If Love was Fair

by Savannah Stewart

  His hands cupped my face and his mouth was back on mine as he lowered me against the couch. He broke apart for a silent moment as our eyes searched one another’s. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking about, I was hoping he would forgive me for the heartache that revolved around Faith, around our past, and allow me to be his future. I wanted to be his future.

  Without words being passed between us, Colin’s hand slipped beneath my shirt and slowly moved up my side. My mouth went slack as my chest rose from my deep inhale. I hooked a leg over his waist and pulled his body against mine.

  “I need you…” My admittance made me blush.

  “As much as I need you.”

  “You can have me.”

  “Believe me, I will.”

  He pushed my tank top up my body and I lifted enough for him to remove it. I unhooked my bra and tossed it in the same direction as he had my shirt. The chill of the house sent goose bumps across my bare skin, but only for a mere second before his mouth and hand covered each of my breasts. My nails dug into the flesh of his back before running down the curve of his spine. I gripped his jean-clad backside with both hands and ground myself against him, his erection pushing in just the right spot. A throaty moan left me as I began to undo his jeans, but I couldn’t quite get to the zipper from the angle I was laying.

  “Colin, please.”

  “I love the sound of my name coming from your lips,” he breathlessly spoke against my breast.

  Colin sat back on his heels and took me in.

  I groaned and covered my face.

  “Put your hands above your head. And lock your fingers together.”

  Almost instantly, I did as he asked. He grinned with approval and removed each of my sandals, kissing the soles of my feet before slipping the remainder of my clothes from my body. He removed his jeans and boxers in one swift motion, fisting his erection in his hand while the other pushed deep into the couch beside my head to hold him above me.

  A sharp intake of air left me as he pushed inside with one quick roll of his hips. Our bodies moved in sync as he held my hands above my head, kissing me deeply with each thrust of his hips. Heat burned deep in my core as we poured our emotions into that moment together. Every little bit of love, heartache, betrayal, and happiness flowed through our movements. Life had dealt us a strange hand, but being with Colin again made me happier than I’d been in far too long.

  The vibration of a phone on the floor sprung to life. I knew it wasn’t mine because I’d left it in the car. Colin didn’t seem to notice as he gripped my hips and kissed down the column of my throat. I pushed the sound from my head and closed my eyes.

  “Look at me, Arbor.”

  I opened my eyes and found him watching me through heavy lashes. His whiskey-colored orbs reminded me so much of our daughter’s. A lump formed in my throat from the thought and tears flooded my eyes. There was no stopping them or hiding it from him. He slowed his paced and kissed my cheek where a tear gently rolled. The pain I was feeling from losing her was undeniably the worst I’d felt in my entire life, even after losing my parents. A child was different. You weren’t supposed to bury them; they were supposed to bury you after you lived a long life together.

  We flipped positions on the couch so that I was seated on him, one leg pushed in the cushions while my other foot was flat on the floor. My hands held against his chest with my head thrown back and my eyes shut, silently crying with each rock of my hips. Colin’s warm hands smoothed up my stomach, around my back, cupping my breasts, before resting on my hips.

  I dropped my head to look at him as my tears continued to silently fall.

  “I’m sorry you never had the chance to know Faith.”

  His eyed filled with tears and he gripped my hips a little harder.

  “She had a wonderful mother to take care of her and love her dearly, don’t be sorry.”

  My bottom lip quivered and he pulled me to his chest, rolling his hips a few more times before groaning out his release which pushed me to my own. We laid there just like that for who knew how long before his phone sprung to life once again.

  “You might want to get that, it’s the second time now.”

  “Really? I didn’t even notice it was ringing.”

  “I heard it.”

  He chuckled and rolled me onto my back. “I was a little preoccupied with someone.” Colin pressed his lips to mine before slipping off the couch and retrieving his phone.

  I could tell by the change in his demeanor that it was someone he’d rather not talk to but before I could ask, it started vibrating in his hand. This time he answered.

  “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me again?”

  The mumbling of a female’s voice was all I could hear. I hated to eavesdrop, but there was only so much I could do being in the same silent room as him. So, I diverted my attention to getting dressed and walked into the foyer area to give him a little privacy. It looked just as I remembered; beautiful stone and rustic wood, with a high counter where the guests would check in. I could only imagine all the memories Marlee’s housed, in addition to my own.

  “Will you fucking stop, Samantha?”

  Samantha…

  Hearing her name was like a knife to the gut. Somehow, with everything that had transpired, I’d forgotten about her, about what I’d walked in on in the pool house, about whether or not Colin was a single man. That question was never answered, only swept under the rug. I hurried back into the room where I’d left him and stood in the doorway. He’d gotten dressed, even put a shirt on since I’d left, but his back was to me while he stood in the doorway leading out to where my car was parked. He opened the door and stepped outside, giving him even more privacy, but I wasn’t going to allow it. If he’d slept with me while dating her, he was going to answer for that as soon as he hung up the damn phone. I followed him out the door, leaving it slightly opened behind me, but he hadn’t noticed.

  “I can’t do this with you. So please, leave me alone. A friendship is all we can have, especially now.”

  Especially now.

  Those two words echoed in my thoughts as the rest of what he was saying sounded like muffled noise.

  “I didn’t realize you were there.”

  I shook my head and focused on him. He was standing a few feet away with sadness in his eyes. I wasn’t sure if that sadness was from everything I had unloaded on him or the conversation he’d just had with Samantha.

  “That was Samantha, wasn’t it?”

  Colin exhaled heavily and lifted a hand to stop me. “Let me explain.”

  “I’m such a fool!” I shouted.

  “Arbor, don’t do this, not now. Let me explain.”

  “Why wouldn’t you just explain it to me before, so maybe this,” I waved a hand between the two of us, “could’ve been avoided!”

  Colin closed the distance between us and reached for me but I stepped back.

  “Don’t you dare run from me now, Arbor.”

  “Then explain.” I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to look strong when I was actually crumbling to a million pieces on the inside.

  “Come back inside with me.”

  “Colin…”

  “Okay.” He briefly held his hands up before running them through his hair.

  My body was trembling from the thoughts of what the reasoning behind him and Samantha was. Anxiety was rearing its ugly head as I stood there tapping my foot and nibbling my lip, awaiting him to drop that bomb on me.

  “We met about a year ago. I’m sure you know her father runs a small record label that’s helped get some pretty big musicians on the map. I knew who she was the moment I saw her. She’d accompanied him to an album release party in Nashville that I also attended. I introduced myself, and one thing led to another.”

  One thing led to another…

  Bile rose up my throat as I wondered if he’d said those exact words to someone about us.

  “I’m gonna be sick.” I hurried into the grass and
bent at the waist, placing my hands on my knees for support. Colin was at my side rubbing my back and I took deep breaths. “Get your hands off of me, please.”

  “I was just trying to help you.”

  “I need to know if you’re with her, Colin.”

  They seemed like the longest seconds of my life as they ticked away. I lifted my head and stared straight at him, begging to hear the answer I knew wasn’t coming.

  “We were until I saw you again.”

  I wanted to crumble into a ball on the grass and cry until I melted away into the ground below. If only life was that simple to get away from. Calming my nerves and refraining from losing the contents of my stomach, I stood.

  “I’ve done nothing wrong.”

  “You’ve done everything wrong, Colin. Everything.” My voice grew with each word I spat at him. “You dated a girl because of who her father was, and you broke up with her because the girl you had a one-night stand with came back into the picture. Then, you slept with me the following day! How is any of that right?”

  “I didn’t date her because of who her father is. I dated her because I was looking for someone who was the opposite of you! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

  Like a punch in the gut, a rush of air left my lungs. Tears welled so heavy behind my eyelids I couldn’t see clearly. I didn’t want to blink because I knew they’d escape down my face, and yet again I’d be a hysterical fool, standing before the one man who could turn my entire life upside down with the snap of his fingers. Colin was the one man who, unbeknownst to him, shattered my world and could put it back together again.

  “I have to go,” I choked out. My eyes betrayed me as the ocean that had gathered slammed over the ledge and washed down my face. I hurried to my car and locked the doors.

  Colin frantically beat on the window as the car roared to life and I put it in drive.

  “Don’t do this!” His muffled cries chipped at my heart as I backed up, hit the gas, and quickly whipped the steering wheel toward the main road.

  Gravel dust filled the air, but it wasn’t thick enough to not see Colin standing in my wake with his hands on his head and heartbreak in his eyes as he called out for me once more.

  Twenty

  “I knew I should’ve gone with you.” Emily hugged me tightly as I sobbed my way through the story of what had transpired back in Jonesborough.

  “It wouldn’t have made a difference.”

  She held me at arm’s length. “The hell it wouldn’t have. One, Libby’s ass would’ve been taken down a couple notches. Two, Samantha would’ve gotten a major ass kickin’, and three, I wouldn’t have let you run from Colin like you did.”

  My bottom lip quivered as silent tears streaked my face. She was right; things would’ve been different if I’d allowed her to go with me. But I didn’t want to pull Emily into any more than she had already been pulled into. She would’ve ended up in jail if she’d gone, and most likely, my heart would still have felt like it was used for target practice.

  “That would’ve been a lawsuit in the making.”

  “One that was worth it, though.”

  We both had a good laugh at the thought.

  “I’m surprised you stayed for Libby’s wedding.”

  “It was the right thing to do. I showed up last minute to get my hair and makeup done, then changed and headed straight down the aisle with the groomsman I was paired with. Little time was left for questions and accusations. Mainly because no one wanted to ruin Libby’s big day, I’m sure. Once the ceremony was over, I hopped in the car and headed here, my real home.”

  “I’m surprised he wasn’t there, at the wedding, I mean.”

  “He’s probably tired of chasing after me.”

  “I would be, too.” She huffed. “It’s not like you’re Cinderella with a missing shoe and all that shit.”

  “I seriously love you.”

  She squeezed me tightly and kissed my temple. “I love you, too, Arbor, which is why you need to get your ass up. Take a few lung-burning deep breaths and figure out what you want next out of life. You can’t lay here wondering what the hell went wrong, or why you were dealt some shitty hands. You have to take charge and make yourself happy, because no one else can do that but you.”

  She was right. I had to take control of my emotions and seriously figure out what I wanted out of life. Arbor Kenton wasn’t going to be defined by the bumps in the road, or the cracks in her heart. She was going to stand up and move forward, so I did just that. I jumped from Emily’s bed.

  “I hope I didn’t make you mad,” she called after me as I crossed the hallway to my room.

  I stopped in the doorway and spun around to face her, a bright smile stretched across my lips. “You didn’t make me mad. You just gave me the push I need to get my shit together.”

  “I did?” She glanced from side-to-side as if she was making sure there wasn’t another person in her room.

  I laughed.

  “Yes, you did.” I wiped my face with my hands. “I have a lot to figure out, but I’m going to figure it out. Plenty of days have been spent shedding tears; I can’t do that any longer.”

  “Whatever lies ahead, you got this.”

  Emily was right. I could handle whatever lied ahead of me. I was just nervous as to what that actually was.

  A nap wasn’t the first thing I thought I’d do to figure out where my life was going next, but it sure as hell helped a girl feel a bit more like herself.

  My body cracked and popped as I stretched my arms high above my head and retrieved my phone from the nightstand. Two missed calls showed on the screen. My heart leaped as I stared at that red number two. Seconds passed before I finally pressed the icon to see who had called. The first listed was my boss, most likely wanting to see when the heck I was going to return to work. The second name had my chest aching and my throat tightening.

  Everett Green.

  His name was like a red beacon, I couldn’t look away. My phone dropped to the bed as I cradled my head in my hands. Breaking the news to Everett about what I’d done was going to be hard. I had major feelings for him, but nothing compared to Colin. It wouldn’t be fair to be with someone if my entire heart wasn’t in it. I needed to take some time to actually heal from the trauma over the years, and I couldn’t do that while wondering if I was doing right by Everett.

  The lump in my throat grew as I tapped his name on the screen and nervously let out a slow breath as the line rang. A part of me hoped he wouldn’t answer, but the other part of me knew I needed him to answer so we could have a bit of closure on our situation.

  “Hello?” The gruffness of his voice made me wonder if I’d woke him.

  I glanced at the time on my screen and realized it was late in the night, but not so late he’d usually be sleeping. Everett was a night owl. He burned the candle at both ends, because his career required it of him.

  “Hey, I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

  “Arbor?” He piped up a bit.

  “Yeah, I saw where you called.”

  “I’m sorry. I hadn’t even looked at who was calling when I answered.” He yawned.

  “You sound exhausted.”

  A clipped laugh echoed through the line. “That’s an understatement. I wish I was just exhausted.”

  “Everything okay with you?”

  “It’s been—it’s been a crazy couple of weeks.”

  “I know what you mean.”

  “How was your trip?”

  I squeezed my eyes shut. “About that.” I took a deep, silent breath and let it out slowly. “I need to tell you—”

  “You ran into him again, didn’t you?”

  Everett’s tone wasn’t angry or accusing, it was calm and collective. As if he knew exactly what I was going to tell him before it came out of my mouth. But I was at a loss for words as his question hung in the air across the telephone line.

  “It’s okay, Arbor. I understand completely how someone from your past can come back into
your life like a tornado. I’ve been dealing with some stuff myself.”

  “I’m sorry, Everett, I really am. I never meant for any of this to happen, you’ve got to know that.”

  “Don’t be sorry if he makes you happy. Everyone deserves to find the person that they’re meant to be with. We have a deep connection. I know you felt it as well, but maybe we’re meant to be nothing more than close friends.”

  A wave of relief washed over me.

  Close friends. I’d never imagined I’d be pleased to hear those two words spoken by a man like Everett.

  “My relationship with Colin is difficult at best. I don’t know how to explain it.”

  “You don’t have to explain it. Emily gave me a little insight into your history, enough to know that I don’t want to mess with fate.”

  Emily and her big mouth.

  An abrupt laugh escaped me. “Fate…I’m not sure I believe in it anymore.”

  “You should. I’ve learned all too quickly how things can change in the blink of an eye. How what’s meant to be, will be. Don’t run away from your feelings, Arbor. You’re a smart and beautiful woman who has the world at her fingertips. Make whatever you want to happen, happen. No regrets. Say it.”

  “No regrets.”

  “Doesn’t that feel good?”

  My laughter filled the line.

  “It does, actually.”

  “Even though I’m hundreds of miles away in Colorado, know that I’m here if you need a shoulder, or just a phone call away to lend an ear.”

  “Thank you. I’m not sure what’s going on with you, Everett, but I wish you nothing but the best. And I’m also here if you need someone. That works both ways.”