Twelve years later and my heart still sinks to the bottom of my stomach thinking of the possibility that one shot could’ve killed her. “It wasn’t until they finally believed my confession and slapped me with three convictions that they told me she was okay.” Receiving good news about Dakota had been the happiest I had ever been in my whole time away. “When I found out the therapy she would need and thought of her journey to recovery, I fucking got away scot free. I didn’t have to see my daughter suffer, and I deserved to. I don’t want to cause Sasha anymore stress, especially not for a little bit of money.”
Hendrix nods, but I see his mind gearing up for an argument. “I understand where you’re coming from, but think of the life you could provide for Dakota with a more permanent job. If I leave, that job could be yours.”
“I know. What you say has merit, and that job offer would change my life, but volunteering is enough for me right now. It’s like I’m still paying my penance.”
“You paid it Jagger. So many fucking times over.”
“Not in a way that’s ever going to ease my guilt. I don’t expect you to understand, and I pray you never ever have to. But I didn’t think I’d be able to reach the level of happiness my life sits at right now, and I don’t want to fuck with it.”
17
Emerson
Arriving at the netball courts, Jagger and I wait for Dakota to notice we’re here. Her team’s participating in a day-long tournament, and she asked for all of us all to come and watch her.
Loving how organically our friendship has blossomed, it’s comforting to know we don’t need Jagger to act like the middleman.
“Is it weird I’m nervous about meeting Sasha?” My confession is wrapped up in a question, something that has worried me since spending more time with Dakota. “I’m relieved you’re finally in a good place with her, and I don’t want to stuff that up.”
“Sasha’s not one to hold back, and I did ask her how she felt about you and Dakota meeting.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. I didn’t want to fuck up when we’d finally all managed to land on the same page.”
“And I’m guessing she was okay with it?” I ask.
“She said if it’s serious, it’s okay.”
“You said we were serious?”
He cradles my face. “I said I didn’t know what we were, but with you it was more.”
“More...” I let the word hang between us, mulling it over in my mind.
“More than I expected. More than I deserve. More than I’m willing to let go. More.”
“Hey.” A sweet and cheery voice comes up from behind, interrupting us. From the corner of my eye, I see Sasha’s petite frame come into view. “Sorry to disturb you guys.”
“Hey,” Jagger says with a lingering smile, his gaze still firmly locked on mine. “Sasha, this is Emerson.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Turning away from Jagger, I take her hand and return the genuine smile that graces her face. “I’m so glad you could all make it. Dakota hasn’t been this excited about a tournament in ages.”
“I loved netball,” I divulge. “I gave it up after I finished school, but sunny Saturdays and frozen oranges were the ultimate.”
“Mmm, frozen oranges,” the two of them repeat after me. An eruption of laughter settles my nerves, and I tell myself everything is going to be okay.
“Is Hendrix coming?” Sasha asks Jagger.
“I think I heard Dakota and him discussing a time last night, but we left before he woke up this morning.”
“You guys made it,” Dakota screams from metres away.
“I may have forgot to mention how dramatic she gets around her friends.” Sasha informs us, but the look on Jagger’s face tells you he doesn’t care if she walked on her hands and joined the circus. That young girl is his heart and soul.
Lost in a trance, he struts off to meet Dakota, leaving Sasha and me alone on the sidelines.
“I brought something we can sit on if you want?” She rummages through her bag and pulls out a large checkered picnic blanket.
“Here let me help you,” I offer. Taking hold of both corners, Sasha and I stretch the material across the grassed area.
“Look at her introducing him to all her friends,” Sasha points out. “She’s so happy he’s around.”
“Did you think she wouldn’t be?” I probe.
“It took me a while to realise she didn’t have enough of a memory to be angry at him for what happened. She just knew her dad was in jail, and she couldn’t see him.”
“So, she missed him.”
“Exactly,” she says, plucking strands of grass from around the blanket. “You know, I wouldn’t have even considered this having a positive outcome if it wasn’t for you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. That phone call.”
“Sasha,” I interrupt. “I’m really sorry about that. I was harsh and borderline rude.” I was also insanely jealous at the thought of a man I’d met a handful of times potentially being reunited with his ex-lover. Fears that were thankfully unfounded.
“No, you were just doing your job and looking out for your client.”
“I’m sure that looks real professional now,” I say, voicing my fears.
She laughs. “I’m the last person to judge you. Everyone seems happy and there’s no reason to focus on anything other than that.” Coincidentally, Hendrix appears and heads straight to Jagger and Dakota. Turning, I see her eyes glued to his every move. Uncensored and honest, I see a girl desperately hurting over a boy.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“What?” Her brows furrow in question.
“You and Hendrix?”
“Oh, Jagger mentioned that.”
“He didn’t say half as much as your face just did.”
“It’s complicated,” she exclaims. “Which is also really cliche, but very true.”
“I bet, but you can still talk about.”
“I’ve loved him for a really long time.” As if all she needed was an invitation, she continues, “But I think I’ve hated him longer.” Her unfiltered confession blows me away. And still brings me no closer to figuring them out.
“Did Jagger tell you how Dakota was conceived?” she asks.
“No. But that’s because he’s usually blaming himself for every wrong thing in everyone’s life. You and Hendrix included.”
“Jesus Jagger,” she scoffs. “He’s a modern day martyr.”
“In the flesh.”
“I asked him to get drunk that night. I used him so I could forget about my broken heart. I put a rift between those two brothers.” She glances over at them, and back at me. “And I’ve been paying for it in loneliness and heartache ever since.”
“I’d hate to state the obvious here, but you guys could just talk to each other.”
“Dakota is the only reason we’re ever in contact, and the older she gets, the easier it is for them to forge a relationship without me.”
“Do you even want to be with him?”
“I think we’re just hung up on what we could've been. We haven’t been friends since before before Jagger went away. And anything we’ve shared over the years has been tainted. We’re different people. We might not even like the new versions of us, and that scares me even more.”
“When was the last time you dated someone?” I fire off questions, amazed she hasn’t told me to shut the fuck up. I have a horrible habit of always asking questions most people don’t want to answer, but Sasha impresses me and takes it in stride.
“I don’t date.”
“Sex?”
“Occasionally,” she admits.
“You should hang out with my friend Taylah and me. We can have a girls night. At least try and move on.”
“Maybe.”
“And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“You can’t have me spilling my secrets and not tell me anything. What’s going on with Jagger?”
/>
I watch him and Hendrix flank Dakota, like her very own bodyguards as they make their way over to us. “You want the short version or the long version?”
“Seeing as he’s walking towards us, lets go with the short version.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him.”
“We won. We won. We won!” Dakota shouts all the way to the car. “Let’s have a special dinner, Mum. All of us. You, me, Emerson, Dad, and Uncle Drix.”
Sasha looks around, her discomfort obvious.
“Why don’t you and your mum and dad go out. Just the three of you,” I suggest. Jagger looks at me and shakes his head and I nod, disagreeing with him.
“Can you give us a minute,” I say politely, while dragging Jagger to the car.
“Why am I spending the evening without you?” he snaps.
“It’s uncomfortable for Sasha and Hendrix, and they’ve already spent hours together today. You three go out and I’ll wait for you at your place, or I can go home.”
“No, you won’t go home.”
“Oh really?”
“Stop teasing me, woman. I had a great day with my family, and is it too much to ask that I want it to end with you?”
“I’ll be there.” I give him a quick peck on the side of his mouth. “I might even wait in bed for you.”
“Naked?”
“If you’re lucky. Now go, celebrate your daughter’s amazing day.”
“I-” He stops himself, the unsaid words louder than anything I’ve ever heard.
“Nothing changes,” I assure him. The words not necessary now or ever. “I’ll see you at home.”
18
Emerson
“What are you doing tomorrow night?” I ask Taylah over lunch.
“I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”
“The youth club where Hendrix works is hosting a charity league game, the kids versus the youth workers, and they asked Jagger to play.” Spending more time there, Jagger has been working with some of the tougher kids on a volunteer basis and enjoying it. He always comes back exhilarated. The possibility of his mistakes preventing somebody else’s gives him the biggest sense of achievement.
“Really? League?” She looks at me with such disgust. You would think I’d asked her if she wanted to be infected by the plague.
“Hendrix will probably take his top off at some point,” I say, going in for the kill.
“Well, that’s what you should’ve started the conversation with. I guess I can forget about my hate for the sport if it means I get to see sexy twin number two.”
“Atta girl. We’ll leave work early and drive there together?” There’s no point taking two cars. Everyone will want an early night with work on the next day.
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Now that’s sorted, we have a bigger issue on hand.” I grab the pamphlet out of my bag and hand it to her. “The whole office is on rotation for this new legislation training, and Joe and I are up next week. Together. For Five. Whole. Days.
“Why are you fretting? Just get sex on legs to throw you over his shoulder in front of Joe.”
“That’s your great idea?”
“Yes.” She flicks the paper back at me, hitting me in my face. ”Joe is interested in you, he is also a fuckwit, and he needs to know you’re no longer on the market.”
“I don’t think Joe and Jagger breathing the same air is a good idea.”
“Well, in that case, get ready for next week.” She stands and hangs her bag off her shoulder. “You could ask Human Resources to switch you with someone else.”
“Ha.” I clap excitedly. “You’re not just a pretty face. That’s a great idea.”
“They might not go for it, but it’s worth a try. But for now, I have to make my way to Family Court and deal with another petty divorce.”
“Ughh, I hate those. Any kids?” I query.
“No. Thank God.”
“Well, I wish you luck. I’m going to go upstairs to talk to HR.”
“I still say get Jagger to see him. It’s easier and much more effective.”
“I’m ignoring you now.” I walk backwards, hoping to end the conversation.
“Whatever. Hendrix better take his top off, or I’m taking mine off in protest.”
Rolling my eyes at her, I wave her off and turn in the opposite direction. God knows what the hell goes on in her head half the time.
Choosing to meet Jagger and Hendrix at the youth club, Taylah and I walk towards a crowd of people on a field who seem to fit the bill with their athletic apparel.
“I’m going to find a bathroom,” she announces. “I’ll be right back.”
Standing on the outskirts, I let my eyes roam the green expanse looking for a familiar face.
“Looking for someone?” The gravel in his voice has my body erupting in goosebumps. Spinning, I throw my arms around him, irrationally missing him more and more everyday. After an amazing weekend, I feel everything about us is deeper, more personal, and irrevocably sensual.
“Nope, I found him.” Giving him a quick peck on the lips, my excitement is put on the back burner when I see the woman from the restaurant walking with some of the young kids.
“What’s she doing here?”
“Who?”
“Your friend from the restaurant.” I watch the puzzle pieces fit together for him, understanding written all over his face.
“That’s Stacey.”
“You’re telling me, Stacey who you often mention after the days you volunteer here, is also the woman who was all over you that night?”
“I thought you knew that.”
“How would I know that?” Being in public, I try to keep my voice low and facial expressions to a minimum. “And what? you thought I’d be okay with you spending time with the woman who would’ve fucked you in broad daylight if she could.”
“So what’s this about, you don’t trust me?”
“I trust you just fine. It’s the reminder of how much she wanted you that I can’t seem to get past.”
“I don’t want her.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, holding back my reply. He might not want her now, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a brief moment where they weren’t intimate. “Does she throw herself at you here too?”
“No, we manage to stay out of each other’s way for most of the time.”
“Hey Jagger.” Taylah’s interruption saves the day.
“Hey Taylah, thanks for coming.”
“Someone die? What happened in the three minutes it takes someone to go to the bathroom?”
I look up at her and shake my head. If looks could kill, she’s the only person that would be dead right now.
“I’m going to meet the others. I’ll see you after the game.” He leans over to kiss my mouth, but I give him my cheek at the very last minute.
“I see how it is,” he says under his breath before walking away.
“What the fuck, Em?”
“Remember the girl at the restaurant that night we saw him?” I ask, jogging up her memory.
“Yes.”
“She has a name. It’s Stacey, and Stacey works here.” The sarcasm drips off my every word, the only way I can channel my anger without completely flying off the handle. “And Stacey is here right now.”
“And Stacey is here right now.” Taylah repeats in understanding. “Do you want to leave?”
“Yes. No,” I whine.
“Okay, which one is it?”
“I told Dakota I would be here. I can’t let her down.” I look across the field to find Jagger staring at me. “And I don’t know what good leaving will do, besides escalating it. I can still be mad and not act like a five year old.”
“And that’s why I’m single.”
I chuckle at her commentary, grateful she’s here to distract me. “I don’t even know which part I’m mad at--the fact that I know something happened or that he occasionally sees her.”
“So it’s not a trust issue?
”
“No. I just can’t help but wonder if he should be whoring himself out. He’s missed out on a lot of women.”
“Aaannd we’re done. Where’s the sexy twin? That’s what I’m here for.”
“You mean the one with the black Under Armour singlet on and tattoo sleeve on his right arm?” Sasha chimes in, walking up behind us.
Fuckity Fuck, Sasha’s here.
“Yes, that’s the one,” Taylah answers, oblivious to the awkwardness.
“Sasha,” I say a little too cheerily. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
“Dakota insisted.”
“Umm Taylah this is Sasha, Dakota’s mum.”
“Hey, it’s nice to meet you. Your timing is perfect, Emerson was just telling me about how she thinks Jagger might be better off playing the field. Being single you know?”
“What?” she asks, scrunches her nose up at me.
“Where’s Dakota?” I enthusiastically scan the area, looking for her. Sasha shakes her head, letting me know a subject change isn’t going to happen.
“Fine,” I huff. “Taylah, if you’re going to share my business at least say the whole damn story.”
“Of course, but I want to ask Sasha something first.” Taylah glares at me. It’s her courtroom stare, the one she uses before her next big move. I brace myself. “Sasha, have you seen how Jagger looks at Emerson.”
“Yes,” she answers, playing along. Didn’t she just dislike her five minutes ago?
“Can you please describe it?”
“Like she hung the moon.”
With her hands on her hips, she throws a smug smile my way. “I rest my case, bitch.”
“Fuck you.”
“Now, back to the hottie on the field.”
I cringe, but Sasha looks at me and shrugs. “At least she’s funny.”
The game finishes with Jagger’s team wiping the floor with the poor young boys. Watching him in his element, the way he’s respected and admired, has me proud and breaks my heart. I’m here acting petty about someone who has no impact on the way we love one another, when the bigger issue is how can I get him working with these kids all the time. I have no doubt Hendrix was inspired by real life events when he started on this career, but Jagger is a magnet for these kids--his personal experiences set him apart from anyone else. The young kids feel understood when Jagger listens.
Reclaim: (A Redemption Novel) Page 12
