Desolate

by Guilliams,A. M.

  “A little over six months, but I used to visit here all of the time. My grandparents used to own the place before they died,” I replied, giving him just enough so that he’d get the information he sleeked, but without going into so much detail that he got my life story.

  “I remember your grandparents. They were nice people. The whole town was saddened by their losses. What brought you here, though?” he asked. Great and he wasn’t done with the questions.

  “My own set of problems. Ones I don’t really care to discuss,” I replied a little harsher than I intended.

  “Sorry if I asked something I shouldn’t have. My mother always accused me of being nosier than I should,” he laughed.

  “It’s no big deal. I’m just not ready to talk about it. I doubt I ever will be,” I replied as I looked away. I really needed him to leave so I could go on my ride with Shadow. I’d become extremely OCD when it came to sticking to my schedule with her, but I didn’t know how to ask him to leave without sounding rude.

  “I’m sorry again. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’d better go before I do any more damage tonight,” he replied as he ran his fingers through his hair.

  “It’s not your fault. I’m just not used to any of this, and I’m afraid it’s showing based on our conversations,” I replied with a fake laugh. I wasn’t being dishonest. I honestly had no clue how to act around him. Every time I’d seen him this far, I couldn’t help but notice how attractive he was and I felt guilty the second I noticed it. I shouldn’t be noticing any of those things, and yet my brain wandered there each and every time he was around. It was so confusing which made me want to distance myself from him even more.

  “I hope you have a great night, Magdalena. Not to try and tell you what to do or anything, but be careful riding Shadow in the dark. I don’t know where you ride her to, but anything could spook her at any time even during the day, and without having anyone here, it could be dangerous if something were to happen and you didn’t have anyone around to help you,” he nervously replied. He put his hat back on his head, tipping it as he walked toward the door. Ever such the gentleman.

  “Thanks for the advice. I’ll keep that in mind. Good night, Weston,” I replied as he opened the door.

  He looked back once more, without saying anything, he grinned and walked through the door, shutting it behind him.

  Before I could even think about what just occurred, I walked over to the door and got on my boots. It was time to go and clear my head the best way I knew how. Riding Shadow.

  I walked out the door and over to the barn where she resided. The moment that I opened the barn door, she started to make all kinds of noises as if she was excited for our time together.

  As I neared her stall, she peaked her head out and started to breathe heavily through her nose and raise her head up and down.

  “Hey there, my beautiful girl. Are you ready to go for a ride?” I beamed as I walked over to grab the saddle.

  After I readied her for our ride, I hopped on top of her and we set off for our spot. The whole time we were walking, I breathed in the brisk air and took in the sun beginning to set. This time of day had always been my favorite, which was why I always insisted on taking our rides at dusk. I could enjoy the ride and take in the beautiful sunset all at once.

  Moments later we’d gotten to the top of the hill and I stopped Shadow in front of the lone tree. I found this spot by accident one day when I decided to venture off to this side of the property and instantly fell in love with the peaceful feeling that overcame me. Ever since, we’d ridden to this spot so that I could watch the sunset and get my nightly dose of clarity.

  I climbed off of Shadow and walked over to the bench to sit down. Clyde had come out here one day to find me when he had worked late and said that I shouldn’t be sitting on the wet ground. The next day when I took Shadow for our ride, I came over to this spot and found the bench sitting beside the tree. That was the day I stopped trying to find ways for Clyde to not be in my life. I’d accepted that he wanted to be there for me, but I decided to keep him at arms length as much as I could.

  I made sure I had a good grip on her reins and sat down on the bench to finish watching the sun set. As if she could sense how much I needed her, she nudged my arm with her nose. I rubbed the spot between her eyes that I knew she loved so much and rested my head against the bottom part of her nose. After she’d gotten over being frightened, she’d become the most loveable animal I’d ever been around.

  I continued to rub her with my eyes shut, allowing my mind to remain clear as I took in deep breath after deep breath. The night air had cooled since we left the barn, but I welcomed the chill of the air. It made me feel how much I was alive as the chill met the bones beneath my skin.

  I took one final cleansing breath and opened my eyes as the sun settled into the horizon, the orange and pink glow appearing as if it was hiding behind the hills.

  “Come on, girl. It’s time to head home,” I stated as I got up off of the bench. I’d gotten through one more day without my thoughts drifting to what I’d lost. I feared the day when the cleaning of the house would be complete because I’d no longer have the distraction, but I never allowed myself time to think ahead. One day at a time was how I was living my life, but was I really living? I’d figure that out when the time came for it to be important. For now, I’d clean up the house and have my nightly rides with Shadow. I didn’t have time for anything else at the moment.

  Chapter 12

  Weston

  Two days had passed since I made an ass out of myself. And in those two days, I never got to lay an eye on her. She’d gotten really good at hiding and remaining hidden throughout the day. I don’t know why it mattered to me, but it did. The moment I laid my eyes on hers, I was drawn to her. Of course I found her attractive, but it wasn’t about that. It was something in the way she looked that made me have this need within to seek her out. And for the past two days I’d failed miserably. She never came out of the house or from wherever she’d hidden within the house long enough for me to see her. For whatever reason, I sensed that she’d been avoiding me at every turn.

  Today when I showed up for work, I was determined to find out a little more about her. Either from Clyde or from the woman who’d been avoiding me. I didn’t care which. The main piece of information that I needed to know was what exactly I was working with. I knew that something had caused her to be closed off, but I feared that she wouldn’t tell me exactly what that something was. Hopefully Clyde would be more inclined to divulge that piece of information.

  I’d waited until we’d gotten back in the truck to head over to the other side of the property before I asked him what I’d been waiting to ask.

  “Hey, Clyde. What’s the deal with Magdalena?” I nervously asked as I stared out the window of his truck.

  “What do you mean, son?” He was going to make me spell it out for him apparently.

  “I mean, she acts strange when she’s around other people. Almost as if she doesn’t know how to be around them,” I replied, as I continued to stare out the window. I didn’t want Clyde to see the desperate look on my face.

  “Son, she’s only been around me and that horse for going on seven months. Aside from the other night when she went out to the bar, she hadn’t left the house since she arrived.” Just from the way he spoke, I could tell how much he cared for her.

  “Why hasn’t she left the property since she got here?” I asked as I turned to face him. I needed to see how he responded to this question as much as I needed to hear the answer to it.

  “That’s not my story to tell you, son. Just know that the reason I warned you away from her wasn’t because I don’t think you’re good enough for her, because you are. I said what I said because I don’t foresee her ever believing that she’s good enough for you. There’s a lot of hurt that she needs to process, and I don’t believe for one second that she’s done much processing since she’s been here. And until she does, there’s not much
you can do to get through to her I’m afraid. She’s closed herself off with no hope of ever returning to the land of the living for reasons I can’t explain. Why are you so interested?”

  “Ever since I saw her sitting alone at the bar there’s like this magnetic pull willing me toward her. Even if I wanted to walk away, I don’t think I could because the pull was that great. Which is why I’m trying to get information out of you. I’d ask her, but she’s been avoiding me for the past two days. Our last conversation didn’t go so well and was extremely awkward. I was hoping that you’d give me an insight as to what I was dealing with, so I could prepare my next step,” I responded, hoping like hell that I didn’t come off as desperate even though I was.

  “I’d tell you if I could, but I can’t. Everyone has their own story. Just know that hers is extremely sadder than others and that’s all you’re going to get out of me,” he stated with a grin, like he’d just given me the answers to all of my questions.

  Only I was even more confused than I was before I ever asked him the first question. I may not have gotten any specific answers from him, but there was one thing I’d become more certain of than ever. I’d have to tread extremely lightly when dealing with her. Even though I already sensed that from our brief encounters, Clyde’s vague confirmation of how fragile she was confirmed my assumptions. She was just as broken as she appeared even if she thought she’d hidden it so well.

  “No problem, Clyde. I’ll figure it out,” I said, hoping like hell I was right. I rode the rest of the way across the property lost in my own thoughts of how I could get her to feel comfortable enough to open up to me.

  A couple of hours later, we’d realized we wouldn’t complete the last task for the day without a few more supplies, so we decided to call it an early day and finish it up tomorrow. After we got back to the house, we unloaded some of the tools off of Clyde’s truck and said our goodbyes for the day.

  He leaned inside and said something quick to Magdalena and came back toward my truck.

  “She must’ve already taken Shadow on her daily ride. I didn’t get an answer from her and that’s not like her. Unless she didn’t hear me, but I doubt that’s the case either. I’ll see ya tomorrow, son,” Clyde said as he turned and walked toward his truck.

  I leaned against my truck and had an internal debate with myself over what I should do. On one hand, she probably wouldn’t like me interrupting her time alone, but on the other she was always alone unless Clyde was around so that point was technically moot. I should just go and find her, but the property was vast and she could be anywhere. Why did everything have to be so hard when it came to figuring out women? That was the multi-million-dollar question.

  Just as I was about to leave, I heard a soft hum coming from off in the distance. Quickly, I turned around and saw her heading back this way, her body swaying to the beat of the horses steps.

  To hell with it. It was now or never and if she shot me down, I’d get over it. No harm, no foul.

  I waited for her to get closer before I started to walk toward the barn. She’d turned the corner with Shadow before I could gain her attention, so I had to tread carefully. I didn’t want to startle her yet again.

  She gracefully hopped off of the horse and I decided to walk toward the barn. The closer I got the more I could understand what she mumbled softly to the animal.

  “One day, Shadow, it won’t hurt as much, and that day will be the day I feel guilty all over again. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t in this situation. It’s why I don’t even try to live some sort of semblance of a happy life. Because I don’t want to ever live in a world where they no longer matter,” she mumbled as the tears streamed down her face. If I would’ve known this was a private conversation, I wouldn’t have eavesdropped.

  Before she could go any further into the conversation, I decided it was best if I make my presence known. If she wanted to continue the conversation, I’d let her, but I couldn’t in good conscience stand here and continue to listen to her private thoughts even though I so desperately wanted to know what she was talking about. I didn’t want to go about getting the information this way. I wanted to get it when she was ready to give it.

  I cleared my throat and waited for her to acknowledge my presence, but she continued to sit there, the tears still steadily fell down her red cheeks as she diligently brushed the horse’s mane.

  “Magdalena,” I called out in a barely there whisper, hoping that my voice would break her out of her trance. Unfortunately, she didn’t respond.

  I tried one more time to gain her attention by softly speaking, but she was lost in her own little world. I knew that if I did anything else, she’d get spooked, but it appeared as though my only options were scaring her or walking away. I didn’t want to do the latter, so I walked into the barn and over to where she was sitting and peered around the side of the horse.

  “Hey, Magdalena,” I spoke from the side of the horse.

  And just like I knew she would, she screamed at the top of her lungs. Only instead of just screaming, she fell back off of the bench she was sitting on and landed on her behind. Dear God, Weston. Give the girl a bruised ass along with that heart attack why don’t you? I inwardly scolded myself. I was zero for three with this girl, and my odds were slowly looking bleak. That was until I heard the second most beautiful sound of my life. The first being my baby girl’s voice. The second being the sound of the laughter coming from behind the bench.

  After I broke myself out of the trance I was in, I rushed over to where she was and held out my hand, hoping she’d grab it instead of smacking it away. Once she’d contained her laughter, she reached out to grab my outstretched hand and I pulled her to her feet. She brushed off the seat of her pants and then wiped her face with the back of her hand.

  “I’m sorry for scaring you yet again. It seems that’s all I know how to do when it comes to you,” I replied through a laugh, hoping to ease the sullen mood she was in.

  “Yeah, you definitely know how to scare a girl, that’s for sure,” she mocked as she continued to wipe off her face and underneath her eyes, her hands desperately scrubbing the wetness away.

  Without even thinking, I removed her hands and wiped the tears away with my thumbs, gently caressing the spot beneath her eyes that had become swollen from the combination of tears and her scrubbing.

  She peered up at me with a sad expression on her face before she stepped back out of my touch.

  “Sorry if that was crossing the line. I just wanted to help before you scrubbed your skin off. Are you alright?” I attempted to joke and ease the tension that built the moment that I touched her.

  “It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting a complete stranger to do something like that.”

  “Do you need any help?” I asked, hoping that she didn’t turn me down so we could talk.

  “Not really. I just need to feed her and put the saddle away before I put her up for the night.”

  Without waiting for a response, I walked over to where the food was and got some oats. I put the food into her bin then made sure she had plenty of water. I was walking out of the stall as she was leading Shadow over to it.

  She whispered something to the horse and kissed her on the side of the head as she walked her into the stall. Once Shadow was settled, she walked out and locked the gate to the stall.

  “Thanks for the help,” she replied as she fidgeted with her fingers.

  “I know you don’t know me, but you don’t have to feel nervous around me. I just saw you coming in here and wanted to come see how you’re doing today. I haven’t seen you around the past couple of days,” I replied as I put my hands in my back pockets.

  “I’ve just been busy with getting the house in order. I took on the project as something to do, but now I wished I would’ve just hired somebody. The more I do, the more work it appears needs to be done so I can get to the next room.”

  “I’ve been there and done that, but I did end up hiring someone.”
/>   “Lucky you,” she stated through a laugh as she shook her head.

  “It was a bigger project than I could handle, but it’ll be worth it once I have the shop up and running,” I replied, instantly feeling happy that I was that much closer to achieving my dream of having my own shop one day.

  “Shop?” she questioned with an odd expression on her face.

  “Yeah, an auto body shop. I love working on cars and decided when I moved back home that I’d open one. It’s been a dream of mine since I was younger,” I replied in hopes that she’d continue the conversation.

  “Wow. Congrats on achieving your goal,” she replied with a genuine smile. A look I could get used to coming from her.

  A gust of wind blew and slammed the barn door shut as I was about to reply, causing both of us to jump from the sound.

  “It looks like I was right about the storm coming in. That’s why I walked her earlier today. I looked at the weather and saw that we were going to get some rain, so I decided to change the schedule up some,” she stated as she rubbed her hands up and down her arms, the thin shirt that she had on doing nothing to combat the sudden chill in the air.

  “Here. Take this,” I stated as I took off the flannel coat that I had on and wrapped it around her.

  “You didn’t have to do that. The house is right over there, but thank you,” she replied as she started walking to the door. I’d hoped to have talked to her a little longer, but the impending storm had put a damper in my plans.

  “You can give it back to me later,” I replied with a grin, now having an excuse to see her again.

  She pushed the barn door open just a bit and looked outside. I could hear the rain before I saw it. From the sounds of it, we’d get drenched the second we stepped foot outside of the door. Before I could get a good look, she shut the door to the barn. Guess we were going to be stuck here for a bit.

  “I don’t think we should chance it. It’s really coming down out there,” she laughed as she stepped further into the barn. Having no other choice, I waited to see exactly what she was going to do before I moved from the spot I stood in. She walked over to the plastic storage container and pulled out two thick, wool blankets and walked toward the first stall in the barn. She sat down on the hay in the corner and covered up with one of the blankets. Looking up at me, she held the other blanket out to me. Without hesitation, I walked over to her and reached out, taking the blanket out of her hands. I sat down across from her and laid the blanket over my stretched out legs, getting comfortable. Storms in the mountains could last hours or minutes, and I didn’t know which scenario I should hope for.