LustandOtherDrugs

by Saranna Dewylde

  “Oh, I noticed. It was something I’ve thought about. The what ifs. What if I’d clung closer instead of being embarrassed and jealous? What if I’d kissed you when you caught me? There was a moment there that could have been a kiss, that split second when we were both out of breath from our little play struggle…”

  “You were jealous?” He was incredulous.

  “I was green like spinach. I hated her after that. I felt like she was taking some part of you away from me, and you were mine.”

  “You say these things so easily—”

  “The same way you talk about how much you like fucking me? Emotions are sensations too, Chase.”

  Anne relaxed her knees and they parted slightly as his caress moved up behind her knee and down again. Each touch made her skin hyperaware of his every movement.

  “Tell me another one,” she said breathlessly.

  His hand strayed to the inside of her thigh and back down. Anne didn’t want to try to form coherent thoughts, she was too wrapped up in the way he was touching her and imagining the things he was saying.

  “How about you tell me instead, Anne?” His fingers continued to play against the back of her knee and she shivered. “Tell me, or I’ll stop.”

  She’d come here to tell him she couldn’t do this and here she was, spread out before him and wanting, needing him yet again. Chase’s touch was an addiction, just like a drug.

  “I imagine what that first time would have been like with you on the Fourth of July, instead of Grant. How carefully you would have touched me, how you would have made sure it was all the things I’d dreamed of, with candlelight and roses instead of hurried fumblings in the back of a Monte Carlo. How you would have made love to me like a man instead of a boy trying to get his rocks off. My fantasy is that one of those many nights you came over and slipped in my window, I had asked you to be my first.”

  His body had gone taut and his hands stilled on her flesh. “Anne, I’m a man now, and I can hardly keep control when you say things like that. I’m sure the fantasy you have of me outshines what it would have been if you’d asked.”

  “Would you have been my first?” she questioned softly, her lashes brushing her cheeks as she looked down. “If I’d asked?”

  “Yes.” He tilted her chin up so she’d look at him. “I’ll do anything you ask.”

  “So, what would you have done? Tell me. We’re in my room, I’ve told you I have something important to ask you and I tell you I want you to be my first. What do you do?”

  “Is this an erotic choose your own adventure?” he teased.

  “Or you could show me.” Anne regretted it as soon as the words were out of her mouth. Not because she didn’t want him to, but because she knew this was where she should stop. If she was ever going to, it had to be here. Tonight.

  He pulled her into his lap. “And it would be just like that, wouldn’t it? I’d be afraid to answer, afraid it wasn’t real, and you’d think I didn’t want you.” Chase pushed her hair out of her face and brushed his knuckles against her cheek. “I’d tell you your skin was like silk and cream, too fine for my dirty hands. But I’d touch you anyway because those words from your lips won’t let me do anything else.”

  Chase kissed her softly, his lips moving over hers with a reverent tenderness, and she melted against him. In that moment, she was completely his to mold and shape as he pleased.

  “And I’d kiss you, taste your lips and the sweet promises on your tongue.”

  He wrapped his arm around her waist to support her weight as he eased her down on the blanket. “I’d lay you down on this blanket in your room and I’d have you imagine this place, here and now, with fireflies and the scent of summer apples, the stars above like the candles you’d dreamed of. There are no rose petals, only the vibrant grasses beneath us.” He scraped his lightly stubbled cheek across hers and buried his face in her hair. “What would you do, my Annie? Would it still be your dream? Would it be enough?”

  “I’d ask to see you underneath the stars. No unsure touches in the dark and fear of the unknown.” She reached out tentatively and he didn’t pull away. Anne tugged his shirt over his head. She moved next to his belt buckle and when he didn’t stay her hand, she worked his jeans down his hips and drank in the sight of him—the body that was almost as familiar as her own, but new and exciting.

  “You wouldn’t have been afraid?” he asked.

  “Terrified. But it would be with you. Not so different than the Seven in Heaven. Your strong body wrapped around me, bringing me so much ecstasy.”

  His fingers hovered over the buttons on the front of her dress, but she slipped her hands beneath his and worked through them quickly. The light cotton slid from her shoulders, revealing her nakedness beneath.

  Chase made no move to touch her, but his eyes were dark with want as he raked his gaze over her body. His perusal was almost a caress in itself.

  “This is where we should stop,” Anne breathed as he reached out and caught a lock of her hair and wrapped it around his finger.

  “Is it? I’ve already been inside you. Already made you scream my name. Why should we stop?”

  “Because I love you, Chase.”

  “All the more reason to be with me here, in this world we’ve created together. This past where there was no one before and there’ll be none after.”

  But he hadn’t returned her confession. She wanted to run from him, hide—but there was nowhere to go.

  He slowly unwound the strand of hair from his index finger and let it fall down to curl against her bare breast. Chase cupped the back of her neck and brought his lips down to hers. Anne found she couldn’t deny him. Even as she told herself this was the last time.

  He settled between her thighs and Anne realized she was sore. “Gentle, this time.”

  “Tender?” He kissed down the column of her throat, the valley between her breasts, the flat surface of her stomach and finally down between her thighs to her pussy. Chase licked in long, smooth strokes up her cleft and it was only moments before she was bucking under his mouth.

  Chase repositioned himself so he could enter her and he eased inside slowly. “You’re killing me, sweetheart.” Anne tightened her thighs around him. “I’ll be careful with you.”

  “Break me, I don’t care,” she cried and dug her nails into his back to anchor herself to him.

  He was slow and careful at first, teasing her—testing her. Chase slid his fingers between them and stroked the swollen bud of her clit lightly.

  For Anne, it was as if she’d been drugged all over again, the white-hot, raging need that spiraled through her, the way his hands seared her everywhere they touched. Then the movements of his fingers stilled as he pulled away.

  “No!” she cried out.

  “I’m not going anywhere, sweetness.” Chase held her legs apart and pressed a hot kiss to her inner thigh as he worked his way toward her cunt to finish what he’d started.

  The first soft touch of his tongue caused her to fist the blanket and arch up to meet him. He captured her hips and held her there while he tasted. She writhed against him, but he neither slowed nor increased his pace. It was divine torture. The sensation built again, slower this time, but even more intense. It was as if that initial touch had opened a floodgate and every stroke of his tongue took her higher.

  “I love how you taste—sweet. Every time I touch you, it’s a fantasy come to life.”

  She dug her fingers into his arms and he focused again on his task. Anne fought the waves of bliss as they rolled over her—refusing to let go and careen over the edge into ecstasy. But he gave her no choice. The precision of his strokes was relentless and she whimpered, her body shuddering against his mouth as she climaxed again.

  Anne was still riding the aftershocks of her orgasm when he rose above her and pushed into her slick channel. He moved with an agonizing slowness, but Anne wouldn’t be denied. She clenched to draw him deeper, to sheath him fully, and it was his undoing.

&nb
sp; Chase stopped, fighting for control. Anne could feel the war in his body by the tension in his muscles, the stiff way he held himself against her.

  It was a heady feeling to know she was the cause of his loss of control. On the website, she’d seen him last a very long time, seemingly forever. But when he was with her, he couldn’t stave off his climax. He’d already brought her over the edge twice—it was his turn.

  “Yes, Chase. Now,” she demanded.

  Just as he found his release, fat raindrops splashed against them and the clear night sky grew dark as the light of the last star was snuffed out like a candle by heavy clouds.

  “Damn crazy Kansas weather,” he muttered, but made no move to seek shelter from the light summer shower.

  Suddenly, Anne felt exposed and vulnerable by more than just her nakedness. She’d told him she loved him. He’d neatly avoiding discussing it by fucking her blue. Now what? Did she pretend she’d never said it? Did they pretend this hadn’t happened?

  “Chase—” she began.

  He interrupted her again, and it was starting to piss her off. “Now tell me you want to be with someone else,” he said smugly.

  “I don’t, asshole!” she snapped and scrambled to her feet. “That’s the problem. I want to be with you! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”

  He looked confused but completely unfazed by the name-calling as he stood and slipped into his clothes. “You said that Seth—”

  “Did you miss the part where I said that I love you, Chase?” She was angry now.

  “I love you too, Annie.” He kissed her forehead.

  So not the declaration she was looking for. “I am in love with you.”

  “Anne—”

  She blazed ahead. Anne had to get this out, even standing there getting soaked in the rain. If it didn’t come out now, she’d never find the courage to say it again. “That’s why I can’t be with you. That’s why we can’t do this anymore, because you don’t feel the same way. Okay? Do you understand now?” she snarled, pushing away from him to pull on her dress and get inside the truck.

  He caught her hand, his grip impossible to break, and he pressed her against the door, his dark hair curling down into his eyes as the gentle rain soaked them.

  “Annie, I never thought in a million years you’d feel this way.”

  “Me either,” she said, unable to stop the tears as they mixed with the rain on her cheeks.

  He sheltered her against his chest for a moment and it was bittersweet, that strength wrapped around her even as the rain washed away the scent of him, the memory of his touch from only moments before.

  “I can’t be what you need,” he said quietly, but she could feel his heart thundering in his chest.

  “I know. That’s why this has to stop.”

  “I can’t stop.” He pulled back and tilted her face up to his, moonlight and rain like jewels on his skin. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted you?”

  So it was all about what he wanted? What this meant for him? Anne tried to look away.

  “I waited so long for you to realize how good it would be between us. It’s always been you, Anne.” He brushed his lips against hers tenderly. “I can’t be what you need, but I want to be.”

  “What are you saying, Chase?” She knew he wanted to fuck her, he’d said as much, but wanting to be what she needed? If he wanted to, why couldn’t he? It made no sense.

  “I’m saying that I’m in love with you and I want you to be mine—only mine—but it won’t be like other couples. I don’t have time for romantic dates every Friday. Sometimes I won’t be able to spend time with you because I’ll have to study and then I’ll have residency. I still have to maintain Dreamed Desire. If we ever want a life after medical school, we can’t start out with a ton of debt hanging over our heads.”

  “You said ‘we’.” Anne already knew about all that other stuff and she didn’t care. He loved her. That’s all that mattered. Joy sparked inside her like wildfire.

  “Of course I did. I’ve never imagined a life without you, Annie. But you deserve better than what I can give you right now.”

  “Chase, I love our life the way it is. I don’t need romantic dates. I like wearing your t-shirts and watching movies together. I like that you give me space to paint when I need it. Of course I’ll do the same, and support your career. Even Dreamed Desire. I think it’s hot—but no more scenes with other women. If you need a woman, it will be me.”

  “You want to film us for the site?” he asked incredulously.

  She blushed. “Sure. Why not? If you’re in everyone’s spank-bank, why not me too?”

  “Because you’re all mine, Anne.”

  “That was never an issue.” She laughed as she realized the rain had stopped.

  “I thought you said Seth could turn you on the same as I could?”

  “Not the same. That’s what I was trying to tell you. He’s good at what he does, but he’s not you, Chase.”

  “Damn straight,” he growled.

  He kissed her again, and as she melted against him, Anne decided maybe the best drug of all wasn’t his touch…but his love.

  About the Author

  Saranna De Wylde has always been fascinated by things better left in the dark. She wrote her first story after watching The Exorcist at a slumber party. Since then, she’s published horror, romance and narrative nonfiction. Like all writers, Saranna has held a variety of jobs, from operations supervisor for an airline, to an assistant for a call girl, to a corrections officer. But like Hemingway said, “Once writing has become your major vice and greatest pleasure, only death can stop it.” So she traded in her cuffs for a full-time keyboard. She loves to hear from her readers.

  Saranna welcomes comments from readers. You can find her website and email addresses on her author bio page at www.ellorascave.com.

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