Forsaken Duty, The Red Team Series, Book 9

by Elaine Levine

  Her hand eased over the golden hair on his chest. It wasn’t super thick, just enough for a manly fur. When her hand moved over his heart, she gasped. A jagged shard of emotion slammed into her hand on its way to her heart. She looked closer at his chest, looking for signs of a surgery or a scar from a knife or bullet. There was nothing. But the pain there was real.

  “Owen, what happened to your heart?”

  “You.”

  Val had said he was a tin man after she was taken, empty and searching for his heart.

  “Do you have it back…your heart?”

  His big hand settled over hers on his chest. “Almost.”

  “It’s your only soul wound, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.”

  She huffed a choked breath. “Do you suppose, between us, there’s a whole person?”

  He sat up. His eyes held hers as he measured his words. “I sincerely hope so.”

  She settled between his legs, letting hers drape over his thighs. His cock was long and heavy between them, but she didn’t care. She had to draw the pain out of his heart with that magical ink of his.

  She flattened the hairs over his left chest, then emptied her mind again and gave it over to the pen, drawing as she felt moved to. The design looked like a messy explosion, like someone had ripped his heart out, dropped it on a sidewalk, and stomped a heel into it.

  Radiating out from his wrecked heart was a line that went up to his neck, paused just below his ear, then swiped up to a line crossing out his eyes. Another went down his chest, over his lean stomach to his groin. Two more reached up to his shoulders. His broken heart made him deaf and blind, burdened his shoulders, and stole all of his joy. The wabi-sabi let her see his story.

  His soul injury was so different from hers but no less debilitating.

  “Your wabi-sabi isn’t as pretty as mine. I’m sorry.”

  He smiled. “Scars are what they are.”

  She looked into his eyes. “Do you feel lighter?”

  “I do.”

  “I do too.”

  He sat up and brushed a bit of hair behind her ear. “I love you.”

  She nodded. “I know.” She couldn’t say it back. He’d only just let the dark out of her, and the light he’d let in was overwhelming. The connection they had at that moment made her aware that her inability to say it back hurt him. She felt his pain as keenly as he did. She rose up on her knees and settled over him, joining their bodies.

  He hissed a sharp inhalation. His thighs tightened under hers. He caught her waist and looked up at her. He’d given her the grace of coming to him in her own way and time. She didn’t want to love him. She didn’t want to be so vulnerable. But trying not to was just living a lie. She did love him. She always had…even when she hated him.

  She caught his face and leaned down so their noses touched. Her body moved over his. He was hot and hard inside her. “I can’t say I love you, Owen, as if it’s something new…because I never didn’t love you. Always. From the very beginning, when you would visit us. You were light in a world I instinctively knew was very dark. You are golden to me, like the light you let in with your wabi-sabi.” Holding his face, she kissed him. “I love you. But those words don’t even begin to cover what I feel for you.”

  He smiled up at her. “I know.”

  She touched her palm to the center of the gold lines she’d made, right over his heart. Owen was the only man who’d ever made love to her. The others had abused her body. It wasn’t even sex she’d had with them. It was something else, something dark and twisted and cruel.

  Owen took over their lovemaking. He wrapped a hand around her hips, holding her as he pumped into her. With his other, he caught the back of her neck, bringing her face to his for a kiss so deep and endless that she lost herself in him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave herself over to the feeling of being part of him, no longer two separate beings but the one complete person they made together. All the years lost between them slipped away, replaced by something deeper and richer than any human who’d ever lived had ever known, or so it seemed to her.

  An unfamiliar warmth spread through her, fanning out from where Owen entered her, deep inside her, reaching her heart and stopping there. She cried out as a wave of energy took her over, something she hadn’t felt since the last time she was with him. Her arms tightened around his neck, holding on for fear she would float away, out of his control, out of hers.

  And then the very thing she feared happened. Waves of feeling took her over. Distantly, she could hear herself mewling, hungry for more of the infinity she glimpsed. She writhed against Owen, her body demanding something from his. More. Everything. All of him for all of her.

  She wasn’t certain how long her orgasm lasted. Seconds or minutes. It took everything from her. She cried when it was over, weeping into his neck. “I don’t know who I am, Owen.”

  His arms were tight around her. He wasn’t letting go, and that made her feel safe. “Laidy, we can find out together.”

  “Don’t let me go.”

  “Never. I got you,” he said.

  “I wish I was brave like you.”

  “I wish I was resilient like you.”

  She pulled back and looked down at him. Everything he was, everything she was to him, was laid out in his eyes. More beautiful than any gemstone, what she saw was truth.

  The next morning, Addy stood in Owen’s bathroom, staring at herself. The night before had been like a rebirth of sorts. She still felt lighter inside than she had in years. Probably since the first night she and Owen were together ten years ago.

  Owen came into the bathroom. “What are you doing?”

  She looked at his reflection. They were both nude. The gold metallic lines on both of them were still bold. She studied the two different patterns on them, seeing two different stories of survival. “Look at us.”

  He did. His face was somber. “How do you feel this morning?”

  “Phenomenal.”

  He smiled. “Really?”

  “I do. You let the light inside me. There can’t be dark where there’s light. And it’s all over my face.” She laughed. “Cecil would hate this. He was always careful to keep from marring my face. Or when he did, he kept me hidden. I can’t hide this. And I don’t want to hide it. I was going to shower, but I don’t want to wash it off yet.”

  Owen stepped closer and pulled her into his arms. “You aren’t upset that I did this?”

  “No. Your wabi-sabi worked wonders for me.”

  He smiled, then kissed her forehead.

  “I need to go wake Troy up for school.”

  “Okay. Will I see you for breakfast?”

  She nodded. “You will.” She kissed his mouth, then threw on her robe and left his room. In her room, she dressed in her new casual clothes and put on a soft pair of moccasin flats. She washed her face and hands carefully so that she didn’t disturb the ink, then brushed her teeth, brushed her hair, then went over to wake up her son. She pulled the drapes wide, letting in the morning light. She felt as bright as that light.

  She sat on the edge of Troy’s bed as he woke. He was always super cuddly in the morning. As usual, he climbed into her lap and snuggled in. She smiled as she held him, grateful for him and the morning and the new life she’d been given. As he woke, he slowly focused on her arm…and its marks.

  “Mom, you’ve been drawing on yourself.” He ran his hand over the gold lines, then gasped when he looked up and saw her face. “You’re going to get in trouble.” How scared he looked.

  She hugged him. “No, I’m not. We don’t get in trouble here like we used to at the old house.”

  He ran his hands over her cheeks. “It’s everywhere. Why did you do this?”

  “I didn’t. Owen did. Isn’t it beautiful?”

  “Why did he do that?”

  “Because he thought there was something hurtful I was keeping inside that needed to come out. So he gave me places for it to come out.”

 
“It worked. The problem’s gone from your face.”

  She laughed and hugged him again. “It is, isn’t it?”

  “Do you love Owen? ’Cause I do. I think he should be my new dad.”

  She chuckled. “That’s moving a little fast.”

  “He’s not like my old dad.”

  “Very true. Owen’s pretty wonderful.” She set Troy back on the bed then picked an outfit for him. “We’re going to be late for breakfast if we don’t get a move on.”

  A few minutes later, they walked into the living room. Wynn and Angel were there, along with Rocco and Mandy and their son. When Zavi saw Troy, he stood on his chair and called him over. He’d been saving a seat for him.

  “Zavi, we don’t stand on chairs,” Mandy reminded him. Too excited to see his friend, he just switched to kneeling instead. Zavi stared at Addy—first at her eyes, then at her whole face. He pointed his finger at his face and swirled it around. “Ms. Jacobs, you got stuff on your face.”

  “I do. Isn’t it beautiful?” She smiled at his confusion. He nodded, unconvinced.

  “Owen drew on her,” Troy said. Even that made her happy.

  “Why?” Zavi asked.

  “I don’t know. To fix her, I think. Or something like that.”

  After the boys ate their breakfast, Wynn took them up to class. Addy poured a second cup of coffee, then went into the living room to wait for Owen. Greer and Remi came in, followed by Val and Ace.

  Greer helpfully pointed out the markings, too. “That coming from your skin?”

  Addy laughed. “No. It’s wabi-sabi.”

  Greer tilted his head. “It’s what now?”

  Max and Hope came in. She was collecting an audience.

  “Wabi-sabi.”

  “It’s the Japanese art of accepting melancholy,” Kelan said as he and Fiona joined them. “It’s knowing the truth that nothing’s permanent, perfect, or complete.”

  “Oh.”

  “Owen drew the lines,” Addy said. “He used the gold to let the dark out and the light in and put the broken pieces back together. Isn’t it beautiful?” There were some nods, but she knew they didn’t get why it made her so happy. “You don’t get it, do you?”

  “Get what?” Max asked.

  “I’m broken. The Omnis don’t keep broken things. I let the broken out. I’m broken all over. Cecil can’t touch me now.”

  “Damned right about that,” Max said. “He’d have to fucking go through all of us to get to you.”

  “But even if he were a ghost and got through you, I’m protected from him, you see?”

  Silence was her answer. Ace came over to her. She took off her T-shirt and showed Addy her back. “I get it. I did the same thing.”

  A huge blue swallowtail butterfly covered her back. Part of the beautiful design was covered by her bra strap. The tail points of the wings slipped below her jeans. It was exquisite.

  Addy ran her hands over the complex design. “You are protected.” And then she wrapped her arms around Ace’s shoulders and hugged her. “Oh, Ace. We survived them.”

  Ace turned to face her and returned the hug. After a moment, Addy realized everyone had gotten quiet. Val was standing between Ace and the room, facing everyone else with his arms on his hips, blocking them from curious eyes. Ace pulled free and wiped her eyes, then pulled her T-shirt back on. Addy heard a sniffle and saw Fiona in Kelan’s arms.

  So much harm had come to these people. How had Addy ever thought them complicit with the Omnis?

  She looked over and saw Owen standing at the living room entrance. How much had he heard or seen? He hadn’t washed off his lines either. His team observed him in stunned silence as he came down the steps and walked up to her. He ignored them, watching her cautiously until she smiled and stepped into his arms.

  He hugged her, then kissed her temple. “You eat yet?”

  “No. I was waiting for you.”

  “I’m starving.” He kept an arm around her shoulders as he led her into the dining room. “Doing wabi-sabi makes me hungry.” He grinned as he walked them into the dining room.

  25

  Selena was already sitting at the bar in the billiards room, an amber beer bottle in her hand when Val came in. Ace was still getting dressed upstairs. Kelan was right behind him. It had been a tough couple of days, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Val was glad to see some of the team were gathering for a nightcap.

  Kelan opened a bottle of Shiraz, while Val set about making a ginger mojito for Ace. Selena looked at them, but didn’t greet them. Val had asked her before how she was doing and had the door slammed in his face. He knew she knew he was there for her—no point forcing someone to talk when they weren’t ready. This time, Selena surprised him.

  “It isn’t that I’m jealous,” she said to no one in particular.

  Val met her eyes.

  “’Cause I’m not. I’m happy for you and Ace, you and Fee, Owen and Addy. I’m happy for all of you.”

  Val stopped what he was doing and leaned against the wall of the bar. Kelan did the same.

  “I’ve learned, watching you guys, that you know it when it’s the right one. But what if that muscle or skill is broken in me? What if I never know?”

  “You knew when it was the wrong one,” Val said. “Same skill.”

  “But they’ve all been wrong. All of them.”

  “Nothing happens that isn’t supposed to,” Kelan said. “Those guys taught you something you needed to learn. Even this delay you’re feeling, which isn’t much of a delay because you aren’t even thirty yet, is part of your plan.”

  She sighed and sipped the last of her beer. Val opened another and set it in front of her. “Fuck the plan. I miss him,” she said.

  “Who?” Val asked.

  “I don’t know. That’s the thing. I feel him in my heart and I don’t know who he is. I haven’t even met him yet.”

  “Tell me about him,” Kelan said, intensely watching her.

  She shrugged. “I have to be making this all up. Some psychosis because I want what you all have. I’m pretending there’s someone for me.”

  Kelan shook his head. “Your intuition has always been phenomenal. Tell us about him.”

  She looked at Kelan, trying to read him. “He’s dark. And hollow. And aches for me.”

  “Wow.” Val’s brows lifted. “See, that’s gonna be some explosive sex, when you two get together.” Kelan gave him a quelling look.

  “You think he’s real?” she asked them.

  “Dunno,” Val said.

  “I do. Your energy is calling his,” Kelan said. “I felt that way about Fiona. It was very real.”

  “Do we know him, Sel?” Val asked.

  She shook her head. “Don’t think so. There’s something…different about him.”

  “I look forward to meeting him,” Kelan said.

  Selena pressed her lips into a thin line and shook her head. “I have to making him up.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Well, one thing’s for sure,” Val said. “When and if he comes into your life, if he doesn’t treat you like gold, we’ll kick his ass.”

  She chuckled. “Really, Val? If he doesn’t treat me like he should, I’ll kick his ass.”

  “With us standing behind you,” Val said.

  “Hiding?” Kelan asked, raising a brow.

  “Maybe,” Val said, laughing.

  Jax walked around the formal living room of the house he’d grown up in. At some point, Roberta had redecorated. He remembered hearing about that. The antique cherry escritoire that his mother had loved was gone, and so was everything else he remembered from his childhood. It could have been a stranger’s home.

  It was, really, just that. He had no sense of who his father was and why he’d done what he’d done. Jax hoped it wasn’t for something as simple and arrogant as keeping up his public persona.

  The butler had told him his stepmother wasn’t at home but that his father was, which was good. He
wanted to talk to his dad without her interference. His father came into the living room. They faced each other coldly, like strangers. Or enemies.

  “Son.”

  “Dad.”

  “Would you like to join me in the den?”

  Jax nodded. His dad had aged significantly in the five years since he last saw him. He’d lost weight. His hair was more salt than pepper. His steps were slower. Jax refused to feel sorry for him. An old monster was still a monster, especially when he remained in the thick of things.

  “What brings you to town, son?” Dean asked as he shut the door.

  “Questions.”

  Dean took a seat behind his desk and gestured for his son to take one of the leather club chairs in front of it. “I knew this day would come.”

  Jax stared into his father’s eyes. “I’m sure you did. I know who Roberta is, and I know what she’s done.”

  Dean nodded. “It was only a matter of time, I suppose. I raised you to ferret out the facts.”

  Jax smiled inwardly. His dad said that with such dignity. Like a monster could raise anything but a monster. “What I don’t know is…why? Why you let her into our lives. Why you let her soil Mom’s memory. Why you let her near your children.”

  “I didn’t know, at first,” Dean said. “After Mom’s death, I was just a ghost of a man, facing an uphill battle in my campaign, with two motherless children at home. I had no will to continue the fight. Then she came along. She was my rock. She ran things for me, helped me keep on top of what was happening at home while I was away. Eventually, we became lovers. She was just so rock solid.”

  “Did she tell you she’d killed Mom? That her role in your life was premeditated?”

  “Not until years later. Things had not been good between us for a while. I wanted to divorce her. That’s when she told me.” His face tensed. “By then, I’d brought her fully into my world. Not just with you kids, but my friends, my peers, Washington influencers. I was how she got in, got access to everyone.”

  “That was when you started aggressively training Owen and me. What tipped you off?”