing what to do, say, or think, Ryan gave me my coral coloured outfit to change back into and afterwards, led me back to the car. “So did you like it, do you reckon you’ll do it again one day?”

  “Me, um … don’t know. Sort of, maybe, I don’t know if I liked it. I mean at first it was horrific and then it was a relief … and now I feel all weird and jumpy and have heaps of energy.” The words were bungy jumping themselves out of my mouth before I could process what I was saying.

  “How about next year we go skydiving?” Ryan asked with a glint of anticipation in his eye.

  “Next year? Let’s just get through this day first!” I told him.

  The passenger door of the car rolled up and over the roof and I slid inside, my skin still buzzing from the experience. Oh wow. I hadn’t really noticed the details of the car before, as I’d been so anxious to get to the doctor and then Ryan had blindfolded me on the way to Ben’s Bungy Jumping so as to not spoil the surprise. Not only did the doors roll upwards, like an eyelid opening, but the seatbelt embraced me from behind, sleeve-like arms stretched out in front that I had to feed my arms through, while two clasps locked together in front of my chest and hips. Ryan used his e-pad to start the engine and the car spoke in a strong feminine voice.

  “Where would you like to go, Ryan?”

  Holy crap. How did I not notice that before? My mind must have been so overflowing with fear and confusion that I blocked out everything else around me.

  “City Point Shopping Centre,” Ryan told the car.

  “Route established. Estimated travel time: twenty-four minutes,” the car spoke again. “Calculating optimal parking spot … stay tuned for directions when your destination approaches …”

  My eyes darted all around the car. Holographic GPS map just under the windscreen, a small steering wheel that resembled an Xbox controller and a—what was that? I tugged on what looked like a straw and a smaller straw shot through the middle.

  “Oh yeah, good idea. I’d love some coffee,” Ryan said, sipping on the straw on the driver’s side. “Not that I need any more stimulation, but who cares!”

  The car had an inbuilt coffee machine? Pure brilliance! I sipped profusely, savouring t
he caffeine hit. Even though I felt like I’d already had fifteen of them, I was thirsty. And hungry. What was with my appetite? You’d think after the large breakfast I’d eaten I’d be set for the day. Or maybe I did throw up during the bungy jump and didn’t even realise it.

  “Go easy on the coffee, Mum. Save some room for your morning tea with Diora.”

  “Turn right,” Miss Car said and Ryan obliged.

  “Morning tea? With who?”

  “Yeah, I’m dropping you off so you can meet up with Diora.” He glanced at me briefly. “You do remember your first-born daughter, don’t you?”

  I stifled the scream that threatened to escape my lungs, figuring I’d acted like enough of a loony for one day. I had a daughter too? Just how many offspring did I bring into this world? No wonder my stomach was flabby as hell. Two kids. That’ll do it. But still, you’d think I would have had some liposuction somewhere along the way, or a tummy tuck at least.

  Wait. Diora. That was the name of my favourite doll I’d had as a young girl. I’d imagined calling my own daughter Diora one day, until I came to my senses and decided I probably wouldn’t want children after all.

  “Of course, I just forgot I was meeting her, that’s all,” I said to Ryan. Hopefully he bought it. Didn’t want to freak him out too much in one day by saying: actually, I don’t remember her at all, or you for that matter. You, my son, are a complete stranger as far as I’m concerned.

  “I think she has a more passive activity planned for you, it’ll give you a chance to calm your nerves after the bungy jump.”

  “Oh, good.” Although, it would take something pretty powerful to calm my nerves right now. “Um, where am I meeting her again?”

  “Dunno, she just told me to drop you off at the shopping centre. It’ll be in your birthday itinerary though, just check.”

  Um … how?

  My confused silence had him glancing towards me with that look. That not again look. “In the calendar, on your e-pad,” he explained with a sigh.