The Deepest Blue (Roadmap to Your Heart #2)

by Christina Lee

  “Welcome home,” I croaked out. “I’ve missed you.”

  I was talking to Cassie, but my gaze was pinned on Callum’s and his eyes glittered the sentiment back.

  Callum broke our eye contact to scan the apartment, his gaze perusing the worn couch, the kitchen island, and then snagging on the large picture window littered with my dozens of potted plants. A ghost of a smile traced his lips. “You guys have a nice place.”

  “Thanks,” Cassie said. “Dean, take Callum’s things and then feed us. We can go out to eat someplace around here.”

  Cassie strode down the opposite hall to her room with her suitcase rolling behind her, to put her things away, and probably give us privacy as well.

  “Hey you.” Callum stepped closer and as soon as his arms enclosed around me I sighed, because it felt goddamn perfect. He was warm and smelled like pine and earth and it brought the memories of the countryside slamming back full force. I actually missed the quiet of the land and the brilliance of the stars. Grammy’s cooking and Billie’s laughter as well.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” I mumbled into his neck. “So happy to see you.”

  He nodded into the top of my hair as we stood hugging for what felt like an eternity, given our stolen moments at the preserve.

  “So hey, let me take your things,” I said, dragging myself away and finally getting myself together.

  “Where will I be sleeping?” he asked, as I picked up his bag. He worried his lip between his teeth, looking more vulnerable and younger than I’d ever seen him. “I didn’t um, want to ask Cassie, exactly.”

  Never had I been gladder that Cassie and I were on opposites ends of this apartment until now. Well, there’d also been the times either one or the other of us had brought people home. We had a standing rule to play the television or radio at bedtime when guests were over and I hoped she remembered that agreement tonight.

  “You’re staying in my room,” I said, sheepishly. “Hope that’s okay.”

  His eyes blazed and his lips parted. He’d never had the opportunity to be out in the open in quite this way, so I knew how huge this was for him.

  “Wow,” he breathed out, his eyes darting around the apartment and then back to Cassie’s room, maybe having the same thoughts I’d had earlier about privacy.

  “What?” I asked, amused by watching him.

  “So we really can just be ourselves?” The inflection in his voice made me smile.

  I nodded, taking his hand, and walking him down to my room. I was nearly embarrassed at how plain the space was but it was my makeshift home for now. Whereas his room at the ranch was lavish, mine looked almost threadbare because I figured I was only going to be here for a couple of years. Unless I got that full time lab position.

  I set his bag on the desk chair and turned to him. He looked me up and down zeroing in on my T-shirt that read, Let Us All Pause For a Moment of Science.

  “You had that on the first day we met,” he said, sliding his fingers along the hem and tugging me forward.

  “I did,” I said, flattered that he’d remembered. “My friend Tate creates his own screen-print designs and has a ton of funny sayings. He made Cassie one for her business major. He’s pretty talented.”

  He was close enough now to gather my face in his hands. It felt like so long since I’d tasted him. His tongue traced my mouth and then slashed past my lips. I moaned into his kiss, grabbing hold of his neck, and drawing him even closer.

  “I’ve been dreaming about that mouth,” he said once we broke apart.

  “Same,” I said, breathless, as I laid my head on his chest.

  “Guys, if you want me to get some food by myself I can,” Cassie said from the hall. “But if you’re going to join me, let’s head out now.”

  We broke apart and grinned. “I forget how cranky she gets when she’s starving.”

  “Feels strange,” he said, reaching for the doorknob. “To not have anybody care if you’re making out behind closed doors with your boyfriend.” His eyes grew wide. “Sorry, didn’t mean it that way…”

  “No worries,” I said against his shoulder blades as I hugged him from behind. “Besides, I like the sound of that.”

  32

  Dean

  Walking out the door, we bypassed Callum’s truck. They had made the trek northeast together, but Callum would be heading back alone in a couple days’ time.

  We pointed out the quaint neighborhood and shopping area, before finally stepping inside one of our favorite eateries, Grub’s Diner.

  Callum’s eyes widened at the large chalkboard menu, seemingly overwhelmed by the large variety of choices. I knew he felt out of his element and that made my stomach drop.

  “Your best bet would probably be the mac and cheese,” I said, pointing up at the selection while simultaneously placing my hand on the small of his back. He stiffened as his gaze darted around the restaurant. Nobody gave us a second glance but that didn’t mean he was ready for any type of public affection. One thing at a time.

  When I removed my fingers, his shoulders relaxed. We sat down on three stools at the noisy counter, and our knees brushed as Callum turned to glance out onto the street and then to the tables and chairs lined up along the wall. He certainly got plenty of admiring looks from both men and women and it felt electric having him there with me.

  “I felt the same way a couple of years ago,” Cassie said after we had placed our orders, and she watched her brother taking all of it in. “Like, how can I ever figure out city life when I’m such a country girl?”

  “Yeah well, it’s not like I can live any other place than the preserve,” he said as a cloak of gloom settled around us.

  “I know you can’t see it, Callum,” she said, her lips drawn in a grim line. “But you do have choices. You can do whatever you want.”

  “You know I won’t leave Billie,” he said and Cassie’s gaze softened.

  I kept my mouth shut, listening intently, because this was a conversation between brother and sister. I had never considered that Callum might feel trapped. He seemed to enjoy his home and work life. But maybe everybody had something they were fighting against. And for Callum that might’ve simply been feeling comfortable in his own skin. It had taken me years to accomplish that, so I knew he needed time to reconcile everything.

  “I’ll be back soon enough,” she said. “But ten years down the line, what if daddy is gone and Grammy too? Braden will be there, but he might be married. Me too. Even Billie. What then?”

  “I don’t know,” he said, bracing his jaw. “I can’t plan that far ahead. But I like your ideas about the preserve. I’m excited about working in the sawmill again.”

  “It’s what you excel at,” she said. “You’re good at the business end too, don’t get me wrong. But I think you’re better suited working with your hands.”

  “I think she might be right,” I said in a quiet voice. “Your craftsmanship is amazing.”

  I looked down at Callum’s large hands splayed on the counter and imagined what he could build with them. I didn’t have a creative bone in my body.

  “I’ve always just done what was needed,” he said, shrugging. “I’ve never really given what I wanted much thought.”

  “Well maybe you should,” she said, taking a sip of her soda.

  I figured a change of subject was in order before the mood turned even glummer.

  “So what kind of movies do you like?” I asked Callum. “There’s a few playing at the local cinema.”

  “We don’t have a theatre in town,” he said, his shoulders slumping. “I catch some good action flicks on the television sometimes.” He played with his straw, as if we had reached an impasse. But I was determined to show him that we had more in common than he realized.

  “I don’t go much either, honestly,” I said and his eyes sprang back to mine. “I like staying home and renting movies. Sometimes I can get Cassie to watch a television series with me.”

  “Like what?” C
allum asked, the corner of his mouth lifting into a pained smile.

  “Like the Walking Dead,” Cassie said, dryly. “But I have to cover my face a lot. The suspense kills me more than the gore.”

  “You never did like those kind of shows,” Callum said, shaking his head. “I’m almost caught up to season four actually, so don’t spoil anything for me.”

  I knew we’d meet someplace in the middle and I was so relieved, I reached for his fingers beneath the counter and he gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

  Just then, the door flew open and in walked my friend, Tate, with a guy I’d seen around campus with him before.

  Tate was a lean, good-looking guy who always wore bright colors. Today his hair had streaks of blue and his rainbow tie-dyed shirt read, I’m Not Gay, But My Boyfriend Is, in bold black letters.

  “Dean,” Tate called across the room.

  He and his friend approached and Tate gave Cassie and me hugs. I could tell the instant Callum read his handmade T-shirt. His eyebrows shot up and a blush stole across his cheeks.

  “Who’s your friend?” Tate asked, approvingly. I knew that Callum was Tate’s type because he pursued tall, muscular guys and his claim to fame was seducing a couple of supposedly straight men. I warned him that one day some guy was going to sweep him off his feet and he would be done for. But he always laughed it off because he loved flirting and playing the field.

  “Tate, meet my brother, Callum,” Cassie said, turning in her seat, an amused glint in her eye.

  “So this is the infamous Callum?” Tate made a sweeping gesture and Callum’s gaze darted around the room in mortification.

  “Nice to meet you.” Callum held out his hand like a true southern gentleman.

  “You are one fine looking man,” Tate said, gripping his hand a little too long for my taste. “No wonder Dean is all aflutter about his ginger boy.”

  Callum’s face practically turned as flaming red as his hair and his eyes flashed to mine.

  “Is that right?” Callum asked out of the corner of his mouth.

  I rolled my eyes at my friend. “Tate likes to exaggerate a bit.”

  “Oh, please,” Tate continued and even narrowing my eyes in warning wouldn’t dissuade him. “For weeks it’s been Callum this and Callum that. He doesn’t even give other guys a second glance.”

  I was used to Tate’s insanity but for Callum’s sake, thank fuck our food arrived just then. In another minute I was going to knee my loudmouth friend in the nuts.

  “I’ll let you get to eating,” Tate said, pulling out his wallet to place a to go order at the counter. “How long will you be in town?”

  “Just for the weekend,” Callum said, eyeing his heaping bowl of mac and cheese.

  “Will you guys meet us at The Nickel tomorrow night?” Tate said as his friend wandered off to speak to somebody he noticed across the room.

  My gaze met Callum’s. “Only if Callum wants to.”

  “Sounds fine to me,” Callum said, lifting his fork to jab at the charred edges of cheese.

  Cassie was already scarfing down her sandwich as we turned in our seats to eat. We tasted our food in virtual silence, all of us apparently starving.

  “It’s really delicious,” Callum said after another minute and several more bites.

  I nodded, crunching on a piece of crushed ice from my soda. “So how’s my sugar cane field holding up?”

  “Grammy’s thrilled about it,” Callum said. “Overheard her talking to Daddy about making syrup again.”

  “That would be amazing,” I said. “I’ve been asking around the lab, actually.”

  “You still talking to Professor Landon from my old alma mater?” he asked. “His class was one of my favorites.”

  “He’s a great guy.” I was glad to have gotten his business card at the country fair because he was actually a fascinating study in farming and herbology. “He’s given me some suggestions for when the plants are finally budding above ground.”

  “Billie has sort of taken the project under his wing,” Cassie said. “He begged to come with us this weekend.”

  I imagined Billie and Bullseye walking along the city streets. I think he’d love it and I wished I could help expand his worldview but I needed to stay away from making any promises I couldn’t keep. “Tell me how he’s doing.”

  “Pretty well,” Cassie said. “He’s been getting more sleep and hasn’t had any repeat incidents.”

  “How about the rest of your family?” I asked. “Especially since you came out to them?”

  “It’s taken some adjustment from my dad and Braden,” Callum said. “But the other day at the shooting range, Braden told me that so much makes sense now. Said my being honest has given him the gumption to finally break up with Jennifer.”

  After we paid our bill and headed out the door, I said. “So what do you want to do next?”

  “You guys figure it out,” Cassie said. “I’ll catch up with you at the house. Laundry is calling me.”

  33

  Callum

  Being in the city was sort of like being in a foreign country. I didn’t know if I fit in here and I sure as hell felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.

  The way my sister and Dean maneuvered around their neighborhood made me feel like I was extra weight that needed to get dumped overboard.

  I knew the preserve, could navigate the land with my eyes closed. It was noisy here, crowded in certain areas. Exciting at times, like it had a pulse of its own, but I missed the quieter moments. The sound of the wind as it whistled around the pines, the trickle of the creek, the squawking of birds in flight.

  Even the food had fancy combinations. But it tasted good. Dean kept asking me if I was okay. At times he looked disappointed. Did he hope I’d be so taken with the hum and cadence of this lively town that I’d consider moving? That was why this—whatever this was between us—never stood a chance. It was wiser to simply enjoy the time we had together in the here and now.

  Except even in the swell of the crowd, when Dean’s hand connected briefly with mine, everything became crystal clear, like it was obvious, meant to be. Some folks looked our way, but by and large nobody seemed to care. They were too busy getting where they needed to go.

  When Dean showed me his university lab, I was in awe. He placed those sexy black frames on his eyes to read through one of the slides before we were on our way again. I looked around the room, wanting to grab him and throw him up on the counter, but I kept myself composed.

  Dean could read my body language, he remembered my fantasy, and he teased me mercilessly. Brushing past my hip to grab something from the drawer, he smirked.

  “Just you wait,” I said, under my breath.

  “I look forward to it,” he murmured close by my ear.

  As soon as we were back in the empty elevator, I attacked his mouth, forcing him against the wall for two brief floors until the door dinged open.

  “You okay with going home now?” Dean asked as we waited at the crosswalk. “I just want to spend time alone with you.”

  My pulse kicked up. “I want that too.”

  As we headed toward his apartment, we paused along the edge of a small park to watch an inning of a little league game. In the country, games were a huge draw for folks. But here, the stands were empty, probably only filled with family members.

  “What position did you play in high school?” Dean asked, watching a small kid in a red uniform throw a pitch.

  “I was an outfielder,” I said. “Was also a power hitter. Usually fourth in the lineup.”

  “I could see that.” He slid his fingers around my bicep, which was flexed from grasping onto the fence.

  “But you never wanted to pursue it?” Dean asked. “Beyond school?”

  “Nah, wasn’t that good,” I said. “To be honest, I was so ready for the season to be over my senior year.”

  “I’m confused,” he said, meeting my eyes. “I thought you enjoyed it.”

  “I did. But I…�
�� Clearing my throat, I felt a line of heat crawl across my neck. “I was really hung up on our star pitcher. It was torture in the locker room, at team outings…”

  “Why would it be…?” Dean’s eyes became wide. “Okay, got it. That’s when you first figured out you were gay?”

  “Right,” I said, wincing. “And I had no idea what to do with those feelings. So I just stuffed them. Guess in a lot of ways, I still don’t know. But I’m working on it.”

  Dean’s mouth stretched into this gorgeous and seductive grin. I didn’t know what came over me but I leaned over and pecked his lips.

  When a startled gasp released from his mouth, I looked around the street, having totally forgotten myself. Nobody had pitchforks ready to skewer us. In fact, nobody had given us a second glance.

  “Feels good, doesn’t it?” Dean whispered.

  “Yeah,” I said, releasing my breath.

  We ordered Chinese food for dinner, a delicacy I hadn’t eaten since I was commuting to college a few years back. I even sampled Dean’s tofu, which was spicy and pretty decent.

  We ate in the living room with Cassie, who turned on some romantic comedy that I could barely concentrate on; I wanted so badly to be touching Dean.

  We retired to bed early and lay naked in his sheets, facing each other. “I can’t wrap my head around not having to hide or rush.”

  “Honestly, I was afraid it would take away the mystique for you,” Dean said, not meeting my eyes. “Maybe this weekend you’d realize I was only some regular guy you weren’t even interested in any more, in a whole city of regular guys.”

  “No way. Would it help to know that I was plenty nervous myself?” I asked. “That you’d return to the city and realize you have an ample supply of men to choose from, without the headache of being attracted to some closeted gay guy?”

  “But it doesn’t work that way. I thought about you constantly.” His eyes latched on to mine. “I’m so drawn to you, can barely take my eyes off of you. Feel all kinds of things having you here.”