Highland Avenger

by Hannah Howell

  It struck Arianna a little odd that that would be the first thought in his mind but she just said, “Claud gave Marie Anne two fine lads, didnae he? He gave me but the one bairn who couldnae cling to life and ne’er another after that. Nay, I fear I am not fated to bear a child.”

  “I dinnae believe it but I ken naught about such matters. Dinnae want to.” He smiled when she laughed softly. “Ye need to speak to women who ken about such things. Jolene has been wed seven years with three children and another to come soon. She will ken a few things, aye? Fiona was trained by your clan in the healing arts. She, too, has knowledge both from having her own bairns and all she learned from the healing women in your clan.”

  Arianna nodded but knew she would not follow his advice. It had been hard enough to talk to Jolene before and to confess her lack to him now. To face another woman, especially one who had a bairn to love, and try to get even more assurance that she might not be barren could prove an impossible task. She could not bear to see the pity that would surely appear in Fiona’s eyes. Yet there was no denying that it would be wise to continue to talk to someone with knowledge, even if it confirmed what she feared and what Claud had told her the physician had said—that she was probably barren, unable to get with child, and unable to hold a bairn in her belly if she was lucky enough to get with child. Fiona would have had training Jolene had not had.

  Brian stood up, took her by the hand, and pulled her to her feet. “Come. Since we have decided to resume our journey, we had best go and prepare for it.”

  It was not until Arianna was packing up the clothing Jolene had so generously given her that she really thought over what she had confessed to Brian. She suddenly knew why she had felt compelled to tell him such a private, painful truth. It was to see what he would say. He had been encouraging and sympathetic but he had not said the one thing she had ached to hear. He had not told her that it did not matter to him.

  “Foolish, foolish woman,” she said, and sat down on the bed, staring blindly at the fine linen shift Jolene had given her.

  “Why do you call yourself foolish?”

  Arianna jumped a little in surprise and stared at Jolene, idly wondering how people kept managing to sneak up on her. She began to think nearly drowning had damaged her ears. After five years of misery with Claud it was not easy to recall much from the years that had gone before, but she was certain she had not always been so completely unaware of what was happening around her or of who was approaching her.

  “Why are you frowning at me?” asked Jolene. “Have I offended you in some way?”

  “Och, nay! I was just wondering why I seem to be unable to sense anyone sneaking up on me. Weel, mayhap sneaking is too harsh a word to use. ’Tis just that Brian often comes up to me and I ne’er hear him approach. I didnae have any idea that Lucette was slipping up behind me until it was too late. Now ye are just, weel, just here and I ne’er heard a sound. I am beginning to think I damaged my ears in that cursed water when we had to leap off the ship to save ourselves.”

  Jolene laughed as she sat down on the bed. “I doubt that happened. I suspect you simply have so much on your mind, so much to worry about, that your own thoughts often hold you captive.”

  Arianna nodded and smiled, all the while fighting hard not to stare at Jolene’s very rounded belly with all the envy she felt. She was happy for Jolene, whom she had liked almost immediately, but her arms ached to hold a child of her own. Although she clearly recalled all Jolene had said in response to her fear of being barren, she wanted to discuss the matter some more but hesitated. Then she decided that Jolene would understand her need to hear such assurances again.

  “Jolene, are ye quite certain of the truth of all ye said about how I may nay be barren or were ye just trying to ease my fears?” she asked, and then winced, realizing that she was almost accusing the woman of lying.

  “It ne’er hurts to allay a woman’s fears about such a thing, but I was indeed very certain of all I said. I still am, even after thinking over the matter for a while,” replied Jolene. “People always look at the woman first when no child is born. If it takes two to make a babe then ’tis only reasonable to look at both people when no child is born. If a fever or a wound can leave a man as limp as an unwatered flower, then it seems to me such things could also affect the potency of his seed.”

  Arianna sat down next to her and nodded. “Verra true. And, as I thought on all ye said, it did seem verra odd to me that Claud ne’er gave me or Marie Anne a child after he and I were married and I quickened that first time. For a mon to be bedding two women for about four years yet never produce a child is something worthy of a few questions.”

  “There is a very good chance your body did not hold fast to the babe because there was already a fault in Claud’s seed.”

  “Weel, if something happened to him it did so before we were wed and I cannae ask his family about it now.”

  “You wish to stay with Brian?”

  “Och, aye, but e’en if he wants me, I willnae condemn him to a childless marriage.”

  “Then it comes back to ye needing to get with child first.”

  “I think I would like to ken for certain that he wants to keep me ere I try to tie him to me with a bairn.” The glimmer of hope Jolene’s assurances stirred within her was almost painful and Arianna had to struggle to keep it from possessing her heart and mind.

  “I still say that he does but I understand that you need more than my opinion on that. I think you also need to consider the possibility that he does not think himself worthy of you.”

  “Brian has great confidence in himself, can be almost arrogant at times. Why would he think such a thing?”

  “His notorious father, his equally notorious family, and the fact that he is a younger son with little coin and no land. No prospect of inheriting anything, either. Men find it difficult to believe that a woman values love over such things. I think they see it all as their responsibility to provide such largesse, not realizing that many of us can be happy with naught but a roof o’er our heads, food enough to stave off starvation, someone strong enough to protect us and whatever children we may be blessed with, and mayhap a new gown now and then so that we are not always wearing rags. And”—she grinned and rubbed her belly—“fat, pretty babes.”

  Arianna smiled but then frowned in thought. “’Tis odd to think that Brian, who truly can be arrogant, would worry that he was not worthy of me. ’Tis a shame that I cannae just ask him if that is what is rattling about in his wee monly brain.” She grinned again when Jolene laughed. “I will have to think upon this, to see if there is some way to ken his true feelings without him actually saying anything. I am too much the coward to open my heart to the mon without some hint that he cares, that we share more than desire.”

  Jolene stood up and started for the door. “You could start by thinking on how he acted when you were hurt.” She stepped out the door and glanced back at Arianna. “He ne’er left your side.”

  It was impossible not to think about it. Arianna could not stop the constant spin of thought in her mind. She could not ignore the signs of caring Brian had shown when she had been injured. The question that had to be answered was whether or not that caring went deep enough. She wanted it to, with all her heart she wanted it to, but she could not be certain.

  She had considered Jolene’s suggestion that she simply get with child by Brian but her conscience troubled her over that plan. It was true that what they were doing together made children and he was taking no care to keep from seeding her. However, it was quite another matter to actually consider trying to bind him to her with a child or, worse, hold a child from him if he could not give her what she needed. Her mother would be ashamed of her for even thinking of such a thing.

  Arianna rubbed her temples in an effort to push back a slowly forming headache. Her mind had latched onto the possibility that she was not barren and would not let go. In the end it did not matter if she was or was not. All that mattered was tryin
g to decide if she wanted to fight to hold fast to the man she wanted, if she dared. In the end, he could crush her spirit with the simplest rejection far more than Claud had ever done with five long years of constant belittlement.

  “Ye are certain they havenae gathered near Scarglas yet?” Brian asked as he paced before Sigimor’s large ledger table.

  Sigimor put his feet up on the table and watched his cousin pace his ledger room like a caged beast. “Ye doubt the word of my mon? My mon who also happens to be my cousin?”

  Brian cursed and then flung himself into the heavy oak chair to face his cousin over the wide table. “Your men are mostly your brothers or your cousins,” he grumbled. “And, nay, I dinnae doubt his word and weel ye ken it. I just need to be verra sure ere I take Arianna away from the safety of these walls.” He frowned. “Mayhap I should make her stay here until this is done.”

  “Ye will fail at that. The lass needs to see those lads. Dinnae forget that I had a lot of trouble with my Jo because she was protecting her nephew. Those wee lads of Arianna’s might be safely tucked behind the walls of Scarglas but someone still means them harm. That lass will nay stop trying to get to them. Ye try to leave her behind and she will find a way to follow ye.”

  “Nay if I chain her to the bed.” He exchanged a grin with Sigimor but quickly grew serious again. “She is under as great a threat. I took on the responsibility for her and those lads. It wouldnae be right to leave the guarding of her to ye anyway.”

  “Ye can if ye want and ye ken that she will be weel guarded.”

  “Och, aye, I ken it, but ’tis best if she goes with me. If I leave her here I risk her doing something foolish. She would ken it wasnae wise to leave here on her own as she isnae a dim-witted lass, but her need to be with those two boys would have her doing it anyway.”

  “Still hoping that one good look at Scarglas will be enough to send the bastards back to France?”

  “Aye, but, if Lucette’s arrogance and disdain for us is aught to go by, they may still try. Sad to say, despite the peace Ewan has brought us, there are a lot of men about who wouldnae mind raising a sword against us. And to be offered coin to do so? They would grasp that chance with both hands.”

  “Men who only fight for the coin offered are quick to retreat,” said Sigimor. “Any those Frenchmen find near to Scarglas will also ken the reputation of the MacFingals as being excellent fighters. A reputation ye earned.”

  Brian nodded in acknowledgment of that compliment. “I dinnae anticipate a long battle.”

  “But ye do anticipate a fight, aye?”

  “I cannae rid myself of the conviction that they will try at least once.”

  “Mayhap a few of my lads will ride over and lend a hand.”

  “Ye mean they will follow us.”

  Sigimor shrugged. “Nay too close. If naught else, a few of my lads riding toward Scarglas will draw the eye more than two people riding in that direction.”

  “That could put them in danger, Sigimor,” Brian said in protest, even though the thought of a diversion like that intrigued him and he could easily see its value.

  “’Tis nay only the MacFingals who can be as elusive as smoke.”

  “’Tis in the blood,” Brian agreed, and then he stood up. “Best I seek my bed now. I intend to ride as long and as hard as I can without causing Arianna any further injury.” He grimaced. “And what Lucette did to her when he held her is still too fresh in my mind for me to be able to sleep until we reach the safety of Scarglas.”

  “Rest weel this night then.”

  Brian paused in the doorway and looked at Sigimor. “No word from the Murrays yet, aye?”

  “Nay. I wouldnae be surprised if ye find a few at Scarglas when ye get there, though.”

  “Ah, weel, I am certain Arianna will be pleased to see some of her kinsmen.”

  He shut the door on Sigimor’s laughter and headed for the bedchamber he shared with Arianna. Brian hoped she had been telling the truth when she had claimed to be healing nicely. He did not care if he had to be as gentle with her as if she were made of glass; he intended to make love to her tonight. There could be no chance to do so on the journey to Scarglas and, if some of her family were already there, there would be no chance for lovemaking once he and Arianna arrived.

  The sight of her sitting before the fire brushing out her hair made his gut clench with hunger as he entered the bedchamber and shut the door behind him. She wore only her shift and her strong, slim arms were bared to view, a few fading bruises still marring her fair skin. Brian looked at her small bare feet peeking out from beneath the hem of her shift and shook his head. He even found the sight of those delicate feet enough to rouse his interest.

  “I see ye are ready to leave in the morning,” he said, and nodded toward her pack.

  “Aye.” She watched him warily as she began to braid her hair. “I thought that was what we had decided.”

  “It was. Cannae say I like it but, aye, it was decided. There is nay avoiding it, is there? The need for rest, the need to heal, cannae be allowed to stop us. There is a battle coming.”

  “Why?” She stood up to face him. “Ye tell me Scarglas is strong, Brian. Sigimor says the same. So why would Amiel and the DeVeaux attempt to knock down a keep that is so strong? Especially when they dinnae have many of their own men and will need to rely upon hirelings. Why would they attack?”

  Brian wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin upon her head. “I have no idea.” He smiled when she laughed softly. “I may be wrong. There may be no battle. E’en if Lucette is mad enough to attempt an attack upon Scarglas, the DeVeaux may have the wit to decide that no wee scrap of land is worth it.”

  Arianna put her arms around his waist. “Weel, I shall put the whole mad puzzle out of my mind and just wait until we reach Scarglas and I can see what is happening for myself.”

  He picked her up and took her to the bed, setting her down gently. The way she watched him as he shed his clothes had his desire for her running hot in his veins. There was a light flush upon her cheeks and her eyes had darkened with a desire to match his own. They might have to make love very carefully in deference to her wounds, but her welcome was all he needed.

  It puzzled Arianna that the sight of Brian naked could affect her so. He was, without question, a very fine specimen of manhood. Tall, lean, and muscular, his skin a light tan as if he bathed naked in the sun. His legs were long, well shaped, and strong. He was not as hairy as some men were, having only a small patch of hair on his broad chest, a thin line of hair from his navel to his groin where black curls cushioned his manhood when it was not standing long and proud as it was at the moment. There was enough hair on his forearms and legs to be manly. She decided he was the kind of man any woman would like to look at, one who could easily stir any woman’s interest.

  Claud had also been a fine-looking man, however, she reminded herself. Yet, she had never once felt her heart race at the sight of him. Neither had her hands itched to touch Claud’s skin as they did to touch Brian’s. She certainly had not found Claud’s manhood of any great interest. The sight of a naked Brian, however, caused her to react in all of those ways. It also caused her to think on all the things she would like to do to that beautiful, strong body.

  She made no protest when he joined her in the bed and quickly removed her shift, tossing it far out of her reach. Arianna liked to be flesh to flesh with him. He kissed her and she began to stroke that body she so admired. The soft growl of appreciation that escaped him told her he liked her daring.

  Arianna shivered with pleasure when he kissed her breasts, enjoying the slow rise of her desire. She suddenly recalled something that Claud had demanded she do for him several times. He had told her it was the only way he could be aroused enough to perform his husbandly duties with her. Arianna still hesitated to believe all of Brian’s flatteries, but she had no more doubt about his desire for her. She had to wonder if, when a man who did not desire her liked her to do what Claud deman
ded of her, how much would a man who did desire her like it?

  Before she could think about it for too long and lose both her courage and her desire, she pushed Brian onto his back and straddled him. Arianna ignored his questioning look and began to kiss her way down his strong body. She felt him tense when she nipped his taut stomach but the way he clenched his hands in her hair told her that it was not a sign of rejection. The groan that rumbled in his chest when she settled between his long legs and ran her tongue up the hard length of him was all the encouragement she needed.

  Brian closed his eyes and then quickly opened them again, wanting to watch Arianna as she made love to him with her mouth. When she took him into her mouth he knew he would not be able to enjoy the pleasure she gave him for too long. It was too intense. Gritting his teeth when the need for release built to the point of pain, he grabbed her under her arms and pulled her up his body. He had to hold on to her firmly when she tried to move off him to lie on her back.

  “Nay, lass, ye will ride me tonight,” he said.

  “Ye want me on top?”

  She sounded so stunned he knew that Claud had never had her do more than lie beneath him. “Och, aye, love. I want ye on top and I want to be seated deep inside ye. Now.”

  He had to help her in the beginning but he did not mind, despite his desperate need. It was just more proof that she had no experience in such things, her surprised wonder as clear to see as it was when he had shown her they could make love standing up, as well as when he had made love to her with his mouth. The fact that he was sharing things with her that she had never shared with that thrice-cursed Claud pleased him beyond words. Before he could worry about why that should be, however, Arianna began to reveal a true skill at riding her man. Brian rapidly lost all ability to think about anything save for the pleasure she gave him.

  Arianna was drowsy, so pleasantly sated she did not even flinch when Brian cleaned her of the remnants of their lovemaking. The moment he got back beneath the bedcovers and took her into his arms, she curled up against his warmth with a happy sigh. There was a chance she would be embarrassed by her behavior in the morning but she promised herself that she would do her best to fight it. She was a grown woman, a widow, enjoying her lover, and she should not be blushing like a virgin over any pleasure they shared.