Journeys - SF10

by Meagher, Susan X

  "Well, yeah," she laughed. "Why have you fill it out if I don't read it?"

  "I thought it was just a way to make people not notice that the magazines are from the 80's," she said with a cute little grin.

  "No, I read every word. Now tell me about the flu."

  "I got sick right at the beginning of September. I had a pretty high fever for a couple of days, and it took me two full weeks to get most of my strength back. But to be honest, I've never recovered more than about 75% of my former energy level."

  "Hmm, that has been quite a while. Did you take it pretty easy for a while and get extra rest?"

  "Umm, well, yeah, I'd say so…"

  "No, she most certainly did not," Jamie interrupted. "She's on the volleyball team at Cal, and she works out like a maniac! She exercises anywhere from three to four hours a day, and it's very high intensity stuff. And she's lucky if she gets seven hours of sleep a night, even though I know she needs at least nine."

  "It is hard to bounce back when you don't get the rest you need. How has your weight been? Any fluctuations?"

  "Some," Ryan prevaricated.

  Jamie rolled her eyes and said, "She should be around 190. You can weigh her today, and get the real story. She won't get on the scale at home because she thinks I'll yell at her."

  "Why do you think you've lost weight?" Alison asked.

  "I dropped about 12 pounds with the flu, and I was playing better at the lighter weight so I didn't try to gain it back."

  "Honey," Jamie jumped in again, "you were low before the flu. You didn't gain the weight back from the AIDS Ride either."

  Alison smiled at the interplay between the young women, realizing that Ryan was not the most forthcoming of patients. "You say you feel like you have PMS. Tell me about your usual experience with your cycle."

  "Usually I get a little grouchy on the day I get my period. And sometimes I'm a little sensitive for a few days before. I've been incredibly lucky in that regard. My cycle is very regular-usually 28 days right on the button. If I take ibuprofen, my cramps go away immediately, so I'd say everything is generally perfectly normal."

  "But how do you feel now?" Alison persisted.

  "Now I feel like I could go off at any time. My mood is very unpredictable, and I've been snapping at Jamie for no reason, and that is just not like me. I've been cold, too, and that normally only happens when I'm getting my period. I've been much more easily fatigued, too."

  "When is your period due?"

  "I should have gotten it last Wednesday, but I didn't."

  "Is anything else worrying you or causing you stress?"

  "No, things are great other than this…"

  "Uhh, Alison, she's had the most stressful summer and fall on record. I'm sure you don't have time to go into everything that happened, but trust me on this. She's had an incredible amount of stress--plus being ill--all of her athletics, plus the stress of falling in love."

  "Okay, I think I'm getting the picture. Anything else you'd like me to know? Any questions or concerns you have about your health?" She looked at her notes again and a little frown pulled her eyebrows closer. "Why don't you tell me about your mother, Ryan?"

  "She was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was only 30. She died in four years even though she had good medical care. So I'd like to have a mammogram as early as you think I can."

  "Do you worry about getting cancer?" she asked gently.

  Ryan was pensive for a moment, but she finally nodded slightly. "More so since I've been with Jamie. I want to be with her for a very long time, but there's a part of me that's afraid I'll die young like my mother did."

  Jamie knew that this was a part of Ryan that was very difficult to reassure. So she just reached over and lightly grasped her hand, giving her a small smile when she turned her head to make eye contact.

  "I think a long, healthy life is a very attainable goal, Ryan. Have any other women in your mother's family been affected by breast cancer?"

  "No. My Granny is still alive, and my mother's sisters are both healthy. Come to think of it, no one in my mother's entire extended family has been affected by cancer." She looked up at Alison and said, "That's good news, isn't it?"

  "Indeed it is. Now, anything else you want to discuss?" Alison asked. "Any other health issues?"

  "No, that's it," Ryan said.

  "Okay, I'll have the nurse show you to a room and we can do an exam. If you want Jamie to stay in the room it's perfectly all right with me, but if you want privacy, that's okay too."

  "Since she does most of my talking for me, I guess I'd better keep her around," Ryan said with a fond smile at her smirking partner.

  Almost as soon as she was undressed, the nurse was back to do a few preliminaries. After the woman took her blood pressure and got a urine sample, she led Ryan out to a common area to weigh her. To her own shock, Ryan was down to 165 pounds. The nurse started to lead Ryan to a chair to take a blood sample, but Jamie interrupted to suggest, "You might want to do that on a table."

  The nurse gave her a quizzical look but Jamie informed her, "Even though she only weighs 165, she's still tough to pick up when she passes out."

  The woman finally understood the situation and led Ryan back to the examining room. She placed her flat on her back, and as she got the materials ready, Jamie tried to distract her by talking in her normal rapid-fire way, but as soon as the needle went in, Ryan's eyes rolled back in her head and she was out cold.

  Luckily she came around in just a second or two, but the nurse stayed in the room to monitor her for a few minutes. When Alison came back in she asked, "Do you always pass out from needles?"

  "Yep. Every time. I live in fear of getting diabetes!"

  Alison went through a routine physical exam, but when she got to Ryan's breasts she asked, "Do you do monthly self-exam?"

  "Yes. Every month on the first day after my period."

  "That's good to hear," she said. After she performed a pelvic exam on Ryan, she stripped off her glove and said, "Everything seems perfectly fine, but I am concerned about your weight. That's a tremendous amount of weight for an athlete to lose. And I'm going to guess that you didn't have much fat to lose to start with."

  "She was rock hard at 190," Jamie informed her.

  "I'll run all of the standard blood tests, but I don't expect to find anything. I think you've been burning muscle, which could contribute to fatigue and irritability and sensitivity to cold. Weight loss can easily upset your menstrual cycle also. Have you ever heard of the Female Athlete Triad, Ryan?"

  "Uhh, yeah, but I thought that affected women who had eating disorders," she said.

  "Losing 25 pounds when you don't want to is a disorder, Ryan. It doesn't really matter why you're underweight. You body needs fuel, and if it doesn't get it from your daily intake, it starts stealing from places you don't want it to."

  "Like what places?" Jamie asked, her alarm growing.

  "Like muscle, and even bone," Alison said. "Ryan's delayed period could be the precursor to cessation of her period. When you stop menstruating, your body can start leaching calcium from your bones. As a preventive measure, I'm going to prescribe that you start taking a calcium supplement, along with Vitamin D, Ryan. Up until age 25, calcium loss can be replaced with supplements. After that, all we can do is halt the loss-your bones won't accept the replacement."

  "She'll take the supplements-religiously," Jamie insisted, glaring at her partner.

  "I don't doubt that," Alison smiled. "Will you be able to relax once the volleyball season is over, Ryan?"

  "Not really. I'm going to play basketball too."

  "When does that season start?"

  "Well, the season starts this weekend," she said with a sheepish smile. "I'd like to join them as soon as possible."

  "See what I'm up against, Alison?" Jamie sighed.

  "You've got to concentrate on getting some weight back on, Ryan, or you'll never make it through another season. Didn't I refer you to a nutritioni
st, Jamie?"

  "Yeah. She helped me a lot. I'll call and get Ryan in as soon as possible," she said decisively.

  "Until you get in, you may want to drink some of those meal supplements that they sell for senior citizens. They're not just empty calories, and they're not terribly high fat. And I know it's difficult when you're in school, but if you could get nine hours of sleep a night, it would help tremendously."

  "Okay, I'll do that," Ryan said. "Now what about a mammogram?"

  "You're going to have to make that decision, Ryan. I would advise against it because of your age and your history. Having just one relative with pre-menopausal breast cancer doesn't really increase your risk that much. And false positives are so common in young women with firm tissue that it can cause a lot more stress than it relieves. But if you spend much time worrying about cancer, and you think a mammogram will relieve those fears, you can certainly go ahead."

  "But you wouldn't do it if you were me?"

  "No, I'd wait until I was 35 or so."

  "Just thinking about waiting that long makes my stomach clench," she admitted softly.

  "Tell you what," Alison said. "I know a wonderful radiologist in the city. I'd be happy to call Dr. Steinberg and tell her why you want to have one done. She can give you her expert opinion on whether it's right for you. Would that reassure you?"

  "Yeah, it might. I guess I just worry because I imagine that my mother could have been saved if she had been screened earlier. I just don't think I can wait past the age she was when she died before I have my first screening test."

  "Is mammogram the most accurate test?" Jamie asked.

  "For older women it's very good, but again, it is not a great test for younger women. Given Ryan's age, she would probably get the most accurate result with an MRI, but that's a significant expense that your insurance will definitely not pay for."

  "Money's not an issue," Jamie said clearly. "Any expense is worth it if it will ease Ryan's mind."

  "Let me give you the radiologist's card. I'll call her and tell her the whole story and see what she thinks, since she's the expert. Good enough?"

  "Great!" Ryan said. "It's been a pleasure," she added as she extended her hand.

  Alison shook both of their hands and said, "Your blood results will be back by Wednesday. The nurse will tell you how to get them. It was very good to meet you again, Ryan. And good luck with both of your sports."

  As soon as she left Jamie wrapped her arms around her partner and asked, "Did today reassure you at all, honey?"

  "Yes," Ryan said softly. "It reassured me that you love me, and that you care for me, and that I'm the luckiest woman in the world."

  "That's all true," she agreed. "One minor correction. We're the luckiest women in the world."

  Part Four

  After a decidedly nutritious lunch, Ryan sat down in front of her computer and didn't move until quarter to three. Jamie was studying in the library, and she looked up in surprise when her lover came jogging down the stairs in her warm ups. "Gotta go, babe," she said casually as she laced up her Rollerblades.

  "Okay, but why so early?" Jamie asked.

  "I've gotta make a stop before volleyball practice," she said evasively as she kissed Jamie and dashed to the door. "I'll be home by seven or eight."

  Seven or eight? That doesn't make any sense. She's up to something, she thought suspiciously. Her whole attitude was a little cagey, she decided. She's definitely hiding something, and given her penchant for torturing her poor body, I'd better find out what it is. She doesn't generally act like that unless she's about to do something dumb.

  She hopped up and grabbed her bike from the front porch, slapping her helmet on as she unlocked it and took it down the stairs. She knew that Ryan could beat her to campus, but she also knew that, given her outfit, she was headed for one of the athletic facilities, and she already had a pretty good suspicion as to her destination. She arrived at the Recreation and Sports Facility, and locked up her bike before flashing her student ID for admission. The gym was usually sectioned off for volleyball practice, but today it was wide open, and she noticed that the normal resilient surface wasn't in place. She thought she might have guessed wrong when Ryan came out onto the court with Coach Hayes and Lynette Dix of the basketball team.

  Jamie didn't want to be seen, so she lurked just outside of the court area. The voices carried well, given the silence of the gym, but she nearly broke that silence when she heard the coach ask, "Are you sure you're up to double practices, Ryan? I can't afford to go easy on you if you're going to be of any help to us."

  "I'm in tip top shape," she said. "I actually just had a check up today, and the doctor cleared me to play both sports."

  Jamie was clenching her fists so firmly that her knuckles turned white. She did not clear you to play both sports, you idiot!! She told you to sleep for nine hours a night, and gain weight so you don't collapse!!

  "As I told you when we spoke on the phone last week," Coach Hayes said, "I won't let you suit up unless you've practiced for two full weeks. Now just because you suit up certainly doesn't mean that you'll play…but you'll have a chance if you work hard enough."

  "Working hard is never a problem for me, Coach," Ryan said, her earnest gaze focused on the older woman.

  "I'm sure that I won't be comfortable with your familiarity with our offense after only two weeks, Ryan, so don't get your hopes up that you will play much. Lynette is willing to work one-on-one with you for an hour a day to get you familiar with our system. Is three o'clock good for you?"

  "Yeah. Then I can go to volleyball practice from four to six and run over to Haas for the last hour of your practice," Ryan said.

  "Okay, Ryan. I'll let you be the judge, but you look awfully thin. Were you this skinny when you tried out for us?"

  "Uh…no, not really," she admitted. "I like to play volleyball really light, but I'm already working on increasing my weight for basketball."

  "There are some big girls in this league, and you're going to get tossed around a lot at your current weight," the coach warned. "I'd bulk up as much as you can. I don't anticipate using you as a center, but you're too thin to even be an effective forward right now."

  "Not a problem," she said. "I've already made an appointment with a nutritionist to make sure I gain it properly."

  "Okay, I'll let Lynette be the judge of your progress. If you do well over the next two weeks, we'll add you to the roster for the Colorado game."

  "How about Nevada?" Ryan asked hopefully.

  "That's next Sunday," Coach Hayes reminded her.

  "I know, but I've been studying the playbook, and I think I can help. The offense is very much like I played at U.S.F., so I don't think it will be that hard for me to learn."

  "We'll see," Coach Hayes said cautiously. "Does Coach Placer know you want to play next weekend?"

  "Uhh, no. But we'll know by next Saturday if we get an NCAA bid. If we don't, it doesn't matter what we do in our last game."

  "But if you do get a bid?"

  "Then I should concentrate on volleyball," she said decisively. "But the odds that we'll get a bid are poor."

  "Okay. We'll see how you do. I'll let you two get to work, and I'll see you at Haas a little after six. Oh, and Ryan?"

  "Yes?"

  "To me, a good practice is when the hem of your shirt is wet. Get ready to sweat!"

  To Jamie's relief, the first hour of practice consisted of slow motion walk-throughs of the offense. Ryan was not even damp when she grabbed her gym bag and waited for the maintenance staff to lay down the resilient surface the volleyball team used.

  Jamie finally smiled as she saw her lanky lover take out a can of Ensure and gulp it down as she sat on the floor and waited for her teammates. Good girl! She had to laugh at the face that Ryan was making, so when she pulled out another can and gulped it down, she gave her an even bigger smile and thought, even better girl! You're not in nearly as much trouble as you were an hour ago!

  "H
i, honey," Jamie called out brightly as Ryan came in the front door at around 7:15.

  "Hey," she answered as she started to trot up the stairs. "Gotta take a quick shower."

  Jamie waited until she could hear the shower going before running up the stairs and checking out Ryan's discarded clothes. The wet mess on the floor of the bedroom was testament to Coach Hayes' maxim. I'd better stock up on Gatorade, she thought wryly.

  Dinner was just being set on the table when Ryan came back down in a pair of the cotton pajamas that Jamie had bought for her. Mia joined them for dinner and as Ryan dug in, Jamie casually asked, "Why were you so late tonight?"

  "Oh, umm, no special reason," she said, shifting in her chair.

  "And did you start early too?" she asked with the same casual tone.

  "Yeah, I started a little early."

  "Is Coach Placer going to keep you this late all week?"

  "I might be this late all week, yeah…I might be," she said carefully, her fork carving patterns in her mashed potatoes.

  "Hmm, it seems odd to me that you would need extra practice this late in the season." Ryan just nodded briefly, but offered no comment. "Mia, didn't Jordan call you a while ago?" Jamie asked in feigned confusion.

  "Yeah, she called around 6:30. She's gonna come over later and help me study."

  "Hmm, why didn't Jordan have to stay late, honey?" she asked sweetly as she batted her big green eyes at Ryan. "Are you just a special case?"

  Ryan carefully placed her fork down and took a deep breath. "Did you follow me, or can you smell the leather on my hands?" she asked with an aggrieved sigh.

  "I followed you, of course! And you can just thank your lucky stars that I didn't go down onto that court and thoroughly embarrass you in front of your coach!"

  "What's going on?" Mia demanded, never having seen her roommates come this close to a fight.

  "Rockhead here has decided to play both basketball and volleyball. Of course, this is in addition to the three early-morning study sessions for the Putnam competition. We just went to the doctor this morning because she's feeling so bad, so she thought it was the perfect day to begin practicing four hours a day instead of two!"