by Matt Shaw
“And say what?”
“Pass me your phone....”
Claire reached into her pocket and passed me the mobile phone. A quick check revealed plenty of signal so not chance she could get out of this now.
I opened the messages and started creating a new one. The lads all leaning over my shoulders trying to read what I was writing.
“Don’t send it,” said Claire.
“Of course,” I said. “This is your dare - you need to send it.”
I passed the phone back to her and watched her eyes go wide, as she read the message.
“I’m not sending that!”
“What does it say?” asked Hannah.
Claire didn’t say anything. She just wiped the message from the screen and slipped the phone back into her pocket.
“What did it say?” Hannah asked me.
“Something like, had a really nice trip up with you.... if you fancy getting together later, I eat pussy real good.”
Everyone laughed. Well, not quite everyone. Claire simply sat there and continued to fume. Could almost see the steam coming from her ears.
“You’re fucking sick,” she said.
“Forfeit!” screamed Josie.
“Forfeit?”
“The rules are clear... if you fail to do the Dare.... you have to perform a forfeit.” said Josie.
Personally I thought she just had to change it to Truth but, whatever, this was Josie’s game and I was enjoying watching Claire squirm. I’m not sure why she annoys me so much and why I like watching her torment but.... this was brilliant.
“Fine, whatever.... what do I have to do?” asked Claire.
There was a moment’s pause.
“Suck Tom!” squealed Josie.
Claire’s mouth fell open in shock as the rest of the group cheered - none louder than Tom.
“What’s with all the noise?” asked Adam, bursting through the door with a board under his arm. Tracy following, as usual, closely behind.
“Tom’s about to get his first ever blow-job....” said Joel.
“Nice, always knew you had it in you, Joel.... way to be a team-player.”
“Fuck you, Adam.” Joel’s standard reply when he can’t think of anything remotely clever to come back with.
“No one is getting a blow-job!” said Claire.
“What happens if she doesn’t do the dare or the forfeit?” Josie asked Hannah.
Hannah shrugged.
“What happens is we’re not playing this game anymore!” said Claire.
“But I still get a blow-job, yeah?”
James shook his head, “Sorry, Tom...”
“For fucks sake, this always happens to me!”
“It doesn’t really though, does it Tom.... I mean, this is probably the closest you’ve ever been and, even then, funny as all of this was... still highly unlikely to happen,” I said.
“As great a time as you’re all clearly having.... who here wants to play a real game?” asked Adam as he dropped the board into the middle of the circle. “Ooh, vodka... nice,” he picked the bottle up, opened it up and took a swig.
“Is that what I think it is?” asked Joel - looking at the board.
Adam nodded, “Bought it off EBay of all places. I won it for a little under two pounds. How fucking crazy is that...”
Hannah leaned over to Josie, “It’s not Monopoly is it? I hate that game.”
Josie shrugged, “Not unless it’s a new version...”
“Well, I’ll only play if I can be the dog,” replied Hannah.
“That’s a given,” said Adam. Hannah went to say something - no doubt to swear at Adam’s insult - but he cut her short. “It’s a ouija board,” he said.
“What?”
“I’m not sure this is a good idea,” said James. To be fair, a couple of worried expressions through the group suggested they felt the same too.
“Well we’re doing it,” said Adam. “If any of you want to be queer about it, you don’t have to hang around...”
“Come on, it’ll be great,” said Tracy.
Fuck me, she speaks. First time in a long as I can remember that I had heard her speak. Forgot how deep her voice was. I guess that’s what happens when you chug on so much....
“Andy, you in?” asked Adam.
Nothing to lose.
“Sure,” I replied.
“Girls?” Tracy turned to Hannah, Josie and Claire. None of them had the sort of expression which suggested they were dying to get involved.
Claire said, “If everyone else is - yeah, sure.”
She looked as though she was the least impressed with the idea of doing a seance, out of the girls. I expect she said ‘yes’ to try and fit in - be one of the hips kids for a change, instead of the goody-goody. I probably would have respected her more had she stuck to her guns.
Adam turned to James, “Unless there’s anyone else - looks like you’re the only one being a pussy.”
James realised this made him look bad, in front of the girls. If they were brave enough to play along, he didn’t have a choice if he wanted to keep his alpha-male status, which he believed he already had, “I never said I wouldn’t do it, did I? I just asked if it was a good idea....”
Adam hit back straight away with his reply, “Clearly it is... there is fuck all to do here.....”
Could have looked around the rooms, I thought.
“.... and I’ve just had sex so need a bit of time to recharge my batteries... playing around with a ouija board is quite clearly the best thing we could do.”
Considering, most of the time, Adam was stoned out of his face on whatever brand of weed he could get - he was very difficult to argue with or get one over on. He always had an answer for everything you threw at him.
“So - how do we do this?” asked Claire the ‘new’ rebel.
“I don’t know - the seller didn’t ship any instructions with it,” said Adam. “I gave them negative feedback.”
3.
Oiuja boards have a bad reputation, rightly or wrongly. Personally, I’m undecided. I have no proper feelings either way. Are they really that dangerous, as some people make out? Can they really open doors to the spirit world - allowing Evil to come into our own dimension, if you do it incorrectly? Again, I’m not sure. I’d need to see it to believe it. And tonight, I don’t think it will be proven for me - not with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum at the helm.
“The glass goes upside down, I’ve seen it in the movies,” said Joel.
“Oh well, must be true then,” replied Adam.
The rest of us were just sat back, watching them squabble about the correct way of holding a seance. If they do figure this out - God only knows who we’ll end up contacting.
“Think about it,” continued Joel, “with the glass upside down, it’s easier to see the letter it’s circled.”
“It’s a fucking glass,” replied Adam. “It’s see-through.”
He had a point.
“I don’t think we’re going to struggle reading the letter through the see-through glass, do you?” he continued. “I don’t actually think the spirits give a flying fuck which way round the glass goes...”
“Then why’d they portray it that way in all of the films?”
“All of the films you’ve seen. There could be other films out there where the glass is the other way round.... you just haven’t seen them.”
“That’s the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard,” said Joel.
“To be fair, this whole conversation is pretty retarded...” I said, finally giving in to listening to it. I’m pretty sure it makes no difference to the spirits. I, somehow, can’t think the spirits are sat around, in the Netherworld, moaning the glass is the wrong way round...
Adam turned to me, “Okay, which way should we have it then?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes.”
Joel also nodded.
“I honestly couldn’t give a fuck.” I replied.
Adam turn
ed to Joel, “My board... we’re having the glass the way I say...”
“And when we fail to contact anyone?”
“We’ll try turning the glass the other way round....”
“Fine.”
“Oh, at last! Are we finally going to start?!” asked Josie. She sat upright, ready to begin, “So what now then?”
Joel and Adam looked at each other and shrugged.
“Oh, Jesus Christ!” Josie stood up and walked towards the door.
“Where are you going?” asked Hannah.
“I’m going to the toilet,” replied Josie. “Hopefully these two will have some idea what they’re doing by the time I get back.”
“Want some company?”
“I’m good, thanks,” Josie replied as she left the room.
I turned back to Adam and Joel who were muttering between the two of them. Tracy was lying back, amongst the cushions. Hard to see, from this angle, whether she’s even awake or not. Wouldn’t blame her if she was asleep - hardly the most exciting of evenings spent. On the other side of me, James was also laying back - his headset blasting more of the same music, from the journey here, into his brain. Meanwhile, more or less directly opposite me - Claire was wishing she was asleep as Tom continued to pester her.
“You don’t have to think of it as a forfeit.... more of a prize.”
“A prize?”
Tom nodded, “Yeah, a prize. A prize for not lowering yourself to the standards of the rest of the group. You should feel proud....”
“I should feel so proud I didn’t lower my standards that I should stick your penis in my mouth?”
Tom nodded once more.
“Do you ever actually listen to yourself?” she asked.
I couldn’t help but laugh. She did have a point, after all.
“Okay,” Adam blurted out suddenly, “here’s what we’re going to do....”
This should be interesting.
He continued, “We’ll sit around the board and hold hands and then we’ll ask if there are any spirits present.... hopefully then they’ll move the glass to the ‘yes’ marker on the board....”
“And if they aren’t here,” I replied sarcastically, “they’ll move the glass to the ‘no’ marker.”
I half expected Hannah to ask how they’d know to do that if they weren’t in the room with us but, credit where it’s due, she remained quiet.
“I’m pretty sure we all need to believe one hundred percent if this is going to work - if there’re any doubters, the spirits won’t talk.”
I couldn’t bite my tongue any longer, “Aw, come on.... the only spirit in this room is the fucking vodka. You two - you couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery. You have no idea what you’re doing and you’re making it up on the spot... there is no way on Earth....”
Before I could get another word out, Josie burst into the room causing everyone to jump. Everyone but me, anyway. I was to into my rant to notice the door swinging open and banging hard against the wall.
“Did anyone else hear that?!” asked Josie, clearly spooked. “Tell me you heard it too.”
“Heard what?” asked James, grateful for a diversion to my rant.
“Crying...”
“Crying?” Hannah repeated.
“I was looking for the toilet and I heard a woman crying,” said Josie.
“Bullshit,” chipped in Tracy.
Not one for speaking many words. The words she did speak were often to the point.
“You guys really didn’t hear it?”
Hannah, Claire and James shook their head. The rest of us just carried on looking at Josie as though she had grown two heads and completely lost the plot.
“You don’t believe me?”
No one said anything. She guessed from our expressions that we were finding it a little hard to believe.
Then Claire, the peace-maker, said, “If you say you heard it, you heard it...”
Could she be anymore patronising.
“I did hear it.... come with me....”
Joel was the first to jump up, “Okay. Lead the way.”
No doubt he wanted to go just to prove to her she didn’t hear anything. And, if there is something to be heard, he’ll probably have an answer for it....
“It’s probably some sort of speaker set-up by the owner, to try and scare us,” he continued.
Sometimes, I hate being right all the time.
“I’ll come,” I said - anything to get out of having to listen to any more bullshit about how to play the ouija board.
One by one the rest of the group stood up. Hannah, unsurprisingly, being the only reluctant one. She was always the easiest to be spooked. Her lacking intelligence made her easy to catch off guard. Sometimes, in the drama room, we’d often stand behind a door - only to jump out on Hannah when she walked in. For no other reason than her screams are the loudest, and funniest, I’ve ever heard. Part of her probably thinks she is being set up for another jump.
“Did you manage to find the loo?” Tom whispered to Josie, as we stepped from the room - into the long upstairs corridor.
Josie shook her head, “As soon as I heard the crying, I came to get you guys - see if you heard it too...”
The corridor stretched quite far - maybe even the entire length of the house. The walls lined with dim lights, some of which were flickering. Doors between the lights - most of which were closed. No wonder she didn’t find the toilet. You’d think, considering this place is open to the public during the day, there would be a sign or something pointing you in the right direction.
We turned right down another corridor. Again, more of the same - light fittings and closed doors.
“Ssh,” whispered Josie. “It was around here...”
We all stood still. No one daring to say anything. Out of the group, I was probably the one who wanted to hear something most of all. There was nothing. No sounds other than the feeble groans of the old house.
“I definitely heard it!”
“Maybe it was the wind?” said Hannah helpfully. We just looked at her. There wasn’t even a draught.
“It was crying, I heard crying!”
“Yeah, okay...” said Adam - annoyed we had disturbed his seance.
“Fuck you, Adam.”
“You know what,” said James... it was only a matter of time before he was going to jump to her defence, “maybe you did hear crying... what Joel said earlier about the owner setting up little traps to try and frighten us - maybe he’ll only be setting them off when we’re by ourselves?”
“Well, if that’s the case, I’m not going off by myself again because that was creepy as fuck!”
“Me too,” said Hannah. You could see in her face that she was already starting to freak out. Good times. We’ll make her jump later. Something to help with the boredom of this place.
“If you’ve seen any horror film, you’d know not to wander off alone anyway as that’s when the killer normally strikes...” said Tom, taking the opportunity to cuddle up to an ‘ever-so-slightly’ concerned Claire.
“Great, thanks for that,” muttered Claire.
Adam seized the opportunity, “Has anyone actually met the owner? Maybe Josie did hear crying - the ghostly crying of one of the owner’s many victims. He kills those who get lost during the day... the ones who fail to clear the house before closing time. He’s probably watching us right now... waiting.... hating....”
“Shut up!” said Josie.
I turned to Tom, “It’s okay - the virgin normally survives.”
“I’m not a virgin!” said Tom. He looked to Claire who was trying hard not to laugh. “I’m not a virgin,” he repeated.
“I know what I heard!” said Josie, clearly upset no-one believed her.
Again, Adam seized the opportunity, “This place probably is haunted. They say it’s haunted, don’t they.... they wouldn’t say it unless it really was...”
“Oh, no,” said Joel, “they certainly wouldn’t make up a lie like that ju
st to get people to come and visit.... oh, definitely not....”
Sarcasm is my thing. I’ll have words with him later.
“All the more reason to have a go on the ouija board!” Adam continued, ignoring Joel.
