The Wedding Favor

by Caroline Mickelson

  Mateo tossed what was left of his drink into the tiny sink. “That wouldn’t be very fair, would it?” His eyes searched hers for a long moment. “I’m sorry,” he finally said.

  Ava reached out and gently laid a hand on his shoulder. “For what?”

  He spun around to stare down at her. “Jesus, Ava, for everything. I’ve created this huge mess and you’re stuck in the middle of it.”

  She stared up at him. A fierce longing to comfort him swept over her. She reached up and placed her hand over his heart. “I’m not stuck. And neither are you, Mateo.”

  He closed his eyes. “It sure as hell feels like it.”

  “Look at me, Mateo,” she commanded. Once he did, she smiled gently. “We didn’t stumble into the middle of anything and we’re not stuck. Every choice you’ve made, every choice I’ve made, that we’ve made, was for one purpose only. To see Mr. O happy in his last days. Did we accomplish that today?”

  He covered her hand with one of his. His touch sent a ripple of desire through her but she was determined to ignore it.

  “We did, didn’t we?” she prompted. “I don’t know where he found the strength but he was the life of the reception.”

  “He’s the life of our family.” Mateo pulled her into an embrace and laid his cheek on the top of her head. “He was happy.”

  Ava’s lips curved into a smile. She could hear a change in Mateo’s voice, like he’d found a bit of relief. She relaxed against him. It felt so right. She sighed.

  “What are you thinking about?” Mateo’s voice was solicitous, gentle.

  “I’m concerned about you. You’re going to make yourself sick or crazy with all the worry and guilt you carry around.” She pulled back just enough to study his face. “Can I ask you for two favors?”

  He half grinned. “That seems only fair under the circumstances. What are they?”

  “First, for as long as Mr. O is still with us, promise me that you’ll make the most of your time with him. Quit beating yourself up with guilt.”

  Mateo nodded. “I’ve married a wise woman. You’re right, I know. Help me?”

  Ava tightened her arms around his waist. “Always.”

  He smiled down at her. “What’s the second favor?”

  “Help me look for a robe. Thanks to Claudia I have nothing to wear tonight.”

  Mateo threw back his head and laughed. “Poor Mrs. Ortega, of course I’ll help you.” He leaned down and brushed a light kiss over her lips. “There are worse problems to have, you know.”

  “Really?” It was Ava’s turn to laugh. “When you see what she packed for you, you’re going to want a robe, too.”

  He pulled a face. “I’m afraid to ask. What did she send?”

  Ava grinned. “Edible underwear.”

  **

  That moment of lighthearted teasing turned out to be the last easy moment between them. The first month of their marriage passed in a succession of days spent being pleasant but distant with each other. They spent their nights sleeping in different rooms. Ava knew that for a marriage arranged around a favor, this was how it should be, but the more time she spent with Mateo the more she found herself longing for a different arrangement. For a real marriage. Which was foolish, her mind knew that. But it was her heart that held onto the impossible idea that she and Mateo could have a future together.

  Mateo was his usual thoughtful and kind-hearted self so she had nothing to complain about. On the contrary, she could think of no man in the world that would make a better husband than Mateo Ortega. But, for all his goodness, he was careful to keep his emotions in check and a certain emotional space between them at all times.

  The majority of their after-work hours were spent not at home but next door at Tia Sylvia’s house. Joaquin Ortega, already weak when they were married, steadily declined every day. He adamantly refused to enter a hospice and the family respected that. Ava’s heart broke over and over again as she watched a multitude of family spend time at his bedside tenderly caring for him, only to break down in tears once they were out of his earshot.

  Ava willingly took a turn sitting at his bedside, most often in the mornings. Initially she was slightly afraid that doing so would bring back too many unpleasant memories of her own mother’s illness but the opposite was true. Her time with Mr. O somehow helped to diminish her sad memories. More and more she was able to think of her mother without pain, but instead with loving memories that brought a smile to her face. It was a long time coming and due in part to the way Mr. O reminisced about the past, he always chose happy memories to talk about. For too long Ava realized that she’d made the mistake of focusing on the sad memories of losing her mother. It was no wonder that the pain and loss had lasted so long. And now that she saw this with a new clarity, she saw her husband making the same mistake. It broke her heart.

  “What’s wrong, mi hija?” Mateo’s grandfather asked her one morning as she sat beside his bed reading to him.

  Ava put down her book and sighed. “I’m worried about Mateo.”

  “That makes two of us.” He took a deep breath. His speech was more labored every passing day. “Mateo and I have always been close. He’s a good boy.”

  Ava smiled through her sadness. “Yes, he’s grown into a good man.”

  “You love him.”

  It was a statement and not a question, but Ava was relieved that she could respond honestly. “I do.”

  “He loves you too.” Mr. O closed his eyes.

  Ava was glad for the chance to wipe away a tear without the older man seeing it. Ava’s husband appreciated her. This she could believe. But love her? No. Still, it gratified her that Mr. O believed that his grandson loved her. That was what this was really all about and she needed to remember that.

  The old man’s eyelids fluttered open. He held out his hand for her to take. “When I’m gone, I want you to guard Mateo’s heart. Love him through his sadness without fail, Ava. Promise me that.”

  Ava nodded and gently squeezed his hand. “I will always love him, Mr. O. I can promise you that.”

  “Thank you, sweet girl.” He paused for a few moments to steady his breath. “Do you know what I wish?”

  Ava shook her head. Her throat was thick with emotion but she forced herself to sound as natural as possible. “What?”

  “That I could see my great-grandchild.”

  “Which one?” Ava asked. “You have so many.” And every one had made the effort to visit as often as possible.

  “They’re all blessings, my truest blessings.” He smiled again. “But I meant Mateo’s baby. Your baby. I bet she would be beautiful.”

  Ava suddenly felt as if she was free falling. She didn’t want to have this conversation. The very thought of having a child with Mateo filled her with a sense of loss for what never would be. “She?”

  He nodded. “I know your first will be a girl. I’m not wrong about these matters. I haven’t been wrong yet about my great-grandchildren. Except for one, but that’s not a bad record.”

  “Not bad at all,” Ava agreed. She tried to shut her mind against the picture of Mateo tenderly cradling their baby in his arms.

  “Forgive an old man for asking such a delicate question so directly but time isn’t on my side. You and Mateo are going to start a family?”

  Ava was saved from answering by the arrival of a home health nurse.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt,” the nurse said as she set her bag on the end of the bed. “It’s time for me to check your port, Mr. Ortega.”

  Ava stood and set aside the book she was supposed to have been reading aloud. She leaned down and gently kissed the old man’s cheek. “I’ll stop by tomorrow morning if that’s okay, Mr. O.”

  He smiled. “That would be lovely, Ava.” He beckoned for her to come closer and once she did he continued, “What about your baby plans?”

  Ava forced herself to smile even though she felt tears forming in the back of her eyes. “You can say we’re in the process now.” She gently l
aid a hand on his arm. “Rest as much as you can today.”

  After a brief conversation with Sylvia and her husband, Ava slipped into her convertible and headed for the office. Her mind turned over her parting words to Mr. O, ‘You can say we’re in the process now’. She shook her head. Somehow her fierce desire not to add one more lie to the pile of lies she’d already told had made her utter that nonsensical sentence. It didn’t even mean anything. In the process of trying? In the process of discussing it?

  No doubt Mr. O would ask for clarification during the next morning’s visit but that was okay. She’d make it a point that evening to ask Mateo how he wanted to handle the issue. Which suited her just fine, she didn’t want to spend one more moment thinking about having a family with Mateo. It was an impossible dream and her heart already hurt enough.

  **

  “Try to sleep, Abuelo.” Mateo leaned forward and tucked the blanket under his grandfather’s hands the way he liked it. “We can talk later.”

  Joaquin smiled weakly. “Waiting for later is a waste of time.”

  Mateo sat back in his chair and studied his grandfather’s face. For as long as he could remember it had been lined and worn from exposure to the sun, exposure to life for that matter. He remembered being about seven years old and asking his grandfather if all the lines were from worry. ‘Some,’ his grandfather had answered, ‘but even more are from being happy, from laughing and smiling. They’re easy to see because they’re the big important ones’. “I love you, Abuelo.”

  Joaquin smiled. “I know. I love you too, mi hijo. I always have and I always will.”

  Always. The word was like a knife twisting in Mateo’s heart. He and his beloved grandfather were almost out of time together. And he was old enough to know this was the way of life, he was man enough to understand and accept that. But the little boy in him carried the burden of an unbearable sadness.

  “I’m happy for you and Ava,” his grandfather said.

  Mateo could have sworn his grandfather winked at him. There certainly was a twinkle in the old man’s eyes. “I’m glad you were here to see us married.”

  “Me too, my boy. Me too.” Joaquin’s eyes fluttered shut. “The three of you are going to be very happy.”

  Mateo stared. “The three of us?”

  His grandfather, eyes still closed, smiled. “Ava told me about the baby.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Mateo stayed with his grandfather until well after midnight. A tiny bit of light glowed from the small lamp in the corner. The room was warm. And still. But his grandfather’s expression was peaceful. Mateo, however, felt anything but peaceful. What on earth had Ava said to his grandfather about a baby?

  It was hard to believe that she would tell anyone that she was pregnant when she couldn’t possibly be. They’d never even discussed children. But it wasn’t like Ava to blatantly tell an outright lie. But she’d also done everything she could do to make his grandfather comfortable and happy. Maybe she thought that the knowledge Mateo was going to be a father would please his abuelo. And it obviously had.

  Mateo leaned back and closed his eyes. An image of a pregnant Ava smiling up at him stole into his mind. The idea of her carrying his child sent a rush of warmth into his heart, even though he knew it was an impossible dream. Or was it? Could she actually be pregnant? He hardly dared to hope.

  Although his intention had been to stay awake, Mateo dozed off. When he awoke he immediately looked over to the bed and was reassured to see that his grandfather was still asleep. His abuelo’s breathing was slow and shallow but this was the longest that Mateo remembered him sleeping at a stretch in weeks so there was something positive. Whatever Ava had said about a baby, it certainly appeared to have made Joaquin happy.

  A quick glance down at his watch told Mateo that Ava was likely asleep. That precluded him from questioning her tonight, and it was probably for the best that he avoided seeing her when he went home. It was taking all the strength he had to keep her at arm’s length. The wedding had been over a month ago now and everyday he was finding himself more drawn to Ava. At the same time, a growing sense of dread filled him when he thought about the end of the arrangement. When Ava was gone from his life, it was going to feel like the clouds had permanently covered the sun.

  He turned when the bedroom door opened. It was his Tio Oscar.

  “Mateo, you go home,” his uncle whispered. “You should be with your bride.”

  Another ping of guilt chinked at Mateo’s conscious. “I can stay longer, Tio. You need to go to work in the morning so you go get some sleep.”

  Oscar shook his head. “I’ve taken a few weeks off to be with Sylvia. She’s going to need me.”

  What he didn’t say, didn’t need to say, about being there for Joaquin, sent a ripple of sadness through Mateo. “I’m glad you’ll be here for Tia’s sake,” he said. “You think…” he let his voice trail off, unable to speak his question aloud. Did he really believe that they would lose their beloved patriarch so soon?

  Oscar nodded in answer to the unspoken question. “We think so.” He glanced at the bed. “And we need to look at it as a blessing, your abuelo is in more pain than he lets on.” He laid a gentle hand on Mateo’s shoulder. “He’s ready to go, mi hijo.”

  Mateo nodded. It took him a full minute to trust his voice to speak. “I’m glad you’ll be here.”

  “Go on home, Mateo. We’ll call if we need you, I promise.”

  Mateo did as he was bid, closing the door to the darkened house as quietly as he could. He headed through the opening in the hedge toward Ava’s house but he lingered on the porch for several moments instead of going in. He stared at the sky. The stars were unusually bright. He was going to miss his abuelo when he was gone. And he’d miss Ava when she was gone as well. He glanced at the master bedroom window, hoping that he’d see a glimmer of light to indicate his wife was awake. But her room was dark, which meant that a conversation about the baby would have to wait until morning. A baby. The very thought made him smile.

  **

  Ava awoke the next morning to the smell of coffee. And bacon. Fresh bread, too. She glanced at the clock. It was well past eight. Doubtless Mateo had long since gone to school. She inhaled deeply and then smiled, wondering which one of her new relatives had decided to play kitchen elf. She quickly showered, slipped into a white pique sundress with red poppies, and then plaited her hair into a neat French braid.

  “Good morning,” she called out as she sailed into the kitchen. She stopped short when she saw it was her husband at the stove, spatula in one hand, plate in the other. “Oh.”

  “Morning, Ava.” He forked several pieces of bacon onto the plate, added some scrambled eggs and a slice of freshly baked wheat bread. “I hope you’re hungry.”

  Ava took the proffered plate. “Thank you, this smells delicious. For some reason I’m ravenous.” She glanced up at the clock. “I thought you’d have left for school by now.”

  Mateo turned off the burners and turned to face her. His face showed both grief and a lack of sleep but also something else she couldn’t identify.

  “I wanted to talk to you about something,” he said. He motioned for her to have a seat at the table. “Is coffee okay?”

  Considering she was a caffeine addict and he knew that, the question surprised her. Coffee was beyond okay, it was a necessity. “Please.” She watched him as he carefully filled a mug with coffee and then splashed some milk in, just the way she liked it. “Is there something you want to tell me, Mateo?”

  He handed her the mug and settled in the chair across from her. “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

  Ava took a long, slow sip of her coffee. “We haven’t really seen each other long enough to have a full conversation.”

  “I know, I’m sorry,” Mateo said. He reached out to cover her hand with his.

  His touch was warm and Ava was surprised by just how much she welcomed it. “Don’t be sorry, that’s not what I meant,” she said.
“How was Mr. O last night?”

  The spasm of pain that flashed across his face was all the answer she needed. She squeezed his hand.

  “He appeared comfortable and for that I’m grateful. But Tio Oscar has taken some FMLA time.” He sighed. “That tells me what I need to know.”

  Ava’s heart sank. None of this was, or should be, news to any of them. Mr. O was elderly and his cancer was at an advanced stage. So none of this shocked anyone, but the pain, the impending sense of loss, was a heavy burden to bear. “I’m sorry.”

  They sat in silence for several long moments before Mateo pointed to her plate. “You need to eat.”

  Ava glanced down at the now cold bacon and eggs and her stomach suddenly felt sour. Even her coffee had a bitter taste. She pushed the plate away. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  To her surprise, Mateo actually smiled. Why he found that the least bit amusing she couldn’t begin to understand but she wasn’t about to question it. She’d missed his smile.

  He took her plate back to the counter and left it by the stove. “More coffee?”

  She shook her head. “No, thank you.” She stood and pushed in her chair. “I’ve got to get to the office. Unless you need me here?”

  Mateo reached up to massage his temples, his eyes closed for only a second. “No, you go. But Ava…please be careful.”

  “Of course I will.” She turned to leave but her heart willed her to stay. She turned back to him. His expression was so forlorn that she couldn’t bear not to comfort him. She crossed to where he stood but then uncertainty made her hesitate. They’d had no physical contact since their wedding. Would he even welcome her touch? “Do you want me to stay with you?”

  In answer, Mateo reached out and gently drew her into an embrace. He kissed the top of her head as gently as if she were a small child. She laid her cheek against his chest and listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. She never wanted to let go.

  “Ava,” his voice was lower, tender, questioning. “Is it true?”

  She didn’t move or pull away. She wanted to savor the precious moment of closeness for as long as she could. “Is what true?”