The Story Collection: Volume One

by Matt Shaw

“I saw a fucking spider in the bath!” screamed Claire.

  “What?” said Tom.

  I peered into the bathroom and there, by the plug-hole, was quite a large spider. Certainly not the biggest I’ve ever seen but, as far as spiders go, it was a fair sized one. I could see why she screamed.

  “I pulled the curtain back and it was there, looking at me....” Claire continued.

  “If it makes you feel any better,” said Joel, “I doubt he was there waiting for you on purpose... probably just crawled up the drainpipe and got stuck.”

  “Look at it! It’s looking at us...” whimpered Claire.

  I peered closer... actually, now she mentions it, the spider does kind of look.....

  “Fuck this shit!” said Adam. He stepped through the middle of the group, over to the bath, and stamped on the spider.

  .... flat. The spider does look kind of flat.

  “There,” said Adam, wiping his boot on the rug next to the tub, “I’d say that was problem dealt with.”

  Not even a final twitch from what remains of the spider. I’d say that was problem definitely dealt with.

  “Now, if any of you want to get dressed and join Tracy and I... we are in the drawing room, downstairs. I warn you now - there is a fair amount of weed smoking going on so, if that’s not your bag - you’re probably best fucking off....”

  And with that, he walked from the room. Tracy looked a little embarrassed by Adam’s actions but promptly followed him - like the good little puppet.

  “Well?” said Claire.

  We looked at her blankly.

  “Show’s over!” she said. Our cue to leave.

  I heard Tom whisper to Claire, as I left the room, “For what it’s worth - you look much prettier without as much make-up on....”

  Going by how Claire looked this morning, to how she looked last night - plastered in Hannah’s make-up - I had to hand it to Tom, she did look better. She did look better and that was a smooth line. Bastard.

  * * * * *

  By the state of the drawing room, as Adam put it - I wasn’t at all sure Tracy and Adam had even been to bed. Their sleeping bags were wrapped around the chairs they were sitting on. The table was full of various different items of food and drinks.... some bottles still full but mostly, they were empty. I’m surprised Sarah didn’t insist on checking through the bags before leaving us. She would have confiscated most of this, for sure.

  And the smell of the room - strong weed mixed with the musty smell of the old room and the various dusty pieces of furniture contained within.

  “Jesus, you two, how much have you been smoking?” asked James as he walked into the room - hit by the smell of the weed before anything else.

  “I can’t lie,” said Adam, “it was a lot.”

  Tracy laughed.

  The girls were next to walk through the door to be hit by the smell. I couldn’t help but laugh at Claire’s expression. She’s probably never even seen a joint before.

  “You guys, Sarah is going to go mental!”

  “Only if you tell her,” said Adam, “and I think you might struggle to say anything... when I pull your tongue out...”

  Again, he and Tracy laughed.

  “You two are fucked in the head.”

  “Will you not be joining in with us?” said Tracy.

  “Erm, I don’t think so.”

  “I’ll have a toke,” said Josie. She pulled up a chair next to Adam’s as he rolled another joint, tearing a page from a book upon the table.

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “Roaches.”

  “No, that is a book. I’m pretty sure when they made it they didn’t make it to be torn up and put into youths’ dodgy cigarettes....”

  “Okay, Mr Pedantic, it’s a Guest Book.... some shit people sign when they come and look around here but the paper, the paper is thicker than usual.... perfect fucking roaches, man.”

  Claire flared up again, “What?! You’ve been tearing the Guest Book up?! You think the owner’s going to be happy about that?!”

  She had a point.

  Again.

  The more this weekend develops, the more I’m agreeing with her. That’s weird. Good job it’s only a weekend. Might end up married otherwise!

  “Well, I won’t be part of it.”

  Adam calmly flipped her the finger.

  “She’s right,” said Tom, “the owner is going to do his nut in...”

  “Have you even seen the owner?” asked Adam.

  Tracy joined in, “He’s probably dead in one of the rooms... heart attack or something...”

  Adam turned to Tom, “Keep your hair on, virgin....”

  “Not a virgin...”

  “I’ve memorised the comments.... just in case he even cares what they say. I mean, honestly, do you think these people even read the Guest Books? Fuck that shit. I’ve been reading it and it’s boring as fuck.”

  “You memorised it?” questioned Joel.

  “Mark Hampshire I smoked first. Then there was a bit of Krystal Lee but I fucked that one up a bit so had to smoke a piece of Matt Shaw... who did you smoke?” he asked Tracy.

  “I wasn’t paying attention,” said Tracy.

  “What? Babe, I told you - keep it respectful and remember the names...”

  “I’m sorry... Mandy!!! Mandy Hartley! And Jay and Vanessa Parnell.”

  “Jesus, don’t do that to me.... who else was there.... Trishula D Mungur, or something like that.... her name was a couple of joints....”

  “Zayna Ahmed,” said Tracy.

  “Cheryl Mcniff and Audrey Gabriel....”

  “I smoked someone from Scotland - Stuart McGeechan.... you think he really came from Scotland or he just wrote that in the book to sound different to the rest of the messages? I mean, that’s a long way to come!”

  “Mike Abrey was a weak smoke....”

  “Unlike Colette Trainor - I nearly whited out on that one....”

  “And I got a serious case of the munchies when I had Addison Jax... made worse when I smoked Cory Tumblin.”

  Tracy looked down to the book, “And we’re just about to roll up Lisa Lamb and Loumar Eastabrook....”

  “And I’ve got Marie Livingstone in my hand right now,” said Adam - sparking the latest joint up.

  “I’ll have a bit of Marie,” said Josie, laughing.

  Adam took the first two drags and passed the joint over to Josie. I had to hand it to them, I was impressed.

  After a few drags, Josie passed the joint to me. Who was I to refuse such a generous offer.

  “Heard any more crying ghosts?” laughed Tracy.

  “Shut up, I know what I heard....”

  Tracy turned to Adam, “Are you sure it’s a good idea letting her smoke this?” He responded by laughing.

  “So what’s the plan for today then?” asked Claire.

  “Erm.... this?!” laughed Adam.

  “Great,” Claire’s sarcastic response.

  I passed the joint over to Claire, “One toke won’t kill you.... and if anyone walks in - we’ll say you had nothing to do with it. The good student.”

  She hesitated before taking it, “Fine.”

  Naturally she spluttered on the first intake. Not necessarily a bad thing - gets you off your face faster, I heard. Adam and Tracy laughed. I didn’t, though. Fair play for having a go, I say.

  “I’ll have a go,” said Tom - keen for his lips to go where Claire’s have been or keen to get a hit of weed? I’m undecided. Claire handed the joint over.

  “We should explore,” said Hannah, “get off our faces and then go and explore!”

  Adam turned to her, “I don’t know - sounds like a lot of effort....”

  Ah, the joys of weed. A few smokes and the desire to do fuck all kicks in.

  “I’ll go with you,” I said to Hannah. After all, I was up for exploring yesterday - a few puffs of a joint won’t change that desire.

  “Yeah, why not,” said Joel as he took the joint off Tom...
what was left of it anyway. “You going to roll another one?” he asked Adam.

  “No.” Adam laughed.

  5.

  Walking around the house was a little more entertaining than it could have been - thanks to the rolling efforts of Adam and Tracy.... but mainly Adam.

  The group seemed to be in good spirits - no pun intended.... Actually, that’s quite funny, I should share that one with the group. Or not, no one seems to be talking about last night and the incident with the glass - talking about it, especially stoned, might end up causing more trouble than it’s worth.

  “You know what would make this even more fun?” asked Hannah.

  “Can think of one or two things...” said Joel - more or less drooling down his chin at whatever he was thinking. And knowing Hannah was in the forefront of his mind, I’m thinking it’s not the cleanest of thoughts buzzing around his head.

  “Hide and seek!” screeched Hannah.

  Hide and seek? Give me a break!

  “I’m up for it,” said Josie. Hardly surprising given the fact she always sides with whatever Hannah suggests.

  Really.... I was enjoying looking around the rooms as a group and now...

  “Sounds groovy,” said Tom. What the fuck. He has a few puffs of a joint and he suddenly speaks as though he’s stuck in the sixties. I swear, if he says ‘Peace’ and ‘man’ at any point, or even ‘far out’, I’m going to smack him one.

  “You two?” Josie asked Adam and Tracy.

  “Couldn’t give a fuck,” they replied together. Both of them too stoned to care what they did. They probably realised it gave them the opportunity to sneak off somewhere quiet and have a nap until they were found by whoever was doing the seeking....

  “James?” said Josie.

  “If you’re into it.... I’m into it....”

  For fucks sake, just get it on already.

  She turned to me, “You can be the seeker!”

  Of course, could see that one coming. Kind of half tempted to leave them in their hiding places for the rest of the day. Might be able to catch up on the sleep I missed from last night. I wonder how long they’d stay hidden for, before realising I’m not actually coming.

  I smiled, “Sounds great.”

  “Okay,” said Hannah, “go to the drawing room and......”

  “Not there!” shouted Adam.

  We all turned to him. A sudden outburst, for him.

  “That’s where the weed is,” he said sheepishly.

  I have a feeling it won’t be hard to find Tracy or Adam.

  “Fine, go to the boy’s room and wait in there....” said Hannah.

  “What should I count to?” I asked - not in the remotely bit interested in whatever answer she came back with.

  “We best keep it low,” said Tom.

  Tom trying to say I’m not intellectual enough to count very high.... Tom doing a joke about my intelligence... have I slipped into some sort of Twilight Zone? Ignore him. I’m better. And he knows it.

  “A hundred!” said Josie. “It’s always count to a hundred!”

  “Okay,” I said. I turned around and headed down the corridor - towards the boy’s room, as they put it.

  I have a feeling this game won’t be the hardest of games. Hannah and Josie will be together - which means, in the same room, I’ll also find James and Joel. Adam and Tracy are obviously just going back to the drawing room to smoke more weed and that just leaves Claire - and whether she likes it or not, Tom will be close by to her too. Is that a pang of jealousy I feel?

  I’ll look for them first.

  * * * * *

  After setting out more rules, with regards to how much of the mansion we could use, the game began. I think it took me about thirty minutes to find everyone but the easiest, by far, was Josie. The most obvious place people hide is under the bed - I thought everyone learnt that from a young age when playing with siblings or parents... not that I ever played Hide and Seek with my parents. They preferred me to play ‘Hide’.

  I saved Adam and Tracy until last, just because I knew where they were from the get-go. The drawing room. Rolling up. Proud that they have now managed to smoke Mechelle Irwin, Charlotte Gail Holcomb and Angela Stone as well as the previous list. How they remember so much, with the amount they smoke, is beyond me and, I won’t lie, I’m still fairly impressed.

  I’m also looking forward to watching them have to justify their actions to both Sarah and the owner... if he ever shows his face. Maybe he’s staying away on purpose - the lack of his presence supposedly going to creep us out more than if he were here. Makes sense, even if we don’t know the person - we tend to feel safer when an adult is around.... well.... I say ‘we’ - I think that doesn’t apply with this group who just run wild when left alone.

  A broken glass, a torn up Guest Book and the fact they’ve managed to make the house look like a shit-tip.... I don’t think we’ll be having many more group outings.

  Shame.

  All things considered, I’m actually enjoying myself.

  “Who was first to be found?” asked Hannah.

  I pointed to Josie who, in turn, raised her hand.

  “You’re up then!” said Hannah.

  “Do I have to? I don’t want to be left alone, I said yesterday...”

  “Sorry, those are the rules,” shrugged Hannah. “Besides, it’s daytime...”

  Fair play to Hannah, I would have thought she’d let Josie off. Make someone else be the seeker just to save her from being alone.

  Josie reluctantly agreed, “Well, you’d better go and hide then! Not too well, though!”

  Adam piped up from where he was slouched at the dining room table, “You can’t count here....”

  “Are you two ever going to take this seriously?” asked James.

  Joel turned to him, “You’re really asking if they’re going to take a game of hide and seek seriously? Really? Think about what you just said...”

  James paused for a moment, “Yeah but they’re either going to play properly or not play at all, that’s what I’m thinking...”

  Hannah chipped in, “Okay, Tracy and Adam aren’t playing...”

  “Such a pity,” said Tracy, sitting back and lighting up another joint. I wonder who just got smoked this time.

  “One....... Two...... Three...... Four.......” whispered Josie.

  As soon as we all realised what she was doing we turned and hurried from the room, closing the door behind us so Josie couldn’t see which way we ran.

  I already knew where I was going to hide. Upstairs. In one of the bedrooms, a few down from where the boys slept last night, I found a room which had a massive cupboard in it. Sure, it’s not the smartest of places to hide - pretty obvious place to look - but it looked comfortable and... well, it was about as much effort as I was willing to make.

  Claire followed me up the stairs, along with Tom and Hannah. Hannah disappeared into the first bedroom, on the right, and the others followed me into the room where I was hiding.

  They’d better not give my hiding place away, I thought as they both disappeared under the bed - Claire first, Tom second. Jesus, he’s like a shadow. A creepy, virgin shadow.

  I shook my head and climbed into the old, oak cupboard which was, thankfully, empty. And dark. Okay, kind of creepy. I shifted around a bit to try and get comfortable when suddenly the door opened, causing my heart to miss a beat.

  It was Claire. Was going to say, there was no way Josie counted to one hundred.

  “Sorry,” whispered Claire.

  “No, it’s fine - plenty of room,” I said - a genuine smile on my face - I budged over to make room. Claire gave a little laugh and climbed in too.

  “He breathes heavy,” she whispered.

  “Who?”

  I knew who.

  “Tom.”

  “I see,” I said.

  “He would have given us both away,” she continued.

  The door suddenly opened again... again scaring the crap out of me, and Cla
ire this time too. Tom.

  “Budge over,” he said as he tried desperately to climb in.

  “Fuck off! There’s no room!” I said.