The Truth Between Us

by Tammy L. Gray

  “I wanted to tell you when I first suspected what was going on, but I also knew it would hurt you too much for me to risk being wrong.” He eased closer and now they stood only an arm’s length away. “The more I dug, the more inconsistencies I found. Money simply disappeared, all linked to fake invoices and fabricated companies. Thousands and thousands of dollars, all to support his habit.”

  “There were other options.”

  “No. A man desperate enough to steal money from a charity is too far gone for a family intervention. He needed serious help.” Sean carefully touched her bare arms, encouraged when she didn’t immediately pull away. “The penalty should have been, at a minimum, two years in prison. Bradley was offered nine months in drug rehabilitation and two years probation. My assistance with the DA got him that deal.”

  Her face lifted, her eyes staring up at him with an expression he didn’t recognize. “So why not tell me?”

  Again, he tried to soften his tone. “This is Bradley we’re talking about. I knew you couldn’t make that choice. Not with him. You would have risked everything—your reputation, your career as a lawyer. It would have been an impossible decision for you, but it wasn’t for me.” He pulled her close, wrapped his arms around her tiny body and inhaled as if that moment was the first time he’d truly been able to breathe in months. “April… I didn’t want to hurt you or your family. I just wanted to help him.”

  But like her earlier expression, there was something cold and detached, even in the embrace. He released her, searching her face for any sign that she’d heard him. He got a blank stare. And then he saw it, the horror of what he hadn’t recognized at first. April’s expression mirrored her mother’s. A sight even more startling because she’d always looked like her father.

  Fine, if words didn’t work, he knew exactly what would. He cupped her face and pressed his lips to hers, hoping that somehow fairytales were real and that a kiss might awaken the spark he’d once been able to ignite in her.

  She weakened under his touch and turned her face away. Relief coiled in every one of his muscles. Deep down, a part of her could still be touched.

  “Your right to kiss me ended when I returned your ring,” she said, her focus on the wall and away from him.

  “I know.” He let her go, the kiss affecting him more than it had her. “I guess I thought if you understood my intentions, you would feel differently.”

  She finally faced him, and his breath caught because all her walls were gone. Tears peeked at the corner of her eyes. “I loved you. Completely. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. And you led me there, begging me to trust you.”

  His throat stung and part of him wondered if she hadn’t been right to break it off without contact. Seeing the sadness on her face was like being hit with a baseball bat over and over again.

  “I defied my family for you,” she continued, her voice cracking. “And you betrayed me.”

  “No, I didn’t,” he pleaded. He’d told the truth. He’d done what was right.

  “You did. You let me walk into a police station, completely ignorant that you’d been the one behind the scenes, collecting the evidence they needed to prosecute him. You let me stand there and take the brunt of my parents’ wrath without a warning, without you next to me to offer any kind of shield.”

  “I didn’t know they were arresting him that day.” He wanted to tear out his hair, get on his knees and beg for a do over. “You know I would never have let you face them alone if I had.”

  Her green eyes burst into twin flames. “You took away the only person in my family who’s ever made me feel worthy of being loved.”

  He recoiled, her words a gut punch. “I thought I did that, too.”

  She sighed and the pain was so palpable his chest ached with the need to take it away. “Why did you come back here, Sean? For me? For our friends? Why?”

  “I want my life back. I want us back.”

  “That’s not possible.” Resignation was the only sound in her voice. “The woman you want no longer exists. You exposed her, and then you destroyed her. Ironic, huh?”

  He pressed his hands to his hips, fighting the moisture in his eyes. “Please, April… I never wanted this.”

  “Well, that’s the thing about consequences. They come whether you want them to or not. Just ask Uncle Bradley.”

  He’d been in denial, believing that enough time had passed for her to see reason. It never occurred to him that they might be irreparable.

  They stood there, both quiet. Both deep within their own heartbreak, until the walls began to close in on him. “How do I make it better—how do I fix this?” He wouldn’t apologize, not out of pride, but because he truly believed he had chosen the honorable path.

  “For one, you can stop showing up unannounced.” She tightened her ponytail. “For two, give me a heads up the next time you’re going to be hanging with our friends. Over time, I’m sure we’ll find a way to coexist.”

  Coexist. The word stripped him bare.

  She wanted a civilized breakup, as if they’d been no more than a failed science experiment. Not a chance. Not now. Not after he’d seen the truth. She’d lashed out that day because she didn’t know how to deal with the pain. He’d thought Beck was lying about her being afraid. He wasn’t. She’d been too terrified to face him that day because it hurt more than she had the capacity to hide.

  He sauntered forward and she backed away.

  “W-What are you doing?” Her voice was deliciously unsteady and he kept moving until she was trapped between his body and the wall.

  “Making my intentions clear.” Caging her in with his arms, he kept his voice low and steady. “It’s not over between us. It wasn’t then and it isn’t now. We may be on two different sides of the same fight, but in time, that will change.” His lips trailed over her cheek, to the line of her jaw, back to the sensitive spot under her earlobe. “You’ve had the victory for ten months, but it’s my turn now.” His breathing wasn’t quite steady, but neither was hers. He could feel the break, the surrender under his touch. “I still love you, Jelly Bean. Every infuriating, stubborn, beautiful inch of you. And I’m not leaving. Not this time.”

  She trembled beneath him and as tempting as it was to kiss her again, he couldn’t stomach a reaction like before. He had no interest in this cold, barbed version of her.

  Instead he pushed away from the wall and smiled down at her flushed cheeks. There was his girl. Hidden but certainly not lost.

  “You’re free to go,” he said with a sweep of his arms.

  She furiously tried to soothe her dark hair in place. “Don’t tell me what to do.” She made a point to slam her shoulder into his chest as she stormed out. Compared to the hits he’d taken in the past, the gesture was as ineffective as it was arousing.

  It was probably caused by years in contact sports or maybe an overabundance of testosterone, but he relished that he’d left his scent on her. That no man had ever touched her the way he had or could pull from her the things he did.

  “Keep it up, Jelly Bean,” he mumbled to himself. “We both know I love a good fight.”

  Chapter 11

  April’s throat tightened but she kept walking, one step after the other, head high, back straight, ignoring all the other suffocating symptoms: sweaty palms, lungs compressing, goose bumps over her arms and neck.

  She jammed her thumb against the down arrow of the elevator. She would not let him see her break; would not let him shred any more of her self-control. The instant the doors opened, she rushed inside, trying to ignore the squeeze of her lungs as the doors slid closed, sealing her in like a coffin.

  Pain pulsed beneath her skull, radiating down her forehead until it wrapped around her temples. She pressed fisted hands to the sensitive area, praying the pain and his words would leave her mind.

  My assistance got him that deal.

  She had assumed it was her parents’ influence that kept Uncle Bradley out of prison. Their lawyers were the
best in the country. And deal or not, if Sean hadn’t turned her uncle in to begin with, then he would have had many more options. Ones that came without a criminal record.

  The doors split open on the second floor and she hesitated taking that first step. Journey and Ty would be there, cuddled on the couch, planning their life together. It wasn’t enough for them to get their happy ending, they had to bring Sean home in the process.

  No one was loyal anymore.

  April calmed with each step toward her apartment, her breathing regulated by the time she turned the knob and swung open the front door. As expected, her roommate was in the living room, flipping through a bridal magazine, while Ty was in the kitchen, cooking the only edible thing he knew how to make. The sharp tang of tomato sauce and garlic filled the space as if nothing different had occurred. As if her life hadn’t just hit a huge, unmoving wall of stubbornness and muscle.

  Ty came out when he heard her. “Hungry? Dinner will be ready in ten minutes.”

  “No thank you.” She pressed forward, eying her door at the end of the hall like it was her nirvana.

  Journey jumped from the couch, becoming the second person to block her path today. “Please talk to me.”

  “Did you know he was coming to brunch?”

  “No. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  April nearly laughed. “Of course you wouldn’t. Instead, you got him a coaching job at your high school and what? Forgot to mention it to me?”

  “No.” Journey stared at her fingers. “I was going to tell you, I was. I just wanted to wait until I knew for sure. The last information I was given was that Sean had been interviewed. I didn’t know he took the job and I didn’t know he was coming today.” She paused as if her explanation was supposed to sink in and make it all okay. It wasn’t okay. Not even a little. “April, please… I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was trying to do what I felt was right.”

  “It’s amazing how you and Sean can both use ‘right’ as a justification to lie to me.”

  “I know about Sean’s part in the arrest. Why didn’t you tell me?” She laid a hand on April’s arm and maybe the attempt was to soothe her, but it only made her fury triple.

  “Because it was none of your business. Just like it wasn’t your place to email him or get him a job.” She ripped her arm away. “You know, I could respect your position if you had just said what you were doing upfront, but standing there, acting like the wounded, innocent party is not going to cut it this time. You chose his friendship over mine and I’m sorry, but that choice comes with consequences.”

  “Hey.” Ty came from behind, wrapped a protective arm around Journey. “No one is choosing anyone. We’ve all been friends since we were kids, so you’re not the only one to consider. Sean’s leaving hurt all of us, but unlike you, we want him home. And Journey has no reason to apologize for making that possible.”

  “How shocking, Ty, to see that you agree with her.” She mimicked his haughty tone. “Now if you’ll excuse me, last I checked, this was still my condo.”

  “And don’t we all know it,” he shot back. “Is this what you do now? Cut everyone off who dares to disagree with you?”

  His accusation caused a ripple effect of ache. She had no more ability to cut off Journey than she did her own flesh.

  “No Ty, just those who betray me. And I would think you of all people might understand what that feels like.”

  “Yes, I do. I also know what it feels like to have to go back and apologize to those I love because I was too blind to see past my own demons.” Ty’s uncharacteristic emotion nearly squashed her anger, but she held on, recognizing she was far too close to breaking to give any leverage. “My eyes have been opened, not just to the amazing life I’ve been given, but to more. Things beyond this world that I’m only starting to understand.” His pitch became more fevered. “April, I’ve walked this path of pain and bitterness, angry at everyone, and trust me, you don’t want to follow me there.”

  The stinging sensation in her nose made her hate his words even more. “You know what I want, Ty? To go to my bedroom without another person shoving their justifications down my throat.” She threw her arms out. “Is that okay with the two of you?”

  Journey sighed and slid her hand in Ty’s. “Let her cool down.”

  He shook his head, giving his own non-verbal admonishment and they disappeared into the kitchen.

  April stormed inside her room, slamming her back against the door once it was shut. After twenty-six years of hiding her emotions, she was accustomed to smiling when she felt like bursting into tears. But tonight, it seemed as if the room was collapsing.

  She kicked off her shoes, heat pulsing against her body. It was too hot in here, too stuffy. She flipped on the ceiling fan to high and tore off every piece of clothing until she stood nearly naked in her sports bra and panties.

  Falling to her knees, she felt the tug of memories that wouldn’t stop their assault. Felt the grief for a time when she thought maybe life wasn’t defined by demands and expectation. That maybe love didn’t have to be earned.

  Her body moved on its own accord, flipping up the comforter to expose the empty vastness beneath her bed. Only it wasn’t completely empty. Tucked in the corner, in a round hatbox she’d found at a vintage clothing store, lay every memory she didn’t have the strength to destroy.

  Flat on the ground, she wiggled under the bed until her fingers touched the thick cardboard and tugged the lip of the lid until the box shifted closer. It was a struggle, but finally the dusty old container pulled free of the bed frame and stared at her like a mirror to her weakness.

  She’d known Sean long before she began cataloguing their time together. Her parents, the Kinders, and the Taylors were old family friends, the kind who vacationed together in private beach houses and Italian chateaus. The kind who dressed their children in matching outfits and immortalized the moments on film.

  April carefully lifted the lid. Her favorite picture lay face up on the top of the pile. It was the one she used to keep on her dresser back before it became too painful to look at.

  She was five and sandwiched between Beck and Sean. They were the youngest of the group at the time, all born within three months of each other. Beck was the only Kinder, Sean the fourth boy in the growing Taylor family and then her, the second Duncan, but not a boy—a disappointment her parents were still ruminating on.

  In the picture, the three of them sat on a blue quilt surrounded by sand, the ocean a scenic backdrop. She was in the center, dolled up in a white handmade, monogrammed dress. The boys were in jumper outfits, and those too were monogrammed and crisp white. Beck looked straight at the camera, already a little cocky. But Sean—Sean looked only at her, fascinated, as if she were some complex puzzle he needed to decipher.

  Her fingertip grazed the edge of Sean’s childhood face. Her memories of that summer were spotty and vague. All except one that would define their relationship forever. Her parents had forbidden her to go into the ocean, even though Sean and Beck were allowed. Her being half their size was the excuse, but really, it was their need to keep her contained. Defiantly, she’d followed Sean into the surf, ignoring her mother’s calls that she’d gone too far. She’d only made it waist deep before her father lifted her over his shoulder and spanked her all the way to the blanket she’d be imprisoned on the rest of the hour. Even that young, she knew reacting would only get her in more trouble, so she took her punishment without a sound. Sean seemed to feel every one of her lashings. He stood there, tears rolling down his cheeks and cried for her.

  The picture slipped from her fingers and she left it face down in the box where it belonged.

  Another image caused her heart to clench and she carefully lifted the four by six photo of her Uncle Bradley as a teenager. He’d come by the night of his senior prom so her mom could get pictures. Only six at the time, and certain she’d marry him one day, April had tugged her favorite party dress from the closet, tied her hair in ribbons and begged
her handsome uncle to dance with her before he left. Her mom was annoyed by her pathetic display of girlishness, admonishing her until April finally fled from the room and pulled every one of the blasted ribbons out of her hair.

  Uncle Bradley knocked on her door, wiped away the tears she’d never dare to shed in front of an audience, and lifted her in his arms. He spun and she laughed until the world turned blurry and her little stomach clenched. After he set her down, he picked up her abandoned ribbon and tied it delicately around her wrist. He didn’t need to say anything more. In that one act, he was giving her permission to be her, at least around him.

  As if her parents’ spirits had power over her body, her smile faded when she came to the next picture. A family photo commissioned by one of the most revered photographers in the state. It was taken her senior year of high school. And while she should have looked young and excited to take on the world, she instead looked defeated, imprisoned.

  That day had been the first time she mentioned the possibility of Sean to her dad.

  “He’s not right for you, April,” he had said sternly. “He’s too impulsive and rash. Doug Taylor got lazy with his last child and didn’t raise him properly. Why else do you think they’re leaving him here while they flee to California? That boy has been a menace since he was little.” Then he’d placed two hands on her shoulders and kissed her forehead, the vast extent of his tenderness. “You need structure and you seem to abandon all reason when that boy is around. I promise you, as fun as Sean’s craziness seems now, it will only lead you down a very destructive path. Think of law school, of your future. Of all the plans we’ve made.”

  Years later, she wanted Sean more than her father’s permission and did the most intolerable thing in the Duncan universe. She defied his wishes, and like the afternoon at the beach, she’d been systematically punished ever since.

  Clutching the picture in her hand, she fell back on the carpet, the fine material soft against her exposed back. She was at a crossroads; the same one she faced the night Sean convinced her to let down her guard and be with him. And even though Ty seemed to genuinely care when he begged her to let go of the anger, their situations were completely different.