CARSON_Satan’s Ravens MC

by Kathryn Thomas

  CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

  Josh looks uneasily between them, as if he thinks he might have to intervene. “Settle down the two of you, just settle down.” He makes a calming gesture and waits until Melissa and Hawk relax slightly before he continues. “We don’t have to make a decision right now, tonight.” He holds up his hand, as Hawk goes to interrupt him. “I know we can’t just wait around for something to happen. But whatever we do, we have to think about it. We’re not talking about some gangbanger that no one gives a shit about, Hawk. We’re talking about a guy who will be missed, a guy with a powerful family and the ability to bury us if we make one wrong step.” He locks eyes with Hawk—who nods slightly. It’s barely a fraction of an inch, but it’s enough to tell them that he is still willing to listen to reason.

  Josh’s shoulders sag in relief, and the sigh he lets out is audible. He has clearly seen Hawk mad and knows what he is capable of. It makes Melissa a little uneasy. She knew that he had a temper on him, but she’d only seen glimpses of the aggression that he keeps buried deep. The violence that he’s capable of unleashing has made him the best prospect the Kings have ever had, but what does it say about him as a man?

  “I’m with Josh. We don’t have to make any decisions right now.” Felicia yawns expansively, stretching like a cat. “And as no one has any ideas that don’t involve a cement block and a deep lake…”

  Melissa holds up her hand, not quite ready to joke about that yet. She takes a deep breath, knowing that what she’s going to say is going to set off some fireworks that she’s not sure she’ll be able to handle. But since her conversation with Wes the night before, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it.

  With the right incentive, anything is possible, Melissa.

  The memory of his words and the lascivious way he had looked at her as he’d said them makes her shiver. It was a short-term solution to the problem, and it might not even work, but then again, it just might. She clears her throat, steeling herself for the reaction of the others.

  “I have an idea.” Melissa tries not to flinch, as three pairs of eyes focus on her, a question in all of them. “Wes still kind of has a…a thing for me.”

  “Hell, no.” Hawk grabs hold of her wrist and pulls her towards him, looking at her like she’s gone mad.

  “How much of a thing?” Felicia ignores the look that Hawk gives her, instead focusing on Melissa who gently disengages herself from her position against Hawk’s chest.

  “Flowers, chocolates, you know, the usual stalking behavior.” She shrugs and smiles humorlessly.

  Josh lets out a low whistle. “He sounds like a peach.” His voice drips with sarcasm.

  “Why are we even talking about this? It’s not an option.” Hawk shakes his head, looking at the people around him as if they’ve missed an important point.

  “It might be our only option.” Melissa’s voice is gentle, but Hawk flinches as if she had shouted at him.

  “Not to offend you or anything, Melissa. You know I think you’re real pretty, but what makes you think that it’s enough for Wes to give up this article? You said it was really important to him.” Josh shifts uncomfortably, purposefully ignoring the look that Hawk is giving him.

  “I can’t believe we’re still talking about this. It’s not happening.” Hawk keeps a tight hold on Melissa’s hand, as if he can squeeze her into submission.

  “Because he said so last night.” Melissa concentrates on answering Josh’s question instead of on the hurt that she knows she’ll see in Hawk’s face. “When I saw him at the bar and confronted him about what he was doing, he said that there’s someone he cares about more than anything else.” Her voice quivers a little at the thought of it.

  “You.” Felicia’s voice is quiet, and she nods in understanding. “There are some people that you would do anything for them to want you.”

  Melissa looks at her, knowing that Felicia is talking about Hawk, but she remains silent.

  “You’re talking about pimping yourself out to that piece of crap?” Hawk looks at Melissa like he doesn’t even know her.

  “I’m talking about saving the club.” She stands tall under his scrutiny, unflinching.

  “She has a point, Hawk.” Josh uses that calming tone of his again, but this time it doesn’t have any effect at all on the man he looks at like a son. “Melissa knows this guy better than any of us. If she’s saying this is something that could work, then we have to think about it.”

  Hawk is rendered momentarily speechless by Josh’s words, but he recovers quickly. He turns to his side and grabs the first thing that he can, which happens to be the picnic bench. He lifts it and hurls it over, as if it weighed nothing. The others just watch him—in shock at the outburst—as he breathes hard, looking like he wants to grab something else to throw or punch.

  “Hawk, calm down!” Melissa’s voice seems to pierce through the fog that has covered his eyes, and she sees the moment he returns to them.

  But he doesn’t look at her, doesn’t even acknowledge her existence. “I’m done talking about this.” He turns on his heel and walks back towards the bike, taking long purposeful strides.

  “Hawk, wait!” Josh takes a step towards the younger man, but Melissa holds up her hand.

  “It’s alright, I’ll go.” She rubs at her temples, as she stares after him. “I’m the one he’s mad at for even suggesting it.”

  “It’s not just that, Melissa.” Josh settles a hand on her shoulder, pulling her attention back onto him. “He knows that you might be right, and that’s more than he wants to deal with right now.”

  Melissa meets his eyes and sees how much Hawk’s pain affects the older man. “Don’t worry, Josh. I’ve got this.” She pats him reassuringly on a tattooed arm, bulky with muscle.

  “Melissa.” The warning in Felicia’s voice stops Melissa in her tracks. “Sometimes it’s better just to let him cool off when he’s like this.”

  “This happens a lot?” Melissa looks between the two of them, gauging their reactions.

  “He has a temper; he’s had a lot to deal with in his life.” Josh shrugs his shoulders as if that said it all. “Sometimes, when he feels like things are out of his control, he just reacts.” Josh gestures vaguely towards the overturned picnic table.

  “The black cloud?” Melissa looks between them, and they both nod slowly.

  “And sometimes, when that happens, it’s best to stay out of his way and let him work through whatever it is on his own.” Felicia gives her a pointed look, as if she already knows that Melissa is going to ignore her.

  Melissa weighs their words and looks after Hawk, his tall form rapidly disappearing in the dim light. “He’s not on his own anymore.”

  Josh gives her his second approving look of the night, and Felicia squeezes her shoulder reassuringly. Melissa can’t help but wonder if she’d just passed some sort of test.

  She sets off after Hawk at a jog, knowing that if he reaches the bike before she reaches him that he’ll ride away without her, torturing himself with the fact that this isn’t something he can solve on his own.

  “Hawk, wait up!” She speeds up, almost breaking into a full-on sprint before he eventually stops, just a few paces away from the parked bike. However, he doesn’t turn around to look at her; he remains resolutely staring straight ahead. “Can we talk about this?” She reaches out to touch him and tries not to feel upset at the way he flinches away from her.

  “I’m not really in the mood to talk, Melissa.” His words come out as if he’s saying them through clenched teeth. “You should go. I’m not someone you want to be around right now.”

  Melissa can hear the pain in his voice, and she feels her heart turn over. “I always want to be around you, Hawk. There’s nothing you can do to change that.” She keeps her voice soft, the way you would talk to a spooked horse.

  “You don’t know what you’re getting into.” He shakes his head and looks at his feet, like he’s ashamed of something, afraid of what she�
��s going to see.

  “Then show me.” She waits, shivering in the cold wind, but he just stands there, unmoving as a statue. “But could you hurry up about it; I’m sort of freezing out here.” She huffs a quiet chuckle and watches as it seems to wake Hawk from his trance.

  He steps towards the bike and grabs up the helmet that she uses, thrusting it towards her without turning around. He doesn’t wait for her to put it on before he straddles the bike and kick starts the engine. Melissa figures that she’s not going to get any more of an invitation and pulls the helmet on, taking up her position behind him on the bike, wrapping her arms around his waist. He tenses under her touch, as if he’s holding himself in check, trying to keep the fire he’s feeling inside under wraps.

  “Remember, you asked for this.” His voice is so quiet she almost misses the words. He doesn’t say anything else for entire ride back, and Melissa has to remind herself that he’s right, that she’d asked to see him at his worst. She’d refused to walk away. What that means she isn’t sure, all she knows is that no matter what, the only place she wants to be is right there, with him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

  They don’t exchange any words as Hawk parks the bike and leads them up to his studio above the body shop. Melissa has had to resist the urge to speak to him, to break the silence with what would probably be an unbelievably lame joke. Tension radiates off of him, dissuading her from opening her mouth at all until she gets to the top of the stairs.

  “Are you going to talk to me at all? Or am I just going to get the Hawk Ownes Silent Treatment?” She crosses her arms and looks up at him with concern in her eyes.

  “You want to talk, we talk inside, not out here.” He looks pointedly towards the shop floor and his warning about Wes bugging the place comes back to her. She doesn’t bother to tell him that Wes isn’t anywhere near hi-tech enough to pull something like that off, the man doesn’t even own a laptop! He always insisted on writing up all his notes on an old typewriter he’d found at a yard sale. When they’d first started dating, Melissa had thought it was romantic. Now she just thought it was pretentious. She doesn’t tell Hawk any of these things because she gets the distinct impression that he doesn’t want to hear her even mention Wes’s name.

  She follows him through the door of his studio. He locks the door behind them and looks at her, angrier than she’s ever seen him. It’s different from the way he’d looked at her the night of their fight or the night at the bar. That had been hurt, betrayal. This was something else.

  “What the hell was that?” He has drawn himself up to his full height, forcing Melissa to crane her neck up to look at him.

  “What the hell was what, Hawk?” She keeps her tone even, taking her cue from the way Josh had spoken to him. She folds her arms so that he can’t see how nervous she is. She’d told Felicia and Josh that she would take care of Hawk and smooth things over with him. She hadn’t mentioned that she had absolutely no idea how to do that.

  “Back at the lake.” He paces around, as if he has too much energy inside of him to contain. “What you said about him.” It was clear who they were talking about, Hawk didn’t need to say his name.

  Melissa swallows hard, meeting his angry stare with her cool one. “Which part?” She knows that she’s baiting him, but part of Hawk’s issues stemmed from keeping things bottled up inside of him until he exploded. If he wanted to be mad at her, she at least wanted them both to know what he was mad about.

  “Where should I start?” He looks around as if he’s asking someone else the question. “How about the part where you told me you’d kick my ass if I touched one little hair on his head?”

  “I meant it; I would. Next question.” She tries not to tap her foot out of nerves rather than impatience.

  Hawk’s eyes widen so much they look ready to bulge out of his head. “Because you care about him.” He virtually spits the words out.

  “Not in the way you’re thinking.” Melissa keeps her voice calm, as she tries to transmit the truth of what she’s saying with her eyes.

  “After what he did to you, the way he’s pretty much been stalking you since you broke up, and you still won’t let me do what needs to be done?” Hawk shakes his head at her in amazement. “You would put the club at risk because you have the warm fuzzies for him?” He’s speaking faster as the anger and frustration inside of him ramps up, winding up for a release that Melissa is pretty sure will be explosive if she can’t talk him down.

  “I don’t have the ‘warm fuzzies’ for him, as you put it. He’s an ex, I thought he was my friend, but that was naïve of me. And I’d be putting the club at risk even if I agreed that throwing him off the nearest bridge was a good idea—which I don’t!” She sighs deeply, rubbing at the headache developing between her temples. “Did you not hear anything I said back there? That his family could destroy you guys?”

  The blank expression on Hawk’s face tells her that he’s not really listening to her; he’s too wrapped up in his own anger. The fact that she’d stood up for Wes, that wasn’t what was really bothering him. It was part of it, but not all, not by a long shot.

  “What else, Hawk? What else made you attack a poor, defenseless picnic table?” She smiles at him, but it’s not returned.

  “You think this is funny?” He shakes his head at her, barely able to get the words out through his gritted teeth. Hawk moves like lightening, grabbing the nearest thing, which happens to be a bookcase filled with car and bike magazines. He lets out a roar, pushing it over, sending it crashing to the floor. He stands over it, panting hard, looking at the mayhem that he’s caused.

  Melissa swallows hard at what she’s just seen, reminding herself of what Felicia and Josh had warned her of—that Hawk’s temper gets the best of him and that it was best to leave him alone. She had no intention of doing that, not then and not now.

  “No, I don’t think it’s funny, Hawk. I’m just trying to lighten the mood, something I’m apparently not very good at.” She rolls her eyes at herself. She knows that she’s in way over her head, but at the same time, she knows that there wasn’t anything else she could have done except jump onto the back of Hawk’s bike and be here for him. She surveys the broken bookcase and the magazines that have spread out across the floor like a wave. “Did that at least make you feel any better?”

  Hawk pauses, seeming to consider it. “A little.”

  Melissa waits, knowing that there’s only so far you can push Hawk before he pushes back. She watches his chest rising and falling as he starts to calm down, and the haze of anger that has come down over his face slowly dissipates, but not completely.

  “You said you would…be with him.” Hawk struggles to get the words out, as if not saying them out loud will make them less true. “Is that what you want?”

  Melissa huffs an impatient sigh. She wants to be there for Hawk, but she can only find so many ways to tell him the same thing. “Of course it’s not what I want!” She throws her hands up in despair, looking at Hawk as if he’d lost it.

  “Then, why would you say that you would do that?” He rakes his fingers through his hair, his eyes searching her face, straining to understand. That’s when Melissa realizes how clueless he is about how she feels.

  “You really have to ask me that?” She shakes her head, not believing that he doesn’t get it. “There’s not a lot that I wouldn’t do to make things right, to stop Wes—”

  “Don’t say his name.” Hawk makes a cutting gesture with his hand, slicing through the air. His voice is stone cold, but Melissa can hear the hot fury behind it.

  “Fine.” Melissa doesn’t point out that not saying his name doesn’t make him or the problem any less real; she doesn’t get the impression that’s something he would appreciate right now. “To stop him from spilling all your secrets to the world, to stop you and the rest of the guys from spending a pretty sizable chunk of your lives in an six-by-eight cell, having to look over your shoulder in the showers and make friends with some guy call
ed Bubba. To stop all of that from happening, yes I would do what I could!” She breathes hard after her rant.

  “You would sleep with him?” Hawk’s question tells her that he has only been half-listening to her.

  Melissa swallows hard against the bile that’s risen up her throat at the thought of it.

  Hawk doesn’t wait for her to answer. “You think I would want you to do that? To pimp yourself out for me or for the club?” Hawk pins her with that intense glare of his, and she has to force herself not to take a step back under his scrutiny.

  “If you’d wanted me to, then I wouldn’t have said anything.” Melissa watches as Hawk’s expression soften at her words, and she takes a small step towards him. “If you wanted me to, then you wouldn’t be the man that you are, and I wouldn’t want to help you.”

  Hawk watches her, skittishly, as if he’s expecting her to turn tail and run at any point. But she stands firm. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Hawk has been let down so many times; she has no intention of continuing that cycle.