My Dear Sophy

by Kimberly Truesdale

  Soon enough their simple luncheon was over. The tension in the room built even further as all four parties anticipated a heated confrontation. Her father sighed loudly and leaned back in his chair. He had clearly decided it was time to speak.

  “Sophy, Edward, will you excuse your brother and I? We have something to discuss.”

  “Papa,” said Freddy before his siblings could rise out of their chairs, “please let them stay for a moment. I have something I would like to say to everyone.”

  Sophy was curious to hear what Freddy had to say and looked at her father for permission to remain in her chair. Freddy had never used that tone before. He seemed to be concentrating on his next words.

  Her father nodded to indicate that Edward and Sophy could stay. He appeared to be as curious as Sophy about what it was that Freddy wanted to say. He was, even if he yelled at them, a fair man and Sophy trusted that he would listen with an open mind.

  It took Freddy a moment to gather his thoughts and start speaking. He finally took a deep breath and said, “I am sorry. Papa, Sophy, Edward.” Freddy looked at the each in turn, true repentance in his eyes. “I am truly sorry for the trouble I have caused today, yesterday, all the days lately. All week I have been bristling under your watchful eyes. Papa, you know we've argued time and again about me acting more like a man than a boy. Instead of listening to you, I assumed you were wrong. I thought I was already acting like a man. I felt myself to be a man and I couldn't see why you were always so angry with me.

  “As I walked out of town this morning, limping because – as you said, Papa – my leg had not fully healed, I realized that I had done about the most childish thing it was possible to do. I had thought to run away and prove I was a man. But I met Captain Croft on the road and he talked to me like a man, he looked at me and saw me for who I want to be, not the child I have been. And I finally saw what you have been telling me.” Freddy paused for a moment and the room remained silent. Anxious in the face of the silence, Freddy rushed on.

  “And so I can only say that I am sorry for the trouble. It was the action of a boy who wanted to be a man so badly that he did the most childish thing he could think of. And who did not think of anyone but himself. I am sorry.”

  Edward, who was sitting nearest to Freddy at the table, leaned over and punched his brother in the arm. The brothers smiled at each other. “Apology accepted. But that was still a silly thing to do. And you can be sure I will roast you about it for a long, long time.” Freddy accepted this punishment with good humor, though he was afraid to smile until his Papa had spoken.

  “Thank you, Edward,” Papa spoke with a tone that said he was not amused. The atmosphere grew depressed again. “Now please excuse your brother and I. We have a long-overdue discussion to have with one another.”

  Sophy rose from her chair and followed Edward from the room. She had been pleased to hear Freddy's sincere apology. She hoped her father would be appeased. He could hardly fail to see Freddy's sincerity.

  “He's probably having 'the talk' with Freddy,” Edward winked at his sister. It seems her middle brother's spirits had lifted a bit to see his younger brother do something responsible for once.

  “The talk?” Sophy inquired.

  “About how to be a man, a responsible man. I got it when I was about Freddy's age. I think that's what he's been lacking lately. Papa has treated him like a child and he's been ready to be more grown up. I hope Papa sees that.”

  Sophy smiled, “He could hardly fail to after that apology. But we must leave them to it.”

  It was a few hours before the two men emerged, but the happy looks on the faces of both father and son told Sophy all she needed to know. Later in the evening they were all sitting in the front parlor when Sophy had a hopeful thought. She spoke it aloud.

  “So now that we are all grown up, might we stop stomping up and down the stairs, slamming doors, and fighting with each other?”

  Papa looked up over the book he was reading. She could see his sly smile as the boys looked at each other then at their sister and roundly declared, “No!”

  Sophy sighed theatrically and sent them all into the giggles.

  Chapter XI

  Sophy was pleased the next morning to be woken neither by the stomping of her brothers past her room nor by a distressed cry indicating some catastrophe. It made a nice change to the rest of the week she had passed. She reveled in the opportunity of a few minutes' quiet reflection on the events of the last few days.

  First there was Freddy. After their long talk yesterday, Papa and Freddy had seemed to be much easier with each other. The family had enjoyed a pleasant, quiet evening together for the first time in a month. Sophy hoped this was the start of more considered behavior on everyone's part. Not that she would completely stamp out the mischievous parts of her brothers, but if the humor could be decently moderated by some common sense and, what's more, an awareness of the people around them, that could only be a benefit to everyone. Freddy's apology seemed to bode well for this new way of approaching things, although she wondered what would happen when he was tasked with exercising his more adult attitude.

  Maybe Captain Croft could help him learn. It seemed that the man had already worked some quiet magic on the boy. After all, it had only been after meeting him that Freddy had not only turned around and come home, but also that he had apologized to her, Papa, and the town. She must try to put Freddy more in the captain's company.

  Sophy's mind skittered away from the happy idea that putting Freddy more in company with Captain Croft meant that she would also be more in his company. Sophy had thoroughly enjoyed their walk together yesterday. She had found herself in an unexpected situation with a near stranger and yet she had felt perfectly comfortable. She was eager to repeat the experience.

  There were so few people Sophy's age around Milverton these days. Her girlhood friends had all married and moved into their own homes. She still saw them, but their lives had turned toward marriage and children and household cares. They were no longer so willing to romp the countryside or spend an afternoon in Sophy's front room.

  At the thought of marriage, her mind flew immediately toward Mr. Hollingson. In all the fuss of finding Freddy yesterday, she had quite forgotten that the young curate had been in her home only the night before. And he had been on the cusp of a declaration to her. Sophy's blood raced at the thought and the memory of their embrace. Though she was alone, her face colored deeply at the thought. Sophy wondered if it would happen again. Maybe she would see him today...

  And it was to be an exciting day, indeed. Not the normal run of Sunday service and visiting. An invitation had been sent round last afternoon for luncheon with the Crofts. This was not an unusual invitation, for the Crofts and Wentworths spent much time together. The easy friendships between the two families had been established before the children had even been born. But today was made special by the added joy of a child's return. Today, Captain Conrad Croft would join their usual party. And for Sophy, that completely altered the dynamic of the day. She was glad of the chance at further acquaintance with the fascinating man. And a chance at seeing Mr. Hollingson. The world held so much goodness this morning that she almost felt like singing.

  “Sophia Elizabeth Wentworth,” Sophy said aloud to her reflection, using her full name to show herself how much she meant it. “Keep yourself together please.” But she could not keep the smile from her face.

  For the absurd truth was that when she began to consider that the invitation to an afternoon of lunch and visiting with the rector and his family included both the Captain and Mr. Hollingson, Sophy's heart began to beat a little bit faster. And she began to wonder what might transpire. It was a source of joy to think that she did not know what to expect out of the day. So many of her days lately had been proscribed before they had even begun.

  And though Sophy kept repeating her own admonition to calm herself, the warning did not serve to stop her from putting on her best-looking dress and spending an
extra moment in the glass carefully arranging her wavy brown hair to the most advantage. She was not a vain woman, but she wanted to look just so for the unexpected treat that would be today.

  The extra attention to herself did not seem to have gone amiss. On their way down the road to Saint Michael's Church for the late-morning service, Papa remarked on how well she looked, which drew a blush to her cheek that lingered there long after the compliment had been carried away on the wind.

  Her looks also drew the attention of other townspeople, especially the nosy matrons who winkingly told her how well she looked and cast significant glances in the direction of the rector and his son. She was one of the last unmarried girls of her age group and the matrons had made it their mission to attach her to someone. It seemed that the rector's returned son was to be the current object of their matchmaking.

  Sophy on one side of the churchyard and the captain on the other formed two hubs around which the townspeople revolved in the time before the service began. Sophy, though surrounded constantly by people wanting to hear her story of yesterday's events, was able to observe Captain Croft's open and easy manner with everyone who approached him. A few times he even threw his head back and bellowed with laughter. Sophy found herself smiling and laughing with him, though unaware of the joke. This resulted in an entirely inappropriate reaction to the news that Mrs. Henry Schott's prize sow had recently lost half her litter. Sufficiently chastened by Mrs. Schott's horrified look as she laughed at the misfortune, Sophy turned her attention fully to what was in front of her, with the result that she lost track of the captain until all the parishioners took their places inside the church and the service began.

  Mr. Hollingson she did not need to look for. He would be conducting his own services in Preston-Bowyer. She thought ahead to luncheon and hoped she would see him then. Sophy had received many compliments on how well she was looking and wished for the man who loved her to see her in such good form. And she thought that Mr. Hollingson would deal remarkably well with Captain Croft. Yes, she was sure the two men would have much to speak about.

  These thoughts carried Sophy into her seat in the church. She joined into the prayers and hymns with a glad heart.

  Though quite an unreserved speaker on a normal Sunday, Reverend Croft was in his finest form this day. With his son present, there seemed to be an added vigor in his voice as he sermonized on one of his favorite verses from the Psalms.

  The Reverend's voice rang out with the text, “What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits toward me?” He read the joyous question aloud and then prepared to expound on his subject. The congregation sat enthralled as he told them that God pours out his blessings, often in the most unexpected of places.

  “Yesterday, a blessing was delivered to me on the most ordinary of Saturdays. By now you all know, my son Connie has returned home. He walked into town yesterday, a blessing right as we the people of Milverton were rejoicing over a different blessing, the safe return of Freddy Wentworth, another of our beloved sons. Two big, visible blessings delivered to us in the most conspicuous of ways.” The Reverend beamed down at his son with a love that filled the whole church.

  Then the Reverend turned serious. “But God does not always offer blessings in these big ways. He does not always come knocking to return our children to us. He does not often even announce to us that there is a blessing in our way. No, He pours out His blessings in small ways each day. In the fall of rain that blesses our farms; in the smile of a child or a parent, in the sun that warms us and makes our seeds grow; in the visit of a neighbor. There are blessings all around us in the smallest of things. And we ask, as David asks in the Psalms, 'What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits toward me?' What can I give to God for all the beautiful things he gives me everyday?” The Reverend paused to let the congregation digest his question. Sophy found herself nodding along and asking herself what kinds of blessings she'd been given.

  “What can we give back to Him? What does He ask of us?” The Reverend continued. He paused and then smiled beatifically. “It is quite simple, really. He asks only that we love Him and that we love each other. Only that. Love. In return for the blessings He pours out to us each day, He asks us only to return His love to the people around us. When you're feeling small and put upon, when nothing seems to be working for you, when you've sent up a prayer to Him that is the time to count your blessings, to remember that what you should give back to God is the love and gratefulness in your own heart. That is all he asks of us each and every day.”

  The church remained silent and thoughtful as Reverend Croft finished his sermon. There were smiles on the faces of the townspeople as Sophy looked around. She was smiling, too. For all the anger and grief of the week – the arguments, the searching – she really was blessed. She had lived a life of ease surrounded by people she loved.

  And as the Reverend led them in song, Sophy added one more small blessing: music. She had never learned to play an instrument, but she loved to listen. And she loved to sing the church hymns, to raise her voice with those around her, not worrying what anyone thought about how she sounded. It was her favorite part of the service each week.

  As they sang hymns today, Sophy was distinctly aware of a new voice in the mixture, one that rang out over all the others. Its rich baritone sounded so warm and round as it floated over the congregation. Sophy turned to seek out the source of this inviting voice. She found it, as she knew she would, in Captain Croft. He sang quite unaware of the attention he drew from the congregation, his joy in the music evident on his face.

  His enthusiasm was catching. His joy was diffusing through the small space and prompting everyone to sing more loudly and joyously. Sophy had a smile on her own face as she, too, joined into the hymn. It was a thrilling feeling and made her feel deep inside of her what the Reverend had preached about blessings. Sophy was disappointed when the hymn came to an end. She could have listened to hours more and never have tired of it.

  But it did come to an end, and after the townspeople said a final thank you to the rector, they all scattered to their houses or those of their neighbors to spend a happy Sunday afternoon.

  Chapter XII

  As the other parishioners made their way home, The Wentworths and the Crofts walked the few steps to the doors of the rectory, there to spend a comfortable meal in company together. As they walked, the Reverend informed them that Mr. Hollingson would be unable to join their party today, having already accepted Mrs. Coombe's invitation to share her luncheon. The whole group groaned in unison, sympathetic to the young curate's plight. They laughed together as the Reverend reminded Captain Croft that Mrs. Coombe liked to overindulge in everything – especially cake – when she had guests. The laughter carried them into the Croft's home.

  The rectory itself was quite a spacious house, Milverton having formerly been a trading center of the county. It had not stood quite as long as the church next to it, but the house had seen a goodly share of years pass. The interior was well-maintained by Mrs. Croft, who kept the family in nice, but practical surroundings. She had, after all, raised three boys and had planned her furnishings accordingly. So the overall effect of the rectory was a feeling of comfort. Today, this feeling was heightened in Sophy's mind by the congenial conversation that had already begun on the short walk from church to rectory.

  The families passed an hour over the simple but well-prepared meal. Sophy listened carefully as they talked of all that had passed in the years since Captain Croft had been away. In the manner of old friends, the conversation was easy, flowing from one topic to the next, breaking into small groups and coming back together in a most natural way. There was general laughter and good will among all present.

  And through it all, Sophy watched and listened with a keen eye and ear for Captain Croft. Her curiosity about him had grown even more after hearing him sing so joyously in church. She found herself listening to him even when she was engaged in another conversation. She observed that the
man turned his whole attention on whomever he was listening or responding to. And he was magnificent when telling a story. Even hampered by the dinner table, the captain held them all enthralled by his especially humorous tales of life at sea.

  Sophy could see the pride in his mother's eyes and the captain seemed delighted to entertain her especially. She had once or twice interjected a question about sailors she knew from his letters. Someone named O'Brian was recalled a number of times and seemed to play a part in every story the captain told.

  The Reverend also beamed with pride. He laughed heartily and listened intently, soaking in his son's words like water to a dry ground. At one point, it had struck Sophy quite forcefully that the Crofts had not seen their son in this home for fourteen years. How would it be, Sophy wondered, to have a child, to raise him and love him, and then to say goodbye to him, knowing each time could be the last time you would set eyes on him. Sophy hadn't lingered on that thought, as it threatened to throw her into a melancholy spirit.

  Instead, she had gone back to observing the child and parents together. And the sight seemed designed especially to lift her spirits. They were so easy with each other, as if no time at all had passed since their last meeting. Their good nature and good humor toward life enveloped all around them in a general blanket of goodwill and contentment. And Sophy couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so heartily and sincerely. It seemed to be contagious around the table.

  As she was having such a splendid time, it was a shock to find that luncheon was over and that the Wentworths faced leaving the merry gathering. Sophy found herself falling out of temper at the thought. What was waiting at home for them? Only a subdued afternoon in each other's company. But it was inevitable that they leave. They could not very well intrude all afternoon on the Croft's happy reunion. Sophy watched as the last dishes were cleared away and they prepared to go.