A Kiss to Change Her Life

by Karin Baine

  ‘Lauren started to get sick again shortly after that day. The cancer had come back. To her spine this time. We’d already been told if it came back—’ Mrs O’Neill’s voice caught on a sob. She didn’t have to finish the sentence for Jessica to understand there would be no cure.

  Jessica had first-hand experience of the cruelty of false hope. Six months into her own remission she’d suffered a relapse. That period of respite where she’d been able to live like any other eleven-year-old girl had been brief. Birthday parties and girlie afternoons with her friends had been replaced once more with hospital appointments and sickness. Even now that fear of a decline in her health still shadowed her.

  ‘Lauren’s been having treatment to try to make her more comfortable so she can go home. We’ll take another scan in a few weeks’ time to see if the chemo has slowed the growth of the tumour.’ Rob stepped in when it seemed Mrs O’Neill couldn’t continue. Essentially, he was saying there was nothing more they could do for Lauren except make her last days more bearable and give her some quality time with her family.

  Jessica didn’t know how he managed to deal with this every day and still function as well as he did. Most of the time she was able to compartmentalise her life in a similar way. It was either file away this kind of trauma and get on with your own life or bawl your eyes out and eat your own body weight in chocolate. But it took a certain level of detachment not to be affected by the helpless babe, hooked up to bleeping machines and monitors, that even a hard-hearted producer didn’t have.

  She brought a halt to filming, not wishing to prolong the family’s agony. Any further commentary could be added in the edits when she’d distanced herself from events. For now, watching these people whispering endearments to their innocent daughter as her life ebbed away was too much. It was intrusive and everything else Rob had said it would be. She wouldn’t air anything they might later come to regret committing to tape.

  ‘Thank you so much for letting us speak to you today. And, Lauren—’ She wanted to offer some words of comfort but there would be no getting better, or second chances. All that came out of her mouth was a strangled cry and the tears she’d been desperately trying to hold back teetered on the edge of her eyelashes.

  ‘Jessica will be back later to see you, Lauren. She has to go and finish making your TV programme so she can make you a big star.’ Rob brought another smile to the little girl’s lips so easily when all Jessica could do was see the sadness.

  Two large hands rested on her shoulders and she didn’t resist as they steered her away from the bedside and into the corridor. In other circumstances she would’ve shrugged Rob off and given him a dressing-down for undermining her. On this occasion she had to concede he was right. She wouldn’t do anyone any good blubbing by the bedside when those worst affected by the situation were coping so much better than she was. That was the strength of a family, leaning on each other for support to get through the darkest days. Something she would never have for herself.

  ‘I feel so, so sorry for them.’ She exited the room in a daze, following Rob along the corridor simply because she didn’t know where else to go. As much as she wanted to be able to do something for Lauren, she clearly wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be of any use.

  ‘We all do but they need us to be strong in order for them to remain strong. If you fall apart, they fall apart. Do you understand?’

  Jessica bit her lip and nodded, doing her best to keep it together. She’d seen and heard some truly awful things while working as a journalist in the city centre before moving into TV and always managed to remain professional. It was the combination of such innocence tainted by the very thing which had wrecked her life which rendered her an emotional jellyfish.

  ‘It wasn’t my intention to upset them.’

  Rob might be more understanding of her intense reaction if he knew her history. Indeed, had she been more mindful of how close she was to the subject matter she might have prevented upsetting a lot of people. Herself included.

  ‘I accept that but we try to keep things as upbeat as we can here. We need to focus on the positives and take one day at a time or else we’d all go mad. Lauren’s still here and she’s not in pain. That’s all we can hope for at the minute.’

  Jessica hated not being able to do anything to help when she was so used to being in a position of power. Right now, the only thing still under her control was her personal life and she intended to keep a tight hold of the reins on that. Otherwise there was a chance she’d end up as one of life’s victims. Again.

  * * *

  ‘Are you all right?’ Rob turned back to check on Jessica, since she hadn’t responded to his comment or bombarded him with a hundred questions about the next course of action. Despite her position, she wasn’t very adept at hiding her feelings. This was clearly getting to her. He’d heard it in her voice and seen it in her eyes. It wasn’t an uncommon reaction to being in the department; he simply hadn’t expected it from her.

  His first impression of her as a ruthless career woman was turning out to be false. From the moment they’d met, Jessica had made it very clear she was all about her work. He’d never expected her to have room for compassion along with her ambition, or let anyone see that side of her.

  If anything, here was a woman who wore her heart on the sleeve of her designer dress. The very opposite of him. He went out of his way to disguise his emotions so no one ever came close to reading him. An air of mystery was preferable to people interfering or judging him.

  In the space of twenty-four hours, however, he’d already seen Jessica irritated, vulnerable and sad. He found himself looking forward to seeing her happy and excited phases.

  ‘I’m fine.’ I’m fine. Those two words a woman could say and mean a thousand different things. In the end, though, it always boiled down to two facts. She wasn’t fine, and she didn’t want to talk about it.

  The unusually high-pitched denial and trembling bottom lip told a different story. There was no way she could possibly go back to work in this state and not regret it.

  ‘My office. Now.’ Jaw clenched, nostrils flaring, Rob corralled her into a side room. There were some tricks to maintaining that aloof facade and he was willing to give her the benefit of his experience. Something he would do for anyone on staff. A timeout would give her the chance to compose herself before she went back on the floor firing out orders to her underlings. As he’d explained, they couldn’t let their personal distress show in the middle of the children’s ward.

  The minute he’d closed the door behind them, everything Jessica had been holding inside came bubbling to the surface until a torrent of tears were streaming down her face.

  ‘I’m...so...sorry,’ she stuttered through her sobs.

  ‘Don’t be. You’re only human.’ Rob lost a piece of his heart to every child who came through those doors too, along with their families. If he was honest, he was glad to see that Jessica was developing an emotional attachment to the kids. It meant they were more to her than purely ratings fodder and that was all he could ask of her.

  He took a handkerchief from his pocket to give to her and received a watery smile in return. The sniffing and spluttering started to subside. ‘I’m usually not like this.’

  ‘We all have our moments.’ He’d shed a tear for every child they’d lost, albeit in private. The ones who reminded him of his own daughter took him a little longer to get over. A vision of his daughter’s cute smile, so like her mother’s, brought a lump to his throat. He swallowed it down and tried not to think how the nine-year-old version would’ve turned out. Would she still have been a daddy’s girl? Or too embarrassed to be seen with him as she headed into those rebellious teenage years?

  Jessica began weeping again and Rob automatically moved towards her. As a doctor, it wasn’t in his nature to ignore someone in distress. As a man, he couldn’t stand by and watch
a woman crying without doing something about it. Especially when that woman was only releasing the emotions he insisted on keeping locked inside. He envied her ability to express herself so openly.

  ‘Let it all out,’ he said as he stepped forward to fold her into his arms.

  Moments such as this often made him wonder if the medical staff who’d been on the scene of Leah and Mollie’s accident had cried for them. Had anyone offered them comfort?

  There was only a slight hesitation before Jessica accepted him as a shoulder to literally cry on, her tears soaking through his shirt. Rob rubbed her back as he consoled her. Perhaps he should have prepared his new colleague more for life on the ward. He’d been too caught up in his own issues about what she did for a living to think about the woman behind the title.

  She smelled so good. Like chocolate, tea and spicy perfume, mixed together to create all the comforts of home in one glorious package. For a split second, with Jessica in his arms, he let himself believe he could be part of a couple again, sharing fears and finding comfort in each other. But then what? He’d have to come clean about failing his family. Worse, repeat the same mistake over again and risk destroying more lives.

  It was tempting to stay in this bubble and hide from the cruelty of the outside world but he was in serious danger of crossing a line here. Jessica wasn’t one of his patients; she wasn’t even technically a member of staff. Yet he cared about what she was going through. That didn’t fit well with his no-emotional-attachments rule when it came to attractive single women.

  ‘As soon as my shift is over, I’m taking you home.’ He could still be sympathetic while creating some distance at the same time.

  ‘Okay.’ She sniffed as another wave of sorrow claimed her. It immediately called out to the protector in him which had once lived to serve the women in his life. He’d been there to patch up every cut knee Mollie had, to hold her when she’d cried, and suddenly that had all been ripped away from him.

  Rob rested his chin on her head and stroked her hair until the storm subsided.

  He missed being needed.

  * * *

  Jessica left the rest of the production team to view the dailies in the gallery while she went for a much-needed caffeine injection. As prescribed by Dr Campbell, she’d eaten a late lunch and intended to leave work at a sensible time. However, neither of those suggestions had managed to lift her spirits, or her energy, after the day from hell. It was unusual for her to be so drained by a shoot and she was going to have to get her head back in the game soon before anyone other than Rob noticed.

  She still couldn’t believe he’d been there to witness her epic meltdown. Not to mention the whole fainting episode. When the mood took him, Dr Campbell had the perfect bedside manner but her reputation as a no-nonsense ruthless TV exec was seriously in jeopardy. On a personal level, she had to admit it had been nice to have a shoulder to cry on. Despite having now earned her empowered women membership badge, Jessica had enjoyed having someone to stroke her hair and tell her everything would be all right. It was a shame it was nothing more than a fantasy. She would never rely on a man for any longer than those few minutes of madness today. It was the only way to keep her heart safe.

  Jessica made her way to the vending machines by the hospital entrance, since the main catering was a bit of a hike away for someone balancing her entire body weight on the spikes of her stilettos. She was lost in thought watching the dark liquid fill the paper cup and wondering how bad it would taste when she felt a hand at her waist.

  ‘Are you ready to go?’ Rob’s low voice in her ear sent a jolt right through her entire body, doing more to reinvigorate her than the iffy-looking coffee ever could.

  She thought seriously about telling him to go without her. The snot crying and snuggling had been so out of character for her, she was tempted to walk home in the rain before letting him help her again. But a lift home meant she could be curled up on her sofa in twenty minutes instead of standing in the cold at the mercy of public transport.

  ‘Sure. Let me grab my coffee first.’ She carefully lifted the cup, looked at the contents and poured it back into the tray. ‘On second thoughts, I’ll make a fresh one when I get home.’

  When she didn’t automatically move to follow him, Rob rested his hand at the small of her back and nudged her forward. That slight contact buzzed her into action quicker than a tip-off on a dodgy politician. Either she’d developed some sort of allergic reaction to this man, or there was serious chemistry happening between them. Hopefully, she wasn’t the only one who could feel it.

  * * *

  ‘Cheers for the lift. I hope I’m not taking you too far out of your way.’ Jessica showered Rob with apologetic gratitude as they sped along the motorway towards home. She’d have to add driving lessons to the list of precautions to take before her next project, along with making sure to eat regular meals and steering clear of too-close-for-comfort subject matter. At least that way she stood a chance of avoiding a repeat of today’s damsel-in-distress routine.

  ‘Not at all. Which way now?’ Rob was much more matter-of-fact about the whole business, as if he rode in to work every day on his white horse, gathering up swooning women in his path.

  When Jessica sneaked a peek across at her chauffeur, she conceded it was entirely feasible. Everything about him—from those strong, thick forearms locked out on the steering wheel to the muscular thighs tensing as he shifted through the gears—said he was a man who could keep a woman safe.

  It was important to her that a distinction should be made between a hungry and emotional professional and those needy members of the female sex. She didn’t want him to think she was one more in what was probably a long line of women desperate to snag him as a life partner. Her interest in men remained on a more casual basis. No, her wobbly-legs episode had been a severe reaction to intense circumstances today. It was in no way a manifestation of her yearning for a significant other to lean on.

  Jessica helped Rob navigate the maze of avenues and side streets until they finally reached her apartment block. ‘Thanks again for everything.’

  ‘Don’t mention it.’

  ‘For the record, I promise to never pull the wailing woman routine on you again. I’ll also pay to have the shirt I cried on dry-cleaned and I owe you cake.’ That should cover all of her debts. Apart from the counselling he’d provided in between all of her mishaps.

  ‘That’s really not necessary.’ He wasn’t making it easy for her to even up the playing field. In her eyes, unless she found a way to repay him she was resigned to playing the weak-female role in their working relationship for the rest of her time here. A title she’d fought long and hard to break free from.

  ‘I imagine you have a standing order at the dry-cleaners for clothes stained with mascara and tears anyway.’ Given the nature of his work and his white knight complex, it was probably a hazard of the job.

  ‘Yeah. They know me as Dr Heartbreak in Soapy Suds. I’ve got a loyalty card and everything.’ The doctor’s self-deprecating sense of humour was unexpected. Unfortunately, so was Jessica’s snort of laughter.

  She buried her face in her hands but it was too late to corral the piggy noise, which had Rob creasing up with laughter. The price of his friendship apparently came at the cost of her abject humiliation. From chasing barefoot after a bus, to her banshee wailing, and now her farmyard impression, he’d seen her at her absolute worst.

  ‘Well, Dr Heartbreak, the least I can do is offer you a cuppa after everything you’ve done for me today.’ Breaking her no-male-guests rule would be a small price to pay if small talk over a pot of tea helped her end the day with a modicum of dignity.

  * * *

  Rob had nothing but an empty house to rush home to but Jessica’s invitation to come inside still waved up a red flag. He’d made that transition into friendship with her in the office today, albeit
a different connection compared to the one he had with other acquaintances. He’d never felt the urge to hold Maria in his arms when she was having a bad day. There was a fragility about Jessica that called out to him and in that brief moment of comforting her Rob had relaxed his defences too.

  It took a lot of energy to pretend that seeing Lauren and the others didn’t get to him. He spent his days with other medical professionals who made it easy for him to keep that mask in place when they had to maintain a certain emotional distance from the patients too. Perhaps it was Jessica’s empathetic way of interacting with her subjects which conned him into thinking he could drop his guard too.

  He had hoped to abandon all thoughts of her on her doorstep once he’d fulfilled the promise to get her home. Now her offer to extend the evening made him think that she might need some company. Anyone would’ve been shaken up after everything she’d gone through today and there was a chance she didn’t want to dwell on it alone. Wasn’t he dreading doing the same thing himself? There couldn’t be any harm in lending a sympathetic ear for a few minutes over a medicinal cup of tea. Especially if he could strike Jessica’s welfare off the list of things which would keep him awake tonight.

  ‘I would’ve done the same for anyone but if you’ve got any chocolate biscuits to go with the tea you can count me in.’

  ‘I’m sure we can find something for that sweet tooth of yours.’ Jessica went on ahead, leaving the front door open for Rob to follow.

  The sound of a breaking dish and soft cursing led him towards the kitchen, where he found her picking up fragments of china from the tiled floor. The reasons he’d agreed to come into the apartment deserted him when he was confronted with the picture of her pert backside outlined in the tight grey fabric of her dress.

  He said the first thing that came into his head that would excuse him for paying close attention to certain body parts he had no business staring at. ‘It’s highly recommended that you bend at the knees to prevent back pain.’