My Way Back to You (Harlequin Large Print Super Romance)

by Pamela Hearon

  Alone with Jeff? Gah! She’d seen this coming and tried to avoid it all day. Sure as shootin’, he was going to ask her about her answer this morning. She’d seen the next question in his eyes all day and had been careful not to be alone with him. She needed to have her answer formulated.

  He was going to ask why she waited years to date after their split. Not that it was any of his business. But this was Jeff—telling him that would only make him suspect the worst. Of course, the worst was the truth. But how could she admit she’d carried the torch for him far too long? That she’d made a fool of herself—so certain he’d come back and want to be a family again? Had worked long and hard to get over him, and yet she had only, during the past few years, finally felt free of him?

  “You don’t have to go with me,” she said as they waited for the elevator.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  The doors opened and relief flooded her to see several people headed the same direction. But it ended quickly as the small crowd dispersed in different directions when they reached the garage level. Her large SUV wasn’t far from the door, so maybe, if she walked fast, she could keep a light chat going until—

  “Mags, you ran from the car this morning because you knew what I wanted to ask you.” Jeff took her elbow and pulled back to slow her pace.

  So much for light chatter.

  “No use in dredging up the past, Jeff.” She hit the button on her key fob to unlock the car door.

  “But I need to know. Did you not date for years because of me? Did I make you distrust men?”

  He didn’t suspect...which, of course, could only mean he hadn’t gone through what she had.

  That realization pinched her heart enough to leave a bruise.

  She gave a thoughtful pause as she opened the door to retrieve her phone from the console. She slipped it into her purse and closed the door, then turned to meet his earnest gaze. “You didn’t make me distrust men,” she answered honestly. “I distrusted myself.”

  A flicker of relief shot from his dark eyes, followed quickly by a shadow. She nodded toward the elevator and started moving in that direction. “I couldn’t risk failing again.” Keeping control of the conversation before he could ask any more questions seemed like her best option now. “Too much depended on my being successful. I had a child to take care of and a career to think about.” She stopped as the elevator door opened, relieved to find the car empty this time.

  A short ride to the third floor, and this would be over.

  They stepped in and Jeff punched the buttons as she continued. “I wasn’t sure I was capable of handling those things, so I couldn’t even think about throwing a relationship into the mix.” This wasn’t as difficult as she’d thought. Everything she was saying was the truth—she was simply leaving out a few details.

  “And once I opened the salon, there was yet another thing demanding my time.” Her stomach gave a jolt as the elevator came to a stop on the third floor. Jeff stepped out with her, just as he’d done the previous afternoon, only this time he started walking with her to her door.

  “Something you said last night at dinner kept me awake.” His voice was low as they made their way down the hallway. “And, coupled with what you said this morning, it’s bothered the hell out of me all day.”

  “What did I say?” Her spine had pulled into a tight curve at the touch of his hand, pressed absently to the small of her back as they walked. When they reached her door, her shoulders were squared as she turned to face him.

  “It was the part about admitting to yourself you’d made a huge mistake. Again.”

  “O-kay...?”

  His hands gripped his hips, and he shrugged. “You can’t think we were a mistake, Mags. If we were a mistake, that makes Russ a mistake.”

  She leaned against the door, closing her eyes to the raw emotion in his. “You’re right. Zeke was a mistake, but referring to us that way was a poor choice of words.”

  She heard the rustle of his movement and opened her eyes to find him pressing a forearm against the door frame, his eyes hooded with doubt.

  “Russ is the best thing that ever came into my life.” His voice was heavy with emotion. “And I know it’s been difficult for you. But I want you to understand that it’s not been easy for me, either. Being so far away from him—not being able to see him every day—has been hard on me.”

  The sincerity in his eyes pulled at her heartstrings. She reached up to touch his face in a motherly fashion, to console, the way she would with Russ when she saw that same expression on his face. But as soon as her palm connected with his cheek, the touch became something else entirely—something not at all motherly. It became a lover’s caress as his heat scorched her, sent tingles through her arm and into her chest...down into her belly and lower.

  The look in his eyes changed in an instant.

  He felt it, too.

  Electricity charged the atmosphere around them, encapsulating them in its trembling heat. Her eyes held to his steely gaze like a magnet. He leaned in slightly, and she pressed her back against the door but found no escape. Her hand, still on his cheek, should be pushing him away. So why did it slide around to the back of his neck and pull him closer?

  The world slowed as his mouth neared hers, and she licked her lips in anticipation. She closed her eyes at the last second, allowing this moment to take center stage in her mind as it had so often in her dreams. The tenderness of his lips, the familiar sweetness...the flutter in her stomach that all too soon would become an aching need.

  She’d entered a danger zone and was much too old and wise now to ignore the signs.

  Sliding her hand from the back of his neck to his chest, she didn’t push him away, but did apply enough pressure to let him know this needed to stop. In answer, he removed his mouth from hers slowly but didn’t straighten, staying close enough that his breath continued to feather across her lips, warming them with the caress.

  “Russ was never a mistake,” she whispered. “But letting this go any further would be.”

  She felt the burst of air from his disgruntled sigh, but he stepped back, buckling his chin and giving her a nod.

  “Good night, Mags.” He touched her cheek with the back of his finger.

  “Night.”

  She made short work of getting into her room, barely making it to the bed before her knees buckled under the weight of the moment.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  “YOU HEARD ANY more from Maggie?” Eli doused his third cup of coffee with heavy cream and stirred it, changing the hue from black to tan.

  Rosemary thought Eli’s color seemed slightly better this morning than yesterday. She finished off the remains in her own cup and set it down with a sigh and a shake of her head. “No. And I know she must be upset. Yesterday was the day they moved Russ into his dorm. That had to be hard on her.”

  “You think being around the son of a bitch is hard on her, too?” The cream must have cooled Eli’s coffee quickly because he swallowed half the cup in one gulp.

  “Don’t drink so fast.”

  “Don’t tell me how to drink my coffee.” He picked up the cup and gulped down the rest, just out of spite, she was sure.

  “I hope it’s not hard on her. She’s known for a couple of months she and Jeff would be up there together. That was plenty of time to get her head prepared.”

  Eli stood, pulled the cap from the pocket of his overalls and flipped it onto his head to cover the mop of silver hair he still sported. He adjusted the bill so that it covered his heavy, still-black eyebrows. “Not her head I’m worried about,” he drawled.

  Rosemary pushed back in her chair and directed a withering glare his direction. “Shame on you, Eli Crenshaw Russell! That’s your daughter we’re talking about.”

  He stepped toward her and braced one arm on the table and one on t
he back of her chair. Then he leaned down until his twinkling blue-gray eyes were even with hers. “I was referring to her heart, you dirty old woman.”

  “Oh.” She saw the twitch of a grin at the corner of his mouth right before he kissed her heated forehead.

  “Gotta go.” He patted the top of her head as he straightened. “Those tractors aren’t going to fix themselves.”

  Rosemary leaned her head back, stretching those darn neck muscles that always seemed so tight these days. “But somebody else could fix them. Let’s retire, Eli. Let’s take that money we’ve worked so hard for all these years and spend it seeing some of the world...like we always promised ourselves we’d do.”

  Eli had started toward the door—her words didn’t even slow his stride. They never did. “We’ll do that, Rosie. Someday.”

  “Someday,” she muttered as she cleared away the breakfast dishes. “Always someday.”

  Maggie was so much like her dad. She used to say the same thing to Zeke when he wanted to travel, which he did often. He’d usually end up going by himself while she stayed home and ran the salon. Look where it got her. The money she made and saved? What good was it now? He was gone and their chance of doing things together ripped away in the blink of an eye.

  Maggie was too much in her thoughts, and Rosemary wasn’t going to get anything done until she talked to her daughter. She chose the wall phone, preferring to use it rather than the cell phone, which she was sure was causing all these tumors in the mouth and brain she’d heard about recently.

  “Hey, Mom.” Maggie sounded more chipper than Rosemary had expected. Not a good sign. That meant she was forcing it, which inferred she was really upset.

  “Hey, darlin’. Just wanted to see if things were going okay.”

  Maggie’s sigh reduced the pretense a smidgen. “Things went all right yesterday. But I’m not much looking forward to today.”

  “I knew you wouldn’t be. That’s why I called. To let you know we love you and are thinking about you.”

  “Thanks. That’s sweet.”

  There was that uncharacteristic silence Rosemary detested.

  “And how are you and Jeff getting along?”

  “Fine. No problems.” Back to forced chipper, which set off alarms in Rosemary’s head.

  “Well...glad to hear that.”

  Silence again.

  “Russ and Jeff are playing in the golf scramble today. Each team member was allowed to choose a partner. I backed off, figuring Russ would rather have his dad on his team.”

  “What a shame you can’t play, too.” Rosemary tried to encourage the conversation by showing sympathy. “You enjoy the game. And you’re good.”

  “Yeah, but this is a competition Russ wants to win. Jeff will give him the best chance. There’s this guy Spike—his son’s on the team. He’s always bragging about how great he is at everything. I think our guys are out for his blood, so I hope they draw a good pair to team up with.”

  Maggie’s short laugh sounded more relaxed, but our guys was an interesting word choice.

  “So what are you going to do while they’re playing?”

  “Oh, I’ll follow along. I guess that’s what all the extra parents will do.” Now her voice sounded normal—maybe the mom-call had worked its magic, after all.

  Rosemary spied Eli’s cash box sitting on the kitchen counter where he’d forgotten it. “Well, I won’t keep you. I know you have a busy day ahead.”

  “Yeah. I need to get moving.”

  “Me, too. Your dad forgot his cash box. Love you. Give Russ hugs.”

  “Okay. Love you, too. Hugs to Dad.”

  They hung up and Rosemary realized she didn’t know any more about how Maggie was handling being around Jeff than she had yesterday. Her daughter was being very tight-lipped about her ex, which didn’t bode well by Rosemary’s way of thinking.

  She snatched up the cash box and headed into the August morning air, already heated and damp with humidity. The pole barn Eli used as his machine shop sat at the back of their large piece of property. She was in no hurry as she followed the gravel lane back to it. A chicken snake slithered across the path, several yards ahead, leaving a weaving trail in its path.

  “Snake in the grass.” She chuckled, remembering the epithet Eli had first used in reference to Jeff before he’d settled on son of a bitch.

  She’d been fond of Jeff when he and Maggie were dating, and once they’d gotten married, he’d tried hard to man up. They’d just been too young and had too many things stacked against them. But he’d broken her daughter’s heart—that she couldn’t forgive.

  Chicken snakes were easy to piss off and quick to bite.

  Yeah, that pretty much summed up the Jeff she remembered.

  The shadow of the pole barn brought instant cool to her sweaty back, and she stopped a moment to enjoy the sensation. No sound came from the barn. The eerie silence sent her into a near-jog.

  The sight that met her eyes when she passed through the oversize garage door brought her to a complete stop.

  “Eli? What are you doing?”

  Eli’s jumping jacks came to a halt, and he swung around toward her, surprise giving way to sheepish in a flash. “What do you mean, what am I doing?” He was winded and gasping for breath, face red from exertion. “Can’t a man exercise without being chastised for it?”

  She made no attempt to keep the suspicion out of her voice. “You work hard. And except for walking, you’ve never exercised a day in your life.”

  “Well...I decided to add jumping jacks to today’s regimen. Now get on back to the house and leave me alone.” He took the cash box from her and turned his back in dismissal.

  “Jumping jackass, if you ask me.” She sneered and headed back to the house.

  His low chuckle followed her retreating backside, and she allowed a smile since he couldn’t see her face.

  Eli partaking in calisthenics?

  That dog didn’t hunt.

  Something was amiss.

  * * *

  MAGGIE’S BODY HAD become a battle zone...courtesy of Jeff’s kiss last night. Okay, it wasn’t only his kiss. She’d been a more-than-willing participant. In fact, she may’ve been the instigator, Lord help her.

  Had she lost her freaking mind?

  Maybe so. It kept wandering off of its own accord, breaking free of the reins she’d held so tightly for years.

  Even now, after spending the afternoon traipsing around a golf course with Spike filling her ears so full she thought her head would burst, her brain should’ve been focused on the upcoming goodbye with her son. Instead, it looped continually back to the feel of Jeff’s lips on hers, the sizzle that snaked through her belly at his touch. The scene had become a recurring dream that blindsided her anytime she closed her eyes either last night in the dark or today in broad daylight.

  Or even now as the dinner was coming to a close.

  “And, of course, the top honors go to the team of Grainger/Wells, coming in with a score of twelve under.” Coach Brimley handed out the cheesy plastic trophies to the four-man team. They accepted graciously, then Russ gave his trophy a noisy smooch, which brought a laugh from the crowd. For the millionth time that day, Maggie was reminded of the kiss she and Jeff shared last night.

  Definitely trophy worthy.

  She had yet to talk to Jeff about it, but she would as soon as they had a moment alone. She’d learned the hard way with Zeke that the things you didn’t talk about were the ones that came back to haunt you. And, although her dreams last night and her daydreams today had been much too pleasant to be considered haunting, she knew they would come back to bite her in the ass.

  The applause died down, the coach made his final remarks, and when the crowd started moving, Maggie’s heart pinned her to her seat and stymied her
movements.

  Hold yourself together, Mom. She read the unspoken plea in Russ’s eyes as he crossed the room to her.

  Somehow she found the strength to stand up and meet him. He leaned down and enveloped her in a tight hug.

  “I’m proud of you, little man.” His hold tightened at her words. “Not because you won today. I’m proud of you every day—of the man you’ve become.”

  “Love you, Mom.” His voice broke like it had so often when he was going through puberty.

  His hold loosened, and he stepped back. She wasn’t quite ready to let go just yet, but when a second body pressed against her side, she realized he was making room for Jeff in a three-way hug. She fought back another wave of tears, and for a long moment, they stood holding each other as a family—the way they could’ve been all along if life hadn’t had other plans.

  “Y’all gonna walk me to my room?” Russ placed a kiss to the top of her head, which she shook in answer.

  “I think that will be too hard. Let’s just step outside and make it quick and relatively painless.”

  Russ never let go of her or Jeff as they threaded their way through the crowd that now felt more like a funeral than a celebration.

  On the sidewalk, Russ let go of his dad and clutched her tightly again. “You going to be okay?”

  “I’m okay,” she lied. Lord, this was so much harder than childbirth. Back then, she’d been numb when the worst of the contractions had hit. But this felt like someone was digging out her heart with a plastic spoon and no anesthesia. “You be good. Be careful. Play nice and watch crossing.” She added the signature line she’d used throughout his childhood, which brought a strangled chuckle from them both. Her nose was clogged with unshed tears, and just when she thought she would suffocate from the high pressure area in her chest, he let go and turned to Jeff.

  The pats on the back were much harder between the two of them than previously. She suspected man pats were meant to inflict a touch of pain that somehow reminded them of their manhood...or maybe provided an excuse for a tear to escape.