Baby Blues and Wedding Shoes

by Amanda Martin

  “I’m not sure, really. Is it important? What’s the urgency?” She allowed her words to come out slowly, knowing it would infuriate Daniel. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was taking the twins,” she continued breezily, not sounding at all sorry, “But really, it isn’t any of your concern.” She held the phone away from her ear, waiting for the explosion.

  “What do you mean? Of course it’s my concern, they’re my children. Do you want me to contact social services, tell them you have kidnapped my son and daughter?”

  The icy menace in his voice made Helen shiver, but she forced herself to remain calm, to keep her voice relaxed. “How can I kidnap my own children?”

  The calmness, more than anything, seemed to get through to Daniel. She heard him draw breath. He clearly wasn’t about to give up without a fight.

  “I have a right to see my children.” His voice was almost petulant.

  “Actually, you don’t. Not without my say so. And I don’t say so.”

  “I’m their father, I have rights.”

  Helen could almost imagine Daniel stamping his foot. He wasn’t used to people contradicting him. She wondered if anyone ever did? Maybe I should have tried it sooner, instead of tip-toeing around him like an idiot.

  “I’m sure you have some rights,” she said soothingly, as one might talk to a small child demanding ice cream. “But as we’re not married, have never been married, were not a couple when the children were born and I was, and still am, living with someone else, I’d say those rights are fairly minimal.”

  Helen had worried that Daniel would know more of the law than she did; would have consulted Mike, and start quoting acts and cases in defence of his argument. Instead it seemed he could only repeat the same words as before. “I have a right to have access to my children. You can’t deny me.”

  “Oh, I think I just did.” Time enough to find out exactly where she stood legally. For now it was enough to let him know he had a fight on his hands. She took a deep breath. “When you have learnt to be a better man, we can talk about access rights. I won’t deny the children their biological father, when he is worthy of the honour. Until then Marcio is all the father they need and more. Please don’t contact me again.”

  She hung up the phone, her hands trembling so hard she nearly dropped it. She was sure that wasn’t the end of it, but she hoped it had bought them some breathing space. Now all she needed to do was put her other idea into action, and they would all be more secure.

  Marcio was standing in the doorway, where he had been unobtrusively listening, to make sure Helen was okay.

  He came over now and wrapped his arms around her, talking into her hair. He could feel the tremors still running through her body. “I’m so proud of you. That can’t have been easy.”

  Helen clung onto Marcio, her rock in a choppy sea, and felt as if the whole horrible nightmare of the previous weeks had dissipated. It was still there, but in her memory, like a scary movie she had watched that left echoes but no scars.

  “It’s not over. Daniel won’t give up.”

  Marcio’s response was to hold her tighter, nuzzling into her warm hair. “We will fight him together, and we will win. I love you so much. Please, don’t ever shut me out again.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Do you think your mum might be able to take James and Jasmine for the morning tomorrow?”

  It was late evening and Helen and Marcio were curled around each other in bed, enjoying a brief hug while the twins were both asleep. They had been in Devon several days and had fallen into a routine of sorts, with Marcio writing while the twins slept, helping Helen when they were awake.

  Helen turned her head slightly so her voice wouldn’t disturb the sleeping babies.

  “Why?”

  “I want to take you somewhere; it would be nice to go just the two of us.”

  Trying to wake up enough to tune in to Marcio’s words, Helen felt a glimmer of intrigue. Where did Marcio know in Devon to take her?

  “Where do you want to go? We don’t have a car.”

  “We’ll have to have a lift to the station, will your dad mind?”

  “Probably not, but you still haven’t answered my question.”

  “I know.”

  Helen could tell that Marcio was grinning in the dark. It made her smile. It felt so long since they had laughed together.

  “You tease! Tell me!”

  “Shhh you’ll wake the twins.”

  “Tell me!” She hissed.

  “Then it wouldn’t be a surprise. So, will you ask your mum?”

  “You should ask her. She’ll do anything for you.”

  “Okay, I will.”

  “Right. That’s sorted then. Now shush. I’ll be feeding in two hours, I want some sleep!”

  “Let me take the first shift. I’ll give them a bottle if you like.”

  “If you wake before I do, you’re on!”

  It was exciting catching a train with Marcio, with no idea where they were going. He had made her stand with her back to the machine when he bought the tickets and had covered her eyes when they’d boarded the train.

  “Where are we going?”

  “That’s the tenth time you’ve asked this morning.” Marcio grinned.

  “Well, tell me, and I’ll stop asking.”

  “Are you always this bad at surprises? I thought you were bad on your birthday, but this is ridiculous.”

  “Sorry, but that was ridiculous.” She smiled at the memory. “I must have crossed half of London with my eyes closed. It’s a wonder I didn’t break my ankle.”

  “Come on, it was worth it, wasn’t it? Besides, everyone loves surprises.”

  “Not me. Not since the biggest surprise in my life was falling pregnant and getting dumped.”

  Marcio was pleased Helen could refer to it without tears. She rarely talked about Daniel or their past together, for fear of upsetting him. It seemed at last he could be confident she had no intention of running back to her former fiancée. The relief was like a drug.

  “I’m afraid this isn’t quite as big a surprise at that; though possibly as life changing.”

  “Ooh really?” Helen paused. She wasn’t sure she wanted her life changing any more. It was too exhausting.

  Marcio noted the trepidation in Helen’s face and felt a similar emotion. Was he doing the right thing? Particularly to have come so far without discussing it with Helen. It wasn’t too late to say no, but he knew in his heart of hearts he didn’t want to. It was perfect.

  The train journey took an hour, and as they neared their destination Marcio’s nerves grew, until he felt like a snake was writhing in his stomach.

  “We get off here.”

  “Bristol? What’s in Bristol?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “This is where you’ve been working, is it to do with your assignment?”

  “Yes, in a way.”

  “I haven’t got my camera, did you want pictures?”

  “No, nothing like that.”

  Marcio took Helen’s hand and led her to the taxi rank. There was a train to their destination, but today he wanted it to be as seamless as possible.

  “Drop us here please driver,” Marcio called as they pulled into a residential street.

  “You want to show me a house? Why?”

  Helen was starting to feel nervous. Was Marcio trying to tell her he was leaving her, that he had a new life, a new house? Surely he wouldn’t tell her this way. What else did he mean?

  “I’ll tell you when we’re inside.”

  Marcio led Helen up to the front door of an imposing semi with a lovely garden. In the garden two young children played on a slide, despite the cold March weather.

  Helen heard footsteps and when the door opened saw the face of a young woman, who smiled when she saw who was on the doorstep. Helen’s heart jumped into her throat and her blood pounded in her temples.

  “Marcio, you came, fabulous. And this must be Helen.” She looked
behind Marcio, before adding, “No twins?”

  “No, we left the twins with Grandma.”

  “Oh, shame, Sally and Lucy would love to have cooed over them. Still, probably as well. They’re enthusiastic but not that gentle.” She smiled fondly at the girls playing in the garden, then gestured for Helen and Marcio to come into the house.

  As she preceded the strange woman into her kitchen, Helen was aware that Marcio was whispering something to her. She strained her ears but couldn’t hear what he said, just the woman’s response.

  “Ah, okay, I’ll leave you to it. I’ll be in the laundry. There’s tea in the pot, help yourself.”

  Helen bristled at the realisation that Marcio clearly knew his way around this woman’s house. How many times had he been here, and who was this woman anyway? Some surprise!

  Marcio caught sight of Helen’s face as he led her into the kitchen and quaked inwardly as he helped her to a seat at the large family table that dominated the room.

  Helen looked around, her face stony. It was a lovely family room, full of the clutter of children, as well as piles of books and paperwork. It didn’t seem the place for a seduction, never mind the fact that Marcio would hardly bring her here if he’d been having an affair. She couldn’t imagine any other explanation however, so sat silently waiting for Marcio to fill her in.

  “You must be wondering why we’re here.”

  “Yes.”

  Marcio took a breath. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

  “Hmmm.” Helen looked around the room, avoiding Marcio’s eyes.

  “I have been coming to Bristol about work, but not for an assignment. When I came overnight it was for a job interview.”

  Helen looked at Marcio then, surprise etched on her face.

  “What job?”

  “Susan’s job.”

  “Who is Susan?” She could guess, of course, but she didn’t feel like making this easy for Marcio.

  “Oh god, I really am making a mess of this aren’t I? I didn’t even introduce you. This is Susan’s house. She lives here with her husband and her two girls, but her husband has been offered a new position in Edinburgh and they’ve decided to go. Because I have applied for Susan’s job, if I take it, we can take the house too. Would you like to live here?”

  Helen looked around the cluttered kitchen, through the window to the garden where the children were still playing. She could hear Susan in the utility room, humming as she folded laundry. It was a proper house; it felt like home, even more so than her lovely apartment. Yes, she could live here. Her mind raced with questions.

  “What job? What about our flat? We’re contracted for six months. What about your writing? And Daniel?”

  Marcio laughed, “Hang on, one thing at a time!” He walked over from where he had been making tea, and put two mugs on the table. Taking a seat next to Helen, he slid one steaming mug across to her, and turned to face her, ready to answer her questions.

  “Okay, what’s the job?”

  “English lecturer at the university.”

  “Are you qualified?” Helen sounded sceptical.

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence!” Marcio laughed. “Yes, actually. They’re confident that my writing experience, together with my knowledge of English Literature, allows me to fill Susan’s shoes. She works part-time teaching undergraduates. I’ll need to complete my PhD but I can do that while I’m here. To be honest, because she’s leaving mid-term, I don’t think they had many applicants.” Marcio shrugged.

  Helen’s head whirled with thoughts. “And the flat? Your writing?”

  “I had a chat with Muriel; she said she wouldn’t mind as long as we found a replacement, which shouldn’t be too hard. I can still do some writing for the magazine, but I’ve built up a back-catalogue of articles anyway. That’s why I’ve been working so hard recently. And I can work more on my novels now, in the school holidays. We could go to Spain for the summer, take the boat out.” He looked eagerly at Helen, scared to breathe.

  His face was so much like a schoolboy, waiting to see if he was to be praised or punished, Helen’s heart melted.

  “Oh, darling, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you’ll at least think about it?”

  “Of course I’ll think about it. But, leaving London, my friends, it’ll be hard.”

  “Bristol has ‘comfort, coffee shops and culture.’” Helen laughed as Marcio repeated verbatim her words from so long ago.

  “And your mum is only an hour away by train. There’s a station in walking distance from here.” Marcio added, as if presenting his trump card. He judged it was time to let Helen think, so rose and went over to the pot to pour more tea.

  Helen sat quietly while Marcio refilled their mugs. It was enticing. To have a proper house, to be near her mother. To have Marcio working a normal job, with long holidays. She couldn’t really see the catch. Even leaving her friends didn’t seem so bad. Dawn was off with John anyway, and Ben and Sharni were clearly going to make a go of it, even if they hadn’t realised it yet. She could make new friends. Maybe she could even find a new photography group; there must be one at the university. When the twins were a bit older she could even find a job, help pay the bills. Away from London she could shrug off the shadow of her former connections; not just Daniel, but Maria and Sara and all her other former colleagues who had been only too happy to revel in her misfortune.

  Marcio returned with fresh tea and sat quietly next to Helen, waiting for her to speak.

  “What about Daniel? He isn’t going to give up without a fight, and we may give him extra ammunition if we leave London. Besides…”

  Marcio turned to face her, worried at her hesitation. Did she still want to see him?

  “He still needs to be able to see the twins. Despite everything I said, I won’t deny them access to their father, if he wants it.”

  “It’s only a 2-hour drive from London. He is… welcome here.” The words nearly stuck in his throat but they had to be said.

  “Thank you.” Helen’s voice was low.

  “Just so long as he’s not too welcome.” He raised an eyebrow.

  “He is nothing to me, Marci, you have to believe that.”

  Marcio put down his mug and took Helen’s hands.

  “I want to believe it. Listening to you on the phone the other night I could believe it. But he has so much more to offer, I could understand if you would rather be with him. I would hate it, but I could understand.”

  “Marcio, you’re being silly. I want to be with you. I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”

  She leant forwards and kissed him, gently at first, then deeper. He reached across and twisted his fingers into her hair, pulling her into an embrace. For the first time since the twins were born Helen felt a glimmer of heat, and welcomed the feeling. Marcio wasn’t just her best friend; she still burned for him. It might be a while before her body was ready, but to know her mind was willing was the last question answered.

  “Yes.” She whispered the word into his kiss.

  “Yes?” He pulled away, confused for a moment.

  “Yes, we can come to Bristol. I would go to the end of the world with you.”

  “It might not be London, but it’s hardly the end of the world.” Marcio’s laughter hid his relief. The thought of losing Helen and the twins still seared hot within him.

  “A new beginning. Just the four of us.” Helen found she was excited at the idea. “When do we start?”

  Maggie couldn’t hide the tears when Marcio and Helen returned from Bristol to share the news that they were moving there permanently. She had tried so hard to conceal from her daughter how much she wanted to be able to see her and the twins regularly. Now that was going to be possible, she could let her emotions show.

  Her face wet but beaming, she hugged first Helen then Marcio. “You’ll be sick of the sight of me!”

  “Of course not, Mum. You’ll be welcome whenever you can come. There are three bedroom
s, so we’ll have a bed waiting for you anytime you want to stay. And babysit.” She threw a mischievous glance at her mother.

  “Cheeky!”

  “You should see the house mum; Susan’s made it so cosy since she’s been there. And you can see the garden from the kitchen window, so when the kids are older I can watch them play while I prepare dinner.”

  Listening to her daughter’s voice bubbling with enthusiasm, Maggie felt relief wash through her. Already Helen looked rejuvenated, compared to how she had been when they all arrived in Devon. It had frightened her, to see how much her daughter had changed in the short time since the twins were born. Her gorgeous, lively daughter had become withdrawn and pale. Now she had a bloom in her cheeks again, and was talking about the future with joy instead of dread.

  Maggie turned to Marcio, who was telling her more about his new job at the university. God bless him and his arrival in Helen’s life. Maggie couldn’t imagine what might have happened to Helen, if she had been alone when Daniel came trying to win her back. She would have gone to him, and been lost to me forever. She shuddered and reached over to give Marcio a hug.

  He looked up, confused, but smiled warmly at Maggie. It would be good to have her nearby, to support Helen, and to spend time with her grandchildren.

  Marcio felt his pocket vibrating, as his phone began to ring. Fishing it out of his jeans, he looked at the number, but all it said was International. Shrugging, he excused himself and headed out the room to answer the phone.

  “That was Mum,” Marcio said, when he came back a few minutes later. “She tried the flat, and was worried when there was no answer. She wants to meet the babies, wants to know if we can make it to Barcelona for her birthday, but I said the twins are still too little to travel yet.”

  Helen looked up from where she and Maggie were sat making plans for moving to Bristol. She could see the indecision in Marcio’s face, the disappointment, and came to a quick conclusion. Right now it seemed like anything in the world was possible.