The Wreck of Our Hearts

by Yajna Ramnath

  “I know,” I sighed and turned away from her.

  “That’s just it, Aria,” she protested. “I don’t think you do. You look at him with your heart in your eyes. He looks at you with guilt. You brought him here today not to make him feel a sense of family, but because you want to integrate him into your life.”

  I swallowed hard.

  "That is exactly what you did with Holden," she reminded me and ignored the wince I elicited when I heard his name. "You became everything that he wanted, you integrated him into your life and you told the entire world that he was a part of yours when he did nothing of the sort. You reduced yourself to having to avoid almost everyone and everything you once loved because it reminds you of him. When was the last time you listened to Ed Sheeran?”

  I closed my eyes as a tear strolled down my cheek as if it had all the time in the world to remind me of how my heart broke into a thousand tiny pieces.

  “You loved his songs, but ever since that asshole told you that one specific song was a song that he associated with the two of you,” she took a deep breath, “have you ever listened to it?”

  I shook my head. It was true. I was a huge Ed Sheeran fan. Holden heard a song once and told me that the song reminded him of us. I sort of dubbed it as our song, even though he did no such thing. I even remember that once he continuously blocked my eyes as I drooled over Harry Styles in the One Direction Perfect video.

  “You need to take back your life before you even consider molding it to someone else,” she blew out a frustrated breath. “Actually, you need to stop molding your life to anyone else.”

  I nodded. I knew I was probably going to land myself in trouble. I still had a heart filled with Holden and his betrayal, but parts of me were attracted to Dasher in a way that was hard to ignore.

  "Aria, there isn't anything wrong with being alone for a while," Alessa implored. "I know my leaving to the other end of the world is going to be another transition, but I wouldn't have taken this step if I didn't think it was the best decision for me."

  I turned around and hastily wiped my tears. “Don’t ever explain yourself. You need to move forward with your life. You cannot always babysit me and my juvenile feelings.”

  “Your feelings are not juvenile,” she rolled her eyes. “Promise me that you’ll be careful?”

  “I promise that I will try,” I answered her.

  “I’ll take it,” she grinned. “I love you, Aria.”

  “I love you too.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Dasher

  There are no words to express the feelings I have going on inside me as I sat in the chair across from my brother and Paisley. The Camden Publications boardroom was a huge glassed out affair like something out of Suits. Paisley smiled tiredly at me and I knew that was her saying that she was sorry for our argument the other day.

  I ignored that look and glanced instead at my brother who scribbled in a folder. I looked around and waited for more of the members to join in, but it seemed like no one else was coming in. I watched Travis with his head bowed as he flipped through the folder in front of me. I again saw Paisley trying very hard to have a conversation with me using her eyes. I pissed her off by staring blankly at her.

  My patience wore thin and I gritted. My t-shirt and jeans were a stark contrast to his suit. My messy dark hair was like a joke compared to his slicked back blonde hair. His sharp brown eyes glared at me with annoyance as I tapped my sneakered feet on the wooden floor.

  I finally had enough of the game he made me play against my will. He knew me well enough to know I’d eventually get bored with my own game. “What happened to the so-called board meeting that was taking place?”

  “There is no board meeting,” Travis said as he returned his attention back to the documents in front of him.

  “Did you call me here for shits and giggles?” I ground out.

  “Nope.”

  I decided not to play into his hands and took my phone. I decided to text Aria because, of course, I’m a sucker for punishment.

  Brother happens to be the most boring person ever.

  Her response came immediately. Duh, he wears a suit.

  I smiled at that. Good point. So I take it you aren’t a fan of suits?

  Aria: Oh, I wouldn’t mind a man in a suit.

  I frowned. I wondered if I had a suit anywhere. My face slid from happy to sad within seconds. The only suit I had was the one I wore for Emma’s funeral.

  I changed the topic. What else wouldn’t you mind?

  Aria: Depends on why you’re asking…

  Call it curiosity.

  Aria: you know what they say about curiosity.

  So kill me.

  But, tell me first.

  Aria: I’d rather show you.

  “If you’re done smiling at your phone, can we proceed?” Travis asked with a raised brow.

  I chuckled and typed a response to Aria before sliding my phone into my pocket. “I’m all ears.”

  “We need a review on what you’ve done with Emmaline’s payout and inheritance.”

  I frowned. “You’ve never asked me about all of this before.”

  “You were not suddenly living with a complete stranger that you met on the road.”

  I shook my head and looked at Paisley. “I see you do you background checks quite well, brother.”

  “If we don’t get a full recount of the cash flow, we will have to take it back from you.”

  I snorted. “No.”

  "You cannot refuse the shares without a valid reason," Travis took out his pen and began scribbling on his notebook. "Unless have you decided to invest her payout?"

  “What makes you think I will tell you anything about what I’ve done with her payout or her inheritance?”

  “It is the business of the family as to what happens with ten million dollars’ worth of money,” Travis sighed. “You know that you had to give proper recount after she died. It was not common for someone to have listed anyone other than their parents as a beneficiary at that age.”

  I clenched my fists but remained quiet. I did not get what relevance Emmaline’s money had to my brother. “Why are you asking me all of this? What does her money have to do with anything?”

  “Our father has decided to expand the business into China,” Travis looked at me as if I couldn’t possibly understand the reasoning. “For that, he needs an extra set of cash flow.”

  “First off, he is not my father,” I spat. “Second off, what are you both trying to do? Catch me misusing her money and then strip it away from me to fund something like another building to make more money?”

  “Essentially,” Travis said. “Also, saying that he is not your father doesn’t magically make it true.”

  “I would never acknowledge that.”

  “Your last name says otherwise.”

  “You can go fuck yourself,” I gritted.

  “PAISLEY!” Travis bellowed which caused her to jump. “Leave.”

  She scurried out as if the hounds of hell were behind her. She anxiously glanced my way but I refused to take my eyes off of my brother. “You have a nice way of talking to your employees.”

  “I would’ve expected more of a fight considering I spoke to your girlfriend that way,” Travis tilted his head to the side. His eyes looked wild which reminded me a bit too much of David.

  "I figured that the only reason she sniffed around after we accidentally met was because of you," I rolled my eyes.

  “It wasn’t an accident,” Travis grinned.

  “You have a sick sense of humor.”

  “I have to,” Travis said. “What are you doing with her money, Dasher? I have to tell him whether you like it or not.”

  “I’m investing it,” I said too quickly.

  Travis watched me knowingly. He knew I was talking shit. He knew I wouldn’t want to let go of her money. He knew I wouldn’t let go of any piece of her. He also knew that he could use that against me. This sudden interest in her m
oney had my hackles raised.

  “You better have a full report of what you have done with the money since you received it,” Travis stood. “And one more thing, not having touched it makes it easier for him to take it from you.”

  Instead of taking a cab back, since the TT was with Parker, I decided to walk as much as I could before I needed to hail a cab. I had just exited the building when Paisley shouted my name. Anger rose like wildfire as I watched her high-heeled steps click faster toward me.

  “Dasher, why did you leave without saying goodbye?”

  “Where you at that café by accident, Paisley?” I asked.

  “What do you mean?” her gaze slid sideways and that was all I needed.

  “You can lick my brother’s asshole for as long as you want, that does not bother me, but don’t you ever play me again,” I pushed her away from me. I spun around to leave.

  “Are you going to drop me for the girl that’s waiting for you back at her apartment?” she spat.

  “You literally have no ground to stand on,” I said with a bitter smile. “Yes, I’m going to drop you, not because of another girl, but because of you. You’re a selfish person. I knew it. But I thought you had grown in these last two years.”

  “No Dasher,” she said with anger twisting her lips. “You were too busy trying to pretend that you were not in love with your roommate to even notice the person I had become. You drove me to this.”

  “I did not even think about you until you came into my life,” I laughed. “Don’t make this into something that it isn’t. We are done.”

  “You will ruin her! You will make her as miserable as you made me! As miserable as you made Emma!” she shouted.

  I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth to the point of pain. “Her name was Emmaline, and you don’t know shit about us!”

  Aria

  I knew Dasher was in a bad mood the moment he stepped in. I knew to stay away from him. I remained in the lounge on the floor and I continued to tap away at my laptop. An indie author decided to send her ideas for me to create a book cover for her. I wasn't charging her for it but that did not mean that I needed to take my time with it.

  I watched him look around the house and then he walked towards my bedroom. He didn’t think I would be lying on the floor of the lounge. I watched as he shook his head and then he went into his bedroom and slammed his door.

  I sighed. There was no question about the fact that we felt something for each other. There were still unanswered questions and untold truths between us. Whether we got to that place or not, I knew that we would tiptoe around each other.

  Closing my laptop, I stood and headed down the hall. Instinct and common sense told me to keep walking till I reach my room. When have I ever listened to common sense though?

  I tapped lightly on his door.

  “Yeah?”

  I pushed opened the door. Dasher was shirtless with his pillow stuffed between his impressive forearms. He hugged the pillow as if it were someone he loved dearly. I envied that pillow.

  “You good?”

  “No.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  “No.”

  “Okay,” I turned to leave the room when his words stopped me.

  “Doesn’t mean that I don’t want you to be here.”

  He lay with his head at the foot of the bed and he watched me with what seemed to be red-rimmed eyes. I knew it was now his turn to have a bathtub moment as I had come to refer to it as. I removed my slops and shuffled onto the bed. He watched me with no emotion or movement, which meant I had to squeeze between him and the little space he left.

  We stared into each other’s gazes until his sweet breath washed over me as he spoke. “Why are you parents so nice?”

  I blinked. “I don’t know. It’s normal for me.”

  “Normal,” he closed his eyes for a second and opened them just as quick. “I would kill for normal.”

  “What’s wrong, Dasher?” I whispered as I ran my fingers through his hair. I know I shouldn’t have, but he needed me. I heard Olivia, Katya and Alessa’s warnings in my head as he closed his eyes and made a sound in the back of his throat.

  “I don’t really want to talk about it, Aria.”

  I continued to stroke his hair and watched as his breathing evened out. Dasher looked like a tortured child with his lashes glistening and his lips plump from sucking on them in frustration. Something bothered him enough to forget about the usual reservations.

  I knew it was going to kill me in the end but I decided to fall asleep right next to him.

  I woke sometime later with the feeling of a heavy arm wrapped around my waist. I expected him to be spooning me, but I was startled when I opened my eyes and found him staring right at me.

  “That isn’t creepy at all,” I said, my voice raspy with sleep.

  “Don’t ruin the moment,” he mumbled and closed his eyes again.

  I knew what he meant. It felt nice to pretend like this was okay. It felt even better to ignore the fact that he had a girlfriend. I couldn’t ignore it, though. It was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on my face.

  I extricated myself before he had a chance to react.

  “Where are you going?” he frowned.

  "You have a girlfriend, Dasher," I said with an even voice. I was proud that he couldn't read the shame on my face. "This isn't fair to her or me."

  “Paisley and I—” he stopped himself from speaking. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I just… you understand better than anyone.”

  “I do and I’m here for you, but this,” I pointed to the bed, “cannot happen again.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Aria

  Leo seemed on top of the world with the relaunch of Allure. It was filled to capacity and still, there was a line outside.

  "At this rate, I'm going to have to start using the top floor as more than a storage unit!" Leo exclaimed as he entered my office.

  Parker, Clay, and Dasher were all in the tiny space making me feel claustrophobic. They were all here to support Leo though. It turned out that all of the boys had gone to school together. It was high school reunion in here.

  “Or you could turn the basement into an underground vault where all the x-rated stuff can happen,” I mumbled. I was trying to get the roster updated and the hours were not adding up for some.

  The utter silence confused me and I looked up to find them all staring at me with dropped mouths. “What?”

  “How do you keep coming up with epic ideas?” Leo whispered, walking closer to me.

  “I read books,” I shrugged. “You’d be surprised at which fictional things can actually be turned into real life venues.”

  “I could kiss you right now,” he chuckled.

  Dasher straightened and Clay mumbled, “Please don’t.”

  “Can you all get out of my office?” I snapped. “I cannot get these figures right.”

  They were taken aback by my mood and everyone except Dasher, per usual, stepped out. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing,” I gritted. I pulled at my Allure t-shirt and glared at him. “I’m trying to work.”

  "Are you upset about yesterday, because of Paisley and I…"

  “Dasher,” I stood with a purpose and tried to ignore how delectable he looked in his usual jeans and t-shirt combination. “Understand me when I say that I am truly not upset or worried about yesterday. I am extremely busy and for some reason, no one wants to let me focus!”

  “Okay, okay,” he held his hand up in surrender. “I’ll leave.”

  The night wore on and I managed to finish not only the roster but also the accounts for the past month or so. I'd like to say that I was just in a pissy mood or that everything with Dasher yesterday put me on edge. That wasn't it though.

  The problem was this morning I was flipping through an old diary trying to look for an idea I remembered scribbling down last year for a book cover. While flipping through it I found the date that happened to
mark three years of knowing Holden. Today would’ve been four.

  My mood was on edge because the thoughts that assaulted me were wild and untamed. It felt like dominoes were dropping in my brain.

  Did they already hit one year of knowing each other? Would that date coincide with me still being in his life? Did he take her on family vacations? Was she allowed to accompany him to the movies with his family? When she stayed over, did he touch her like he touched me? Did he whisper how much he loved her the way he did me?

  I banged a fist on the table and closed my eyes. I was stupid enough to think that a simple action like that would stop the images from pouring through my brain.

  “You okay?” Leo asked unsuspecting of my mood.

  I glared at him with angry tears. “I just want to forget.”

  “You know I can’t go down that road with you again, Aria,” he warned.

  “Why?” I advanced on him. “Out of some brotherhood code to Dasher? He’s dating someone else, Leo. Am I not allowed to forget?”

  “While you are forgetting, Aria,” Leo said through clenched teeth. “You are involving me in an emotional train wreck that I don’t want to be a part of.”

  I nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  Leo frowned and adjusted the lock of hair that fell over his eye. “That acceptance tells me that you’re going to get yourself in trouble.”

  “I need a little trouble in my life.”

  “You’re trying to self-destruct, Aria,” he shook his head. “As fun as it is in the moment, those actions are the ones you’re gonna have to live with for the rest of your life.”

  “So,” I shrugged. “I’ll live with it.”

  Dasher

  I watched Aria escape out the back as I played my set. Part of me wanted to run after her and make sure that she was okay. The other part reminded me that I needed to keep my distance. I knew that admitting to her that Paisley and I were over was an invitation to something that we couldn’t come back from.