CARSON_Satan’s Ravens MC

by Kathryn Thomas

  “Was I talking to myself before?” Felicia looks around as if she’s asking the non-existent studio audience a question. “Listen, Melissa, I don’t know if you can’t hear me over those flannel pajamas or what, but read my lips or something because I’m not going to say it again. Hawk is moping; he’s miserable; and he’s making me miserable. The whole woe is me crap is getting old, and if I don’t kill him soon, then Josh might!”

  Melissa allows herself an inward smile at the knowledge that she’s not the only one wallowing in her own gloominess. “So you’re doing this because you’re bored of him being a pain in the ass.”

  “It’s not just about him being a pain in the ass—which by the way he is most of the time whether he’s moping around or not…you’ll learn that.” She throws Melissa a conspiratorial smile. “It’s about doing what’s right for him. He can’t concentrate; he’s not focused; and that’s how mistakes happen. Mistakes in his line of work can get him killed.”

  “Who knew mechanics had such dangerous jobs?” Ali’s eyes open in mock-shock.

  “Is she for real?” Felicia directs her question to Melissa, jerking a thumb at Ali.

  “She’s going to law school. If she wants to pass the bar, she needs to be all hear no evil, see no evil when it comes to any potentially illegal activities.” Melissa looks at her friend, who she knows takes this stuff pretty seriously. “You don’t have to stay.”

  “No, I’m good. You haven’t actually talked about anything that I shouldn’t know about—not yet anyway.” Ali rolls her eyes, as if to say it’s just a matter of time, but she doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave.

  “A reporter and a lawyer, just what the club needs!” Felicia looks between the two of them as if she’s just walked into the Twilight Zone. “Anyway, like I was saying, being a King is all that Hawk has ever wanted for as long as I’ve known him. But if he doesn’t get his shit together, he’ll be jeopardizing it all, and I know that he’ll never forgive himself for that.” Felicia folds her arms, looking for a response. “So are you in or what, Melissa?”

  Melissa regards the woman in her kitchen, ignoring the more pressing question in favor of the one that’s been playing on her mind since Felicia showed up. “Why are you helping me, Felicia? I know how you feel about Hawk.” It was a long shot, but the expression on Felicia’s face tells Melissa that her hunch was right.

  Felicia looks shocked, like she’d thought she’d been keeping a tight lid on her feelings for Hawk. A look of pain passes across her face, and Melissa has to resist the urge to reach out and squeeze her hand in solidarity. Now she knows what it feels like to care about someone without much hope of receiving anything in return. In short, it sucks.

  A long minute passes as Felicia looks down at the beer bottle in her hands, formulating a response, probably trying to figure out how little she can get away with admitting. “I care about Hawk, but not like that…not anymore.”

  Melissa folds her arms, leveling Felicia a ‘Don’t bullshit me’ stare.

  “Alright fine, maybe that’s not exactly true.” Felicia bites her lip and takes a deep breath, like she’s admitting something that she hasn’t told anyone else. “Turns out it’s not all that easy to fall out of love with someone.” She shrugs sadly. “But I know that we’re not meant to be. I think I knew that even before you came on the scene, Melissa. But once I saw the two of you together, that was it. I don’t want to be the person that anyone settles for and that’s what Hawk would be doing with me.” Felicia’s eyes shine with unshed tears.

  “Finally, something I can relate to!” Ali throws her hands up dramatically and grabs a beer from the refrigerator, settling herself on the stool next to the other blonde. “Felicia, I think that this might be the start of a beautiful friendship!”

  Felicia looks at Ali curiously, but she seems to sense something in the other woman that she understands. She holds up her bottle for Ali to clink. “Come to the bar tonight.” Felicia’s attention is back on Melissa.

  “I don’t think that’s such a great idea.” Melissa gives her a doubtful look.

  “Why? Because you’re chicken?” Ali chimes in, clearly enjoying this far too much.

  “What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he won’t even talk to me?” Melissa voices the fear that has settled in the pit of her stomach.

  Felicia shrugs and pushes her stool away from the breakfast bar, making as if to get up. “If you’re going to let minor details like that stop you, then I guess you’re not the girl I thought you were.”

  Melissa’s rational mind tells her that this is just a challenge thrown out by Felicia to get her to rise to it. She knows she’s being baited. But does it matter, Potter? Are you going to get your shit together or not?

  “And the Kings definitely don’t know about the article I was supposed to write?” She gives up the last reason that she had not to go to Durangos and try to get back what she’d lost.

  “They won’t know unless you tell ‘em.” Felicia regards Melissa coolly. “So, is that a yes?”

  Melissa nods quickly, before she has an opportunity to change her mind.

  “Good, I’ll hang here with Ali to wait.” Felicia settles herself back down on the stool.

  Melissa gives her an uncomprehending look.

  “I’m guessing you’re going to want to get out of that Bridget Jones get-up.” Felicia gestures at the supremely unsexy sleepwear that Melissa is comfortably ensconced in with barely veiled disgust.

  “Right.” Melissa blushes to the tips of her toes, realizing just how ridiculous she must look.

  “I’m good like this?” Ali holds her hands out, as Felicia gives her a once over and a nod of approval.

  “You’re good. She, however, still looks like someone’s grandma. Weren’t you going to deal with that?” Felicia waves at Melissa again, as if she had some kind of disease.

  “Ali, you’re coming? To a bar filled with outlaw bikers, where they deal pot and talk about gun running and God knows what else?” Melissa’s eyes almost bug out of her head. “What about the whole hear no evil, see no evil, thing?”

  Ali seems to consider it for a moment, and then her eyes light up. “Plausible deniability, Potter, plausible deniability.” She clinks bottles with Felicia again. “Besides, I could use a night out, and I’ve been wondering about the guy who stole my best friend’s heart. I think it’s about time I meet this Hawk Ownes.” She winks at Melissa who can’t help but smile back at her.

  As Melissa heads to her bedroom, she hears the low hum of conversation between Felicia and Ali. She feels the tingling of butterflies in her stomach. It’s a sensation she’s missed for the past few days. She is going to see Hawk.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “Stop fidgeting! You look hot!” Ali nudges Melissa in the back when she stalls outside the door of the bar.

  She looks down at herself, suddenly uncertain. After pulling virtually everything out of her closet, she’d gone back to the first outfit she’d tried on. So here she was, in skinny black leather pants and an off-the-shoulder grey t-shirt that made her eyes look even more arrestingly blue. She was rocking the biker chick look hopefully more successfully than during her first foray.

  “I feel nervous as all hell.” Melissa mutters the words under her breath, as if her quiet voice will help calm the butterflies in her stomach.

  “Don’t chicken out on me now, Potter.” Felicia bumps her from behind, virtually shoving her through the door of the bar.

  “Alright, alright, jeez Felicia, push much?” Melissa gives the diminutive blonde behind her a look that tells her just how little she appreciates the more than gentle nudge. “You know you’re way stronger than you look.”

  Felicia allows herself a little triumphant smile. “When you dance in a club, you learn to make the most of what you have.” She levels Melissa with a hard look. “Now, if you’re done trying to distract me, can we go inside?” She doesn’t wait for Melissa’s reply before she steps through the door, va
nishing inside, clearly expecting the girls to follow her.

  Ali nudges Melissa in the ribs with a bony elbow. “You heard the woman. I didn’t come all the way here just to admire the sturdiness of the door. So are you coming or what?” She follows Felicia’s lead, walking inside without a backward glance at Melissa.

  For a few seconds Melissa entertains the idea of turning around and escaping, but the truth is that her nervousness over seeing Hawk again and what he’s going to say to her is still outweighed by how much she misses him. She takes deep breath. Come on Potter—man up. She walks through the door, almost bumping into Ali who is standing stock still looking around the bar.

  “Close your mouth, Ali, before a fly goes in.” She whispers in her friend’s ear, welcoming the distraction from her own tenseness.

  “Is this place for real?” Her eyes widen, and Melissa takes in the now-familiar smell of pot in the air, the leather-clad bikers making out completely brazenly in front of everyone, and the general sense of testosterone and danger that hangs about the place. To her, this has all become pretty normal in a relatively short space of time. But she can see it from Ali’s perspective, remembering her first impression of the bar.

  “This is probably one of the realest places you’re ever going to be, blondie.” Josh appears out of the shadows in the skulking way that he has, looking broad as a barn.

  Melissa swallows hard, nervous at what his reaction to her turning up like this is going to be. He knows that she’s a reporter and that she’d lied to them all. She’s not exactly expecting a welcoming committee. But Josh surprises her, giving her a warm smile and throwing her a wink.

  “Good to see you, kid. He’s been a living nightmare since you’ve been out of the picture.” He doesn’t bother to lower his voice as he says this, and Melissa has to force herself not to look around to see if Hawk is within earshot. But Josh has already moved on. “And who’s this?” He jerks his head at Ali not in an unfriendly way.

  “This is my housemate, Ali. She was curious about where I’ve been spending my time.” Melissa shrugs, not adding that Ali was mostly just there to size up Hawk and to give her best friend some much-needed moral support.

  “Ah, the one from the dare.” Josh sticks his hand out for Ali to shake.

  Ali flashes a questioning glance at Melissa who shakes her head almost imperceptibly. She realizes that although Josh knows the truth about her role as a reporter, he’s backing up her story in front of the other bikers. He’s throwing her a bone despite the fact that she really doesn’t deserve one. They shake hands, both sizing the other up, and eventually Josh gives her a little nod of approval, before he heads off towards the bar.

  “Any drinks these ladies want are on me, Matt.” He signals to the owner working behind the bar who just nods, clearly having watched the exchange between them with interest.

  “So do you see him? Is he here?” Ali nudges her friend, doing a supremely unsubtle job of searching for Hawk.

  Melissa doesn’t need to look around to answer in the affirmative. The moment she’d stepped into the bar she felt his presence like a gravitational pull. She didn’t need to see him to know that he was there. She had to actively stop herself from zeroing in on him as if he were the only light in the darkness. She can’t help but wonder if he’s noticed her or if the homing beacon effect only works one way.

  “Let’s get a drink.” Melissa pulls her friend towards the bar, not quite ready for a conversation with Hawk yet, not before she has a little more alcohol buzzing around her system.

  “Why are you avoiding him? I thought you came here to talk to him?” Ali looks at her accusatorily.

  “I did. I just need to figure out what I’m going to say. ‘Hey, sorry for totally lying to you and everyone you hold dear, but I was just doing my job’ doesn’t really seem to cut it.” Melissa signals to Matt for a couple of beers, getting his attention much faster than on her first visit to the bar. She can’t help but think that there is a lot to be said for associating with the Kings, including getting your drinks at record speed.

  “Where’d Felicia go?” Melissa looks around for the little blonde who was the reason they were even there.

  “She said she had some tips to collect, headed into the back.” Ali lifts her chin towards the door at the back of the room labeled ‘Office’ with a sign that looks like it’s been there since the dawn of time. “There are a lot of hot guys in this place. Who knew that a biker bar was a little treasure trove of eligible men?” Ali is taking in a group of guys sitting around a table appreciatively, before her attention is inevitably drawn to the pool table. “Holy moly, that guy knows how to wear a pair of jeans, but I wouldn’t mind seeing him without them…” Ali’s voice is husky, and Melissa feels the hackles rise on the back of her neck.

  “Told you. You can’t help but notice him.” Melissa lifts her bottle to her lips, taking a long drink as Ali turns towards her, her eyes looking like they’re about to bug out of their head.

  “That’s him?” Ali’s voice comes out strangled, and Melissa nudges a beer bottle towards her friend, as if that would help.

  “The one and only.” Melissa doesn’t add that’s exactly what he is for her, something she’d only really taken on board when he’d walked out the door without any intention of coming back.

  “Damn, Potter, no wonder you fell hard and fast.” Ali shakes her head, as if she can’t get the image of Hawk bent over the pool table out of her head. Melissa knows exactly where she’s coming from. “Not that you couldn’t do better.” Ali’s hurried back-pedaling leaves Melissa no choice but to laugh.

  “Nice try, Ali, but you might want to wipe that drool off of your chin before you tell me how I’m out of his league.” Melissa shakes her head, wondering at the wisdom of coming here at all. What if he was with a girl? What if he started making out with another girl right in front of her? Just the thought of it made her want to vomit.

  “Earth to Potter.” Ali waves a hand in front of Melissa’s glazed expression. “You’ve gone white as a sheet.” She gives her friend a concerned look, and Melissa blinks several times to get the image of Hawk with someone else out of her head. “And I wasn’t just trying to make you feel better. Yes, he’s all Diet Coke hot, but you’re not exactly chopped liver my statuesque friend. You could have any guy in the place.” Ali waves expansively at the room, and Melissa winces at the thought that any number of these bikers could have overheard their cringe worthy conversation.

  Melissa doesn’t bother to point out that the only guy in the room that she wants is the one that doesn’t want her. It’s poetic justice or irony or a Sod’s Law or a combination of all three. Whatever it was, it sucked big time.

  “Another beer please, Matt.” Melissa holds up her beer bottle that she’s managed to empty in record time, drinking through the pain.

  “She’s had enough, Matt. Thanks.” The deep voice behind Melissa makes her freeze, and it’s not just the suddenness of it, but it’s the coldness in his tone that makes her wish she could wave a magic wand and disappear into thin air. She swallows hard and turns around to face Hawk. Her heart still does the erratic beat that she’s become used to around him, but it’s not just the anticipation of seeing him, of his touch that does it. It’s the fact that he doesn’t look at all happy to see her. “She’s just leaving.”

  Melissa blinks, processing what he’s just said, and Matt weighs in so she doesn’t have to. “Josh’s paying for her drinks, man.” Melissa is grateful for Matt’s response on her behalf, even though she’s fairly certain it has more to do with his bottom line than with the fact that he actually wants her in the bar.

  “And I’m telling you to stop serving her.” Hawk looks past Melissa, focusing on Matt, and she senses rather than sees Matt shrug before moving off to take another order.

  Melissa blinks back the tears that are rapidly forming behind her eyes. The last thing she wants is to dissolve into a pathetic puddle in front of him. She’s stronger than that, and alth
ough her self-respect is hanging by a thread, she has to hang on to the last vestiges of it. She has never let a guy make her feel this small, and no matter how much she cares about Hawk, she isn’t prepared to let this be the first time.

  “Hawk, can we talk about this?” Her voice is low, but she’s impressed that at least it doesn’t shake. She leans back, letting the bar support her a little, more because she doesn’t trust her legs not to shake than to appear relaxed.

  “I don’t have anything to say to you—except that you need to leave.” He doesn’t step any further towards her. He doesn’t need to for Melissa to feel the anger radiating off of him. His hands are clenched into fists, and she notices the bruising on his right knuckles, remembering the way he’d punched the doorframe of her front door before he’d walked out of it. She resists the urge to reach out and stroke her finger across his hand; it doesn’t look like he would welcome any kind of contact from her.

  “I didn’t come to fight with you, Hawk. I just want to talk.” She looks at him searchingly, forcing him to meet her gaze, and she feels the familiar jolt as his dark eyes seem to penetrate right through to her soul. She catches a flicker of something on his face, as if the anger that had been masking his features was, for a few brief seconds, chased away by something else, something like the way he used to look at her. But just as quickly as she has seen it, it disappears, and her heart drops, feeling like she’s just lost him again.