Clickbait

by Lisa Suzanne

  Oh, did I mention he’s a puppy?

  I also have a new contributor to the blog. I realized something was missing from my blog, and I think this is going to be a really great new feature.

  It’s a man. I decided to have a man contribute to Courting Sandy Eggo because you only ever see my perspective. Don’t you think it would be great to see another perspective? If my mission for this blog is to help the people of San Diego—and beyond—to find love, shouldn’t you get both sides of the story?

  Oh, and have I mentioned that I’m back together with Carter?

  The new contributor is none other than Carter King, who just happens to be my boyfriend.

  Yeah, I know I called him one of the top douchebags in San Diego. I regret saying that now, but he said and did some things he regrets, too, so we’re sort of even. I’ll let him tell you about that, though. Isn’t this fun already?

  I’ll back up because you, my dear readers, deserve the whole story. Carter came by with breakfast burritos and an explanation. He had his reasons for attending a benefit with his ex, and they were valid reasons. We hadn’t officially called ourselves anything at that point, anyway. What you really need to know is that Carter isn’t afraid of commitment. He isn’t afraid of giving himself fully to a woman. He’s a strong, sexy, kind man, and each day I’m with him shows me some new side to him that makes me fall even more in love with him.

  Yes, that’s right. Love. It’s love.

  We decided to be friends after our talk, but then I realized I didn’t want to be friends with him. Once I confessed that to him, neither of us ever looked back.

  The dog I adopted is from KC Animal and Dog Rescue. You need to go there and take every single sweet puppy home with you. Be sure to introduce yourself if you see me there, which is likely because I plan to go in a few times a week to volunteer my time and pet all the pups, plus Fred loves to visit his brothers and sisters. Oh, and there’s a really hot doctor there, and I heard through the grapevine that he’s single.

  COURTING SANDY EGGO

  posted by Carter King

  YOU KNOW?

  It feels weird to say it, because I never thought the famous Courtney Sanders would ever agree to go out on a date with me, but now she’s my girlfriend. She’s feisty and, let’s be honest, a little crazy, but I love her. I might’ve loved her before I even met her. I knew who she was when I saw her step foot onto the beach like an angel in a white dress, and I watched her with Shelby, her ex’s dog. You know how good a woman is by the way she treats animals, and Courtney is leaps and bounds beyond a “good” woman.

  I lured her in with breakfast burritos, and I plan to get her to love pizza. I plan to take her on a road trip through the western states and up into Canada. Can you believe she’s never been to Canada? The things she’s missing…

  So how did I know she was the one for me?

  I just knew.

  I dated my ex for a long time. We’d been together for three years, but as soon as I told her I was moving to San Diego, we were over. It wasn’t what she wanted. I wasn’t what she wanted. And you know what? She was right. She was smart. If we had stayed together, I wouldn’t have had a chance to meet the real love of my life. I’d be in a relationship out of obligation instead of out of love, and that’s not what anybody really wants.

  Now I’m with someone who challenges me every day. We share a mutual support of one another—in fact, I support what she does so much that I agreed to write companion pieces to some of her posts, and sometimes I might just log on and post a little story of my own.

  We work well together, and I think it’s because she’s my other half. It’s cliché to say I was incomplete before I met her, so I won’t say it. I will say this, though: I am complete now that she’s in my life.

  Some of you may know that my parents knew each other for only two months before they tied the knot, and they’ve been happily married for many years now. I’m not saying I’m going to ask Courtney to marry me any time soon, but sometimes the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

  My brother? He’s a different story. He thinks playing the field is part of his full-time job.

  Me, though? I’m done. I’ve found the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.

  Was it quick? Sure.

  Was it love at first sight? Maybe.

  Was it easy? Hell no.

  And that’s just fine, because the things that end up meaning the most to us usually aren’t quick and easy.

  CHAPTER 23

  THREE WEEKS LATER

  “I feel like I’m forgetting something.” I tap my chin in concentration.

  “You probably are, but I’m actually pretty sure everything you own is in the back of this car.”

  “Thanks, that’s real helpful.”

  Carter laughs. “We can stop anywhere we want to get you anything you need.”

  “Okay. Then let’s go.”

  Carter fires up my car. A road trip like we’re about to embark upon calls for a vehicle larger than a Tesla, and my trusty Ford Explorer is roomy and comfortable. Fred is at my parents’ house. He really warmed up to them right away, and they call him their “grand-dog”. I’ll miss my little buddy while we’re on our trip, but we’re really doing it. It all came together really quickly, and our plan is to just wander.

  Well, my plan is to wander.

  My dream has always been to wander nomadically for a month, stopping when I feel like it and finding a place to stay.

  Carter, however, is much more of a planner than me.

  He has all the good hotels mapped out and all of our stops programmed into the GPS. He knows exactly how long we’ll spend on the road barring any unforeseen circumstances, and he knows where we’ll stop. I asked him kindly not to plan our actual meals, because chugging along and finding local places is half the fun of a road trip.

  Our plan is to drive the coast through California, Oregon, and Washington. We’ll enter Canada through Vancouver and then come back down through Montana and Idaho. Our final stop will be Las Vegas. He did book us a hotel in Vegas for the last three nights of our trip, so we have to at least stick to some sort of plan so we’re in Vegas by that time. I’m excited to just meander, find new places to write about, and continue to fall more in love with Carter.

  Oh, and the sex. I’m excited to check off a whole bunch of new locations on my sex map.

  Am I the only one who has one of those?

  I have my laptop, my phone, my tablet, and every power cord in my entire condo with me. He brought his laptop, too. He’ll have some work to do from the road, but he’s leaving King Contributions in the capable hands of his board while he takes three weeks to explore with me.

  Three weeks away from work was the max he was able to take. He has several big charity events next month, and while his team of people can handle the details, he still needs to show up. He still has a job to do, and an important one at that. The fact that he’s taking three weeks away from it simply to indulge my dream makes my heart beat just a little harder for him.

  Okay, a lot harder.

  “I have to pee.”

  “We haven’t even pulled out of your driveway yet.”

  “All the more reason why I should get out and go pee.”

  Carter laughs at me once again. “Go ahead.”

  I open my door.

  “This is gonna be one hell of a long trip,” he mutters.

  “Hey! I totally heard that!”

  “I said it loud enough for you to hear.”

  “You’re right. This is going to be a long trip, especially if you don’t shape up.”

  “Go pee so we can get on the road.”

  I head inside and do my business. I check around my condo one last time, making sure all the electronics are unplugged and the lights are off, and then I see my pillow sitting on my bed. See? I knew I forgot something.

  I march back out to the car, but it’s not in my driveway.

  It’s not in the garage.


  I don’t see it anywhere.

  I pull out my phone.

  Me: Real funny. Get your ass back here.

  Carter pulls up to the curb a minute later, laughing from behind the wheel. I open the door and glare at him.

  “I just wish I could’ve seen your face when you saw I was gone.”

  “Remind me why I want to go on a three-week road trip with you?”

  “Because you love me.”

  “Right. Keep reminding me of that.”

  “I see you found what you forgot.”

  “I did,” I say, tossing my pillow into the backseat. “And thank goodness. I hate hotel pillows, and really I couldn’t have just picked up a new pillow on the road. This one is perfect, and it took a long time to whip it into shape.”

  “Just like you.”

  I roll my eyes, and then our road trip begins.

  COURTING SANDY EGGO

  posted by Courtney Sanders

  C-eh-N-eh-D-eh

  I can finally say I’ve been to Canada! We’re here in Vancouver, and let me tell you—so far, I love this country.

  Maybe it’s the company, or maybe it’s some magical combination of things, but my road trip with Carter has been amazing so far.

  Our week spent in close, confined quarters has been nothing short of the best time of my life. I always knew that if I made a trip like this, it would have to be with someone who didn’t annoy the shit out of me.

  Carter is the perfect travel companion.

  He’s fun on a road trip. He doesn’t mind my off-key singing or ridiculous car dancing, and in fact, he joins right in—perhaps even a bit more off-key and a lot more ridiculous than me. My only complaint is that he wants to listen to Taylor Swift exclusively, and while I love some Tay-Tay, I prefer to shuffle the playlist around a little bit.

  Tonight he’s forcing me to go to some huge Vancouver attraction, but to be honest, I don’t want to go. It’s a little terrifying. I’ll brave it for him and for you, my dear readers, but it looks more than a little daunting.

  It’s a huge suspension bridge in the middle of a forest hanging over the Capilano River. Just looking at the pictures of this thing makes me break out in hives, but Carter really wants to do it, and you do things like this for the one you love. You take risks. You put yourself out there and walk across a bridge made over a hundred years ago (!) that’s suspended hundreds of feet in the air over a river.

  Oh, God. I don’t think I can do it.

  He did promise me I can have whatever I want if I go do this one thing with him, so I’m going.

  He has no idea what he’s in for with a promise like that.

  COURTING SANDY EGGO

  posted by Carter King

  SHE HAD TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME. AND NOW…THIS.

  The drive up here was gorgeous, as was my travel companion. Cue misty eyes and corny eye rolls, but it’s not just a line—it’s the truth.

  She’s not allowed to read this post until later tonight. I’ll tell you why in a minute.

  How many of you didn’t get the C-eh-N-eh-D-eh title of her last post? She had to explain it to me. “Eh”, a common Canadian interjection, is pronounced like a long A sound, as in snAke. So, replace each “eh” in the title with an “A” and what do you get when you pronounce the letters? C-A-N-A-D-A. She also told me I’m a nerd if I explain it, but I couldn’t leave you in the dark like I was.

  Anyway, there’s a point to my rambling. She was sitting next to me, and I didn’t want her to see this next part.

  I’m going to ask her to read this post when we’re on the suspension bridge. I’ve been thinking about how I wanted to ask her the question that’s been burning in my mind for weeks. I wanted to ask her in a way that would mean something to her. I wanted it to be in a place where she felt safe and secure, where she knew she had my full and undying support.

  I also wanted to ask her in such a way that she knew I would always be there to catch her.

  I came up with only one viable solution.

  It had to be on her blog. This blog is what means the most to her in the entire world. It’s not just her career; it’s her passion and her livelihood. You should see the way she lights up when she talks about what she does. It’s something I hold close to my heart.

  I’m asking her on the suspension bridge because it terrifies her. To be honest, I’m terrified, too. I don’t want to go out on the bridge. My biggest fear is heights, but I haven’t told her that yet. I want her to see it here. I want her to know how fucking crazy it is that we’re standing on the bridge, but I want her to see that I can put my own fears aside to calm hers.

  That’s what you do when you love somebody. You take risks. You put yourself out there.

  You ask a girl to marry you by posting it on her blog and then presenting her with a ring on a bridge made over a hundred years ago (!) that’s suspended hundreds of feet in the air over a river. God, I hope I don’t drop the ring.

  It’s too soon—that’s what everybody will say, but we’ve already been together as long as my parents were when they got married. And, as our blog posts have said, when you know, you just know. You know?

  I know. I want to spend the rest of my life making Courtney smile. I want to spend the rest of my life holding her hand in mine, singing and dancing to Taylor Swift songs on road trips with her, and seeing her face light up when she talks about her passions in life. I want to merge our lives together into one union strong enough to hold us together forever.

  Courtney Sanders, will you marry me?

  CHAPTER 24

  I take one step onto the bridge before stepping back onto solid land. “Fuck no.”

  Carter laughs. “Why not?”

  “Did you see the entire thing bounce up and down when I stepped on it? No. No, no, no.”

  Carter steps gingerly onto the bridge. “Stop being ridiculous. Hold my hand and we’ll conquer this together.” He holds his hand out toward me, and I finally roll my eyes and sigh before reluctantly taking it.

  We take a step together, and if I’m not mistaken, Carter seems a little nervous himself, which makes no sense to me since this was all his big idea.

  Once I get my bridge legs, so to speak, it’s really not so bad. I just don’t look down.

  I see some idiot kids up ahead skipping on the bridge, and I swear to God if the whole thing collapses because of them, I’m going to be so pissed as I fall hundreds of feet through the air toward certain death.

  We’re nearly halfway across the bridge when Carter stops. He looks at me, and he looks like he’s about to lose his lunch over the side of the bridge.

  “What?” I ask.

  “This was so fucking stupid,” he says, and I laugh.

  “This was your idea!”

  “I know. It was bad.”

  “Oh my God. We’re halfway across this stupid thing and now you tell me this?”

  He fishes his phone out of his pocket and turns it on. He shoves it at me and grips the handrail. “Read this. And please don’t drop it.”

  I white-knuckle the phone in my hand because I’m so scared I’m going to drop it. I have no idea why he’s handing me his phone when we’re both terrified in the middle of this stupid bridge.

  I read the headline and look up at him. “It’s your article.”

  He nods and draws in a deep breath.

  “Can I read it later after we get off this fucking bridge?”

  “No.” Some noise between a laugh and a wail of fear escapes him. “Read it now. Quickly. Please.”

  “Fine,” I huff. I skim through his words. “Did you seriously explain the eh joke?”

  He chuckles, but then his words take over and I suddenly forget where I even am.

  His post says he has a question to ask me, and my heart wavers in my chest as I suddenly know—beyond a shadow of a doubt—what his question is.

  I keep reading. His words mirror mine in places. “Your biggest fear is heights?” I whisper. I’m sort of surprised as I glanc
e up at him. I suppose we’ll keep finding out new things about each other, but that’s okay. We know the important things. We know what matters. We know our hearts and our lives have become entwined with each other’s.

  He’s as white as a sheet, so I read faster, skimming the words because I know they’ll be there forever. I can read them again later, but for now, I need to get to the end so I can see whatever it is he wants me to see and we can get the hell off this bridge.

  I get to the part where he first mentions the word “marry”, and I feel my eyes mist over. Then I read the part about how he wants to spent the rest of his life with me, smiling together, holding hands, taking road trips while we listen to Taylor Swift. It’s everything I want, too, and he’s the person I want it with. Forever.

  I read the last line, and then I look up at him as tears stream down my cheeks—only he isn’t standing in front of me anymore. He’s kneeling down on the bridge, holding a glinting ring up toward me between his shaking fingers.

  He opens his mouth to ask the question I just read, but he doesn’t need to voice the words. He already asked, and I already know my answer.

  “Yes!” I practically yell before he can even speak. “Yes, yes, yes!” I’m about to jump up and down with excitement, but I remember where I am before I move.

  He laughs and stands. He takes my hand in his and slides the ring on my finger, and I throw my arms around him. We both stumble just a bit, which would’ve scared the fuck out of me two minutes ago, but now I’m in a complete daze and I feel like I’m floating through the air.

  He kisses me—I mean really kisses me, in a style reminiscent of the first time he kissed me on the dock by his boat. He holds me close to him, and it feels like we’re both hanging on to each other to survive the bridge and to survive life. Somehow we’ve become a team, a single unit, and we rely and depend on each other. Now we’re going to pledge our lives to each other.