Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
Page 44
DESCRIPTION: Human-alien hybridization.
HOW YOU KNOW YOU’VE HAD ONE: Following a CE4, you discover yourself pregnant with an alien baby.
HOW TO THWART AN ALIEN ABDUCTION
1 Hide your fear.
The extraterrestrial biological entity (EBE) may sense your fear and act rashly.
2 Control your thoughts.
Think of nothing violent or upsetting—the EBE may have the ability to read your mind. Try to avoid mental images of abduction (boarding the saucer, anal probes); such images may encourage them to take you.
3 Resist verbally.
Firmly tell the EBE to leave you alone.
4 Resist mentally.
Picture yourself enveloped in a protective shield of white light or in a safe place. Telepathic EBEs may get the message.
5 Resist physically.
Physical resistance should be used only as a last resort. Attack the EBE’s eyes (if they have any)—you will not know what its other, more sensitive areas are.
BE AWARE!
Abduction experiences generally follow a seven-step model: capture, examination, conference, tour, journey, return, and aftermath.
People most likely to be abducted include those with a history of terrestrial abduction in their family, those living in wealthy Western countries, and those who have already been abducted by aliens.
Some ufologists argue that UFOs come not from outer space but from another dimension, from the future, or from the center of the Earth.
Remain calm in the face of an alien presence. Use physical resistance only as a last resort.
HOW TO MAKE A TINFOIL HAT
1 Measure your head.
Gather the dimensions of your scalp using a soft tape measure, measuring from the middle of your forehead to the base of your skull.
2 Unroll tinfoil.
Using clean, premium-brand foil that has not been used to wrap food, measure double the length from your forehead to skull, plus four inches. Detach the foil using the serrated edge of the box and fold the foil in half, shiny side facing out.
3 Mold the hat to your head.
Carefully place the sheet of foil over your head and scrunch it down to follow the shape of your skull, as would a shower cap or helmet. If any exposed scalp remains, attach additional pieces of foil to cover; adhere using clear tape.
4 At each temple, poke a quarter-inch hole on either side of the foil.
5 Create a chin strap.
Unroll an additional three-inch strip of foil and fold it over twice, creating a durable, double-folded chin strap.
6 Thread the chin strap through the holes and attach with clear tape.
7 Don your hat.
Wear your hat anyplace and anytime you wish to screen your thoughts from extraterrestrial-alien, governmental, or other types of surveillance.
WARNING!
Tinfoil hats are based on science: a layer of aluminum protects whatever lies beneath it from radio-frequency electromagnetic radiation.
For maximum protection, wrap foil around not just the head, but the entire face and skull.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
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David Borgenicht would like to thank his longtime editors, Jay Schaefer and Steve Mockus, for their tireless work on this book, as well as his talented co-authors Joshua Piven and Ben Winters, in addition to Victoria De Silverio, James Grace, Sarah Jordan, Piers Marchant, Dan and Judy Ramsey, Sam Stall, and Jennifer Worick. He would like to thank Mary Ellen Wilson, Jane Morely, John McGurk, and the rest of the team at Quirk for helping to pull this together. Finally, David would like to thank his grandfather, A. Wally Sandack, for his timeless survival advice: “You have to laugh, or you’re f*cked.”
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
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David Borgenicht is a writer and publisher who lives with his family in Philadelphia. He is the coauthor of all the books in the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook series.
Brenda Brown is an illustrator and cartoonist whose work has been published in many books and publications, including the Worst-Case Scenario series, Esquire, Reader’s Digest, USA Weekend, 21st Century Science & Technology, the Saturday Evening Post, and the National Enquirer. Her Web site is www.webtoon.com
James Grace is coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Golf.
Sarah Jordan is coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting and The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Weddings.
Piers Marchant is coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Life and The Worst-Case Scenario Almanac: History.
Joshua Piven is the coauthor, along with David Borgenicht, of all the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbooks. He lives in Philadelphia with his family.
Dan and Judy Ramsey are coauthors of The Worst-Case Scenario Pocket Guide: Retirement.
Victoria De Silverio is coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Pocket Guide: Breakups.
Sam Stall is coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Pocket Guide: Dogs.
Ben H. Winters is coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Pocket Guides for Cars, Cats, Meetings, New York City, and San Francisco.
Jennifer Worick is coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: College and The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating & Sex.
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Copyright © 1999–2012 by Quirk Productions, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.
Worst-Case Scenario® and The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook™ are trademarks of Quirk Productions, Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:
Borgenicht, David.
The ultimate worst-case scenario survival handbook / by David Borgenicht, Joshua Piven & Ben H. Winters ; With contributions by Victoria De Silverio… [et al.]; illustrated by Brenda Brown.
ISBN 978-1-4521-2123-9
Designed by Dennis Gallagher and John Sullivan, www.visdesign.com. Illustrations by Brenda Brown.
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