Reclaim: (A Redemption Novel)

by Marley Valentine

  “Maybe, but I’m responsible for my own actions. You can’t just swoop in and try to save me.”

  “You think I’m trying to save you?” She shakes her head. “You’ve got it all wrong. I’ve been trying to set you free.”

  The drive home is quiet. I called Hendrix to pick us up as soon as Emerson’s tears became uncontrollable. I couldn’t watch her bleed out, knowing I was the one who cut her open.

  Dakota hasn’t looked me in the eye since we left, and I know an important conversation with her needs to come next.

  Turning down the radio, Eminem’s voice drowns out, and I ask my brother his opinion.

  “Drix?”

  “Yeah, bro?”

  “Do you think I made a mistake?”

  He exhales loudly. “I think you did what you think is the right.”

  “That’s not an answer.”

  Checking out his surroundings, he changes lanes and jumps onto the m5 Motorway. “Let me ask you something. Isn’t it weird that the right thing for you always feels wrong?”

  “I’ve never thought of it like that.”

  “You don’t get extra points in the game of life for living in misery so everyone else can be happy. There’s enough pieces of the pie for all of us. Even you, Jagger.”

  “That’s a really complex way to say I fucked up.”

  “Well, I’m glad you got it. But in case you didn’t and you need me to be less complex.” He glances at me. “You fucked up.”

  21

  Emerson

  “Can you believe we’ll finally be free of this fuckstick?” Taylah says while we both watch Joe pack up his desk. “And we owe it all to you.” She points at me and dances, singing the theme song from Dirty Dancing, gesturing to me every time she sings the particular line.

  “Patrick Swayze night tonight?”

  “Sorry, it’s John Travolta for me.”

  “We’ll flip for it. See you at my place after work.”

  “See you.”

  Joe glares at us both and we both return a smile. Intent on being an intimidating prick, he was in for the shock of his life when we sat down and spoke after the incident with Jagger.

  “What’s a guy gotta do to get an apology around here? Or maybe I should as for a blow job instead to help make up my mind.” He waves his hands up and down like he’s figuratively weighing up his options. “Blow Job from the sweet naive Emerson or dob in her piece of shit boyfriend.”

  My skin crawls at how twisted and seedy he sounds.

  I take a deep breath through my nose and exhale loudly whilegiving myself the pep talk I need to tolerate this dickhead for long enough to talk to him.

  “Let’s cut the crap, Joe.” My smile is fake, but my impending threat is very real.

  I finally let him on my secret, something I’ve been waiting on a very good time to use. It’s been a long time coming. “This is how we’re going to do this. You can try and press charges on Jagger, but you’ve got no witnesses and nobody willing to vouch for you.

  Whereas, I’ve got this real nice bruise around my arm. Five muscular fingers--it’s even starting to turn purple.” I lift up the sleeve of my shirt to remind him of how this all started.

  His nostrils flare, and his heavy breathing gives away his fury.

  “This isn’t the first time you’ve put your hands on me for no good reason. So if you want to fight, you better be prepared to lose.”

  “I’m not scared of you,” he scoffs.

  “You should be. Otherwise I’ll hit you with a sexual assault charge that will have you kicked out of every law association in the country.”

  “You can’t do that.”

  “Can’t I?” I place my hand theatrically in the middle of my chest, before I deliver the nail in his coffin. “Did you forget who my best friend is and what happened a few Christmas parties ago?”

  “She-

  “She what?”

  He remains silent. His anger palpable.

  I rise, feeling lighter. Better. Hopeful. “Good chat, Joe.”

  Waiting for Taylah to show up with dinner, I give Sasha a quick call to check in on Dakota.

  After three rings, Sasha’s voice comes through the phone. “Hello.”

  “Hi, Sasha. It’s Emerson.”

  “Em, I’m so glad you called. How have you been?”

  “I’ve definitely been better. You?”

  “Nothing much has changed. And Dakota?”

  “She’s finally getting back to normal. She went into panic mode. Scared Jagger was going to go back to jail.”

  “Is she there? I’d like to talk to her and reassure her if that’s ok.”

  “Of course. It’s probably a good idea. Let me call her out of her room.”

  “Emerson?” Dakota’s voice immediately cheers me.

  “Hey, you. How are you doing?”

  “I miss you,” she says, surprising me.

  “I miss you too. Is everything okay? Well, okay since the incident.”

  “Is Dad going to jail, Emerson? Mum said you wouldn’t let it happen. I didn’t want those kids to say I had a bad dad again.” The anxiety and fear in her words roll over me like a steam train.

  “Whoa, Dakota, honey. Calm down. Your dad’s not going to jail.”

  Sniffles sound through the phone. “I was so worried, Em. He just came out.”

  My heart breaks. “You’re going to have him forever. I promise.”

  “He misses you,” she exclaims.

  “I miss him too.” Closing my eyes, I will myself not to cry.

  “He’s different. He doesn’t smile or laugh anymore.”

  A tear drops, and I try and silently search for a tissue before Taylah tells me off for lines of mascara running down my face. “You might have to help him, remind him of all the reasons he once smiled.”

  “That’s a great idea. I think I know the perfect thing.”

  “Don’t give up on him, okay?”

  “I won’t. I promise.”

  “Is your mum still around?”

  “Yes, I’ll get her.”

  “Hello again.” Sasha’s voice is tired, worn thin.

  “Thank you so much for letting me talk to her. I didn’t realise how much I needed it.”

  “Of course, you can still call here. Even if thing are tricky right now.”

  I sigh loudly through the phone. “That’s the understatement of the century.”

  “How have you been?”

  “I miss him, Sasha. I miss him so fucking much.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, because all I seem to do is fucking cry. “But I’m also mad at him for making decisions so final. I thought we meant more.”

  “I don’t think this is about him not wanting to fight for you. Jagger just thinks he knows best.”

  “Do you think John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John fucked on the set of Grease?” Taylah asks, finishing off our second bottle of wine.

  “Probably. Who didn’t want want to fuck Danny Zuko?”

  “Emmersson,” she slurs as the wine completes its job successfully. “I’m sorry.”

  I glance over at her sitting on the opposite end of the couch. “What for?”

  “Pushing you to date Jagger.”

  “Don’t. It hurts like a bitch, but every moment with him was worth the tears.” I don’t think I’ll ever get over what it felt to love and be loved by Jagger. It was so much more than words and physical touches. It was a whole experience. On every level I felt connected to him, and I always will. “I don't regret it. None of it. And If I recall, when I asked you what happens if it goes bad, you told me to suck it up because at least I got to fuck a hot guy.”

  “I’m so knowledgeable,” she drawls. “Good fuck then?”

  “It was better than anything I’ve ever had.”

  “Man, I need some good sex. And sexy twin number two is now unavailable,” she whines.

  “You can still pursue him.”

  “You know what’s funny? When you notice the differences in
their personalities, it’s almost like they’re no longer twins.”

  “Ha. That’s so true. I don’t think I ever looked at Hendrix and had the same instant response as I did with Jagger.” I remember my only reaction was shock they were twins, not that I was attracted to both.

  “Could you imagine having babies with those guys?”

  “Ehhh,” I cringe at the reminder there’s no future for Jagger and me. “I’d rather not.”

  “Ugh, I’m sorry Em. I’m drunk and horny, and I keep forgetting the guy in my dreams is related to the guy in yours. But while we’re on the topic, did you think of having his babies?”

  “Honestly, I think I’d be too scared in case it’s twins.” I look down at my stomach. “Where would I carry them?”

  “Are you sure it’s over for you two?”

  “Yeah, I mean, he broke up with me, even if he did try to sell it like it was in my best interest. I’m not one for the chase. Besides, I’m not running after a man who had no trouble walking away from me. but if one of us had to do it. It wouldn’t be me.”

  22

  Jagger

  Knocks on my bedroom door rouse me from my sleep. “Jagger, it’s me, Hendrix.”

  “And me, Taylah. Can’t you just kick the damn door down?” she asks.

  Groaning in frustration, I’m not in the mood to be around anyone, especially someone as loud as Taylah. I can barely even deal with myself.

  “Dad.” Dakota’s voice is only a little bit louder than their bickering. “Can I come in?”

  Dragging myself out of bed, I open the door to see three very different people standing together.

  “You.” I point at Dakota. “In. The rest of you, keep it down out there.”

  “Hendrix tell him my plan; tell him to let me in.”

  “Stop making demands, woman.” Hendrix snaps. “I don’t even know you.”

  “It’s Taylah. I already told you this. But, more importantly.” She looks back at me. “I’m here on a mission with Dakota, so you have to let me inside your room before I scream everything loud enough for the neighbours to hear.”

  “Please Jagger, just take her.”

  Hendrix guides her in and looks at me with exasperation. “Sorry bro, I hit my quota for crazy today. She’s all yours.”

  “Hey,” she calls out. “Sexy twin number two, where do you think you’re going?”

  He glances at her and then glances at me, shaking his head in disapproval. If it were any other circumstances, this would be comical.

  “Jagger, go chase your girl so this crazy one can go home.”

  “What a way to treat a guest,” she scoffs.

  “An uninvited guest, might I add.”

  “Potatoes, potahtos.” She walks into my room and sits herself on the edge of the bed next to a laughing Dakota. “As Hendrix so kindly mentioned, the reason Dakota and I have graced you two with our wonderful presence is because it’s time to get operation let’s reunite Jagger and Emerson under way.”

  Her name alone tears me up inside. I can’t think of her without wanting to kneel and beg for forgiveness at her feet.

  “Don’t waste your time, Taylah, I’ve tried,” Hendrix explains.

  “I’m not leaving here without him on board. I’ll set up camping equipment out on your fucking lawn if I have to.” She looks at Dakota. “Sorry about the swearing. It happens when I’m fired up. Don’t repeat the words, drugs are bad for kids blah blah blah.”

  “Where the fuck did Emerson find her?” Hendrix can’t get past Taylah and her exuberant presence.

  “Guys!” Dakota shouts. “You should be ashamed of yourselves. The actual teenagers in my class at school can sort their shit out faster than you three.”

  “No swearing!” we all shout at her.

  She rolls her eyes, completely unimpressed by the three of us. “Taylah, finish your speech so I can get to my part.”

  I cross my arms over my chest. “What happened the other week changed everything. Actions have consequences, and those are irreversible.”

  “No. You know what’s irreversible, Jagger? Regret. It stings and festers. You would know, right?” Taylah goads.

  “I don’t regret her.”

  “No, but you’ll regret letting her go. What you gave her was a bullshit list of reasons that make no difference to her. You haven’t changed since the moment she laid eyes on you, and now you want to tell her you’re no good for her.” Taylah’s pointed stare is too much.

  I look away. “I could’ve beat the shit out of that guy the other day.”

  “Could’ve, but you didn’t. That’s what makes you different from the average murderer, serial killer, and all those other wonderful things that roam the earth.” Taylah waves her hand dramatically. “We all get mad sometimes; things push our buttons. I’ve thought about killing your brother at least ten times since I got here. But I didn’t. Just like you didn’t.”

  Taylah turns to Drix. “Hendrix, do you mind if I ask you a question?”

  He leans against the doorframe. “You’ll ask anyway, so go ahead.”

  “If you saw a guy grabbing your girlfriend, what would you do?”

  “I’d beat the shit out of him.”

  “See?” She’s smiles like she’s got a secret. “Normal impulse. Hendrix, you’re the only one overreacting about this.”

  I don’t respond and hope my stony stare is enough to get her to leave.

  Taylah clears her throat. “Anyway, this is where Dakota takes over, and you and me,” she gestures to Hendrix and herself, “wait outside.”

  They close the door behind them, and Dakota looks at me with worry. “I think they’re going to kill eachother out there.”

  I chuckle, because she’s one hundred percent right. “So, what did Taylah tell you to tell me?”

  “Firstly, this was all my idea. Secondly, I told her what to do.”

  “What? Why?” I can’t hide my shock that Dakota feels strongly enough about Emerson and me to want to meddle.

  “So, you know I love taking photos, and I thought it would be the perfect way to show you what I mean without even talking.” She opens up the bedroom door. “Here’s exhibit A.”

  In walks Taylah, smiling from ear to ear with a huge sheet of cardboard. She turns it around, and my breath hitches in my throat. Emerson’s face is everywhere. Smiling. Laughing. Smirking. Admiration. Fascination. Love. It’s all there. And right by her side is me. In each photo, I am awarded every single emotion. And I threw that away.

  Reality crushes me like a heavy set of boulders. I don’t know what I was thinking. She even warned me not to make a rash decision. Told me it would be in vain, and I thought I knew better. Better than her heart and better than my own.

  “What’s Exhibit B?”

  “Time to shine, Uncle Drix,” she calls out. He walks in with a ridiculous smile on his face, which is a massive contradiction to several photos of me alone, stuck to the cardboard.

  “You are one sad motherfucker in these photos.”

  “So why the fuck are you two smiling like lunatics.”

  “Because it worked,” Dakota chimes in.

  “What worked?” She hands me her phone. “Now flick through to see which reaction belongs to which exhibit.” It only takes two swipes, one photo is pure awe and jubilation, the one without Emerson completely void of any emotion, exactly how I’ve been feeling.

  “See it?”

  I nod.

  “Emerson told me it would work.”

  “This was Emerson’s idea?”

  “Not specifically, but I told her you didn’t smile anymore, and she told me to remind you of things that make you happy.”

  “Come here.” Dakota wraps her arms around my torso and my arms circle her shoulders. I kiss the top of her head. “She always knows, doesn’t she? I love you, Dakota.”

  “Love you, Dad.”

  “So, we going to get out girl or what?” Taylah cheers.

  “Firstly, she’s my girl. Sec
ondly,” I put my hands over Dakota’s ears and talk over her head, “as long as you have an exit plan the minute my lips touch hers, we’re good, yeah?”

  The four of us are now smiling like lunatics.

  I’m finally seeing that I can have a future with Em, and what’s more, I want it badly enough to fight for it as long and as hard as I have to. “Let’s go get my girl.”

  As soon as we arrived outside her apartment, I told everyone I didn’t want them to come upstairs.

  “Okay, change of plans,” I announce. “I’m going by myself.”

  Taylah wrinkles her nose. “So, we all just hang here and wait?”

  “Well, you guys discuss that. I’ll call you later.” I leave their innocent bickering behind and make my way up to Emerson. A quick rap of my knuckles on the door is followed by Emerson’s voice travelling through the house.

  “Who is it?”

  Choosing not to answer, I wait till the door swings open. I’m not sure what I was expecting to see, but her expressionless face has me in a panic.

  “Jagger, is everything okay?”

  Her black lounge pants hang off her hips, and her white ribbed singlet is snug over every angle and curve.

  “Yeah. I just wanted to see you, but I can go and come back another time.”

  “No, you’re here. Please come in.”

  The exchange is awkward and foreign, but I decide to soldier on, knowing it can’t be any worse than it already is.

  “Do you want some tea or coffee? Water?”

  “I just want you back,” I blurt out.

  She stops mid walk and stands still. She doesn’t turn around, and she doesn’t respond. So, I keep talking.

  “For the first half of my life, I was reminded on the regular how much of a fuck up I was. For the second half, I lived where fuck ups live. And now, I’m been walking around on new ground, with new rules, new expectations, but the old me hasn’t caught up with the change.”

  I run my hands over my face in frustration; it’s disconcerting talking to her back and unable to see her response to my words. “I was used to not allowing myself good things, because I didn’t deserve them. But then you came along, and you didn’t care. You didn’t care who I was, what I did, or where I was going. You loved me, and better yet, you let me love you.”