“Didn’t you bring me books?”
“Yeah. I own them. My sister got them for me. The ones I’m returning are for school. I have to write this stupid paper for my psychology course. I wasn’t allowed to base it on drug counseling, so it took a bit of research to complete. Do you have any other questions, or am I allowed to get going?”
“Did something happen to make you all snippy?”
“No. I’m being me. If you want to hang out, it will be on my terms.”
I waited until she was at the entrance to the ranch to put my two-cents in. “Look, I don’t know what happened when you went in that house, but I’d like the real Addison to come back and play. Now, if you want to go to the boring library I’m game, but I think we should return the books and spend the day doing something fun. It’s nice out. Come on. Live a little.”
She looked at me and then turned onto the main road. “What do you have in mind.”
“You have to trust me.” I wanted her to.
“I barely know you.”
“You can tie my hands behind my back.” When she didn’t seem amused, I changed the stakes. “If you don’t have fun I promise I’ll find another ride to all the meetings. I’ll never ask you for anything else again. I seriously don’t have anyone to hang out with. Joe is a tool, and I’m already bored as shit. I’m not planning on going out to score. That’s not me. I know it was a shit decision to get hooked on the pills. I’m clean now, and it’s going to stay that way. Instead of being two addicts, how about we’re two normal people for once? Please, will you just spend one damn afternoon with me?”
“I’ll do it, as friends only. If you can promise me that, I’ll agree. If you make one move, I’m done.”
I let out an air-filled chuckle. “It’s a deal.”
I wasn’t happy about not being able to flirt, but somehow I didn’t think it would matter. I’d show Addison a good time, and hopefully she’d want to do it again. If she didn’t I’d back off, because I wasn’t desperate.
One way or another I was going to make this woman see what was happening right in front of her naïve face.
Chapter 7
Addison
We’d been driving for nearly twenty minutes, and now we were going down a dirt road surrounded by thick vegetation. “If you’re taking me someplace to kill me, I’ll have you know I can fight. I carry a taser too.”
He laughed, throwing his head back like he couldn’t control his amusement. “I’m not going to kill you. You’re way too pretty to waste.”
“Oh, that’s supposed to make me feel better?”
He pointed to an opening in the road. “Turn left up here.”
When I did so, I noticed a bunch of cars parked. Some people were standing behind an old pickup truck with the tailgate lowered. Inside was a cooler.
“What is this place?”
“It’s a secret spot. There’s a large lake down that hill over there.” He was pointing again to show me.
“How come I’ve never heard of it?” I asked.
“Probably because you’ve never had to leave your property for a good time. I’m sure your fancy school friends didn’t hang out in places like this. This is where the poor kids spend their summers.”
I felt strange when he explained it that way, almost like I was too good to know a place like this existed, because I was privileged and he wasn’t. I’d never throw my families wealth in someone’s face. It hurt me that he would. “It’s not true, you know. I don’t differentiate myself from other people. I feel we’re all equal, especially in the end.”
“You never cease to amaze me.” He quickly opened the door and exited the vehicle. “Hurry up, we’re wasting time.”
I climbed out slowly, wondering why he’d take me to a swimming spot with no bathing suits. “If you think for one second I’m swimming in the nude you have another thing coming.”
He hunched over and pointed again, this time to the group of teenagers. They were looking at me like I was crazy. When I peered over the hill I saw everyone was in bathing suits or fully clothed. No one was naked. Leave it to me to assume it would be some kind of nudist group. I shook my head and felt like an idiot. “My bad.”
He walked over to the young group of people standing around drinking beer. “Hey, man.” He addressed one particular guy. “Have y’all been here long?”
“Yeah, dude. We were about to bounce.”
“I’ll give you twenty bucks for two waters and one of those blankets you’ve got thrown in the back.”
“Twenty bucks?” The young guy verified the amount. He looked to his girlfriend who just shrugged. “Yeah, fuck it. Less shit I’ve got to take back.” The female fetched us two cold waters out of a cooler and handed them to Cole, while the male reached in the truck bed and grabbed the blanket. “Here ya go.”
Cole pulled a twenty out of his wallet and handed it over. “Thanks, man.”
When he turned back to me he lifted his arm for me to latch onto so I wouldn’t fall walking down the steep hill. It was the first time we’d touched in this way, and as reluctant as I was, it was impressive at the same time. I wrapped my arm inside of his and held on tight, focusing on where we were headed instead of the strong, irresistible man I was holding on to.
Once we made it to flat ground he spread the blanket. “Don’t get any ideas. This thing has probably seen a little too much action.”
“Eww. That’s disgusting.”
“Just sit down.” While he said it he pulled his shirt over his head. My mouth dropped, literally, as I sat there watching every single psychical attribute coming to life. He was so defined. I silently wondered what it would be like to run my hands up his strong chest, what it would feel like to dig my nails into his pecks as he brought me ecstasy. “Addison. Hello? Up here.” Embarrassingly enough, he was waving for me to pay attention. How was I supposed to respond? He’d caught me checking him out again.
I cleared my throat. “Sorry. Your tattoos are distracting,” I lied.
He fell down beside me and opened a bottle of water. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s what you were seeing.”
“Why do you do that?”
“What? Speak the truth? I told you I wouldn’t flirt. I didn’t say anything about ignoring what you were doing with those suggestive, gorgeous green eyes.”
It was already hot outside, but I could feel my body overheating. I tried to take deep breaths to steady myself. “Fine. You have a nice body. I’m sure you know that.”
“I work hard at it. I try to eat healthy, aside from the occasional breakfast binge. I’m a sucker for pancakes.”
“So you’ve said.” I played with my hair, putting it up in a bun to get it off my shoulders.
I looked out at the lake. A few people were swimming in what appeared to be underwear. There was no way lace was included in any bathing suits around where we lived.
“I’m getting in. You should join me.” He jumped to his feet quickly, extending a hand for me to come with him.
“You’re crazy. I’m not dressed for it. It’s not like I can just take off my clothes like you.”
“Well, you could, but it’s not what I’m asking. Come on. Live a little. For once think about something other than being good. I bet there was a time when you were adventurous.”
I smirked. If he only knew.
“See, I’m right ain’t I? Come on. Wear your clothes if you need to. Let me see the real Addison, the one who throws caution to the wind and has fun, because we’re young and we can.”
I thought about it. What would it hurt if I swam in a lake? I wasn’t breaking any laws.
He bent over and tucked his wallet under the blanket. I’d left my things in the car and locked it. Lucky for me I had a touch pad to unlock them from the outside of the vehicle.
I stood up slowly, unsure if I wanted to get wet and have my already tight clothes showing off every curve of my body. “I don’t know.”
“Please. I want to know the real you. Show me what y
ou’re hiding from everyone else. I won’t tell a soul.”
I don’t know why it felt so easy to place my hand in his. While Cole watched me I lifted my tank top over my head. My bra wasn’t anything fancy. It resembled a bathing suit enough. When I dropped my shorts I swear I saw him crack a smile. “It’s not fair you get to keep your shorts on.”
“I won’t look.” He turned around, not that I cared at this point. He was bringing something out in me that I’d kept hidden. I wanted to feel alive again; the rush of being adventurous.
My bra and panties didn’t match. Obviously I hadn’t seen the day going like this. My red bottoms and black top were plain enough where I didn’t feel like everyone would be staring, but I still ran into the murky water to hide myself. Cole stood there for only a second watching me, before finally running in until we were face to face, chest deep in the water.
He went under and came up behind me. I spun around again, watching as he disappeared underneath. The sound of bubbles emerging let me know he was behind me again, this time not giving me time to twist and catch him. I felt hands on my hips. I should have swam away, or at least stood my ground. I should have told him he was going against his promise, but I didn’t. I think he was testing me. When I placed my hands over his, still holding my sides, he brought me back against his chest and whispered in my ear. “Being with you is like being high. The closer you get the better it feels.” His lips drug over the lobe of my ear, causing my head to fall back and eyes to close. “Tell me to stop and I will.”
“This is crazy,” I whispered as his lips found my neck.
His hands began to rise, taking mine with them. Just under the wire to my bra he stopped. A million different feelings were running through my head, but none of them were fear. In this moment I knew exactly what I was doing, and I wouldn’t have been able to stop it if I tried. “Just go with it. Don’t be afraid of me. I won’t hurt you.”
I turned my body around, now face to face with Cole. His eyes up close were so undefined. They weren’t green, or blue – not even gray. Every color was speckled together to make a hazel tone. I stared in them, breathless and prepared for what I knew was about to happen. “I’m not afraid of you, Cole. I’m more afraid of not being able to stop myself.”
“I’m not a drug, Addison. I’m just a guy, who likes a girl that happens to share a common struggle in life. Just because we’re addicts doesn’t mean we can’t live. In the years I’ve been taking pills, nothing has felt more real to me than being around you. We’re strangers, I get it. Except, being around you, especially like this, it feels right. Let’s go with it. We don’t have to tell anyone. It can be our secret.”
I don’t know who made the first move. I felt my lips closing in on his and let my eyes shut. I wanted this to happen; so bad I could feel it before it did. The seconds our lips brushed for the first time I was crumbling. My values were tossed aside because this man; this handsome, crazy man, took my breath away. Cole placed small kisses around my lips before our first full-fledged lip-lock. It intensified quickly after that, to the point where my legs were wrapped around his waist and his hands were holding my ass. I didn’t want it to end. Our tongues played against one another, perfectly dancing together like we’d done this a million times. Everything around us disappeared. There were no other people, no critters, not even the water around us. Even though we were cooled off, my body was on fire, and he was both the ignition and the extinguisher.
When we finally took a second to catch our breath, neither of us let go. I clung to him now. It was easy, almost natural. “It took you long enough,” he said in a teasing manner.
“Fine. I’ll admit it. You broke me. You’ve got me where you want me. Now what?”
He kissed my nose. “Now we spend our time getting to know each other, instead of arguing about who wants who more.”
“We never argued about that.”
“That’s not how I saw it. Precious, you’ve been wanting this since the moment we met.”
“You were in the hospital. I felt bad for you.”
“At the church. We met at the church, and I know you haven’t forgotten.”
I let my head fall on his shoulder as I laughed. “You call me out on everything.”
He lifted my chin and softly brushed his lips over mine again. I could feel his smooth tongue licking over my bottom lip before he pulled away to speak. His own eyes opened so slowly. “Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve thought about you since that night. To be honest, I didn’t think you’d give in so easily. I thought I’d have to drop my shorts first.” While he chuckled at his comment I lightly smacked his chest. “You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, I was fully prepared to do whatever it took.”
“Really?”
“It doesn’t matter now. You totally caved.”
I brought one hand to my mouth and giggled. “I totally did.”
“Now is when the fun begins.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
He grimaced and licked his bottom lip. “That’s for me to know, and you to find out afterwards.”
“I’m not afraid of you.”
“Oh, I know. That’s why it’s going to be so damn good.”
“One day at a time, Cole,” I reminded him.
“Damn, I was hoping to get you naked.” He cackled to himself. “I’m playing. Don’t get me wrong, precious, I’d love to get a piece, but I’ve got a feeling you’ll be worth the wait.”
I wasn’t offended he was assuming we’d sleep together. I’d be in denial if I didn’t admit this encounter was making me feel things that had been dormant for far too long. I’d make him wait, but when it did happen we’d both enjoy it, I could guarantee I would.
Cole and I made out in the water until our skin was pruning up. He carried me to the beach, displaying his strength even more. I don’t remember disconnecting from him when we got down on the blanket. His warm body was against mine almost immediately. He hadn’t taken this thing between us any further than touching, and honestly, he wasn’t trying to grope. Cole held me, his lips staying around the area of my head and neck. He was gentle, passionate even. It swept me away.
A little while later we were still camped out on the blanket. “What would you have done if someone wasn’t here to buy a blanket and drinks off of?”
He shrugged. “I would have let you sit on my shirt while I stayed in the sand.”
“Why do you call me precious?”
“Because you are. You’re like a porcelain doll. You’re beautiful to look at, but you’re fragile. I need to be careful with you. We wouldn’t want you to crack.”
I wanted to smile, but Cole had brought up a good point. I was fragile. On the outside I appeared strong, but every day was a struggle. Now I’d let him into my life on a personal level. I feared it was going to break me down again, but I couldn’t begin to tell him to stay away, not after the day we’d shared.
He took our hands and laced them together in the air between us. “I feel like you get me. I don’t have to pretend to have all the answers to life. With you, I can just be me.”
“I feel the same,” I agreed.
“It’ll be our secret. If you decide I’m a waste of your time, no one has to know.”
“What if the opposite happens?” I couldn’t believe I was bringing this up on our first real day of being together like this. Was I glutton for punishment?
“You mean, what if you fall in love with me? Well, that can’t happen, Addison. You’re too damn good for me.”
I placed my hand on his cheek. “Don’t say that. You never know where life will take you.”
“Maybe. I do know your family would never approve of me. Since I like this thing between us, I’m not going to ask you to show me around. Keep it between us, okay?”
I didn’t understand, but I agreed. The less people who knew I was dating someone I was sponsoring the better. I would be a terrible role model to display my inability to keep things professional, especially in
the first week of knowing someone.
Chapter 8
Cole
It was too good to be true. That’s what I kept telling myself while I had her in my arms. I’d gotten my way for now, but how long could it last with the big secret I was keeping? Once she put two and two together there was no way she’d want me anywhere near her. I wished I could choose where I came from – who brought me into this world. It would make things so much easier. I’d been abandoned, and from what I’d learned so far, it wasn’t much different from what happened to her with her own mother. Being estranged from your kids was what my mother knew. In some ways I felt sorry for her.
After living with my foster family, I saw what life was supposed to be like. It sent me further over the edge. I was always trying to wiggle my way toward something better, only to fall on my ass when I thought it was within reach. My relationship with Addison was going to end the same way. At some point she’d see me for who I really was, and then all bets were off. She’d kick me to the curb, not even caring if I overdosed and died. She’d hate me that much. My family was the reason one of her siblings wasn’t born. I’d heard the stories. I’d researched them online when the truth was too gruesome to believe. My uncle had kidnapped and tortured her mother for ransom money. Who knows if he was aware of her pregnancy or not. He still violently beat her and left her in a basement malnourished. That unborn baby died by his hands, and like it or not, that was something a family can never get over.
For the record I never met him. I’d seen pictures, and I remember my grandmother going to visit him in prison. She used to talk terrible about the Mitchells, claiming one of their children was her grandchild. She obviously had a screw loose. All the Mitchell kids were being raised by their parents. I assume it was all a ploy to try and get more money out of them.
I hated my family – every single one of them. My only wish was that I would have died of starvation before I was able to see what it was like to live with a normal, loving family. It was torture for me, knowing I’d grown up amongst filth who only cared for themselves. Why she didn’t give me up for adoption was beyond me. I suppose she liked getting checks from the government to support her habit.
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