by Karin Baine
It wasn’t until he went over her records again and saw those letters—ALL—he made the connection with Jessica. She would’ve been around the same age when acute lymphoblastic leukaemia had struck her too. He was eternally grateful for the fellow oncologist who’d saved her life. It proved to him how important his role here was for his patients and their families.
After he checked Katie’s full blood count and clotting results were satisfactory he took off his wedding ring and gave his hands a thorough wash.
‘Okay, Katie, I’m sure you’ll be glad to know we’re going to remove your Hickman line today.’
She bit her lip as she nodded but her mother’s relief was more audible at having treatment come to an end.
‘It’s a relatively quick procedure. All you should feel are a few scratches when I numb the area around the line and some pressure as I remove it. You can stop me at any time if you’re uncomfortable but it should all be over in a few minutes. Okay?’ No matter how much he reassured her, it was only natural that she remained wary. He was glad when her mother reached over to take her hand to support her.
‘I’m going to raise the head of the bed so you’re more comfortable.’ It also made it easier for him to access the site.
Maria stepped forward to lower Katie’s hospital gown to expose her central line. Rob gently manipulated the tube so he could observe where the skin puckered and find the internal cuff holding it in place. He washed his hands again before donning sterile gloves and pulling a gown on over his blue scrubs.
He cleaned the area around the cuff carefully with copious amounts of disinfectant to create a sterile field and covered her chest with a sterile sheet, leaving just the site visible.
‘I’m going to ask you to turn your head to the side and look at Mummy and so we keep the area clean we need to make sure you don’t reach up and touch anything.
‘Have you got anything planned to celebrate later?’ he asked, trying to distract her from what he was doing.
‘We’re going to have a wee party at home,’ Mrs Daniels replied as he drew up the local anaesthetic into the needle.
‘My patients are always glad to see the back of me. I hope it’s nothing personal.’
‘You can come to my party if you want,’ Katie said with her head still turned away as instructed.
‘That’s very sweet of you, Katie, but I’m happy just to know you’re getting better. Now, you’re going to feel those sharp scratches I told you about. If you want me to stop, you only have to call out.’
She nodded again and Rob could see her squeezing her mum’s hand tighter.
He injected the anaesthetic in several areas around the cuff, careful not to hit the central line. Katie flinched when he broke the skin the first time but remained silent.
‘I hope there’ll be plenty of presents for you at this party too.’ He stalled, waiting for the anaesthetic to take effect before he continued.
‘I’m getting a puppy.’ Katie’s voice was positively shrill with excitement at the news. Although her mother was rolling her eyes at the idea, Rob knew from experience that the parents often promised their kids anything to help them through recovery.
‘That’s the best present ever. He’ll be good company for you.’ He lifted a scalpel from the tray Maria had provided beside him and made a small incision to release the cuff from her body. With stitch holders, he bluntly dissected the cuff until he could see the shiny white catheter.
‘I need you to count to three and then I want you to hold your breath. One, two, three.’ Rob applied pressure to the site and gently pulled the line free as Katie held her breath. It was important there was no air trapped in her chest, so he kept the pressure on her neck for a while after she started breathing normally again to make sure everything was sound.
‘That wasn’t so bad, was it?’
‘Is it over?’
‘As soon as we get you cleaned up.’ When he was satisfied there were no complications, he cleaned the area again, closed the insertion site with Steri-Strips and covered it with a dressing.
‘Can I go home now?’
‘We need you to rest here for a little while, then you can go home and put all of this behind you.’ There was no point hanging around reliving what had happened to her when she had the rest of her life to look forward to. The irony of that sentiment wasn’t lost to him as he pulled off his gloves and retrieved his wedding ring from the sink.
‘Maria will keep an eye on you until you’re ready to leave. Watch out for any tenderness or discharge around the wound over the next few days, but that’s us finished.’
‘Thank you, Doctor, for everything.’
‘You’re very welcome.’ He shook hands with the grateful mother, his wedding band mocking him every time it caught the light.
As soon as he was out of the ward, he wrenched it off his finger to study it. It hadn’t occurred to him to take it off in five years and he knew Jessica would never expect him to do it for her either. The more he stared at it, the more he thought it was tying him to the past. Whilst he was wearing it, he was still half of a couple which no longer existed.
In the eyes of the world he was unattached; indeed nothing in his actions indicated he was still a married man. He certainly wouldn’t be sleeping with Jessica if that was the case. The ring was nothing more than his security blanket now, his way to keep people at a distance. Except for the next couple of weeks at least, he wanted Jessica as close as possible.
Before he changed his mind, he pulled out his wallet and slipped the ring in beside the precious family photograph he kept there. As tough as it was to admit it, the only way his heart could heal was to let Leah and Mollie go. He would always carry them with him but that didn’t mean they were still here. It was time to move forward without them.
* * *
Jessica turned the pasta down to a simmer and stirred crème fraiche, chilli flakes and tomato and basil sauce into the chopped peppers and tender-stem broccoli in the pan. The chicken breasts were in the oven and the table was set for two. She wasn’t sure she could call this a celebratory two-week anniversary dinner considering it meant they were already halfway through their time together but at least someone was finally making use of Rob’s fancy kitchen.
When it had become obvious he wouldn’t be leaving with her, he’d insisted on ordering her a taxi and handed her the keys to his house. They both wanted to spend what was left of the evening together.
She’d made a detour to grab the makings of dinner and throw a few of her things into an overnight bag. It would save a lot of hassle in the morning when they’d invariably end up running late. The pressure was off now they’d established the nature of their relationship, so they could stop pretending she had any intention of going home.
She heard his car pull up outside as she assembled her ingredients into one spicy dish.
‘Something smells nice.’ Rob slid his arms around her waist and nuzzled into her neck.
It took great effort not to respond to his touch when she’d been waiting for it all day but she didn’t want all of her effort to go to waste if they gave in to their hunger for each other. ‘I thought it was about time someone christened this cooker.’
‘How very domesticated of you.’
‘Don’t panic. I’m not marking my territory or anything. I thought we could both do with a proper sit-down meal.’ She quite enjoyed cooking but it always seemed a terrible waste of time doing it for one.
‘I’m not complaining. You’re welcome here any time.’
If only that were true and there wasn’t a deadline looming. She was getting used to this idea of domestic bliss and they were altogether too comfortable together, in and out of the bedroom, for this to remain a meaningless fling. She knew it but she didn’t care. It was too late to retreat now when the damage was already done. The ide
a of no longer being with him was too hideous to contemplate and she was in this deeper than she’d ever imagined possible. All she could do now was enjoy the ride while it lasted. There was no other option but to walk away at the end of filming or she’d end up reliving that nightmare of rejection. Her appetite seemed to disappear with every mouthful.
After dinner they moved over to the sofa, where she’d grown accustomed to cuddling into Rob’s chest at the end of a hard-working day.
‘One of my patients finished treatment today,’ he said with obvious relief.
‘That’s wonderful news.’ Until he’d come into her life she’d forgotten the good parts of being part of a couple—sharing their stories and letting the stresses of the day ebb away in each other’s embrace. It was a simple act which could be taken for granted when there was someone to come to every night but one which would be greatly missed in an empty house. There was only a fortnight left of playing the happy couple, then it was back to reality.
‘How was your day?’
‘Not as good as yours, I’m afraid. We had some technical issues with the remote cameras, so we’ve lost today’s outside footage. We’ll have some continuity difficulties to iron out in the edits.’ It was a headache she didn’t need but one she was sure they’d overcome. She wasn’t one to give up without a fight.
‘My poor Jess.’ He dropped a kiss on her forehead and she felt better already.
She threaded her fingers through his, her heart almost stopping when she found the groove where his wedding ring once resided. There were any number of reasons why he might’ve removed it. Perhaps he’d forgotten to put it back on after washing his hands or caught it on a door handle and mangled it out of shape. Maybe he’d accidentally sewn it inside a patient. Anything seemed more plausible than removing it because of her but she couldn’t bring herself to ask him about it. The significance of that last scenario would scare her to death and force her to finish this earlier than expected.
A change of clothes and a toothbrush no longer seemed like the biggest step in their relationship.
CHAPTER EIGHT
JESSICA STOPPED BY the noticeboard in the corridor as one of the fundraisers took a red marker to the scanner appeal barometer.
‘Every little counts,’ she said, colouring in a few extra squares to take the total to almost three-quarters of the way to their target.
‘Hopefully, exposure from the documentary series will boost it even more.’ Jessica wanted the filming to benefit the patients and families as well as tell their stories.
‘Fingers crossed.’
Once the wielder of the felt pen walked away, Jessica studied the pictures pinned to the board, charting the progress of the fundraising. They’d held bake sales, car washes and charity auctions—with Rob playing a part in every one. His dedication to the cause was admirable and completely justified now she’d met so many of the children herself. They were also the reason she was here and she never wanted to lose sight of that. After the events of the past weeks, there was a definite possibility of that happening.
She and Rob had made each other late again this morning but she couldn’t complain. That reckless passion was more in keeping with a sizzling, no-strings fling than getting cozy on the sofa every night. The let’s-talk-about-our-day level of intimacy was a different story, a one-way ticket to heartbreak. At the end of the day, someone like Rob needed someone more than her. She should never forget that.
‘We still have a long way to go.’
For a second she thought she’d imagined Rob’s voice until he cast a shadow over her.
‘What? Oh, yeah, the scanner. I’m sure you’ll get there.’ See, your focus is totally screwed. You thought he was talking about you.
‘Are you signing up?’ He tapped on the latest money-raising idea pinned to the board.
‘A fun run? Me?’ It was a daytime event but in which context did he expect her to attend? Friend? Lover? Colleague? If she declined, she sucked as a human being in every category.
‘It’ll probably end up as more of a sponsored walk but it’ll still be fun. We’re taking the trail in Tollymore Forest Park in County Down, hoping to make a day of it. You’re welcome to join us.’
‘Next Saturday? I’ll have to see if I can arrange a crew to cover it.’
‘Actually, I think I’d prefer if they weren’t there.’ Rob ruled out the easiest option for her to justify being there by taking away her safety net.
He was close enough for her to see that he hadn’t had time to shave this morning. The sight of his stubble and the memory of it grazing against her skin as they made each other late for work reminded her why it was dangerous for them to be alone together. She shivered in his shadow.
‘We’ll see’ was all she would commit to for now.
‘These might help make up your mind for you. I forgot to give them to you last night.’ He produced a gift bag from behind his back and a wave of panic washed over her.
‘You didn’t have to do that.’ She had avoided the present-giving stage of relationships for a long time and took the bag between thumb and forefinger as though she’d somehow catch commitment from it. That way madness lies. At least that was what she told herself when she had only her mother to exchange gifts with over birthdays and major holidays.
‘I know. Just open it.’
She held the package at arm’s length while she opened it in case it exploded into a confetti of hearts and flowers. It was too heavy for jewellery or chocolates, and not tall enough for a wine bottle. A peek inside found a pair of trainers nestled in pink crêpe paper.
‘What the hell...?’ She pulled out a shoe in case the surprise was stuffed inside, but no, this was the actual gift he couldn’t wait to give her.
‘I can’t stand seeing you in pain at the end of the night, after hobbling around in those heels all day. You should give your feet a rest every now and then.’ He took the glittery pink footwear from her to display it in his hand with his best game show host flair.
‘Thank you.’ One pair of trainers bought with the welfare of her feet in mind suddenly became the most thoughtful gift in the world. And the scariest. Things were progressing too quickly to remain casual but she didn’t want to quit him.
‘And now you have an excuse to wear them.’ He looked so pleased with himself, Jessica couldn’t disappoint him by refusing them.
As she watched him walk away, she only wished she had something more than long working hours and a dodgy medical history to offer him in return.
* * *
Despite her reservations, the glitzy footwear brought a smile to Jessica’s face every time she donned them. At least the children approved of them, even if she’d received a few curious glances from her colleagues who were used to seeing her in more formal attire. A week’s worth of shoe-focused attention was preferable to breaking in new trainers on a five-kilometre run and limping her way towards the finish line. That bit of forward planning ensured she was comfy in her own shoes as she started this race. At least, as comfortable as she could be standing in the middle of a forest dressed in a tutu.
She caught Rob sneaking another sideways glance at her.
‘What?’
‘I’m still surprised you dressed up and I definitely thought you’d be more of a glamorous princess than a sparkly fairy.’ He shook his head as he assessed her choice of costume.
Jessica gave him a twirl so he got the full effect of her shimmering wings outside the confines of his car. She liked the fact that she could still surprise him even when they were virtually spending twenty-four hours together.
‘Ball gowns and glass slippers aren’t conducive to a hike in the country. Silver leggings, trainers and a pink tutu are much more suitable.’ Today was about having fun and raising money; it wasn’t a fashion contest.
‘It’s not like y
ou to be practical.’ He raised a dark eyebrow as he eyed her outfit again.
‘I can do comfort when it’s called for. I guess all of that advice isn’t completely wasted on me after all.’ She tapped him on the head with her starry wand and danced ahead of him in the queue for their race numbers.
‘Perhaps I should have worn the same?’ He did a little shoe shuffle to show off the neon-pink leg warmers to go along with his eighties-themed outfit. Only the rucksack on his back, packed with medical supplies for emergencies, spoiled the look.
‘I think you’re rocking the Day-Glo singlet and Bermuda shorts perfectly well.’ If he’d gone for the authentic tight white shorts, her heart might not have survived. She was having trouble enough not staring at his bulging biceps, never mind other protruding body parts.
‘And I nearly forgot this—’ He pulled a white headband from his bag to complete his ensemble and proved beyond doubt he had a sense of humour beneath the serious facade.
A lot of the staff had taken time over their costumes but there were a few whose ideas of fancy dress were based on novelty T-shirts. Jessica was glad Rob wasn’t afraid to show off his fun side in public. It made him all the more endearing. As if healing sick children and catching fainting women wasn’t enough.
They gave their names at the makeshift running station in the car park and received their numbers and route maps in return.
‘You’ve got quite a turnout,’ she remarked as they joined scores of people at the starting line.
‘I recognise a lot of the faces too. There’s a few of my old patients here with their families.’ Rob grinned and waved over to everyone who caught his eye. It was obvious how delighted he was that they were far enough along in their recovery to take part. His big heart was one of the reasons she loved him.
She could try to fool herself that it wasn’t true but all the signs were there. Why else would she spend every waking moment thinking about him and could no longer imagine sleeping anywhere but in his arms? Every layer she’d uncovered had made her fall harder and faster for Dr Robert Campbell.
